I feel that I must vent out my personal frustrations in anger after witnessing such a blatant display of hate and heresy of such unbiblical proportions. I have personally been persecuted and we have come under attack by “T-shirt wearing thugs.” I am still morally outraged by this event. I do not know if I wish to recall the tale but being the good Discernmentalist that I am—I must for the sake of attacking defending the Truth and upholding the higher standards of Discernmentalism that we’ve set over everyone:
Anyways… so I was walking down the street the other afternoon as is my usually afternoon pleasure when I noticed some sinner wearing the most hideously and ungodly T-shirt imaginable…I mean this T-shirt was so evil, I could hardly hide my disgust at such shameless filth. I felt persecuted by such sheer blasphemy. How dare the enemies of our Pure Truth be allowed the liberty to wear such indecent trash in our midst! You wouldn’t believe such repugnant filth could exist on our planet unless you were in my shoes the other afternoon. Frankly it has become increasingly more aware to us just how far sinners will go to compromise Truth in their lack of concern for morality. Unfortunately my camera-phone accidently captured the moment of this abomination of moral degradation which I reluctantly now must reveal to you in all it’s persecuting horror:
I stood there for what was only an awkward pause of a few seconds before I immediately forced myself up to that sinner with condescending arrogance and self-righteously said: “Look reprobate! Wear your trash in YOUR OWN home not around me. Repent of your man-exalting heresy now, sinner, before it’s too late—I’m just telling you this Absolute Biblical Truth in love, of course.” To which he replied: “why are you judging and hating on me, it’s a free country you know.” “IT’S A FREE COUNTRY YOU KNOW,” I snidely mimiced back, “so I have the right to tell you that unless you believe the Biblical Gospel Truth, you’re going to hell.” “But I do,” he said, “ now you are just persecuting me for my religious liberty, stop it.” Seeing as that Godless reprobate was too hardened against the Hard Truths of our Bible—I began walking away quickly and remarked back in a patronizing defensive tone: “Me? Persecuting you? You’re the one persecuting me by wearing that hate T-shirt of yours.”
In the glorious Name of our loving God of Law and vengeance and the wonderful blessings of His Absolute Sovereign Wrath that I serve,
Don Jobson
P. S. And remember these Pure Truth words from our gospels which I keep close to my heart: “Blessed are you when you persecute others for the sake of Truth; cursed are they who persecute you back.”
This startling news in first reported to us by our valiant Research Robot Monkeys and mighty follower and fellow Discernmentalist (who holds an honourary degree from University of ODMafia with a specialization in Irrelevent Facts) noted the following quote by Take A Stand Ministries:
“Still, I was completely blindsided by such a display when I walked into a Starbucks coffee shop in the Seattle area recently. I wasn’t at all prepared for the blatant, in-your-face, vulgar proclamation spelled out in big block letters inside.”
Are you as shocked as us? At first we were reluctant to point this out, we didn’t want to shame one of our very best discernmentalists….but being in line with the bible (as we are), and seeking to please God and not men, we feel we HAVE to point out the obvious.
1) First, Starbucks is clearly an official EMERGENT meeting spot. People who go to Starbucks are typical Emergents, or Emerging want-to-be’s.
2) The Starbucks logo clearly has a symbol of a pagan goddess deity (see sign above for further proof of blatant satanism)
3) Coffee shops are typical meeting places for revolutionaries and socialists.
4) Purchasing a Starbucks coffee he brashly used ministry money to fund his socialist-emergent-coffee habit.
We can only conclude that Eric Barger’s ministry Take A Stand is ‘sitting down’ on the job and betraying the one true church. He has gone to the dark side and sadly in the last days we didn’t expect ministries of such repute to go down in the toilet so quickly and with such abandon. We must point out that Take A Stand has embraced the Emerging church and socialism at once and will likely join a new age cult within days.
Finally we must come against this evil and write or email Take A Stand …and TAKE A STAND for truth!
Truthslayer
PS it is quite possible that Take A Stand has already abandoned absolute truth and may be reading a Brian McLaren book at this very moment.
