Olive Tree Ministries Presents…Christo-Fascist Flakes

October 31, 2009

fascist

Olive Tree Ministries presents Christo-Fascist Flakes… a taste of imperialism in every bite. Each box presents interesting facts…. with “fact bites and flake-questions” posted on the back of each box;

1) How can a world filled with secular humanists, atheists, and just plain God-haters be pondering the end of the world?

2) Are We on a Slippery Slope to Fascism? (just keep imbibing Jan’s articles…and you’ll know)

3) We single out Democrats and their evil schemes because Republicans are naturalized Christians.

4) Hitler took control of the airwaves. Obama is Hitler.

5) Criticism of America and Israel is anti-American and anti-Christian.

6) Attacks on conservative radio talk show hosts is an attack on Christianity.

7) Conservative = Christianity.

8)  War is good. Peace is bad. Anti-war Christians are Marxists.

We encourage our readers to imbibe Christo-Fascism ideologies, and Fascism Flakes before Christians get all communistic and love their enemies, and share all that they have in common.

Collect all three poseable Jan Markell Action Figures with the purchase of each box of edifying Fascist Flakes.

Finally, remember these precious words from the Gospels “But I tell you….treat your enemies with contempt. If someone strikes you, hit them again and again until they bless America.  Resist those who are not fascists and strike down anti-imperialists. Resist those who ask ….especially the poor”

This is an ODMafia endorsed cereal.


We are not threatening them with physical harm, we are threatening them with eternal damnation!

October 31, 2009

 

I can’t wait till Randell Terry gives us permission to use our rights to bare arms! So only the Elect will have the right to life… the rest of you guys will burn in hell!

 

Happy Helloween!

 


Cult leader exposed? One of our own…

October 30, 2009

cult

Our readers are aware that our research robot monkeys never sleep. Deep in a lead lined, electromagnetic pulse proof bunker deep in the earth they work tirelessly to expose the truth and the underbelly of all that is false. (mostly everyone). You can rest assured that if we say it here it is gospel truth and you must not question or doubt anything we print in electronic form. We decide what is true, it is your duty to believe it without question.

Under the noses of many discernmentalists and avid followers of Take A Stand Ministries we have discovered that Eric admitted out in the OPEN that he is a DANGEROUS CULTIST!!!

Don’t believe us?

Take a look at the DVD that Eric himself uses to out himself. It is highly unusual that a discernmentalist will accuse himself of being a cult leader (but sometimes our rational is convoluted -so you must understand), but Eric’s sharp shooting discernmentalism has beat him at his own game…. he’s that good.

Our research robot monkeys have been wrestling with the fuzzy word next to Eric’s name for several minutes… using a special research robot monkey discernment algorithm. Acquiring the latest technology in discernmentalism forensics ( ie Corel Draw 4, ) we have determined that the word next to Eric is inconclusive. As a discernmentalist we demand answers, and shun any ambiguity whatsover (inconclusive is a bad word!) Therefore, we have decided to insert what we THINK the word is regardless of how that might effect Take A Stand. We care so much about the truth that we are willing to overlook it to prove how right we are. By inserting words into texts that may or may not be there and drawing all sorts of strange conclusions is what a discernmentalist does.

Remember, let us do the thinking for you so that you don’t have to!

The ODMafia, making truth as simple as back and white.

__________________________________________

PS (on a serious note) I recommend the following for a serious look on how to do a proper evaluation Pastor Scott’s blog.


Obama Is The Anti-Christ And Hates America

October 29, 2009

hitler

Recently  our resident Redneck GOIPers discovered shocking evidence that proves once and for all without a shadow of a doubt that Obama is the political anti-Christ. We’ve known all along that he hates America, our Rite to theocracy and Our God-ordained Holy Republican American Reich so this is no surprise. Also Obama wants to hand America over to Canada a nation run by satanists that is his evil plan in destroying our God-ordained and God Chosen Nation. Here is what “RR” has to say:

I admire Glen Beck with every fiber of my being for going on national television and calling the president a racist with a deep seated hatred toward white people. Beck is so right, but the only problem is that he doesn’t go far enough. Obama hates Americans, and the country we live in. Hate is too soft a word. Obama loathes each and every citizen with a hate that few people can comprehend. The man is full of hate.

