The Discernmentalist War On Christ-Mass!

November 25, 2011

NEW CANEY, Texas — Dry, brown grass crunches underfoot as David Barfield walks through his 45-acre Christmas tree farm pointing at evergreens covered with brittle, rust-colored needles.
“Dead tree, dead tree, dead tree,” he says, shaking his head at dry timber he hoped would be chopped down by parents with excited children.
Boo freaking who!… God hates that evil Satanic pagan man-glorifying semi-Pelagian Roman-Arminian self-exalting unbiblical Holy Day Christ-Mass anyways. We know so. Glory be to our Angry God for pouring out His Sovereign Wrath through a drought against the hordes of Satanic Babylonian Pagan X-mas trees.

I would to God that every holy day (including Christmas – ed.) whatsoever besides the Lord’s day were abolished. That zeal which brought them first in, was without all warrant of the Word, and merely followed corrupt reason, forsooth to drive out the holy days of the pagans, as one nail drives out another. Those holy days have been so tainted with superstitions that I wonder we tremble not at their very names.” – Martin Bucer, cited in William Ames, A Fresh Suit Against Human Ceremonies in God’s Worship (1633), pp. 359-60.

“And next in particular, concerning festival days findeth that in the explication of the first head of the first book of discipline it was thought good that the feasts of Christmas, Circumcision, Epiphany, with the feasts of the Apostles, Martyrs, and Virgin Mary be utterly abolished because they are neither commanded nor warranted by Scripture and that such as observe them be punished by Civil Magistrates. Here utter abolition is craved and not reformation of abuses only and that because the observation of such feasts have no warrant from the word of God.” – The Acts of the General Assemblies of the Church of Scotland, December 10, Session 17, 1638, pp. 37-38

Remember also these immortal words from Sharon M. Whitley: “Btw, if you want to see a large, lavish Christmas display in a mall… go to Dubai in the UAE! Many countries that are not Christian celebrate this holiday. That right there should tell Christians it’s not of God!”

P. S. Please don’t forget to celebrate the Holy Discernmentalist Holidays of Thanksgiving and Calvin’s Birthday in your churches and everywhere because these are not man-exalting semi-Pelagian Pagan Romanist made-up Holy Days invented by humans but Absolute Truth Biblical holidays commanded by God to be observed in the inerrant infallible Holy Discernmentalist Bible.


WWJMD If Jesus Came To Grace Community Church?

September 13, 2011


What would John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.)  do if Jesus visited Grace Community Church? Why point his self-righteous finger of condemnation and judgment at that smug Roman Mystical Liberal Fascist Wine-Drinking Tree-Hugging Commie sinner, of course!

Lets see here—Case #1—Luke 7:33-34 states: “33For John the Baptist came neither eating bread nor drinking wine; and ye say, He hath a devil./34The Son of man is come eating and drinking; and ye say, Behold a gluttonous man, and a winebibber, a friend of publicans and sinners!” If it looks like a drunkard; if it acts like a drunkard—it must be a drunkard. Simple Discernmentalist Math and as we know John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) has stated that anyone whose lips have touched one single drop of an alcoholic liquid is a boozing sinner. Also a fellow MacArthurite (P. B. U. H.) has exclaimed: “…it only takes one sip of your legal wine to become a drunk, addicted to the stuff.”

Case #2—Matthew 5:43-48 says:

43Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.

44But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

45That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

46For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?

47And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?

48Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

You hear that Jesus talked about love. Love means pleasure and pleasure leads to sinful activities of the flesh—clearly Jesus was into Pornographic Divination. These are just two in a list of many offenses of Jesus that warrant John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.)’s self-Righteous finger of condemnation—so bow to our Glorious Elder’s Holy Finger of Judgment and keep spreading the fear and hate of all things Emergent and Young Restless & Reformed.


Porn-Surfer!

