October 15, 2009
The Post-Emergent Church
The Post-Emergent Church Of The Future—For old people that never grow out of their youth. A non-seeker-sensitive approach to church: How to lose friends and alienate people. The Post-Emergent Church will return us back to fundamentalism while still remaining relevant. Praise Hymn Rock Songs Include:
In Awe Of Thy 600+ Commandments, Praise Jesus 25x Chorus, Jesus Is Coming Now Grab Your Guns, We’re Old But We’re Still Young In Church, A Mighty Fortress Is Our Bible, I Saw Jesus Shoot A Heretic But He Did Not Shoot The Deputy, We Hold The Absolute Truth And So Can You, We’ll Annoy You With One More Praise Chorus, We Wish You A Servetus Barbecue, O I Hope My Shoe Is Holey Enough For The Rapture and Raise A Banner Of War On The Non-Elect
Confession of Faith: Legalism is Lord. Church services will include inquisitions on non-believers followed by forced baptisms. Afterwards, we’ll have a pot luck lunch. Everyone wins—souls that is! Rainbow wigs available after your first forced communion.
October 15, 2009
Recently our GOIP Researchmentalist Robot Monkies as in Monkeys that mock Catholic monks have come upon this convicting photo of those Evil Emergents. Our faithful party members Jack Chick
and Peter Ruckman
obtained this photograph via their Mighty G…od Fortress Space Station on Mars that they were Raptured up to after escaping the 10 Foot Tall Black-lipped Alien UFO Anti-Christ
. They got there via our Holy Time Machine which took them to an Alternative Future Universe run by those Apostate Emergents and Human-Animals hybrids. Fearing for their lives and the safety of our Pure Doctrines, they rushed back to the past to post this photo exposing those Heretical Emergents for the Bible-Corrupters
that they are. So do you still think those Emergents aren’t Evil imposter Christians who are Spiritual Terrorists
out to destroy our Pure Churches, Pure Doctrines and Pure Bibles? If you still don’t believe us this photo should remove all doubt. We all know that all of those Evil Emergents support same-sex marriage and we know with Absolute Certainty that if gays and lesbians are allowed to get married that the next logical step is interspecies marriage. And that’s just what will happen if those Satan controlled Emergents get their way. Is this what we want for our children’s future—interspecies marriage? Human–Animal hybrids— “Manimals
?” We think not that’s why we must impose our Pure Doctrines on everyone by military and government force. Praise God!
Don Jobson—Standing on the Absolute Truth of Orthomarriage as espoused by only by God’s Only Inerrant Party.