Discerning, Concerning, and Unlearning

(Insert evil I’m-smarter-than-you-laugh-here). As I languished in the bowels of AM radio, striving, yearning, for my big break I continually proclaimed the true biblical interpretation; T.U.L.I.P. Over and over again I walked the Romans Road always reminding people that they were wretched sinners who God was going to smite for His pleasure and Glory. But at every turn I was rebuffed. Deep down (actually really close to the surface) I knew this trial was actually God blessing me for my suffering, for it is written, “the World will hate you because of me”. AMEN! Hated I was but alas, I am now where my gifts will be used by God and appreciated…ODMafia.

A few things about me:

DISCERNING: Anything that doesn’t agree with my theological understandings is wrong. It will save a lot of debate in the comment section if you all understand that EVERYTHING I say is right. For I have the gift of DISCERNMENT.

CONCERNING: I find it concerning that the evangelicalism sweeping this great Nation of of ours is being overrun with weak theology. It’s my goal…err…MISSION to bring US back. Therefore it is mandatory before I take you seriously in dialog you must pass the following True or False quiz:

1) There is only one true God.
2) There is only one true prophet of God
3) That prophet is John Calvin
4) Calvins Institutes are also God-Breathed and useful for instruction.
5) You agree with everything I say

If you answered False to any of those questions we shall have no fellowship for it is written “And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.”  Biblically speaking I can have no fellowship with you. All to God’s Glory.

UNLEARNING: I understand that many have been exposed to the damnable heresies of Brian McLaren, Tony Jones, Doug Pagitt, Rob Bell, Greg Boyd, Billy Graham, Robert Schuller, et al. So it’s my goal to UNLEARN all those things in the minds of my readers. My suggested reading list for anyone interested in true biblical scholarship and knowledge:
King James Version 1611 ~ As its been rightfully pointed out “If it was good enough for Paul, it’s good enough for me”. HAPPY 400th Birthday KJV!

Anything and Everything written by John McArthur (PBUH).

Apostles Creed: The original not the revised
Canons of Dordt
The Heidelberg Catechism
Calvin Institutes

Finally, A big heart-felt, thank you to the ODMafia for allowing me this opportunity to spread the True Gospel Message.

God Speed!

Farewell @johnpiper

After much research by our robot monkeys who scour the WWW daily looking for dirt, gossip, lies, heretical news we are sad to say we found this video in which John Piper (one of the greatest Calvinists since John MacArthur) states fear of hell cannot save you! To this we see John must have read Love Wins by Rob Bell and has been converted back over to a (totally) depraved mind. We are not even sure if John Piper is saved anymore. As one commenter observed about this video…

“Love it! John Piper, a Calvinist who believes in Predestination preaching Conditional Atonement based on works salvation. Doesn’t get any clearer than that. ???????? Well unless of course you desire logic as you desire God!”

So we bid “farwell @johnpiper”.

Collect the new ODMafia Troll dolls!

We have finally found a way to honor all the trolls ODMs out in the WWW. Troll dolls are cute and fun to collect. Be sure to get them quick before they are gone!

Here is our special for today… the Ken Silva troll doll!

Collect them all! Pastorboy aka (name withheld by request!), and Chris Rosebrough and many others!

Hate the anti-haters!

This is so sad. How can heretics claim to take a stand against our hatred for them. We have our great and powerful DOCTRINES to stand behind on and they have their liberal interpretation. They follow liberals like Arminius and those influenced by them! We have Calvin and Luther! (Yes at times we allow a Calvininium in our midst, but only if they hate the same people we do!) These people love to be challenged in their faith while we want them to learn our ways of judgment and condemnation! While many will denounce people like Fred Phelps, we here know that most of those who call themselves part of the ODMafia agree with Fred Phelps on the important things like hating gays and others that are not like us! Join with us to hate the anti-haters! Send us your donations now before we are hated out of existence! God is sovereign!

Love Wins?

         

             A Blog Post by some of the Research Robot Monkeys

                          of the Online Discernmentalist Mafia:

Recently the ultra-mega sinfully ecumenical quasi-semi-Pelagian reprobated and heretical Universalist Emergent guru Rob Bell broke into the OD Mafia Headquarters. “Ho ho;” he said, “I’ve got Good News for you today…Love Wins.”

Alarmed by the disturbance our masters and heroes Dr. I . Todyaso, Dr. Truthslayer and Dr. Don Jobson quickly withdrew their weapons. Now brandishing their bullhorns in the manner of Todd Friel—they began to shout down that vile and Wretched sinner Rob Bell. Our heroes the OD Mafia proclaimed the True Gospel—the good news of God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath and commendable hatred towards all those whose doctrines are impure and theology is incorrect.

All Rob Bell could say was “Love Wins…Love Wins…Love Wins…” Suddenly during the chaos Brian D. “amn your soul to hell” McLaren appeared in a mystical mist of confusion and grabbed the noble crew of the Online Discernmentalist Mafia and then disappeared. We haven’t seen or heard from either Dr. I . Todyaso, Dr. Truthslayer or Dr. Don Jobson ever since—although we suspect that those symbols of all that is evil in the world Rob Bell and Brian McLaren are holding them captive. The last thing we saw was Rob Bell driving off in a van laughing and calmly proclaiming that “Love Wins.”

P. S. If you see an Ice Cream Truck disguised as a traveling ministry with “Love Wins” painted on the side, please report the sighting to your nearest local Discernmentalist church.

            A. J. Research Robot Monkeys filling in for the OD Mafia