The ODM T.U.L.I.P.

Because we here at the ODMafia see people slacking in their protestantism we have decided to revise T.U.L.I.P to better aid you in the Truth War.

The ODM TULIP:

T = Totally annihilate the enemy and totally protesting about everything we disagree with!

U = Undeniably we are more justified and sanctified than you!

L = Lies will protect OUR DOCTRINES!

I = I am the most important ODM!

P = Please support us as we are soooo persecuted when someone holds us accountable

Martin Luther not as Protestant as John Calvin

According to Phillip Carey PH.D Martin Luther was not as Protestant as John Calvin. As you know, Martin Luther posted the 95 thesis on the Wittenberg door ushering in the Age of Protestantism and we have been protesting things ever since! Yet, now over 500 years later we find that Martin Luther may be suspect in not being Protestant enough. We here at the ODMafia are on the cutting edge of discernmentalism and will be using the RE-Tardis Time Machine (created by Eric Barger) to go back in time to check out the “facts” regarding this major issue. We should get an answer soon. The Truth (Our’s) be known, we here at the ODMafia have suspected this for a while and must most humbly proclaim that even John Calvin was not Calvinist enough for our standards. Though John MacArthur and Phil Johnson come in close as far as being considered the most Protestant, we here accept our own nomination of being the most Protestant of all.

What is a discernmentalist?

Discernmentalist: An expert discerner who knows all, is able to read minds, re-interpret quotes, and misinterpret quotes biblically. Typically involved in the “special ops” of discernment, and has the right to mislead the public when defending the truth or orthodoxy against the unrighteous (ie almost everyone).

We believe that we are the GREEN BERET of discernmentalism. We know stuff!

How Discernmentalists get the answer!

Discernmentalists strive to always arrive at the correct answer. “THE” answer is always our opinion bible believing understanding.  We spend many minutes trying to arrive at the answer pre-conceived answer. For instance, Discerning the World using their very advanced STRETCH TECHNOLOGY (Survey Truth Revise & Exaggerate Truncate Cacophony of Hagiomani) takes a quote from Rob Bell:

“Rob Bell – The Story We’re Telling:    sin, salvation, business, art, justice and the importance of beginning in the beginning”

And arrives at this DTW “How far do we have to go back? To the very beginning, of course. We, each individual person, needs to eat from the tree of life in order to gain knowledge.”

Lets look at the “BEGINNING” from other places…..

Ge 1:1 – In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.

Let’s try again….

Ps 111:10 -   The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise.

Nevertheless, we need to reach for the tree of life instead of the beginning of wisdom….because DTW infers it so. You see we discernmentalists are devil centred. We know he has the power, he lurks, destroys and is always the center of our fear and our theology….even tho we’d insist that Jesus is.

Finally, discernmentalists go thru some very complicated discernmentalist math to arrive at our very unique answers. We are very complex people who insist that we are simple bible believing people. Its just that our answers are complex mental gymnastics.

If this is all too confusing for you, we hope that you will entrust us to do the discernmentalizing for you! Let’s keep it simple.

New Calvin Crunch Cereal to hit store soon!

It is finally here! The new Calvin Crunch Cereal! We are so excited that Checkered Past Cereal company has decided to start their “Reformed” brand again. We hope that this will lead to a healthy doctrinal based breakfast for all “real” Christians! It has extra fiber so you will not have to worry about feeling bloated with self righteousness! Remember a ”correct” doctrine will give you more energy to fight off those heretics as well as keep you alert to anything that might resemble Arminianism! Be sure to send your kids off to school with plenty of Calvin Crunch in their bellies. Also, free inside are the “Heretics trading cards”.  Collect them all! The first batch of cards feature, N.T. Wright and Brian McLaren.

Jesus is falling off the cross at Catholic Churches!

A friend of a friend of a very high ranking ODM website manager sent me this video depicting a typical Roman Catholic Church service where Jesus falls off the Cross! Yes, it seems to be happening everywhere! We know Jesus is no longer on the Cross and that is why in our churches we have an EMPTY Cross. Yet, Catholics believe Jesus is still on the Cross so show Him still on the Cross. We now know for sure that the Reformation was the right thing to do and this “sign” should make any Catholic “wonder” why they are not Protestant!

Christian WorldView Network speaks out against Rick Warren and Mysticism!

We are happy to present this video from Brannon Howes’ Christian Worldview Network. Mark Cahill speaks out against Rick Warren.

And remember that Marty Goetz will be performing with Brannon Howse

Help Bannon Howse speak out against Rick Warren! I saw Marty at Shoreline Church which is found on this list and he was great! Brannon Howse has performed at Dr. D. James Kennedy and Dr. Chuck Swindoll .*

 

* We at the ODMafia forgive no one ever. We do not think that Brannon Howse is a legitimate discernment minister any more and we are holding a formal ODM investigation for his possible infection of heretical ideals. Brannon Howse seems to want to associate with James Kennedy who supported the misleading Gonzales v. Carhart ruling with James Dobson as well as promote mysticism with his association with Chuck Swindoll who associated with Dallas Willard who pushes mysticism. Trust us, this seems complicated but this is a clear case of Guilt By Association! That is why we tell you not to think and just believe all we tell you. We are here to think for you!