September 5, 2011

            (The Whore Of Babylon rides a red surfboard)

We used Eric Barger’s new R. I. C. K. S. H. A. W. (Reconnaissance Inquiry Computing Konspiracies Seeking Heretics’ Apostasy [TRUTH] Warhead) in order to write this movie review:

Porn-Surfer is the newest popular “feel good” secular film with the sole motivational purpose of promoting lust. Porn-Surfer tells the story of  an immodestly bikini clad preteen surfer who still surfs and dresses immodestly even after God punishes her with His Absolute Sovereign Wrath by sending a shark to bite off one of her arms. To further add to the sinful rebellion of the main character—“Even though Bethany is only 13 years old, we see no repercussions for her prideful rebellion against her parents; instead, everyone heads out the door with a cheerful kiss and goodbye. There is no discussion of danger, no talk of deception, no rebuke, and no consequence.

Talk about humanistic arrogance and pride! Porn-Surfer not only seems to be all about lust but also promotes a man-centered; God-hating;  ear-tickling; grace-hating man-loving  Semi-Pelagian Arminianist worldview. (And we all know where the heresy of Arminianism came from as it was the false gospel of Satan from the Garden as Arminianism is the root of all evil—not only that Arminianism leads back to it’s equally heretical forerunner: Romanism and Popery)! An example of the Arminianist bent of this movie is how Bethany’s “passion for surfing” supercedes her need for a Savior such as how she always fulfills the selfish desires of her sinful flesh first before even giving a thought to pleasing her Absolute Sovereign Savior.

Another example of the ear-tickling man-pleasing ways of the Bethany character: “…(her) arriving late for a seaside church service, Bethany throws a cover-up over her wet bikini, and takes a seat. As family and friends finish singing “Blessed Be Your Name,” Bethany continues to gaze out over the ocean, seeming to long for the waves. One of the first questions she asks her father after the accident is, “When can I surf again?” Pure man-centered-ness at it’s worse! Not only is this Pure Arminian babble but also filled with Purpose-Driven heresy which is a total mischaracterization of the Gospel for as John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) always says: “this life should always be purposeless and that’s the Absolute Gospel Truth.”

Our Research Robot Monkeys also noted of this smutty film: “The immodesty throughout the film is significant, as nearly the entire movie takes place on the beach where most of the women wear skimpy swimwear and the men go shirtless. The surfing scenes are particularly problematic as bikini-clad surfers are filmed curving around the waves from various compromising angles. Though there are no “sex scenes,” the nearly constant display of beautiful, tan, near-naked young Hollywood actresses still make sex an issue. If a man would find it difficult not to lust sitting at a crowded beach watching beautiful women in bikinis walk by, then he will probably have a hard time with this movie. Pornography is a real issue and men who are struggling with this sin know the importance of avoiding giving provision to the flesh.

But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts. (Romans 13:14)

It is important to recognize that we live in a sex-saturated culture. Many men, Christian men, struggle daily with internet pornography.”

In conclusion, this is the typical Emerging film for Emergent and YRR type sinners who seek new lows in order to  justify their wicked depravity and God-hating rebellion. This movie is nothing more than sinful pornographic Arminian Papist filth. It is a shame that this film was marketed as a Christian-themed film because of how ungodly it is—there is no redeeming factor whatsoever about this trash as “there was no Gospel (the Glorious Doctrines of Dort) or (even a) redemptive message (for that matter) in the movie. For the record, I don’t think a movie has to be produced (solely) by Christians, or be (totally) about Christians, to glorify God. At the same time, I think it can be produced by Christians, even be (all) about (only) Christians, and still fail to glorify God.”


Attention Truth Warriors

December 24, 2010

It’s the most Satanic time of the year. Help us out by supporting our Truth War on German Lutherans. You can continue pledging your total allegiance to us by doing this, continuing your committed support of Bush’s illegal invasion of  the Iraq war and outlawing Christmas as one of our most hallowed Discernmentalists has noted: ” Btw, if you want to see a large, lavish Christmas display in a mall… go to Dubai in the UAE! Many countries that are not Christian celebrate this holiday. That right there should tell Christians it’s not of God!”

And you wouldn’t want to do anything that non-Christians let alone non-Americans do. Why if you celebrate Christmas you are supporting terrorism and the terrorists. Most of all how dare anyone have fun or take pleasure and joy in anything….for fun, pleasure and joy are a sin and you know how much our God of Absolute Sovereign Wrath and commendable hatred hates sin and sinners.

