November 13, 2010
The mighty Take A Stand Ministries (TSM) doest maketh a procaimation.
“As you know, it is not my goal to try to make everyone happy. That’s not the nature of the work of apologetics. This is not a “warm a fuzzy,” “feel good” ministry and our objective is to expose error,” indeed, this is a feel bad ministry..…the purpose of true ministry. Moreoever “our objective is to expose error, cut through confusion, and examine beliefs and practices both in and out of the Church in the light of biblical truth.” Translation - we teach online-discernmentalist truth, which is truth + lightbulb. In other words online-discernmentalist has extra light, MORE so than everyone else…because its bible based (because we say it is). We cut through stuff no one else can cut. When there isn’t anything to expose we see stuff that isn’t there with the specially built Bible Based Bible Belt decoder & Bible Based Satellite.
But….just a careful reminder, we online-discernmentalists are just simple bible believers….believing the very plain words of God (we wish you could be like us). We will pray for you.
your humble Truthslayer
PS TSM does not use the marketing techniques like other non-bible ministries…but biblical marketing techniques that are ODMafia approved.
November 11, 2010
With the all new MIND CONTROL SPRAY (researched by ODMAFIA) – you simply apply the spray to any clear thinking person rejects your illogical lines of random and ill conceived thoughts. Whomever is sprayed will begin to succumb to such as phrases as “bible believing,” “absolute biblical truth,” and “bible based, ” as a form of self-affirming circular logic. Because we say its true…it is true Using these phrases coupled with almost any idea imaginable will enable someone under control of the MIND CONTROL SPRAY to appreciate any insight you have as “bible believing” etc. In addition, if you suffer from any latent paranoia regarding the potential for false teaching this will aid in bringing your fears to an entirely new level. With MIND CONTROL SPRAY you will quickly begin referring everyone who does not measure up to your perfect doctrine as unAmerican, unbiblical, liberal, left-wing, emergent, catholic, anglican, liberal-biased, heretic, communist, democrat, socialist, marxist, peaceniks and anti-semite.
Bible based slander is needed in these troubling times….be sure to order yours today!
PS Use two squirts of Mind Control to reduce any peace loving, anti-war sentiment.
September 6, 2010
We need to harken back to the good ole days when school children prayed in rote (like Muslims) saying the Lord’s Prayer mechanically. Surely this preserved America! …where Bible & Guns went hand in hand, and we didn’t question foreign military conquests or the killing of poor peasants.These were the good ole days of true bible conservatism ….because conservatism is biblical and biblical is conservatism.
During those good ole days when we had prayer in school things were better than today. People believed in old fashioned values like the Vietnam War….and killing gooks because good American Christians believed in such a thing. People believed that blacks should sit at the back of the school bus, and should not use the same water fountain (because we believed in one nation under a white god). Moreover, one nation under god meant the state religion of Christendom (just as the Second Book of Discernmentalism demands)…just like Rome where you could pretend to be a believe and get bestowed all sorts of rights and priveledges. Remember, James Second Epistle? Always be first in line and take the best seat, and use the state to enact your beliefs.
Let us get back to the bible-believing golden age!
All true civil religionists unit! Get prayer back in school, make sure every student owns a gun and make sure they pledge allegiance to the one true God state.
PS Please support theocracy and the Tea Party.
August 17, 2010
Our every truthful, always discerning Research Robot Monkeys have discovered a lake in Peru: Lake Titicaca. You KNOW as well as I do what this name entails!!!! The name is littered with verbal filth and vulgarity…and our readers should be shielded from this. We are not surprised at all, especially when found in a foreign country. As a matter of fact we believe that there are NO Christians in Peru and therefore would explain why a lake would have such a heinous name. It is probably that there are no Christians in Peru because there are no freedom loving Republicans who live there.
We are encouraging all our faithful discernmentalist brethren to place a ban on Lake Titicaca. In fact we implore you to boycott his lake by taking a stand and NOT going on vacation at Lake Titicaca. We therefore ask Eric’s Take A Stand, Crosstalk, Apprising Ministries, Brannon Howse, Lighthouse Trails, Discerning the World and others to truly fight this until Peru CHANGES the name of this dastardly lake. Let’s strike back at darkness, by proclaiming absolute biblical truth….this is a war worth fighting.
PS IF Peru will not relent on the name change, we will lobby congress to begin lobbing bombs until freedom reigns in Peru!
August 6, 2010
The ODMafia Research Robot Monkeys have done it again….this time that have uncovered the GAY AGENDA. This is not just any agenda, but the official card carrying sign. Today, gays are so brazen so bold as to print their agenda on white bristolboard in black and red markers – out in the open, in public for everyone to see.
For some this will be difficult to handle, but we believe that as mighty truth warriors we need to reveal the darkness of these pagan heathens.
July 31, 2010
As an official ODM (Online Discernmentalist Ministry), we worry. In fact we worry a lot. We believe we are surrounded at every corner by emergents and liberals lead by fashionable-spiritual-guru Rob Bell and his unbiblical stories about Jesus being raised from the dead and how that changes everything. We believe Rob’s reference to ‘change’ is irrelevant because we didn’t come up with the video …otherwise it would be way cool and truthful. More importantly we believe you should worry about Rob Bell, and his secret plan to undermine the institutional church. In fact why pray when you can worry?
July 29, 2010
We know that UFOs are going to be used for the excuse of the rapture….since the rapture is really the heart of the gospel. “Believe the rapture and be saved.” The rapture has been a central core doctrine since the beginning and early followers would never relinquish that fact…and waited strategically almost 18 centuries to reveal the truth of end times theology thru TimLahaye books. As for back as we can remember this pure doctrine has been taught and retaught, tweaked, adjusted…but to be sure a true bible believing Christian must focus all their energy and time on tribulation and the rapture. Sensationalism, speculation & conjecture are the kinds of things St. Paul said were marks of the true church. If this topic does not consume you….you are likely a liberal, emergent, moderate or worse…a Roman Catholic.
Finally, we must be convinced that all objects we view in the sky and don’t quite understand must be demonic entities ready to seduce mankind. Even though we don’t have enough data to make sense of these things it is best to fear the worst…and rely of fear. Although it would be much easier for demons simply disguise themselves as super-hot-super-models to seduce men …instead demons have been distracted by really cool movies like 2001:A Space Odyssey, Star Wars and Star Trek V. Therefore they have devised a whole sci-fi schemata to trick mankind with all sorts of smoke and mirrors and holograms. Sadly woman won’t fall for these tricky demons because they find sci-fi boring. Therefore, the demons will have to work 3 times harder to seduce them by either disguising themselves as shopping bags or demonic make-up kits.
Be warned. The Truth is out there. Be rapture ready.
PS if our woman readers are offended by suggesting that they don’t like sci-fi and would rather shop we must make it plain that we believe it is biblical and woman should be busy in the kitchen (sometimes we must offend and tell the truth). Remember, we don’t make the rules, we just enforce them.