…When we last left off of our tale, our anti-hero and anti-Reagan of our story (Martin Luther) was still supportive of our heros the Peasants (the Original Tea Partiers 4 Jesus), but suddenly though Martin Luther (Jim Wallis’ ancient relative) began to change and things took a turn for the worse. Martin Luther (would be Democrat) began to turn against the Peasants (Tea Partiers 4 Jesus) and slander them in a liberal controled media CNN sort of way saying that they violated Romans 13 by protesting and rebelling against the Holy Roman Emperor (the Obama of his day) and as we all know protesting and rebellion are of the Devil (unless of course it is the Protestant Rebellion protesting against the divinely appointed authority of the Pope). John MacArthur (a Protestant protester of all things Catholic or even Catholic sounding) sets the record straight:
Since America seems to be losing its Christian orientation, there are some who believe Christians have a right to protest and break the law. Many Christian leaders are calling for Christians to leave their present ministry and become a part of a new political Christian lobby that uses pressure and social action to effect change. Some are calling for protest and moderate revolution against our government. They say the government is taking freedom away from the church and encroaching on religion. In an effort to save the church’s freedom, myriads of organizations are rising up in our country calling for action against the government. I am amazed at how many evangelical Christians who would have avoided such activity fifteen years ago are now aggressively pursuing the political lobby approach. I’m also amazed at the number of belligerent people who join together on issues of civil authority and civil rights yet who would never find any common ground on the issue of truth. You can find true believers, charlatans, frauds, and false prophets all united for the sake of “religious freedom,” who believe that political lobbying will preserve the Kingdom of God in America. “Now listen to this. It doesn’t matter whether your ruler is Caesar, Herod, Pilate, Felix, Fetus, Agrippa, Stalin, Hitler, Winston Churchill, Bill Clinton, it doesn’t matter who it is, he says be subject, you teach them to be subject.”
But returning back to our tale Martin Luther (an anti-Glenn Beck of his day) was so in bed with Big Brother in trying to take away their God-given rights and liberties that he said of our heroes the Peasants (Tea Partiers 4 Jesus):
The peasants have taken upon themselves the burden of three terrible sins against God and man; by this they have abundantly merited death in body and soul. In the first place, they have sworn6 to be true and faithful, submissive and obedient, to their rulers, as Christ commands when he says, “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s” [Luke 20:25]. And Romans 13 [:1] says, “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities.” Since they are now deliberately and violently breaking this oath of obedience and setting themselves in opposition to their masters, they have forfeited body and soul, as faithless, perjured, lying, disobedient rascals and scoundrels usually do. St. Paul passed this judgment on them in Romans 13 [:2] when he said that those who resist the authorities will bring a judgment upon themselves. This saying will smite the peasants sooner or later, for God wants people to be loyal and to do their duty.
…anyone who is killed fighting on the side of the rulers may be a true martyr in the eyes of God, if he fights with the kind of conscience I have just described, for he acts in obedience to God’s word. On the other hand, anyone who perishes on the peasants’ side is an eternal firebrand of hell, for he bears the sword against God’s word and is disobedient to him, and is a member of the devil.
…The peasants are not content with belonging to the devil themselves; they force and compel many good people to join their devilish league against their wills, and so make them partakers of all of their own wickedness and damnation. Anyone who consorts with them goes to the devil with them and is guilty of all the evil deeds that they commit, even though he has to do this because he is so weak in faith that he could not resist them. A pious Christian ought to suffer a hundred deaths rather than give a hairsbreadth of consent to the peasants’ cause. O how many martyrs could now be made by the bloodthirsty peasants and the prophets of murder!13 Now the rulers ought to have mercy on these prisoners of the peasants, and if they had no other reason to use the sword with a good conscience against the peasants, and to risk their own lives and property in fighting them, this would be reason enough, and more than enough: they would be rescuing and helping these souls whom the peasants have forced into their devilish league and who, without willing it, are sinning so horribly and must be damned. For truly these souls are in purgatory; indeed, they are in the bonds of hell and the devil.