 

So this December pray that the war on Iraq continues and that more people would open their eyes and make war on Christmas. This message is brought to you by your friendly neighborhood GOIP Committee of Concerned Citizens in conjunction with Killjoy Puritan Calvinazi Church

 


Black-n-White-o-poly!!!

December 7, 2010

Introducing the all new  

the fun new Bible-based game for Discernmentalist families to practice their pretzel-logic skills.

A sample logic puzzle from our game:

According to the Bible, God not only knows the future, (God is omniscient) but He has unchangeably ordained everything from the beginning, and He infallibly brings to pass all things according to His perfect plan. Also according to the Bible, Jesus is God but Jesus does not know the future nor the hour of the end of the world. Giving these facts Jesus is either:

a) a liar; not who the Bible says He is;

b)  God does not know (all of) the future, He takes risks, learns lessons, makes mistakes and changes His mind (Open Theism);

c) of course, Jesus is God—THE BIBLE is Inerrantly clear!;

or d) a black & white answer that doesn’t satisfactorily answer this question.

The answer of course is d. Thank you for playing Black-n-White-o-poly!!!


Black Friday ready!

November 27, 2010

We at ODMafia are BLACK FRIDAY ready. Discernmentalists traditionally  ignore consumerism, capitalism or anything else that would undermine the America Way of Life….and this is with good reason. A true discernmentalist believes that the American Way of Life is the Christian Way of Life. To say one is to accept the other and vice-versa. That is why we have introduced SAFE-BUY. It is a credit card made by discernmentalists for discernmentalists.

The card, carefully engineered will prevent you from buying purchases that could cause you to become a heretic or a liberal. In the event that you mistakenly try to buy NOOMA DVD’s the card will red-flag this purchase and the cashier will be instructed to slap you in the face. Instead you will be directed to purchase bible-believing DVD’s that help you to fear, worry and fret. In addition, you will learn how misquoting speakers will give you impressions that almost everyone in the church is a heretic, giving you the gnostic impression – you and only you have an side track on all things false.

Moreover, discernmentalist DVD’s will help to shape a cartoon, binary universe that will ensure that only those who say “Bible Believing” are the only ones telling the truth. Remember, discenrmentalist DVD’s don’t use the dodgy marketing techniques that other false ministries use, rather only the biblically righteous methods.

Remember this card is patriotic!

Truthslayer endorsed!

PS this card will provide absolute certainty


How a pastor must handle the New Believer who comes to your church

November 3, 2010

When a new believer comes to your church you need to understand Jesus is not done with them yet. This gives you the pastor and staff the opportunity to create this new believer in YOUR image instead of the image of Jesus. Often the new believer is confused as to what is happening to them. They only know that their sense an inner change they never knew before. Often these people feel compelled by some outside source to read the bible and as we all know that could lead to strange beliefs like loving others, forgiveness of others, a desire to give up some bad habits and so on. While not all of those things are bad and some are good, we must remember the new believer is like a tender twig that can be bent whatever way we desire. So, here is the anatomy of a New Believer (NB) that we must create in OUR image (just like in Genesis remember?)

1. The head: We first help them realize they have no brain and must give up any type of thinking contrary to our doctrines.

2. Eyes: Now that God has opened their eyes to see Him, we must train the NB what to see (the offering plate) and what not to see (the street person who has real need).

3. Ears: God has opened their ears so now you the pastor must make sure that they only hear those approved things the doctrines let us hear. You must also train the NB to deny some things they may have heard and confuse them to believe they heard things YOU want them to hear when they actually never did.

4. Nose: The NB must learn fast how to hold their nose up in contempt of lesser deserving Christians saved by Grace.

5. The arms: Designed to hold others, must be used to hold people away.

6. The heart: God gave them a new heart, your job as a pastor is to keep it from truly expressing that new heart and hold it in confusion with political ideas that conflict with what God is telling them.

