Introducing Bible-Based Gymnastics

Eric Barger using Stretch Technology has figured out a way to bring Bible-Based Gymnastics to the Winter Olympics stating that every season is right for Bible-Based Gymnastics and other Discernmentalist events. What is Bible-Based Gymnastics you may ask? Why nothing but stretching Truth out of it’s context especially bible verses. Here is an example of how to perform a Bible-Based Gymnastic stunt: you put the right verse out, you put the wrong verse in, you do the hokey pokey and you shake it all about that’s what it’s all about.

All together these actions yeild these results: an “eye for an eye” (Leviticus 24:19-20) is more superior than Jesus, John 3:16 only means God loves a select few people and not the whole world, the Bible has authority over Jesus, sin is sin except when we  do it, etc.

P. S. Eric Barger and his disciples upon reading our Excellent Awesome Quality Discernmentalist Article wanted to add their two cents. First they wanted to say that Yoga is not Bible-Based Gymnastics—We Know based on this verse: 

Deuteronomy 17: 2-4— “If a man or woman living among you…is found doing evil in the eyes of the Lord…contrary to my command has worshiped other gods, bowing down to them or to the sun..”

Secondly asking questions is evil unless it is Truth Warriors doing the one sided interogation questioning:

 I do challenge each reader to examine through the prism of scripture what is being taught and what we are accepting. Ask questions. Be inquisitive and, yes, respectfully and biblically demand answers from those who seek to lead you. I also exhort each of us to speak up when Emergent heresy comes knocking at our church’s door. If it hasn’t yet, it eventually will.

Coercion Arguing with heretics is a Bible-Based Gymnastic trick.

Finally when Truth contradicts itself invent your own. This is called the Uneven Bars Trick based on these verses:

Romans 1:29-31 (New International Version)

²⁹They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, ³⁰slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; ³¹they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless.

Which We Know really means:

Titus 3:9-11 (King James Version)

 ⁹But avoid foolish questions, and genealogies, and contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and vain. ¹⁰A man that is an heretick after the first   and second admonition reject;  ¹¹Knowing that he that is such is subverted, and sinneth, being condemned of himself. 

And that we who hold the Absolute Truth are Saved.

Don Jobson and Truthslayer—Biblical Truth Olympiads.

Extra Concerned Nazarenes begins new site

Extra Concerned Nazarenes (ECN) has built a website to combat emergent heresy. Despite the fact that Concerned Nazerenes already has a site, Extra Concerned Nazarenes contend that they are 45% more biblical than their counterpart. They claim that their articles and insights are far more indepth and truthful than the regular run of the mill Concerned Nazarenes. A spokesman for ECN noted “…we don’t believe that Concerned Nazarenes is concerned enough. We needed to up the ante on concern. In fact as a ‘concern quotient’ NO ONE is as concerned as us….we set the standard with regard to concern” ECN has decided to build a reputation on overgeneralizations and hearsay as the basis of attacking the Emerging Church.

Truthslayer

Truthslayer

Bob Dewaaaaaaaay of Outhouse trails ministries writes about the despair and hopelessness of emerging theology

Imagine God NOT realizing He made a huge mistake and now needs to destroy His “good” creation and start over. Yes, imagine also that Jesus DID NOT come to reconcile all things unto Himself and unto the Father!

 Now, imagine believing God sent Jesus to restore creation and bring heaven to earth! Imagine that there are those who believe Jesus meant it when He prayed “On earth as it is in Heaven”! Now you can imagine the horror of emerging theology that puts trust in God and in His redemption of creation instead of its total destruction and admission of a huge mistake in making it in the first place!

 Bob DeWaaaaaay  of Outhouse Trails, states it this way.

 “Imagine a world where the polarity of time is reversed so that history moves backward toward Paradise rather than forward toward judgment. Consider a world in which God is so immanently involved in the creation that He is undoing entropy1 and recreating the world now through processes already at work. Think of a world where the future is leading to God Himself in a saving way for all people and all of creation. This imaginary world is our world viewed through the lens of Emergent eschatology.” Source

 Now, Doug Pagitt has no clue as Bob DeWaaaaay points out. Doug asserts that God continues to recreate things. But if you overlook certain bible verses like, “Behold I make all things new” and read it through our DOCTRINAL lenses, you will see Jesus did not mean that at all! Bob DeWaaaay is saying Jesus was wrong and we agree! This is also a great piece of mindless blather, which shows Outhouse Trails likes to spin things to mean the opposite of reality. So keep supporting their lies “ministry” of slander and bearing false witness and join in with us as we support their misrepresentation of emerging theology! Yes, the last thing we and Bob DeWaaaay want to do is give anyone hope in God restoring all thing unto Himself… God forbid that sort of thing! Imagine how much gloomy and despairing that would be! Instead, we thank God for the great joy we have in the destruction of all things and the Day of Judgement when millions of people go to Hell! Yes, for sure our theology gives more hope.