There have been blogs that compare Obama to Hitler, but that is going easy on Hitler. Hitler at least was doing what he felt, however misguided, was in the best interest of the German people. Obama is doing the opposite. He wishes only harm and misery on the American people. That is his goal, and we are seeing his hateful scheme unfold before our very eyes.

Obama’s plan is to create a humongous socialist government. Each and every American will become wholly independent on Obama’s Big Brother, Orwellian government. Only Obama will decide who will be happy and sad. Only Obama will determine who will be successful and who will fail. All the power will go into his hands. Of course, one element of this evil plan is universal health care. Like Sarah Palin said, there will be death panels that determine who will live and who will die. And die we will. Mainly white people. Same as the Jews during Hitler’s regime, but instead of gas chambers, Obama will use universal health care.

When one thinks of the most evil people in the history of the world, Obama tops them all. On 9/11/2001, Osama Bin Laden killed brazenly 3000 innocent Americans. Obama wants to kill a lot more than 3000.

 

I and Ken Silva agree that it is offensive to Hitler to compare Obama to him as Hitler is our Führer Ron Luce’s hero. Ingrid “Eva Braun” Schlueter also adds that we must Take America back by force in order to establish our theocratic dominion.

Don Jobson—p.s. after stealing enough money from the poor and hiring Legal immigrant computer techs to help with my Mexican and Canadian slaves —we’ve finally “officialized”  The Official Blog Of God’s Only Inerrant Party.


Cool fashion sense notices Rob’s new look “BLUE STEEL 2.0!”

October 29, 2009

bluesteelSlice of Laodicea (SoL) reveals startling news “Rob Bell, whose skin has apparently taken on a permanent bluish tinge, (too many shots of wheatgrass juice?)” WOW!

Our Discernmentalist team (our Research Robot Monkeys are on vacation) was on the beat and in Grand Rapids within weeks of this ground breaking news about his outer appearance (because that is very important to us!) It appears that Rob is going with a New Zoolander look that he has been creating and working on (mostly in a lab) called Blue Steel 2.0. It is more slicker, hipper, cooler, poutier (is that a word???) and newer than anything previously done. Indeed SoL fittingly responds  (according to secret sources) “Rob will be sporting the latest pair of utterly cool glasses as well as his New Age beliefs.” Apparently while in his Blue Steel lab has also switched religions.

The Online Discernmentalist Mafia had no comments (besides the obvious), but trusts with complete confidence that SoL would never leap to conclusions. Moreover, as an EXPERT discernmentalist ministry we always look at the exterior of a pastor before passing judgment.


The most hated ODM site and the most hated ODM revealed is postponed do to “Chad” tampering.

October 28, 2009

 

(FIX Network The network where we fix the news we broadcast) We are still in heavy debate as to what to do. We were just about to reveal the most hated ODM and their site when a phone call came in with terrible news. Apparently there was an issue with someone tampering with Chad the official ballot counter. Though another independent ballot counter was brought in, debate as to whether the ballots would be counted correctly as Al Franken (a liberal) was found to have won according to the independent ballot counter co. Al Franken was not even on the ballot so this was a shock and we immediately demanded a recount!

 

[Advertisement]*

It seems the main debate was with Chad who was fixing many improperly casted ballot cards by using his unique discernmentalist powers of knowing what the voter really meant. Chad’s talent is one that is used throughout the ODM world on a regular basis. The unique discernmentalist power is being able to take a clear statement someone says and twist it to mean whatever the ODM desires it to mean. By doing this the ODM can always be right by twisting the other person’s words to the obviously wrong meaning. Chad was doing fine until someone began spreading rumors that Chad was tampering with the ballots. We want all to know that was not the case and Chad is the victim of a vicious RCC/Emergent/PDL/Seeker Driven/Arminian/Charismatic/Democratic conspiracy to discredit ODM’s as dishonest. We do not argue we are not dishonest, rather we ODM’s see our dishonesty when used honestly to protect the Truth as honorable. So it is a debate over God’s Honor being discredited by those who hate God and OUR DOCTRINAL truth that protects God, Country, The Bible and the American Way of Life.

[More conservative advertising]*

So we contend that if you followed our logical argument that Chad is the true victim and call to fasting, prayer and that all True Believers in the ODM way send us more money, (we prefer cash as it is not as easy to be traced by the evil Government).

