Offical exemption card now available

September 29, 2009

FRUITIt has long been known unofficially that Online Discernmentalist Ministries (ODMS) were exempt from living out the Fruit of the Spirit. This is due to the fact that the truth wars are so fierce, and truth so frail that ODMs must be excluded if we are going to fight the good fight. Now with the Fruit of the Spirit Exemption Card it is officially understood that ODMs do not need to apply, live under, or bear such fruit.

So remember, if you are an ODM bearing the fruit is not only optional, it is frighteningly apparent that by doing so you may lose the battle for truth in your dirty little war!

A proud sponsor of the official exemption card

…Truthslayer endorsed!


Seismic Shift In Methods Used To Track Heretics!

September 29, 2009

Church damaged by candles used in secret Emergent meeting. Thank God there were no couches in there as the whole place would have burnt down!

ODMafia Daily (Sep .29, 2009) — Discernmentalist have developed a new technique to monitor emerging heretical movements beneath the Earth’s surface, helping them better understand how Emergent’s behave.


The team, led by top ODM, I. Todyaso from the ODM University, says that the new method, which uses data collected from heretics, potentially allows the Emergent activity to map more comprehensively other heretical movements.

ODM’s currently monitor underground movements, such as Emergents, using super-secret – instruments that measure the motion of those movements at local churches. This helps to indicate where they might be taking place and what churches could be infected next.

Now, by analyzing the heretical waves from two different Emergent meetings, the team has been able to simulate the heretical waves from one of meetings much like a recording seismometer does with earthquakes. The discovery allows Emergents themselves to be used as virtual seismometers that record passing heretical waves from tremors to full fledged “Soul Tsunamis”.

Using Emergents in this way substantially increases the number of locations that could be used to detect Emergent activity. And since Emergents services occur in dimly lit buildings with couches, using them also allows ODM”s to monitor other heretical activity from far the future!

The research, published in Natural Judgmentalism, was carried out in collaboration with the British ODM Survey and other ODM Universities.

TruthSlayer, Professor of Mathematical Heretical Studies at the ODM University of Canada, said: “This turns the way we can twist Emerging movements leaders quotes on their head. By using Emergents themselves as virtual microphones that record the sound of heretics internal movements, we can listen to the Heretics stretching and cracking from directly within its most heretical places.”

Dr. Brian D. Southernbaptie, ODMology Team Leader at the British ODMological Survey, said: “This discovery shows how we can measure strains of heresy deep inside the Church and helps improve our understanding of the processes driving emerging activity so we are better equipped to lie about what they really teach.”


Building others up….not part of ministry

September 29, 2009

dummies

Some Christians spend all their busy body time building each other up, they encourage one another….and base it all on flimsy texts like the ones in 1 Thes 5 “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”

or 1st Corinthians… “We know that all possess knowledge. Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know….

We realize that if we spent all our time building up other ministries (or others!), spending time encouraging one another we would NOT have time for true discernment which would mean pointing out why Rick Warren, Bill Hybels, Ravi Zacharias, James MacDonald, Shane Claiborne, Rob Bell, Gregory Boyd, Brian McLaren and Dan Kimball and so many more are wrong, prone to error, false teachers, heretics and don’t know the bible near as well as us….

We encourage you today to discourage someone…anyone. Point out why their doctrine is error prone and that they need to repent and become a discernmentalist…or at least read our materials so that they will know how wrong they are.

Please don’t offer them a kind word!

Please don’t remind them of God’s grace (you want them to be wallow in guilt).

Let us know how you did….and report in any stories that could be pertinent to the TRUE ministry of non-encouragement.

Get going and discourage someone today!


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