Capitalism should be honoured….never questioned

January 31, 2010

We at the ODMafia purposefully NEVER question capitalism. We don’t ask difficult questions about exploitation of the Third World and we frown on Marxist things like Fairtrade (because fairness and equity are likely works of communism or the devil).

We believe that CEO’s should make 20 million a year. We also believe that when 2,000 factory workers are laid off because that same company that pays the CEO bajallions of dollars is hard up, and must do what they can to make a go in this tough world. We don’t really care if the people at the bottom get paid a pittance and work 12 hrs a day, in some hot sweaty workshop.

We believe capitalism is fully, completely biblically endorsed. In fact to help the poor is the enable them. To speak out for workers who can’t quite squeak out a living is pretty darn close to socialistic activities of unions. We don’t believe in justice, because we know that the bible only speaks about personal / individualistic salvation. Remember anyone who emphasizes weightier issues (Matthew 23) such  as justice, mercy and faithfulness are commie red letter Christians and should be ignored. We need to focus on triviality….because to us…they are the big things!

That is why we at ODMafia feel the need to speak up. Stop attacking capitalism. Stop sharing, and start climbing to the top!

Truthslayer

PS Please hold this quote dear to your heart “Neither I nor capitalism needs to change. You guys are pretty pathetic.” Jan Markell, Olive Tree Ministries


Let’s celebrate!

January 30, 2010

Just remember, we hate you in the most biblical and loving way. If you do not succumb to OUR teachings and our self righteousness, you do not pass the test of true biblical Christianity.

Just remember, capitalism is biblical. Sharing is Marxism. Democracy is holy and killing for peace is righteousness. Submit to Reaganism and live!

Truthslayer


We must stand against Rick Warren’s PEACE plan!

January 28, 2010

 

Rick Warren showing us that the PEACE plan is only about himself!

Warren‘s PEACE Plan The ODMafia Analysis
1.Was: Plant churches  Changed to: Promote Reconciliation This is just another scheme to sell more books! (We wish we thought of it first!) We must stand against this as Rick plans to try to end “Spiritual emptiness” under the cruel and unbiblical idea of planting churches and preaching… Reconciliation! We hate that!
2. Equip servant leaders This is just another ploy to get rid of the priest laity division. Which is fine as that idea is “reformed” BUT! What Rick is really doing is taking away OUR jobs! Yes, he is trying to bring down the walls between the Forever-And-Righteous-Theologians and the peons that think they can just read the bible and understand without our help! How dare Rick Warren think he can equip anyone better than we can!
3. Assist the poor What the Hell for? They got themselves in that mess. If they were just committed to the Holy Economics of Capitalism then they would not be poor and be rich like me! The real issue is poor people riding the system and using my tax money to buy big screen TV’s and Wii’s!
4. Care for the sick And this… this is just a code for socialism… Rick Warren just wants to pass the Health Care bill so that we will be equal with Canada!
  Of course this means then that Rick Warren is for abortion if he supports Obama (the antichrist himself!) and the evil Health Care bill!
  This also means Rick Warren is trying to stop the spread of AIDS. How dare he go against God’s holy means of judging those homos!
5. Educate the next generation By educate Rick Warren means he wants me to pay for third world schools to educate those living there! This means our products we send there to have them make at a lower cost will now cost more! How can we keep Wal-Mart supplied with low cost (near slave labor) products
  This also means that Rick Warren wants women to be equal with men! How unbiblical is that! We have only a few exemptions like Ingrid of Slice, Deborah of DTW and Paula at her blog (is that even still up and going?)
By education, Rick Warren also means that I will have to stop driving my Hummer and drive a hybrid car!  

The final analysis is that Rick Warren has gone insane! His ego is only surpassed by our self righteous judgment of him! Be sure to send him a note telling him how he needs to stop this silliness before he embarrasses all of us True Christians!


Counteract Brian McLaren’s New Book By Buying Ours Instead

January 27, 2010

Brian McLaren’s worthless book:

Our Book—Priceless:

Just like we were not happy with Brian McLaren’s book A Generous Orthodoxy….we are not happy with his new  book either….eventhough it is yet released….We Know it is full of heresy especially because we are a discernmentalist ministry and stand for true Absolute biblical truth. This is why we’ve gotten John MacArthur and Todd Friel to write our version of  his new book before it even comes out after using Eric Barger’s time machine to spot all the heresy in Brian’s book .

Also, you may have heard of this phrase from the Reformation: “Ecclesia reformata semper reformanda—The Church should be reformed and always reforming.” Well using Eric Barger’s time machine again—we’ve found that  none of the Reformers said that. This is why we must oppose Brian’s new book with a Holy Angry Passion as those Emergents are always trying to reform our Absolute Truth, our Pure Churches and our Pure Doctrines. We also believe that Reformed Emergent/Emerging House Churches do not exist. Reformed  and Emergent  are oxymorons as Ken Silva teaches therefore there are no such creatures as Reformed Emergents because Ken Silva is always right. This is always why we stand by our reformatted Reformation motto: “Semper 1600’s—Always 1600’s always”—that’s right because we’ve discovered all the Truth we need to know about God in the 1600’s. There is nothing else about God that needs to be revealed to us—the Reformers and the King James Bible revealed everything about God to us—so we must always stay in the 1600’s and think like they did in the 1600’s as well.

