May 9, 2009
Officials in Online Discernmentalist HQ are moving to revitalize yet another faltering American industry: the business of making truth warrior communications satellites that hover in geosynchronous orbit above Earth and knit the planet into a global community of truth.
But this rescue will not cost taxpayers hundreds of billions of dollars. In fact it could be virtually free — if Congressional heretical Democrats succeed in lifting export controls that classify truth warrior satellite technology as weapons which have handicapped American manufacturers since the last days of the subversive Clinton administration. Please write your congressman, use public broadcast TV (that has not been tainted by Communism) to give satellites the BOOST we need.
If you do not act now,people like Pat Robertson will not be able to publically call for the assassinations of foreign leaders (like every great TV evangelist is expected to do). Act now!
Build a website!
November 13, 2010
The mighty Take A Stand Ministries (TSM) doest maketh a procaimation.
“As you know, it is not my goal to try to make everyone happy. That’s not the nature of the work of apologetics. This is not a “warm a fuzzy,” “feel good” ministry and our objective is to expose error,” indeed, this is a feel bad ministry..…the purpose of true ministry. Moreoever “our objective is to expose error, cut through confusion, and examine beliefs and practices both in and out of the Church in the light of biblical truth.” Translation - we teach online-discernmentalist truth, which is truth + lightbulb. In other words online-discernmentalist has extra light, MORE so than everyone else…because its bible based (because we say it is). We cut through stuff no one else can cut. When there isn’t anything to expose we see stuff that isn’t there with the specially built Bible Based Bible Belt decoder & Bible Based Satellite.
But….just a careful reminder, we online-discernmentalists are just simple bible believers….believing the very plain words of God (we wish you could be like us). We will pray for you.
your humble Truthslayer
PS TSM does not use the marketing techniques like other non-bible ministries…but biblical marketing techniques that are ODMafia approved.
April 15, 2010
Most of our faithful discernmentalists who come to our site to imbibe the absolute truth have realized by now that we have been attacked by one of our own (ie Eric Barger’s Take A Stand Ministries – TSM)
TSM notes “Carlos, That’s pretty incredible…an Emergent accusing somebody of twisting the truth.” We find it incredible too since Take a Stand Ministries prides itself with numerous truth stretching technologies such as the Bible-Based Satellite (BS) & Secret cloaking device for Bibles and exotic research technologies. TSM BS is full of surprises but is said to be purely absolute and biblical…at all times.
Here is some truth stretching by TSM that we have found (which we support)….
TSM suggests Emerging is “Experience over Reason,” yet Eric appeals to hearsay, rumour, against realism and facts as suggests the Emergent Horde Dan Kimball; Please Don’t Stereotype The Emerging Church. We must note that ODMafia support srumour as proper discernment researchmentalism.
TSM suggests Emerging is “* Spirituality over Doctrine” yet Gateway Church notes “This is what we call being intentional about spiritual growth or following Christ. In Gateway terms it includes loving God, building character, loving people and being the body.” But see here too! We know that any doctrine that suggests love, building character or the body of Christ is insidious and liberal.
TSM suggests Emerging is”* Subjective Feelings over Absolute Truth” and here is a concise fuzzy answer from an Emerger! ““I truly pray that churches and Christians see past the non-essential doctrinal and methodological differences and unite on mission together. Essentials to me are doctrines like the Trinity, salvation through Jesus alone and atonement through the cross, inspiration and authority of Scripture, repentance, future judgment etc……..non-essentials are tradition and denominational preferences, modes of baptism and things like that. ” Dan Kimball. WOW Dan, way-way-way too much subjective-t0uchy-feeeely stuff for us to contend with!!
We prefer NEVER to put to test the MIGHTY TAKE A STAND MINISTRIES….since they must spend minutes (in a time warp) every day fact checking their sources.
PS I did my research in 14.2 minutes flat.
April 9, 2010
Once again ODMafia found false teaching at an emerging church (Gateway) website using our authentic and very accurate research robot monkeys….
Here is what we found:
“We believe that Jesus Christ is true God and true man, having been conceived of the Holy Spirit and born of the virgin Mary. He died on the cross as a sacrifice for our sins according to the Scriptures. We believe he was raised from the dead, ascended into heaven, and now acts as the only mediator between God and people. “
Using the Eric Barger Take A Stand Bible Based Satellite System (BS) as a filter to re-translate the very difficult emerging church post-modern language we were able to deduce what they are REALLY saying:
Filter ON:“We don’t believe Jesus is the true God, but rather we are the center of all truth….which really does not exist. We are our own mediators, and we have license to re-write the bible. We are against discernmentalists, and don’t really believe that Jesus is the true mediator. We also plan to take over the world with a new age agenda and self styled religion” WITHOUT our special translation device built into Take A Stand’s BS system the common reader would not perceive this whatsoever… you would be deceived into believing that GATEWAY believes that Jesus is true God and true man conceived by the Holy Spirit. We know this is NOT true because Emerging Church goers cannot be true believers… God’s grace does not extend that far. Grace only extends to discernmentalists and traditional churches that agree with discernmentalist doctrines.