 

We hope that soon this mess will be figured out and that the winner of this prestigious award will be revealed soon. Stay tuned!

 

* All advertisement is fake! 


Happy Burn A Heretic Day!

October 27, 2009

 October 27 , 1553 – Condemned as a heretic for preaching nontrinitarianism and anti-infant baptism, Michael Servetus  was burned at the stake outside Geneva.

“A new heresy has been discovered,” he said. “We must stamp out this burst of hell-fire before it spreads over the surface of the earth…. Freedom of conscience is a doctrine of the devil…. Better to have a tyrant, however cruel, than permit everyone to do what he pleases.”—John Calvin.

“Whoever shall now contend that it is unjust to put heretics and blasphemers to death will knowingly and willingly incur their very guilt.”—John Calvin.

Because of these Pure Doctrines—-‘Athiest Christopher Hitchens called (our Final Prophet) Calvin a “sadist and torturer and killer,” but who listens to atheists anyway?’

The most famous of these was a Spanish theologian named Michael Servetus. Servetus, who had been arrested and imprisoned by the Catholic church already, attended a sermon in Geneva. He was recognized and arrested in church for heresy. Why because he disagreed with the doctrines of the trinity and of infant baptism. Calvin engineered his prosecution, acted as a key witness for it, and then lobbied for Servetus’ death. Result? Servetus was burned at the stake.

When other Reformers of the day protested the execution of Servetus for a mere doctrinal disagreement, Calvin was incensed: “A new heresy has been discovered,” he said. “We must stamp out this burst of hell-fire before it spreads over the surface of the earth…. Freedom of conscience is a doctrine of the devil…. Better to have a tyrant, however cruel, than permit everyone to do what he pleases.”

Yes, that’s a real quote.

In 1551 Calvin was confronted by a reformer called Jérôme Bolsec, who accused him of making God out to be the author of evil in deciding the fate of the damned before their creation. Bolsec was imprisoned by the magistrates and lucky to be banished from the city.

There were a total of 57 people executed in Geneva during the 4 years of John Calvin’s power over the city of Geneva.

Twenty-three people, mostly women, were burned at the stake was witches. Calvin wrote later that they were found guilty for trying to use witchcraft to spread the black plague.

Several people, mostly women, were executed for the capital offense of adultery.

One little girl was executed for slapping her mother. But that’s just Old Testament law, right?

Jacques Gruet was arrested, tortured for 30 days and, upon confession, beheaded for being an atheist.

Michael Servetus was burned at the stake for being a heretic.

This isn’t to mention a number of other crimes, such as a number of women in Geneva being thrown in prison for the “sinful practice” of dancing. But on Calvin’s 500th birthday, a number of Calvinist theologians have been using the occasion to make the news and defend Calvin.

Christopher Elwood, author of Calvin for Armchair Theologians, a concise summary of Calvin’s life, said “So everyone back then was intolerant. You can’t blame Calvin. In fact, Calvin didn’t want to kill Servetus, he just wanted Servetus to recant his doctrinal error. In fact, Calvin even tried to be lenient and have Servetus beheaded instead of burned at the stake. You wouldn‘t think it, but Calvin was actually deeply influenced by Renaissance humanism.”

Reformed Pastor Jim McClarity quotes J.I. Packer to explain the list of reasons why Calvin having Servetus executed wasn’t really that bad -

“1 – Geneva was a Christian state. In Christian states, denying Christian doctrine is a capital offense. This wasn’t Calvin’s fault. 2 – Other churches like the Catholics burned “heretics” at the stake too. 3 – The Catholics already were planning on killing Servetus for heresy against their church anyway. 4 – Other Protestant Reformers would have killed Servetus too, I mean come on, this heretic was against infant baptism. 5 – Calvin wouldn’t have prosecuted Servetus if Servetus had just admitted that he was wrong. 6 – Calvin just wanted Servetus beheaded – that’s more humane. 7 – This could be seen more as a fault of the culture of the day, not the fault of Calvin’s.”

Oh, ok – we should sympathize with Calvin then. After all, he really was a great Bible scholar.

