Church damaged by candles used in secret Emergent meeting. Thank God there were no couches in there as the whole place would have burnt down!
ODMafia Daily (Sep .29, 2009) — Discernmentalist have developed a new technique to monitor emerging heretical movements beneath the Earth’s surface, helping them better understand how Emergent’s behave.
The team, led by top ODM, I. Todyaso from the ODM University, says that the new method, which uses data collected from heretics, potentially allows the Emergent activity to map more comprehensively other heretical movements.
ODM’s currently monitor underground movements, such as Emergents, using super-secret – instruments that measure the motion of those movements at local churches. This helps to indicate where they might be taking place and what churches could be infected next.
Now, by analyzing the heretical waves from two different Emergent meetings, the team has been able to simulate the heretical waves from one of meetings much like a recording seismometer does with earthquakes. The discovery allows Emergents themselves to be used as virtual seismometers that record passing heretical waves from tremors to full fledged “Soul Tsunamis”.
Using Emergents in this way substantially increases the number of locations that could be used to detect Emergent activity. And since Emergents services occur in dimly lit buildings with couches, using them also allows ODM”s to monitor other heretical activity from far the future!
The research, published in Natural Judgmentalism, was carried out in collaboration with the British ODM Survey and other ODM Universities.
TruthSlayer, Professor of Mathematical Heretical Studies at the ODM University of Canada, said: “This turns the way we can twist Emerging movements leaders quotes on their head. By using Emergents themselves as virtual microphones that record the sound of heretics internal movements, we can listen to the Heretics stretching and cracking from directly within its most heretical places.”
Dr. Brian D. Southernbaptie, ODMology Team Leader at the British ODMological Survey, said: “This discovery shows how we can measure strains of heresy deep inside the Church and helps improve our understanding of the processes driving emerging activity so we are better equipped to lie about what they really teach.”