This is why we now offer this Godly Sanctified non-Heretical non-Worldly Folk Ballad Pure Truth War Reagan Gospel Hymn in their honor—in the honor of the martyrs of the original Tea Party—the Peasants (the Original Tea Partiers 4 Jesus) and in protest against Martin Luther and Big Brother (the Holy Roman Empire—the Original Big Bad Socialist Government):
We at the ODMafia are appalled and thankful that someone is standing up against bad t-shirt slogans. Of all the problems in the world….this one needs to be addressed the most. Thank-goodness that Take A Stand & discernmentalist superhero Judgmental Man has their priorities in order. We’re pretty angry and we’re glad someone brave and mighty stepped up to this scourge!
There in line in front of me – in the midst of a busy Saturday afternoon crowd – was an older teen with a brightly colored T-shirt which, on the back, displayed one of the most foul statements that one can make. In fact, I’m not even going to give you an idea of exactly what the shirt said so that your mind doesn’t participate in the guessing game as to what the words were.I stood there nearly dumbfounded, wondering, “Does that offend anyone else here?” As I looked around the busy shop, I took stock of the twenty or so patrons and the four baristas busy serving them. With the exception of one couple at a table in the corner, I may have been the oldest person present and, though I noticed others staring at the fellow whose shirt displayed the message, no one shook their head or seemed to act as though something was uncomfortably out of place. There was no outrage. No offense seemed to be taken. The fact is, I surmise that those present weren’t offended or shocked much at all. After all, it’s only words. Right? No, in reality, the people present, like the majority in our society (especially those under 40), have likely become accustomed to the particular phrase so boldly displayed on the shirt. They had become desensitized and hardened to the culture around them and probably had little if any problem with one of their peers displaying words that not long ago would have outraged the secular culture in a similar circumstance, let alone sorely offended us Christians.”
We concur! We need more condemnation against the condemned. What would Jesus do? Obviously he would condemn the entire coffee shop for not wagging their fingers in outrage!!!! In the future (to be better Christians) we need to be more angry and point more fingers.
The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men–robbers, evildoers, adulterers–or even like this tax collector….” We are thankful too.
The other day I wandered into my favorite coffee shop proudly wearing my new and favorite T-shirt. I was amazed when someone read it and looked confused. I even saw some supposedly “Christians” who looked startled and tried to not make eye contact with me. Even the lady taking my order in the coffee shop seemed annoyed with me! I could not for the life of me understand why these people would treat me so unfairly. I felt persecuted for having my faith expressed on the front of my t-shirt. I ordered my coffee and decided to leave the coffee shop for fear of my bodily harm. As I was leaving someone finally asked me if I believed what it stated on my t-shirt, and I proudly stated, “Yes, madam I sure do!” She looked sad, and stated judgmentally, “I feel sad you believe God hates people, have you ever heard of Jesus?”… I mocked her to her face stating in a mimicry voice, “Have YOU ever heard of Jesus?”
As I turned away from her I overheard others thanking the woman. As I left the coffee house I shouted the core truth of the ODM gospel, “I have good news to share with you today! God hates you and you are all going to hell!” I then turned and walked out and vowed to never go into that “Christian” coffee house again. It was obvious it was a Emergent coffee house with all the sinners and God haters in there!
If he catches a band of rowdies getting ready to eat & not ritually washing their hands….he is the first to judge!
If he catches someone who does not have the same theological positions as him….he is the first to judge!
If sees a bum on the street he challenges them by suggesting “Why don’t you get a job – you deadbeat!”
In fact there is nothing like condemning the condemned.
What we need in this world is more moralism. Its about being clean on the outside, looking good, and feeling good – like Judgemental Man. Don’t for a second think it is about an inward washing! When Judgmental man is accused of being judgmental he reminds them that what he really does is DISCERNMENT MINISTRY, then selectively quotes to show us how we should be so discerning. If only we could entertain more judgment…and true Christianity would be brought forth in our mighty militaristic, mammon loving nation (which we approve of).
Finally I remember these words that I will treasure always “For God so hated the world that he begrudgingly gave His only Son so that those selected may become mighty discernmentalists.” We rejoice that Judgmental Man gathers followers who have an itching ear for all the ills of the Christian faith and loves to peddle his wares on DVD.