Dr. Don Jobson, Dr. Truthslayer and Dr. I. Todyaso—Sola 1600’s (1600’s alone).


Martin Luther Secretly Muslim

January 26, 2010

We have Absolute Proof! Our Research Robot Monkeys have come upon this startling revelation of Luther’s Closeted Islamic beliefs:

 From this book, accordingly, we see that the religion of the Turks or Muhammad is far more splendid in ceremonies—and, I might almost say, in customs—than ours, even including that of the religious or all the clerics. The modesty and simplic-ity of their food, clothing, dwellings, and everything else, as well as the fasts, pray-ers, and common gatherings of the people that this book reveals are nowhere seen among us—or rather it is impossible for our people to be persuaded to them. Fur-thermore, which of our monks, …Martin Luther 

Therefore the Lutheran Reformation was secretly created by Muslims—no wonder some believe Luther was not as Reformed and Protestant as Calvin. * (Although some of our Research Robot Monkey Spies came upon this quote by Calvin:

No man is excluded from calling upon God, the gate of salvation is set open unto all men: neither is there any other thing which keepeth us back from entering in, save only our own unbelief. —John Calvin

So perhaps Calvin isn’t as Reformed and Protestant as Spurgeon or John MacArthur).

Hopefully Ken Silva will call Chris Rosebrough and Ingrid Shuelter  to repent of their Lutheran-Islamism and also for Pastorboy aka (Name withheld upon request) to remove his picture of the Muslim Lutheran leader Martin Luther from the header of his blog.

Don Jobson—fibbing proclaiming the Truth.


Tall Skinny Kiwi declares, “End of Emerging Church!”

January 26, 2010

Tall Skinny Kiwi declares, “End of Emerging Church.”

 I, I. Todyaso, woke up this night with a headache. At first a great fear gripped my very soul and then after remembering I do not have one, I realized that my headache was one of the seven plagues Andrew Jones, AKA Tall Skinny Kiwi (TSK), cursed Emergent Village (EV) with as he left it. It seems that TSK will no longer associate with EV any longer due to personal reasons he was reluctant to disclose on his blog. TSK is known for his gentle way of saying it without saying it to the point he has kept Ken Silva from nailing 95 thesis of heresy on the door of TSK’s Magirus Deutz overlander. In fact, it is rumored that maybe TSK was never part of EV!

 Of the seven plagues that TSK cursed EV with was headaches to ODM’s. You see without the Village, many ODM’s now do not have as much to write about. Oh, sure we can rehash some things and maybe look for a new movement we can trash before it gets going, but seriously we loved EV as it was just such an easy target!

 So, here they are:

  1. Tony Jones loses his identity.
  2. Doug Paggit becomes homeless and wanders the USA asking if anyone bought his book yet.
  3. ODM’s get headaches as they no longer have EV as an easy target.
  4. Mike Clawson, Anthony Smith, and Steve Knight find a way to revive EV but former leadership relationships bog them down so they just go out for pizza instead.
  5. New leadership becomes more Evangelical than they were before!
  6. Tony Jones and Doug Paggit part ways and realize they were not as charismatic as they originally thought.
  7. Julie Clawson’s books outsell Tony Jones’ and Doug Paggit’s combined sales and she starts a female version of EV called… Femergent Village.

 As you can see these are definite signs of the coming apocalypse and with these, Jesus should return sometime soon. TSK has not commented further on this.  This is also believed to be  the only negative thing TSK ever uttered.


Discernmentalists: Go Forth And Blog!

January 25, 2010

Discernmentalists our  Führer has commanded us to go forth and blog—so therefore we must. We must blog in a self-righteous manner about the glories of our Truth Wars. We must blog not in a Roman Catholic way—but in a Bible-Based way by attacking and slandering those who don’t agree with our Sovereign TruthsTodd Friel adds that we should be as ignorant and arrogant as possible when we blog as a way of getting our Reformed message of Absolute Truth out there. Also we should always speak in Discernmentalese when blogging about our neo-Platonism Absolute Truth Doctrines. Well get to it—go forth and blog!

Don Jobson—blogging against for the Truth.


Pooling ignorance

January 25, 2010

We, like other discernmentlists like pooling our ignorance together. The more ignorance, the denser the matter. In fact physicists don’t have to go into deep space for dense matter for we have blessed with it right here on earth. This is why we encourage fellow discernmentalists to foster more ignorance about the Emerging Church. Remember, the REAL EMERGENT CHURCH is about feelings, candles, and emotions.

We choose vilifying the entire movement rather than trying to understand it.

We strongly suggest isolated quotes in proving that you are right! We encourage ignoring eras of history in place of stringing  isolated bible passages together to prove our point. After-all, its better to FEEL biblical than to actually understand what the NT teaches….thereby actually being biblical.

