The Post-Emergent Church
The Post-Emergent Church Of The Future—For old people that never grow out of their youth. A non-seeker-sensitive approach to church: How to lose friends and alienate people. The Post-Emergent Church will return us back to fundamentalism while still remaining relevant. Praise Hymn Rock Songs Include:
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In Awe Of Thy 600+ Commandments, Praise Jesus 25x Chorus, Jesus Is Coming Now Grab Your Guns, We’re Old But We’re Still Young In Church, A Mighty Fortress Is Our Bible, I Saw Jesus Shoot A Heretic But He Did Not Shoot The Deputy, We Hold The Absolute Truth And So Can You, We’ll Annoy You With One More Praise Chorus, We Wish You A Servetus Barbecue, O I Hope My Shoe Is Holey Enough For The Rapture and Raise A Banner Of War On The Non-Elect
Confession of Faith: Legalism is Lord. Church services will include inquisitions on non-believers followed by forced baptisms. Afterwards, we’ll have a pot luck lunch. Everyone wins—souls that is! Rainbow wigs available after your first forced communion.
This entry was posted on Thursday, October 15th, 2009 at 6:56 pm and is filed under Abomination Nation, Aperising Minsitries, Apprising Ministries, Arminians go to hell, Benny Hinn, Blue Steel, Brandon Howse, Brannon Howse, Brian McLaren, CS Lewis, Camp of the Apostates, Canada, Cast of Hair, Certainty, Chris Pajak, Contemplative Prayer/Spirituality, Contempt, Contenplative spirituality, Couches and Candles, Cult, Dan Kimball, Dark Knight, Dear ODMafia, Democrats from Hell, Discerning the World, Discernment, Discernmentalist, Don Quixote, Doug Paggett, Entertainment, Eric Bargers Take A Stand Ministries, Essential/non-essential, Freddies Coffee Bar, Friendly Welcome, Mega-Church, Obama, Obamanation, Post-modern, Post-modern unbelievers, Pyro Maniacs, Rant, Republicans are natural christians, Rob Bell, Roman Catholic, Secret Order of the ODM, Self righteous, Sick / Illness, Slice of Laodicea, Slice of Laodicia, TRuth War, The good old days, Trinity Broadcast Network, Truthslayer approved / endorsed, Voice of The Sheep, Walid Shoebat, Where's my peyote?, Yes, Yoga, dirty hippies!, disease, do the hustle, doubt, emergent, emergent village, emerging church, freakin' liberals!, metrosexuals, plan? what plan?, porn, prayer, purposeless driven life, questions, rock of ages, setting the standard, she sells sex sells on the seashore, sinners, so get over it!, sound bible teaching, technology, torture is good!, volcano, war, war not love, what would you do without me?. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
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itodyaso
seymorespurgeon
truthslayer
Will Farel XV
donjobson
October 16, 2009 at 12:31 pm |
if this is the alternative, can you then please give me the adress of an emergent church here in belgium please?
October 16, 2009 at 2:55 pm |
brambonius,
Just look for the building that says, “Waffles” as that would be what they do in the church with “certainty”… NOW LAUGH!
I. Todyaso
October 19, 2009 at 5:55 pm |
Brambonius:
Your country is itself liberal and pussy, so it’s pretty much like an emerging church
October 23, 2009 at 12:34 am |
Worse, my country is secular, post-catholic and atheist right now… and before that we were catholic, and we don’t really have traditional protestant churches…
guess that makes me doomed?