Reformed Pastor Joe Morecraft said he‘s tired of hearing about Calvin murdering people -

“Look, just because Calvin had all these people executed doesn’t mean his theology was wrong. Geeze, ok, ok, so some of them were executed for disagreeing with his theology – well doesn’t mean they were right. Calvin could have still been right. Do you realize how arrogant it was of Servetus to foolishly go to Calvin’s church. He probably thought he could debate Calvin. Well, he was wrong.”

Elwood also noted that even though Calvin’s predestination doctrine denied the free will of man and seemed to mean that God destined the majority of people to damnation in hell, Calvin and his followers would never emphasize this. “This isn’t something they would push in your face. If you asked them about it, they’d answer you, but no one was burned at the stake for refusing to believe that God created people to go to hell.”

Those who defend our Pure Doctrines are Absolutely Correct in doing so.

SERVETUS

Today we Discernmentalists and all members of the GOIP—God’s Only Inerrant Party otherwise known as The Calvinazi Party/The Theocratic Calvinist Christian Fascist Party or CCFP for short celebrate the Pure Christian Fruits and Pure Doctrines of our Final Prophet John Calvin by burning Servetus and all heretics in effigy. When we finally take America back for Jesus and establish our Calvinazi Dominionist Theocratic domination of the world—we will no longer have to burn effigies for we will reestablish the Pure Doctrines of burning all those who disagree with our God-ordained opinions.

Don Jobson—fighting for the Rite of burning  the non-Elect at the stake.


ODMafia reveals the most hated ODM site and most hated ODM!

October 27, 2009

satan

 

ODMafia reveals the most hated and most hated ODM!

 

 

CNN (Christian News Network) The ballots were cast in a super-sized secret chamber near the earths core where the official office of the ODMafia is heated by the earths core. The office itself is so near to Hell that one can hear the lovely screams as the officers of the ODMafia do their re-research and regurgitate others ODM’s information. Of all the ODM’s out there; only one is worthy of the top honor that will be handed out this Hallow’d ween. Yes many votes were cast by those on the academy panel and even rumors of fist fights and a gun being pulled out at one point. The rumors do have some truth to them but again this is the ODMafia we are writing about.

 

After the ballots were careful counted by a person who only called himself “Chad” we received a call early this morning and waited all day to hear verification of whom the most hated and hateful ODM is. There was a call soon after the first one that stated that there needed to be a recount as someone had been messing with “Chad” so another independent ballot counter that helped Al Franken win his election was brought in. After a few hours another call came in and the official count was finished. The winner is… oh I am sorry the phone just rang again… I will have to continue this later.


Tension…..and judging others

October 27, 2009

tightRope

Fellow discernmentalists the Bible has come under attack by John Armstrong of ACT3 he states ” There are some obvious tensions that we encounter when we read the Scriptures.” We KNOW that in our reading of the Bible….there are no tensions. It is simply black and white….bible truth vs false teaching. If you are looking for tension we suggest a high-wire circus act! Remember…tension is only found in wires suspending bridges, towers, electrical lines….and  tension headaches which you are giving us (we resent having to think)!

John Armstrong of ACT3 furthers his attacks by suggesting “The Scriptures do teach us to avoid judgmental attitudes toward others, especially in dealing with Christians.” We THINK this is a direct affront on our righteous and OUR very truth striving among other discermentalist ministries.

He further states “No matter how you apply these texts you will soon have to admit that judging and discerning sometimes do get very close to one another.” That is why we think that judgmentalism and discernment are one in the same….therefore discernment is judgmentalism, and judgmentalism is discernment. Its biblical. We need to do it…and its best done with an attitude of anger, resentment and self-martyrdom. We are always being attacked for our righteous cause.

The ODMafia, if we can’t judge you…who will?

Truthslayer


One of the greatest truth-war satires of all time…B*A*S*H

October 26, 2009

bash

B*A*S*H (Brag & Assist to Stomp-on Heretics) – was one of the finest truth war satire of all time. This truth war begins and ends in Korea where we observe the antics of valiant truthwarrior-doctors Trutheye and BJ (Bible-Journalist) Honeycut as they battle righteously against the emerging hordes spreading across Korea. These true reformed warriors split hairs, and cause division righteously declaring the truth wherever they are….even places where people wish they were not!

War is hell they say…especially when not appreciated!


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