Starbucks is an emergent church like entity

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We here at the Online Discernmentalist Mafia see a parallel with Starbucks shutting down for three hours to re-train its employees, with the emergent/seeker movement in the church.  Starbucks feels like it is losing its way, while we know that the emergent church has already lost its way.  Starbucks is worried about the competition of McDonald’s and Dunkin Donuts, while the emergent church is worried about being part of the post-modern culture.  Starbucks started serving breakfast and accommodating everyone, while the emerging church takes in everyone,  while they are still sinning. 

We here will not take three hours of to re-train, since we need no re-training.  God has given us everything we need in the form of inerrant scripture that has been validated by various people including Ken Silva, John MacArthur, and the pyro-guys.  Paul told us to pray without ceasing and that doesn’t mean to take three hours off, like the emergent church guys would do.    We will stand on the street corners and preach how everyone who hears us is a sinner, especially those who would “call” themselves Christians, for they are the worst, and we won’t take three hours off.  We will work the Way of the Master formula to perfection since it is the only approved way of evangelism and is taken straight from the approved versions of the most inerrant scriptures.  We will not take three hours off.  We have TRUTH on our side and so we can’t lose.  Let those emergent “churches” take time off to train and learn new things, let them do new sermon series, let them have Starbucks coffee in their church, and let God rain down his fire to those wolves in sheep’s clothing.  I don’t want to be anywhere around when God’s wrath comes down on those sinners, who think they are fine because they love everyone and follow Christ’s example, in the form of fire and sulfur.  Many churches will be in flames on that day and pillars of salt will litter the landscape as these “Christians” look back on their homosexually loving churches. 

We will not take three hours off because God shines his light on the defenders of his TRUTH, which could be compromised if we take three hours off.

May the peace of Christ be with you, and all who think like me.

Dr. Seymore Spurgeon

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3 Responses to Starbucks is an emergent church like entity

  1. pametzdrav says:

    Interesting post. Questions.
    Wasn’t the way of the Master being in the company of sinners who were still sinning (Did he not say that the sick are in need of a doctor and not the healthy, if the people he was with healthy then would he not move on)?
    Did it not take Jesus three years of re-education with the disciples and even then they did not really get it?
    Also did you not write “I don’t want to be anywhere around when God’s wrath comes down on those sinners, who think they are fine because they love everyone and follow Christ’s example”. If they are following Christ’s example would that not be a good thing?

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  2. itodyaso says:

    pametzdrav,

    You miss the point…. Emergents are all evil vile and heretical especially ones like Dan Kimball who state they are orthodox yet promote things like desert mystics. Look at your church history and you will never see anyone who did great things be involved or influenced by desert mystics. Also, we at Online Discernmentalist Mafia have already checked with God and realized that there is a real connection with lattes and cappuccinos and heresy. I mean this is all part of the feminization of Christianity. Thank God for real men of God like Spurgeon and our new author Dr. Seymore Spurgeon who I believe is very remotely related and highly educated as he has read some of Spurgeon’s whole works in books not only on the Internet at Team Pyro’s site. (God’s holy mecca for Real Christians on the Internet)

    I hear Tony Jones loves to read Aristotle while sipping with his little finger in the air (like a you know what!) and drink one of those feminine drinks or something like an Almond tea!

    This must stop. Real men of God drink their coffee strong and black and real women of God want their men that way!

    If we do not stand on the Truth of God and protect Him and His Truth from those evil and vile emergents, our women will forsake their men and begin to drink feminized coffees and lift their little fingers like Tony Jones does.

    I might add we are lucky in the case of Tony that he only lifts his little finger at us while he drinks his girly coffee!

    Wisdom is proved right by my actions.

    I. Todyaso

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  3. seymorespurgeon says:

    Pametzdrav,

    I agree with everything that my colleague I. Todyaso said. As was pointed out, or at least hinted at, we here at the Online Discernmentalist Mafia are never wrong, as we have been chosen by God. As for Re-educating, that is something only emergents who are out of God’s favor, and by that I mean not elected, would try to do. We here have no need for this, because we have TRUTH on our side.

    Praise and Glory be to the one who chose me.

    Dr. Seymore Spurgeon

    Like

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