I. Toldyaso Forced To Grow Up

 

In a recent spat with Apprising, I. Toldyaso was forced to grow up using specially calibrated manure from various Online Discernment Ministries. Our upgraded research robot monkeys have been carefully observing Itoldyaso’s growth spurts. For clarification Itoldyaso has been under average in height for most of his life (ie 5 ‘2″) and the offer to ‘grow up’ has had extraordinary benefits.

Using the aforementioned specially calibrated manure generously offered to us by ODM’s we have charted Idoldyaso’s growth spurts.

Day 1: 5′ 2″

Day 2: 5′ 9″

Day 3: 5′ 14″

Day 4: 6′ 8″

Day 5: 7′2

IToldyaso was excracted from the manure pile on day 5 due to the extraordinary growth offered to us by Apprising Ministries, Eric Barger’s Take A Stand, and Slice of Laodicea and many others. We do not recommend anyone using manure from the following ministries since it could be dangerous to your health.

PS  IToldyaso is now officially the largest and tallest Online Discernmentalist in the world. ODmafia is very proud!

The Death of Discernment By Eric Barger From Take A Stand Ministries.

 

ODMafia notes that Eric Barger and his keen staff using the Bible Based Satellite (BS) the “death of discernment.” An anonymous source stated “he should know!”

Eric Barger in his punchy prose comments about the new book THE SHACK “Several chapters into the book, a most unorthodox version of the Holy Trinity is revealed. Young’s tale diminishes Almighty God from His rightful position as a supernatural being. Instead of speaking by His Word and His Spirit, He is morphed into a feminine figure reduced to passing notes to those whom she wants to communicate with.” Now ODMafia prides itself from never reading any books (especially secular books), or false teaching books like The Shack….but doesn’t the use of literature and devices such as metaphor communicate and express things in a ways to stretch our thinking about the world in a different way? Does it have to spell everything out? Ooops. Sorry, I lost my train of thought. We should agree with Eric, because he has mostly likely quoted himself as an authority in reference to The Shack.

Eric is certainly right….Discernmentalism is at an all time low.

Slice of Laodicea- Full CIRCLE UNIVERSALISM EXPOSED!

Exposing the exposed who were previously unexposed (Our newly upgraded Research Robot Monkeys wrote this line) is better left to the expertise of the Online Discernmentalist Mafia!!

Slice of Laodicea scathing report reveals “Rob Bell’s Universalism Exposed,” and thanks to IToldyaso’s expert journalism notes “Apprising Ministry’’s Lyrics reveal universalism ” We believe that Rob Bell and Apprising are secreting working together!!! However, ODMafia was most surprised  (and shocked!!!) to learn of Apprising’s lyrical talents…..which we automatically assume (without further research – because we already know by sheer thought) is leaning heavily on touchy-feely emotionalism.

We remain speechless. We are without speech.

 

MSNBC’s Chris Matthews quietly uttered “Oh God” listening to speech!

 

 

MSNBC’s Chris Matthews quietly uttered “Oh God” before giving speech!

 

The ultra right wing conservative Newsmax.com  reports something so news worthy and shocking that we here almost fear to reprint it… so we will just link to it instead. We truly feel important news like this need be made known to all.

 

News fit for those who stand at the edge of the abyss to mock the damned…

 

Slice of Laodicea Comes This Close to Saying The Word Fart!

Slice of Laodicea  plethora of research discernmentalists was know to quote the following “These new churches have taken the man-centered philosophy of the original seeker churches and placed it on steroids. It has become farcical.” ODMafia thinks that the word “Farcical” is wavering FAR too close to the word FART. We do not support nor condone the use of the word “Farcical” because it is far to close to that other worldly word that we do not plan on using again. We’ve reached our quota of bad words.

Shame on you Slice of Laodicea!!! Choose your words carefully.

ODMafia thinks Slice of Laodicea’s Pink Banner Too Close to Communist Red

 

We all know that communists like the colour red. Just check out the old Soviet flag. Its red. We at the ODMafia have highly skilled research robot monkey’s scowering the internet for unbiblical colours. Pink is an unbiblical colour due to the reference “communist pinko,” and it just happens that Slice of Laodicea uses it as a banner.

ODM’s can never approve of communism because it is godless. We can however approve of Godly capitalism – even though it has been used to enslave children, exploit the poor in the third world, used as a ticket to overthrow other democracies when they interfere with OUR form of capitalism. This is biblical capitalism….and all ODM’s must conform to it.

A word to Slice of Laodicea….drop your banner and we will continue to support and encourage your regular self-righteous platitudes…. otherwise they are just plain commie-pinko platitudes.

Be warned we are against pinko communism.

Slice of Laodicea warns that Facebook.com can cause judgmentalism!

 

Ingrid hit it on the head again. Facebook.com is evil incarnate! If you have a Facebook account you are surely on your way to hell in a flaming gay hand-basket! Be sure to read this article on the pit (of hell) falls that will happen to you if you engage in anything other than ODM sites. Though we at ODMafia think thoughtful engagement with sinners is needed, they should come to us instead of we going into den’s of Satan like Facebook.

Don’t Stare At Rob Bell’s Glasses

In the latest expose by Apprising Ministries (AM), using enhanced Bible technology not yet named – this insightful ministry was able to expose Rob Bell’s eyeglasses as mystical-emergent death rays. Moreover, it is believed that IF you stare at them long enough you will be seduced into watching his NOOMA videos. AM strongly cautions against Rob Bell (and his glasses) suggesting that to give him an ear could substantially reduce judgmentalism and Discernmentalism destroying true ministry as we know it.

We at the Online Discernmentalist Mafia will attempt to edit out all pictures we post of Rob to thwart any attempts of mesmerization or destroying our ability to be judgmental.

Confronting Error

 

Thanks To Shane Trammel’s Blog we can be entirely comfortable in “Confronting Error…”

He insightfully comments “Do it biblically, seriously, and leave the silly attempts of sarcasm behind….That being said, we continue to welcome your comments at this blog but we are asking you to forgo the humor and sarcasm when dealing with serious …”

Sarcasm, wit, humour or fun should never be a part of any conversation….especially be it Discernmentalism. We too concur that we have to be absolutely serious. No fooling around. Stop it. Somebody’s poking me. Be serious.

Emerging Churches Emerge Into One

Eric Barger’s Take a Stand Ministries (TSM) in their latest research techniques have noted that Emerging Churches are Emerging. In fact TSM states “ Emerging is ever growing….soon there will be a singularity of Emerging and all things will be absorbed into one-ness” TSM’s muscular approach was to stand for truth by writing several intensely researched articles citing themselves on the importance of not being tainted by Emerging. The Online Discernmentalist Mafia has taken is cue and we have moved our headquarters into our newly installed lead lined basement. There is reason to believe that the Emerging movement may project gamma rays, x-rays and newly discovered “H” rays (Heresy Rays).