Emerging church hates the light!

October 13, 2009

light

Apprising Ministries in true form has proof that the Emerging Church hates the light. Apprising Ministries teamed up with our very own research robot monkey’s and took a VERY TELLING picture of the above Emerging Church service… This photograph a smoking gun no doubt unequivocally proves that the Emerging Church does hate the light. It has also been tested by Eric Barger’s Bible Based Satellite System (BS for short)and we are still drawn to one conclusion that we need not repeat (but will) for definite emphasis: Emerging church hates the light!

It does not take a rocket scientist to prove that they are holding their bogus church service in the dark. We are vindicated again!!!

Don’t believe us?….study the above picture carefully!

This is absolute proof. Clearly they are heretics.


New Anti – Emergent Gun Now Available

October 13, 2009

Mace-Pepper-Spray-Gun-417x542

Have you ever gone to church and seen this guy? mohawk_sxsw

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Or this guy?

zacephron2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes that is most likely an evil Emergent! They are entering “good” churches everywhere! Why should you have to feel like you are walking down a dark alley unprotected from muggers, theives and heretics that only want to steal your money freedom and pure doctrines? Now you can protect yourself with the Anti Emergent Mace Gun.

* The Anti Emergent Mace Gun also works on criminals, Arminians, small children that are bothering you during worship, pets, Muslim’s disorderly Elders, Liberals, Rick Warrenites, Caholics,  wayward worship leaders, gays, lesbians, bi sexuals, transgender and metrosexuals as well as a seasoning for beef, pork and chicken. Keep out of reach of children and pets unless you intentionally desire to harm them. May discharge accidently. Do not aim at your own face unless you feel that you are becoming any of the before mentioned. Company is not responsible for your actions and stupidity.


Ad Hominem Communications this fall!

October 13, 2009

adLearn the ways of a Master Discernmentalist! Coming this fall we are offering a very instructive new diploma Ad Hominem Communications. You get the best of a university and college degree in this fantastic new course. We will offer Ad Hominem Communications theory (ie abstractly working out ways to personally attack opponents). Moreover we will provide “hands-on” college level applications. You will be required to apply this verbally and in written form. For instance, you will endeavour to apply the art 0f  erroneous logic; linking a person with some form of faulty logic and therefore to condemn them rightfully as a heretic or false teacher. Moreover, we offer a bonus “Guilt by Association” seminar for free to complement the skills of this very prestigious communications course. Please keep in mind we are proposing a specialization in Guilt By Association B.A. in the coming year….that is far more indepth for the aspiring discernmentalist.

Here are some actual examples we will explore and employ in real world circumstances….

* “You can’t believe Bob when he says he trusts in Jesus. He hangs out with Emergents.”

* ” John is not saved. He once agreed with Rob Bell’s book “Velvet Elvis”

If you have not signed up, please do. iTodyaso and I (Truthslayer) will be instructors, providing you with years of discernmentalist instructional advice. Will Farel XV will be a guest lecturer and advisor on this very instructive course.

Rest assured this course is Truthslayer endorsed!


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.