7. The shoulders: While God has lifted the great burden the NB once shouldered, your job as a pastor is to begin to add new burden (church growth projects or the church building program) so they will begin to do things in the flesh and not the Spirit.

8. The stomach: Sometimes a NB will begin to feel nauseas at some of your teaching, as they will want to do silly things like tell their friends (those who we deem unworthy for our churches like gay people for instance). Appease the NB by telling them about conferences that talk about 10 ways to a better prayer life or 10 ways to tithe more.

9. The reproductive organs. Let me get this clear to all of you. When you come to Jesus there is no sex except between a man and his wife. If you have any sexual urges outside of marriage, you are abnormal and perverted! God did not give you sex organs for pleasure, just ask my wife about that!

10. The Spine: You must remove it so the NB will not stand up against you!

11. The Skin: It must become thick enough to not care about those laughing at the NB while they are standing on a corner shouting anti abortion or anti gay slogans, yet thin enough that you the pastor can still get under and make the NB uncomfortable if they do not try to please you!

12. Feet. The feet must be hobbled so the NB will not be able to leave. One technique is to make them feel sense of loyalty by stating things like “We are a family here, you can’t just leave your family,” or “God set the pastor over you so you cannot just disobey God by leaving.” This will buy you time as you the pastor work out a new way to confuse so that you may abuse the New Believer that may come to your church.

Just remember, it is much easeir to keep your church going with techniques like these than to trust the Holy Spirit in someone else to guide them. By controling the NB, you can ensure a new generation of believers who will focus on building programs and keeping you the pastor in a stable income.


Ken Silva’s Upcoming Soon To Be Released New Album

September 30, 2010

“Flesh off the CD plesses Ken “Intelnet Pastol-Teachel” Sirva will soon lerease his ratest cliticarry acraimed hit musicararbum, My Rife As Soopa Discelnmentarist” (Source: Discernmentalize Japan News Agency). “A tru mastapiece!”—Tokyo Times raves! “Bigger than a Toyota and heartier than a pail full of sushi, Ken Silva’s newest album is truly larger than life,” says Osaka Records Corp. 

OD Mafia inside source to all things Ken Silva, our very own Dr. I. Todyaso proclaims:  “Ken has done it again by melding  his dreams of being a rock star with his dreams of being top Discernmentalist with his newest album based on his adventures in Japan. This is sure to be a major hit till Armageddon comes in 2012—when the angry sovereign American flag waving warrior Jesus comes back in His full wrath to slay all those who didn’t participate in John MacArthur’s Truth Wars by pledging allegiance to John MacArthur and Todd Friel’s Angry American God of sovereign wrath and nuclear bombs.” Dr. Truthslayer, Arthur McJohn and I agree.

Here is a music video of the first single from the album—the song is entitled “Ken Silva’s Battle Hymn Of The Truth War” known in Japan by it’s alternative title, “The Jet Jaguar Fight Song”:

Using the rough translation from this early cut of the single we’ve rendered the full translation as such:

“Ken Silva’s Battle Hymn Of The Truth War”

By Ken Silva

HE DISCELMENTARIST MADE OF STEEL…

NO EATS SUSHI FROM A PAIL TOO MUCH RIKE YOGA
KEN SIRVAS ? KEN SIRVAS !
NOTHING NEVER REALLY LOVE HIM WELL
HE DISCELMENTARISM COVERS UP A BASIC INSECURITY
HE DICKEY COVERS UP AN ADDAMS APPLE THE SIZE OF A TOYOTA
HE BASICALLY GOOD-HEARTED BUT WISH HE N JOHN MACALTHUR COULD KNOCK BLIAN MACRAREN OFF THE TOP

KNOCK ! KNOCK ! KNOCK !
WHO’S THERE ?
HIS HEAD LOOKS LIKE JACK NICHOLSON
DON’T SMILE LIKE THAT, IT WILL STAY THAT WAY
YAHMMMAAHOAAHOAAAUGH !…
DO TOUCH MY BAGS IF YOU PLEASE. MR. CUSTOMS MAN


Precious American Gospel Bible Verses

July 26, 2010

Any True Christian American Patriot and True Citizen of the Kingdom of God aka America should keep these Bible verses as close to their hearts as their guns and ammunition:

For Christ came to butcher, destroy, bomb and burn our enemies so that they may die more violently. (John MacArthur 10:10).

