August 17, 2010
Our every truthful, always discerning Research Robot Monkeys have discovered a lake in Peru: Lake Titicaca. You KNOW as well as I do what this name entails!!!! The name is littered with verbal filth and vulgarity…and our readers should be shielded from this. We are not surprised at all, especially when found in a foreign country. As a matter of fact we believe that there are NO Christians in Peru and therefore would explain why a lake would have such a heinous name. It is probably that there are no Christians in Peru because there are no freedom loving Republicans who live there.
We are encouraging all our faithful discernmentalist brethren to place a ban on Lake Titicaca. In fact we implore you to boycott his lake by taking a stand and NOT going on vacation at Lake Titicaca. We therefore ask Eric’s Take A Stand, Crosstalk, Apprising Ministries, Brannon Howse, Lighthouse Trails, Discerning the World and others to truly fight this until Peru CHANGES the name of this dastardly lake. Let’s strike back at darkness, by proclaiming absolute biblical truth….this is a war worth fighting.
PS IF Peru will not relent on the name change, we will lobby congress to begin lobbing bombs until freedom reigns in Peru!
May 6, 2010
Returning to Slice of Laodicea’s earlier comment “James MacDonald, Brian McLaren, Doug Pagitt, Tony Campolo and all the other “Christian” leaders who have spoken glowingly of Barack Obama, I hope you are enjoying the sight of fresh human blood soaking America’s soil thanks to our groundbreaking President.”
We’d like to ask SoL a question since they “uphold” the sanctity of human life….
Where was SoL when the BUSH administration lied their way into wanton murder, destruction and an illegal invasion leaving a path of devastation of over 1 million people in Iraq???? That includes the unborn, new borns and children…….
Why the SILENCE????????????????????????
Once again as an expert discernmentalist ministry I must have had a momentary lapse of reason to ask such a fair and pointed question. I will NOT let that happen again rather I will stick to the script ie The American Discernmentalist Gospel. We need to remember that the unborn in America are important, but not in Iraq and Afghanistan where we need to make the world safe from….uhmmm whatever we are supposed to be safe from.
Truthslayer……supporting imperialism because its part of the true gospel!
January 26, 2010
Tall Skinny Kiwi declares, “End of Emerging Church.”
I, I. Todyaso, woke up this night with a headache. At first a great fear gripped my very soul and then after remembering I do not have one, I realized that my headache was one of the seven plagues Andrew Jones, AKA Tall Skinny Kiwi (TSK), cursed Emergent Village (EV) with as he left it. It seems that TSK will no longer associate with EV any longer due to personal reasons he was reluctant to disclose on his blog. TSK is known for his gentle way of saying it without saying it to the point he has kept Ken Silva from nailing 95 thesis of heresy on the door of TSK’s Magirus Deutz overlander. In fact, it is rumored that maybe TSK was never part of EV!
Of the seven plagues that TSK cursed EV with was headaches to ODM’s. You see without the Village, many ODM’s now do not have as much to write about. Oh, sure we can rehash some things and maybe look for a new movement we can trash before it gets going, but seriously we loved EV as it was just such an easy target!
So, here they are:
- Tony Jones loses his identity.
- Doug Paggit becomes homeless and wanders the USA asking if anyone bought his book yet.
- ODM’s get headaches as they no longer have EV as an easy target.
- Mike Clawson, Anthony Smith, and Steve Knight find a way to revive EV but former leadership relationships bog them down so they just go out for pizza instead.
- New leadership becomes more Evangelical than they were before!
- Tony Jones and Doug Paggit part ways and realize they were not as charismatic as they originally thought.
- Julie Clawson’s books outsell Tony Jones’ and Doug Paggit’s combined sales and she starts a female version of EV called… Femergent Village.
As you can see these are definite signs of the coming apocalypse and with these, Jesus should return sometime soon. TSK has not commented further on this. This is also believed to be the only negative thing TSK ever uttered.
January 25, 2010
Advice to ODM’s concerning comments:
- Unless you are well versed in put-downs and twisting others words do not allow comments on your blog. This way you do not have to interact or be held accountable for your words. For examples of this, here is Ken Silva’s CRN and Apprising Miniseries.
- If you do allow comments, make sure your audience is dumber than you are. A great example of this is Phil Johnson. Just pick any post and read through. I also helps you look good to have abusive friends help gang up on those who disagree with you.
- If you are well versed in twisting others words then continue the slander you started in the post and transfer it on those who seek to hold you to some “biblical” standard of honesty. They seem to call this bearing false witness or some such nonsense. For a great source to learn how to do this here is Discerning the World.
- Finally, the best way to handle comments is to deem anyone who disagrees with you a heretic. Instead of entering a real dialog with someone you just skewered, tell him or her to repent! Mike Ratliff is a master at this one.
- Again, we look to Mike Ratliff for his genius ability to turn his comment threads into echo chambers. This can be done rather simply. Write down to your readers and heavily moderate your comments. When you see a “Yes-man” response be sure to let them go through… also make sure you throw around a lot of “Amen’s” to make you look really good.
- Lastly, be sure to utilize the comment thread to beat down your readers with more lies and links youtube.com videos of your latest evangelist outreach. Then condemn those critics by accusing them of not doing enough to get people saved!
January 22, 2010
New from Hasbeen Village Games! Whac Emergent! Now you too can be a heresy hunter and when an “Emergent” pops up you can whack ‘em! This game comes with removable Tall Skinny Kiwi, Dan Kimball and Scot McKnight pieces.
Get them while they last!