Discernmentalists here is one of the exciting new Free Online Discernmentalist Courses that we are now offering. Discernmentalist Church History 101: Solo Calvinus—Pastor I. Todyaso recommends this course for all new Discernmentalists! We Know that all True Church History begins and ends with John Calvin. Sure we may use John Wesley and Martin Luther every now and then in our attacks on defense of Truth (except when they don’t even agree with us) but we are not even certain that these two men really exist. And we are Absolutely Certain that Karl Barth doesn’t exist.
We also Know that there were no True Christians before John Calvin and the only True Christians after John Calvin must follow him and Ronald Reagan (as Capitalism is unBiblical) exclusively. We Know Sola Scriptura, Sola Christus, Sola Gratia, Sola Fide really mean only our interpretation of Calvin‘s interpretation of Scripture is correct, you can only get to heaven by the Synods of Dort, the only True Grace is for Discernmentalists and you should have faith only in our interpretation of Calvin’s interpretation of Scripture.
P. S. And remember Semper 1600′s—Always 1600′s always and Soli Calvinus et Noster Veritas Belli gloria—for the glory of Calvin and our Truth Wars alone.
P. P. S. Dr. Arthur McJohn reminds you to burn an Anabaptist in Calvin’s honor as a prerequisite for taking our course so that we’ll know that you are Truly Hardcore Deformed Reformed enough like these guys are to pass our tests of True Orthodoxy.
Drs. Don Jobson, Truthslayer, I. Todyaso and Arthur McJohn—your Professors of Discernmentalist Divisional and Revisional Church History.