Discernmentalist Church History 101: Solo Calvinus!
Discernmentalists here is one of the exciting new Free Online Discernmentalist Courses that we are now offering. Discernmentalist Church History 101: Solo Calvinus—Pastor I. Todyaso recommends this course for all new Discernmentalists! We Know that all True Church History begins and ends with John Calvin. Sure we may use John Wesley and Martin Luther every now and then in our attacks on defense of Truth (except when they don’t even agree with us) but we are not even certain that these two men really exist. And we are Absolutely Certain that Karl Barth doesn’t exist.
We also Know that there were no True Christiansbefore John Calvin and the only True Christians after John Calvin must follow him and Ronald Reagan (as Capitalism is unBiblical) exclusively. We Know Sola Scriptura, Sola Christus, Sola Gratia, Sola Fide really mean only our interpretation of Calvin‘s interpretation of Scripture is correct, you can only get to heaven by the Synods of Dort, the only True Grace is for Discernmentalists and you should have faith only in our interpretation of Calvin’s interpretation of Scripture.
P. S. And remember Semper 1600′s—Always 1600′s always and Soli Calvinus et Noster Veritas Belli gloria—for the glory of Calvin and our Truth Wars alone.
Arthur, I think if you supported 100% pure doctrine, instead of only 99% you would begin to burn anabaptists like all good Christians. Hanging and flogging are only moderately biblical.
[...] created Communism and Socialism to attack our Pure Protestant Reformed Doctrines of Calvin, Reagan and Capitalism. We Know that Karl Marx is a product of Baptist theology particularly the Anabaptist form of [...]
[...] have completed the following courses—our course on Absolute Truth and our course on Discernmentalist Church History 101 or candidates for this course must at least have a sufficient and satisfactory grasp on [...]
[...] “TheoPoetic Musings: RANDOM THEOLOGICAL THOUGHTS FROM AN ECUMENICAL POSTMODERN RADICAL REFORMED ARMINIAN NEO-ORTHODOX BARTHIAN MODERATE PROGRESSIVE TO LIBERAL BAPTIST PERSPECTIVE (OH AND SOME POETRY AND LYRICS,TOO) “—if that doesn’t smack of Pure Evil and divisive sectarianism then you must be “spiritually blind” and of the devil as well. Anyone who calls themself a Baptist, an Anabaptist or both or even says anything slighty positive about these “obstinate pig-dogs” should have their very salvation called into question. We Know that Spurgeon (a TrulyReformed Baptist Landmarkist Calvinist Christian) never had anything positive to say about Baptists nor Anabaptists as he believed and taught nothing but our Pure Doctrines. Anyone who is an Anabapist/Baptist is by default wrong as only We have the right to claim True Theology and True Church History: [...]
Before you get all bent out of shape, please realize this is a satire site spoofing the so-called "discernment ministries" who deem themselves more worthy of Grace than the rest of us. So read and have fun! BTW, we are not against "good" discernment ministries that do actual real research and extend grace to others, only the bad ones.
DJ
donjobson
itodyaso
seymorespurgeon
truthslayer
Will Farel XV
I did never say to burn it… it could be just hanged or flogged
Arthur, I think if you supported 100% pure doctrine, instead of only 99% you would begin to burn anabaptists like all good Christians. Hanging and flogging are only moderately biblical.
Yes, vengance is mine ,says the Lord … unless it makes me fell Holier than thou
We are holier than thou. That is why we discernmentalism and say the bold things that we do!
[...] created Communism and Socialism to attack our Pure Protestant Reformed Doctrines of Calvin, Reagan and Capitalism. We Know that Karl Marx is a product of Baptist theology particularly the Anabaptist form of [...]
[...] have completed the following courses—our course on Absolute Truth and our course on Discernmentalist Church History 101 or candidates for this course must at least have a sufficient and satisfactory grasp on [...]
[...] “TheoPoetic Musings: RANDOM THEOLOGICAL THOUGHTS FROM AN ECUMENICAL POSTMODERN RADICAL REFORMED ARMINIAN NEO-ORTHODOX BARTHIAN MODERATE PROGRESSIVE TO LIBERAL BAPTIST PERSPECTIVE (OH AND SOME POETRY AND LYRICS,TOO) “—if that doesn’t smack of Pure Evil and divisive sectarianism then you must be “spiritually blind” and of the devil as well. Anyone who calls themself a Baptist, an Anabaptist or both or even says anything slighty positive about these “obstinate pig-dogs” should have their very salvation called into question. We Know that Spurgeon (a TrulyReformed Baptist Landmarkist Calvinist Christian) never had anything positive to say about Baptists nor Anabaptists as he believed and taught nothing but our Pure Doctrines. Anyone who is an Anabapist/Baptist is by default wrong as only We have the right to claim True Theology and True Church History: [...]