Coming to a theatre near you….

“Calvinists of the Caribean” is every discernmentals favourite pirate movie. We spelled Caribbean without the extra “B” so that we cannot be accused or associated with the pagan polythiest islanders “Caribs” of Lesser Antilles islands. Calvinists of the Caribean is truly an action adventure movie of the highest Calvinist caliber.

We find the adventurist Calvinists (ie sinless elect) establishing new way of living in this hot climate – bathing suit attire that must be comfortably fitted from neck to toe, forbid cards, secret workings of election and coming to bed by a biblical 9 PM. Just when our Calvinists of the Caribean had thought they had it all figured out….the dark pirate Black Rob Bell entires the stage…attempting explain the absolute truth using fancy words, and descriptive descriptions…..which upstages our downwind truth warriors with upwind ideas. Soon  he is under suspicion of being an Arminian (or at least looking like one) with a cropped hairdo and trendy hipster glasses. Quickly the Calvinists of the Caribean swear (in a godly way,… not by earth or heaven) to take out (not on a date) this evil curse of the Black Rob Bell.

In theatres everywhere….

Truthslayer

PS There is no real swearing in the movie. The Calvinists of the Caribean noted that their yeses were yeses and their no’s where no’s.

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One Response to Coming to a theatre near you….

  1. Arthur McJohn says:

    OOhhh, thanks. We must calvinize those caribbeans, and also pillage against spaniards to enrich our more godly protestant and blue eyed kings.

    Like

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