Rhoblogy Caught With Couches And Candles…Drinking Emergent Coffee…

July 5, 2010

 One of our new SPY LOCUST 1000s has caught Rhoblogy participating in scandalous Emerging/Emergent activities:

Fact #1: Emergents love couches and candles.

Fact # 2: Emergents love coffee.

Fact # 3: Emergent services typically consist of sitting around  on couches sipping on Communistic coffee by the light of Roman Catholic candles.

Fact # 4: Emergent coffee leads to supporting the False Gospel of Socialism aka the Social Gospel.

Fact # 5: Emergent candles lead to the scandalous, unholy and unbiblical practice of  New Age Roman Catholic Contemplative Centering Prayers. 

Fact # 6: All of the above are man-exalting heresies.


ODM Research and Design comes clean on new eaves dropping device

July 5, 2010

ODMS across North America have spent an awful lot of money to come up with new and innovate ways to eaves drop on the Emerging Church. The new SPY LOCUST 1000 is designed to be small, nimble and obtrusiveness…..weighing in at only 16 pounds, and measure 18 inches by 4 inches… it can be barely seen by emergents too busy watching Rob Bell videos and combing their trendy hair (ie like Dan Kimball).

ODMafia research robot monkeys conducted several interviews. One ODM suggested that this was a dawn of a new age (but not in a new agey way), that would usher in listening devices to catch emergents red handed sitting on couches sipping fair trade gourmet coffee. Another suggested that the Spy Locust 1000 could be linked to other locusts thereby swarming and driving emergents out of the city where their doctrines of anti-modernism would lesson the chance of overcoming the status quo.

The Spy Locust 1000 can sniff out one emergent in a group of 10,000 people, decide who is in and out of the true church and do this all 1,000 times a second (thus Spy Locust 1000). This series can also detect whether you have listened to Brian McLaren or NT Wright and will ear piercing sirens upon a positive search.

Truthslayer


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