Dense matter matters. Get it?

Pooling ignorance for truth matters….because after all we are in a truth war…and truth must be shoved aside IF we are going to safe-guard the truth.

Truthslayer

*** On a serious note it is worth perusing Act3 Online, Pastor Scott’s Blog or read: Listening to the beliefs of emerging churches: five perspectives By Robert Webber


Advice to ODM’s concerning comments

January 25, 2010

Advice to ODM’s concerning comments:

  1. Unless you are well versed in put-downs and twisting others words do not allow comments on your blog. This way you do not have to interact or be held accountable for your words. For examples of this, here is Ken Silva’s CRN and Apprising Miniseries.
  2. If you do allow comments, make sure your audience is dumber than you are. A great example of this is Phil Johnson. Just pick any post and read through. I also helps you look good to have abusive friends help gang up on those who disagree with you.
  3. If you are well versed in twisting others words then continue the slander you started in the post and transfer it on those who seek to hold you to some “biblical” standard of honesty. They seem to call this bearing false witness or some such nonsense. For a great source to learn how to do this here is Discerning the World.
  4. Finally, the best way to handle comments is to deem anyone who disagrees with you a heretic. Instead of entering a real dialog with someone you just skewered, tell him or her to repent! Mike Ratliff is a master at this one.
  5. Again, we look to Mike Ratliff for his genius ability to turn his comment threads into echo chambers. This can be done rather simply. Write down to your readers and heavily moderate your comments. When you see a “Yes-man” response be sure to let them go through… also make sure you throw around a lot of “Amen’s” to make you look really good.
  6. Lastly, be sure to utilize the comment thread to beat down your readers with more lies and links youtube.com videos of your latest evangelist outreach. Then condemn those critics by accusing them of not doing enough to get people saved!

John Piper Found To Be Not A True Calvinist

January 24, 2010

 

John Piper displaying secret Arminian hand signals–proof he is a closet semi-Pelagian. 

1.  He teaches anti-Discernmentalist messages such as: Be a Kinder Calvinist. We need not be kinder—we need to be more in your face as Absolute Truth Warriors in John MacArthur‘s Truth Wars since Calvinism and not Jesus is the Gospel. Was Jesus kind when  he called those Arminian Baptist Lutheran Catholic Emergent Liberal Pharisees a “brood of vipers?” If we are then True Truth Warriors—we should follow Jesus’ example  by condemning our enemies in defense of our Absolute Sovereign Truths—but we should never follow Jesus in a Red-Letter way, because that’s too anti-American and communistic. 

2. He isn’t right with Spurgeon’s Church. Read all about it: Here. Spurgeon being the measure of all Absolute Truthiness of course is what any True Christian uses to measure all Truths. 

3. He  is worldly by mixing Absolute Truth with error

The Merger of Calvinism with Worldliness 

from Sword & Trowel 2009, No. 1 by Dr Peter Masters 

When I was a youngster and newly saved, it seemed as if the chief goal of all zealous Christians, whether Calvinistic or Arminian, was consecration. Sermons, books and conferences stressed this in the spirit of Romans 12.1-2, where the beseeching apostle calls believers to present their bodies a living sacrifice, and not to be conformed to this world. The heart was challenged and stirred. Christ was to be Lord of one’s life, and self must be surrendered on the altar of service for him. 

But now, it appears, there is a new Calvinism, with new Calvinists, which has swept the old objectives aside. A recent book, Young, Restless, Reformed, by Collin Hansen tells the story of how a so-called Calvinistic resurgence has captured the imaginations of thousands of young people in the USA, and this book has been reviewed with great enthusiasm in well-known magazines in the UK, such as Banner of Truth, Evangelical Times, and Reformation Today.This writer, however, was very deeply saddened to read it, because it describes a seriously distorted Calvinism falling far, far short of an authentic life of obedience to a sovereign God. If this kind of Calvinism prospers, then genuine biblical piety will be under attack as never before.

The author of the book is a young man (around 26 when he wrote it) who grew up in a Christian family and trained in secular journalism. We are indebted to him for the readable and wide-reaching survey he gives of this new phenomenon, but the scene is certainly not a happy one.The author begins by describing the Passion, conference at Atlanta in 2007, where 21,000 young people revelled in contemporary music, and listened to speakers such as John Piper proclaiming Calvinistic sentiments. And this picture is repeated many times through the book – large conferences being described at which the syncretism of worldly, sensation-stirring, high-decibel, rhythmic music, is mixed with Calvinistic doctrine.

We are told of thunderous music, thousands of raised hands, ‘Christian’ hip-hop and rap lyrics (the examples seeming inept and awkward in construction) uniting the doctrines of grace with the immoral drug-induced musical forms of worldly culture.

 4. He isn’t John MacArthur God’s holiest Truth voice on earth. This is why John MacArthur is #1 in Absolute Truth

Don Jobson—Piping Piper back home  to Geneva.


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