Your mightiest truthwarrior -Truthslayer
PS Remember if you act now, i have a new DVD called “Acting Like Evil is Normal” for $19.99…call now and get free Kraft Dinner with every order!
We are proud to present to you a moment from Discernmentalist Revised History uncut and uncensored: This is a tale about the Original Tea Partiers 4 Jesus and how they revolted against the Big Bad Government and the Big Name who stood against them and opposed them. The cast of characters include: a bunch of peasants (the Original Tea Partiers 4 Jesus), the Holy Roman Emperor (Big Brother) and the Big Name who stood with Big Brother against the Original Tea Partiers 4 Jesus—that Big Name of course is Martin Luther (evil Neo-Marxist Red-Letter Christian prototype).
At first Martin Luther (our anti-hero and anti-Reagan of this story) agreed that the Peasants (Tea Partiers 4 Jesus) deserved a break from their taxes especially those who were extremely wealthy by Medieval standards (meaning they privately owned at least one cow)—so all the Peasants (Tea Partiers 4 Jesus) drew up a plan to lobby for tax cuts for the richest and most wealthiest among them. I mean why should they have to share their privately owned cattle or any other privately owned property with the government that only protects them and makes them secure. Why should they have to share with anyone for that matter as sharing is Communism and as we all know:
The Bible mandates free market capitalism. It is anti-socialist. When Christianity adheres to the judicial specifics of the Bible, it produces free market capitalism.
On the other hand, when Christianity rejects the judicial specifics of the Bible, it produces socialism or some politically run hybrid “middle way” between capitalism and socialism, where politicians and bureaucrats make the big decisions about how people’s wealth will be allocated. Economic growth then slows or is reversed. Always.
To be continued in the next exciting part of our installments of Discernmentalist Revised History—stay tuned for the conclusion of our tale in Martin Luther Backs Socialists: Chapter The Second…
Serious discernmentalists need to distort information….for truths sake. Jim Belcher from the book Deep Church writes “…in order for us to dialogue fairly, we must understand the movement, its protests and its core beliefs. Just as we do not want our views distorted, we must respectfully and fairly represent our dialogue partner’s views. We reject setting up a straw man just to knock it down.”
Non-sense! Allowing fair dialogue is the work of a worldly liberal. We don’t need to understand a movement or its core beliefs, we need simply to display an opponent in unfavourable light (ie slander, lie, bend, twist, distort). If we repeat the distortion enough, most of you will A) Believe it B) Repeat it without verification. In other words you will begin to believe we are right…simply because we tell you how biblical we are and how wrong others are. We are depending on you not to think critically etc (that is the essence of a true discernmentalist).
So the lesson here is simple. Repeat something often enough “ie Rob Bell is a heretic” or “Buzz Aldrin is really an android” and people will begin to believe it.
What really matters in the end is that WE HAVE THE TRUTH…and we will bend it to our wills…in order to defend it. After all, it is a truth war we are fighting.
Truthslayer (see other lessons) or get more info regarding our higher learnin’ discernmentalist university edumacation – don’t take it for granted)
PS George Costanza (Re: Seinfeld) once noted “…its not a lie if you believe it”
This is a great hymn which teaches the Pure Truth War Gospel of God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath towards the 99% of humanity He chose not to limit His atonement for. And remember: “Stop prayin,’ stop prayin,’ God will not hear you anymore” as if God ever listened to all of you unrepentant unregenerate reprobated sinners to begin with. God hears not the prayers of the reprobate, for God hates you so much that He chose to destroy and eternally burn you in hell before you were ever born— but if you are like us Predestined and of the Regenerate Elect and therefore able to repent, you may repent if you wish—but repentance is unecessary and not required of the Elect, for we are already “Once Saved Always Saved” no matter what.
Before you get all bent out of shape, please realize this is a satire site spoofing the so-called "discernment ministries" who deem themselves more worthy of Grace than the rest of us. So read and have fun! BTW, we are not against "good" discernment ministries that do actual real research and extend grace to others, only the bad ones.
Posted by donjobson 