The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is long-suffering to us-ward, and is willing that all our enemies should perish, so that America may stand forever. (Second Peter Ruckman 3:9).

 For we know Him who said, “VENGEANCE IS OURS TO REPAY.” And again, “AMERICA WILL JUDGE ALL PEOPLE.” sayeth the Lord. (Bob “Hebrews” Jones 10:30).

But I tell you: Hate your enemies and pray an Imprecatory Prayer that God through American Military Might might smite as many of them as possible. (Matthew Ken Silva 5:44).

—All Scriptures  quoted from the 1611 King James Bible the Authorized American Version aka Chuck Norris’ Bible.


Science-Free Medicine!!!

July 19, 2010

Are you as horrified as us over the Obamanation of ObamaCare? Are you tired of pseudo-scientific advances in Medicine? Have we got the answer for you—science-free medicine activated only by biblical faith because secular medicine is an assault:

  • an assault on the Bible
  • an assault on the Absolute Truth
  • an assault on our Faith
  • an assault on traditional American values
  • an assault on Freedom
  • an assault on our right to be stupid practice Bible-Based Science
  • and yes even an assault on our angry Sovereign God’s wrath and Law against sinners

Other reasons to get on board Science-Free Medicine today: Secular pseudo-scientists say that the microbes that attack our bodies are ever-evolving lifeforms which is why these evolutionary pseudo-scientists have to keep inventing new antibiotics. Isn’t that just evil? Can you say “placebo”? We Know this is just ignorance on the part of evilutionists—trying to educate people make up lies to disseminate prop up scientific truth their delusional fairy-tales. Besides would you want pseudo-scientists sticking strange needles and/or pills in you? Who knows they could be giving you the Mark of the Beast especially if they’re Roman Catholic doctors. We Know that microbes, germs, bacteria, viruses and diseases are all caused by sin and they don’t evolve at all as evolution never happens just as the Bible says. Just as God literally created the universe and everything within it unchangeable and as absolute static forms in 6 literal 24-hour days—God allows microbes, germs, bacteria, viruses and diseases to remain unchanged in order to punish vile, wretched and wicked sinners whose destruction we should all rejoice in.

Another reason to back our Science-Free Medicine is that secular medical science denies Absolute Biblical Truths already succinctly illustrated above. After infiltrating a pseudo-scientific lab full of evolutionary Emergent doctors, Our Research Robot Monkeys also noted the following:

Secular Medical Science and secular health care are so bankrupt that many are abandoning them to embrace New Age Mystical healing gooble-de-gook. Secular and New Age medicine is the new savior. Problems that were once blamed on individual sin and familial genetic sin (Original Sin) are now charged to chemical imbalances and disorders. Yesterday’s medical science and today’s medical science share the same fatal errors–they reject the total depravity of man due to sin; they treat the symptoms instead of the heart; and they aim for change that is not true sanctification. In spite of obvious failure, the notion prevails within the church that secular medicine and secular health care are more effective agents of change–particularly in dealing with the most difficult cases of illnesses–than the Holy Spirit who sanctifies. But can secular medicine and secular health care possibly accomplish something the Holy Spirit cannot? Can an earthly doctor achieve more than a heavenly Comforter? Is medicine more helpful than sanctification? Of course not.

Last but not least, the symbol of Secular Medicine is not only Pagan in orgin but also Occultic and Gnostic in origin and as We all Know Gnosticism is a heresy. If that isn’t enough to reject the evil and sinister cabals of Secular Medical Pseudo-Science whole scale then you must be a servant of Satan—so remember Science-Free Medicine for all your Bible-Based Faith-Healing needs where our motto is: “we’ll lock you in a closet and scream and yell Bible verses at you until you repent of your sins and get saved/cured/healed from your illnesses or else.” Warning if our Bible-Based Healing methods don’t work for you then it means you lack TRUE Biblical Faith and most likely weren’t meant to be healed to begin with.


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