 

Here are some other interesteing links:

Lutzer, Falwell, and Kennedy Endorse Contemplative Promoting Book

Brannon Howse has not renounced James Kennedy for endorsing emerging mysticism.

 I will end this with this thought. How dare anyone call Christianity a Mystic Religion! Can you imagine if Calvin was influenced by mystics?!?! I assure you that Calvin would never let those mystics influence his thinking… and we should not let them influence us today! Real Christianity would never have anything to do with Christian Mysticism… because we said so! Just be sure of this; be careful who you associate with, the ODMafia is watching you!!

“Feelings” bad says Eric Barger from Take A Stand Ministries

Eric’s Take A Stand has smartly pointed out the complete and utter danger of the Emergent Church. This truth ministry has noted that the Emerging Church has no fruit, no life and is an abomination….we think so too! We trust all of Take A Stand’s worthy researchmentalism!

We cling to these notes that he posted not long ago….. “To Emergents, Christianity should be:   Feelings over Truth“

As always our research robot monkeys have been on the case and found a pre-Emergent Emergent song of astounding proportions. We believe with all our heart that THIS SONG is the OFFICIAL EMERGENT THEME SONG….written before the Emerging Church to throw everyone off.

Yes folks…I’m not kidding.

That is how insidious the Emergent Church really is. The song was created before discernmentalist ministries could catch on, leaking this seductive song onto the airwaves in the 1970s.

The song is ALL about feelings….whoa whoa feelings. Dangerous folks!!!

…I warn you though….if you listen to this song MAKE SURE THE CHILDREN ARE IN A DIFFERENT ROOM. Cover their ears….don’t let them read this either!

FEELINGS

Feelings, nothing more than feelings,
trying to forget my feelings of love.
Teardrops rolling down on my face,
trying to forget my feelings of love.

Feelings, for all my life I’ll feel it.
I wish I’ve never met you, girl; you’ll never come again.

Feelings, wo-o-o feelings,
wo-o-o, feel you again in my arms.

Feelings, feelings like I’ve never lost you
and feelings like I’ve never have you again in my heart.

Feelings, for all my life I’ll feel it.
I wish I’ve never met you, girl; you’ll never come again.

Feelings, feelings like I’ve never lost you
and feelings like I’ve never have you again in my life.

Feelings, wo-o-o feelings,
wo-o-o, feelings again in my arms.
Feelings…(repeat & fade)

- Morris Albert

We clearly warned you!!!!!!!!

Just remember, when it comes to research – it is us you can trust!

How ODM’s stay awake at night.

Are you falling asleep while doing research on those heretics? Researching heresy can be very tiring and parsing through quotes can make your eyes want to fall out. Here are some helpful tips in how to stay awake while doing your research.

1. Slap yourself.

2. Make things up.

3. Just post links to another overworked ODM.

4. Write another post on how you are being persecuted by those who want to hold you accountable for the things you say about others.

5. Tell people there is a hideous threat and you may have to delete your entire blog.

6. Delete all old posts and claim the web service you are using deleted it. Beg for finacial support to offset loss.

7. Post videos of you street preaching. Be sure they contain profanity from those you preached and at least one time you called someone a whore or slut.

8. Take a walk to the local bar or pub and ask if anyone is an Emergent. Then pour their Guinness in their lap. 

9. Listen to a Walter Martin tape and twist a quote to be against the emerging church.

10. Look for sites that refute what you state and mock them and make up lies against that person stating they claimed to not be a real Christian.

11. Here is a bonus one: Develop a straw man argument that is proven by a majorly huge overgeneralization.

These all help me in those late night research vigils. I hope they help you also as you add your valuable research to the Truth War. These are just some of the tools that help we who Truth Warriors gain the high ground so we can shove our heals into the face of those who stand against OUR DOCTRINES.

I. Todyaso

Eric Barger’s spot on the Emergents

Truth warriors speak the truth….we don’t let facts get in the way of truth or our valiant efforts.

Here on this missive “How to Spot the Emergent Church” we read that emergents believe in….

* Experience over Reason

* Spirituality over Doctrine and Absolutes

* Images over Words

* Feelings over Truth

* Earthly Justice over Salvation

* Social Action over Eternity

…and finally to PROVE and AGREE with Eric Barger’s Take A Stand Ministry…here is a quote from one of the MOST dangerous, subversive, people to undermine the church rumoured to be perhaps a vampire / werewolf or human sacrificing liberal emergents…

” Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever” (Heb.13:8). He is the same Jesus now as He was in the Upper Room and as He appeared to Paul on the road to Damascus. He is the same Jesus as when Martin Luther nailed his ninety-five theses to the door of Castle Church in Wittenberg. He is the same Jesus as when the Enlightenment was in full force. Modern world, postmodern world, post-postmodern world…Jesus never changes. He is the reason for and the focus of all that we do. He is our anchor, no matter which direction the tide may be taking us.” – Dan Kimball

Be afraid folks be very afraid!!!!!

Why does the true Church allow such emergent liberal-weak-kneed-post-modern-anti-absolute-natural-fibre-wearing-non-sense to speak as Dan has?

We must come against this with absolute truth!