December 23, 2009
ODMafia continues to excel with regards to all things technological….and the truth – of course! We can expect no less than 101% absolute bible certainty when it comes to truth. Despite the fact that many Online Discernmentalist Ministries (ODMs) have developed a myriad of discernment tools, we often provide the seed money, and technological expertise for such things as Discerning the World’s STRETCH TECHNOLOGY, and ERIC BARGER’S TAKE A STAND’S BIBLE BASED SATELLITE SYSTEM (BS). Even our household inventions (see above) protect our valiant readers from untruth, anti-truth and the like.
If it wasn’t for ODMafa R & D where would we be?
November 21, 2009
Olive Tree Ministries (OTM)apparently likes to report on high profile people such as Jim Wallis.
Wallis was quoted as saying “In those red letters, Jesus calls us away from the consumerist values that dominate contemporary American consciousness.” Of course this is wrong, since the New Testament insists that we collect more and more treasures here on earth.
According to OTM’s insightful “translation” obviously using STRETCH TECHNOLOGY and Eric Bargers Bible Based Satellite System (BS) this means “…he loathes capitalism and opts for socialism and/or communism.” Remember, we discernmentalists think like a binary computer. It’s either “A” or “B”….never something else.
We opt for unbridled and unfettered capitalism without restraint…because it is biblical!We don’t care how our products are made….or who makes them….or suffers in the process. We encourage corporations to dump PCBs in local rivers and lay-off tens of thousands so that CEO’s can make that extra 10 million dollar bonus. This is the Christian way, the better way! Its the American Gospel.
Remember ““Blessed are the very rich in pocket and those that work hard to get ahead, and pull up their own socks, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”
At the ODMafia, let us do the discernmentalizing for you! Just remember, store up those treasures on Earth folks!
November 9, 2009
In a startling turn of events Take A Stand Ministries (TSM) Bible Based Satellite System (BS) and Discerning the World’s (DTW) – STRETCH spotted the following Emergent Robot Vampire menace….and possible sympathizers.
The ODMafia Research Robot Monkey’s were not on hand for any data collecting but we can trust the research of both of these ministries (TSM and DTW) to be accurate and true. It is possible that this could be a new type of liberal…but we will not speculate since we deal only in absolutes.
Should we not be concerned?
Please be aware of anyone in your church that look like appeasing suspects above, often wearing such apparel as plaid shirts and sporting shifty eyes (could be Canadian infiltrators.) Indeed look out for robots infiltrating YOUR church service with the above suit and tie (don’t be deceived!)
PS Discernmentalist insiders believe that this robot vampire may be an attempt to create a robot-vampire-version of Rob Bell (the facial expressions are uncannily life like.)
October 13, 2009
Apprising Ministries in true form has proof that the Emerging Church hates the light. Apprising Ministries teamed up with our very own research robot monkey’s and took a VERY TELLING picture of the above Emerging Church service… This photograph a smoking gun no doubt unequivocally proves that the Emerging Church does hate the light. It has also been tested by Eric Barger’s Bible Based Satellite System (BS for short)and we are still drawn to one conclusion that we need not repeat (but will) for definite emphasis: Emerging church hates the light!
It does not take a rocket scientist to prove that they are holding their bogus church service in the dark. We are vindicated again!!!
Don’t believe us?….study the above picture carefully!
This is absolute proof. Clearly they are heretics.
October 11, 2009
Online Discernmentalists (ODMs) have long recognized that the moon has been the preoccupation of many pagans (we have NEVER been obsessed with the moon!) Werevolves bark at the moon, pagans worship the moon….and some cultists mark their calanders based on the lunar calander. That is why true Online Discernmentalists everywhere support NASA’s attack on the moon with a satellite. Thank-goodness however, NASA did not use Eric Barger’s Bible Based Satellite System (BS) that we use to serve our truth forces….but thank-goodness the moon has been bombed into servitude. It will never again be used for pagan practices.
The moon is free at last!
This announcement is Truthslayer endorsed.
September 11, 2009
Discerners everywhere…we know that Obama is going to eat our children….YOUR CHILDREN. We are thankful for the Blog Adventures in Mercy for first flagging this insidious evil. Insidious I tell U!!!!
Here is another excerpt of his speech of evilness that will surely cause you to soil your underwear and eat fattening foods…
“Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don’t know something, and to learn something new. So find an adult you trust – a parent, grandparent or teacher; a coach or counselor – and ask them to help you stay on track to meet your goals.”
Again we will go into deep analysis using Eric Barger’s Bible Based Satellite System (BS)….
1) “Don’t be afraid to ask questions…” Obama is really saying “question everything, and trust no one under 30″ This is evil and against the Bible.
2) “So find an adult you trust…” Again, we should ONLY trust Jesus and no one else. Adults are suspect, and parents are suspect too. They can be evil.
Again, we brush through all the lies, the misinformation to read into speeches, lectures, books, talks the way they really are….they way we seem them…even if they do not co-incide with reality because we determine the truth….because we are discernmentalists. People everywhere….build your bomb shelters before your president gets your kids!