July 30, 2010
Actual simulation of the event as Eric Barger described it!
In a rare moment of courage, Eric Barger stood up to an actual enemy instead of made up ones! Martians emerged from the sky yesterday and began spreading Martianisms at Eric Barger’s church. In a moment straight out of an H G Wells movie, Eric Barger stopped the evil emerging horde of Martians by… sneezing on them. At first the Martians were just disgusted, then after wiping off the mucus, they read a chapter of Eric Barger’s book on UFO encounters, laughed and determined there was no intelligent life on planet earth. We here at the ODMafia are proud to say that shoddy research saved you and if you keep supporting us, we will keep it coming.
July 28, 2010
Since our partnership with McCarthy Ministries we have been hell-bent on detection of social gospelers, communists, closet commies, universal health-care enthusiasts and people who share their private possessions. Unfortunately far too often communist sympathizers go undetected or worse commie proselytizers are left to wander the streets and eat our food and drink our water. We are shocked and dismayed to find Take A Stand Ministries secretly promoting and peddling socialism while pretending to be a true bible believing ministry. It just makes me ill. It did not take us long to detect RED in his “Take A Stand” logo. He has secretly embedded his socialist message not in his heading but below it to throw off readers (ie to make them feel less threatened by his red faced secret socialist message, slowly undermining the gospel).
We can’t be fooled.
Don’t be fooled either. Remember if its red, its wrong!
PS We have reason to believe that if Take A Stand is “red” they are likely Red Letter Christians and sympathetic to Emergings!
July 27, 2010
[ from the “US Christian Flag” designer’s website ]
“YOU are the USA Regiment, Army of God. THIS IS HIS LAND & YOU ARE HIS PEOPLE –raise your flag! CHRISTIAN AMERICANS, BAND TOGETHER! “
“The Pledge of Allegiance
I pledge allegiance, to the Christian Flag,
of the United States of America,
and to the Lord, who made us great and free.
I purpose, to band together, with all believers,
to protect the truth and liberty of God.
June 13, 2005 Please note: there is clearly confusion among many. This pledge, flag, and its mission is not to replace our government pledge OR Old Glory. We are NOT trying to overthrow our government or force anyone to be a Christian. We are, however, honoring our LORD and protecting our Christian heritage and liberties. We are allowed to do that under our Constitution. The State cannot dictate to our church that we may not. When that day ever comes, You and I will all be in a desperate condition. May we please agree upon that much?” —-H/T: http://www.talk2action.org/story/2006/5/11/151212/239 .
P. S. Act now and recieve our Flag free with the purchase of 1 1611 King James Bible the Authorized American Version.
July 26, 2010
Any True Christian American Patriot and True Citizen of the Kingdom of God aka America should keep these Bible verses as close to their hearts as their guns and ammunition:
For Christ came to butcher, destroy, bomb and burn our enemies so that they may die more violently. (John MacArthur 10:10).
The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is long-suffering to us-ward, and is willing that all our enemies should perish, so that America may stand forever. (Second Peter Ruckman 3:9).
For we know Him who said, “VENGEANCE IS OURS TO REPAY.” And again, “AMERICA WILL JUDGE ALL PEOPLE.” sayeth the Lord. (Bob “Hebrews” Jones 10:30).
But I tell you: Hate your enemies and pray an Imprecatory Prayer that God through American Military Might might smite as many of them as possible. (Matthew Ken Silva 5:44).
—All Scriptures quoted from the 1611 King James Bible the Authorized American Version aka Chuck Norris’ Bible.
July 24, 2010
Take A Stand Ministries mightily says “In an interview discussing their 2009 book, Jesus Wants to Save Christians: A Manifesto for the Church in Exile, Bell and co-author Don Golden say that the Church in America is in exile today. Bell and Golden say that by participating in our culture (they call America an “empire”) and by supporting our government/military system and by using oil, we are “oppressors” and create suffering for others.” TSM strategically & mightily disarms Bell mightily be stating “They conveniently ignore the fact that America, in particular the Christians in her, have done more to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ than any other nation in history – hands down! But in emergent/leftist thought, anything smelling like capitalism must be shunned (except for enjoying the many benefits life in the USA offers). This is nothing less than 1960’s, counter-culture, hippie liberalism now being referred to as “Evangelical Christianity!” Take that Rob Bell!
Why would Rob Bell even suggest such an afront to OUR patriotism, nationalism and not turn a blind eye like a good true Christian?
We know that empires intervene, control, use power to coerce & bully smaller nations (this is fair if you are a US Citizen). We know the USA would never do that, but rather spends all its military budget spreading the ‘gospel.’…which every other countries wants too!
But what kind of gospel does the USA spread?
The true gospel of capitalism (covetousness/greed), freedom (if you accept being invaded, shot, or bombed into submission as freedom) and democracy (which is freely enforced once it is imposed) Its great too that the media conglomerates that are owned by defence contractors tells us that other countries either really want this ‘gospel’ so bad that they are willing to be bombed and shot at, or pesky and annoying and ignorant villagers fight back (how dare they!!!) They simply need to be educated that they are getting the ‘gospel.’
Here is Eric Barger’s Take A Stand’s example of non-empire-building-non-oppressive-military manoeuvres of friendlyness that apparently don’t cause oppression or suffering:
Hawaii 1893 (?)
Philippines 1898-1910 (?)
Cuba 1898-1902 (?)
Puerto Rico 1898 (?)
Guam 1898 (?)
Dominican Republic 1903-04
Dominican Republic 1916-24
El Salvador 1932
Puerto Rico 1950
Dominican Republic 1965-66
El Salvador 1981-82
Bosnia 1993 (?)
Remember, these were non-oppressive. These nations probably wanted undesirables killed, their leaders assassinated , their resources plundered, their governments sent into chaos because they too wanted freedom (at the end of a barrel) or badly needed to have a dictator propped up to run their country. Thank goodness we have ONE shining beacon of capitalism, freedom and democracy to lead the nations!
Truthslayer…proudly supporting empires and their freedom loving spirit!
July 14, 2010
Very Concerned Nazarenes against unapproved t-shirts is acting fast. They are more angry, and more righteous and more concerned than other people who generally make the claim of being concerned (like Extra Concerned Nazarenes who are not affiliated with Very Concerned Nazarenes!) We are very-extra-extremely-concerned (even more so than Very Concerned Nazarenes). We worry that people like Dan Kimball and John Armstrong (rumoured to be attempting to take over the church) have been seen WITHOUT a suit and tie (even found lounging in unaproved t-shirts). Yes you HEARD it from us!
Thank-goodness that we have an approved attire wearing anti-t-shirt sloganeering truth warrior in our midst. Indeed as a back-up we have John MacArthur too (who was born with a suit tailor made to his body).Where would we be today without such a mighty crusade? Thank-goodness our suit wearing crusader is not like those -t shirt wearers who are not worthy to tie up our dress shoes. We NEED more suits and ties today then any other time in history (that is why we created the Bible Based Suit).
If this crusade is a success everyone will soon be able to enter a Starbucks and see everyone dressed in suits and ties, or at least with T-shirts that are approved by Take A Stand Ministries & Very Concerned Nazarenes (we still do not think they are concerned enough!!!) The world will once more be safe for a morally driven society. ODMafia officially believes most t-shirt wearers are emergents from the future here to destroy the church in the present.
PS I never had to discard my unholy wardrobe since I have always believed a true Christian wears a suit (obviously blessed by a pre-approved doctrinally pure church). If you seek to have the same standards that I have (which are perfect) you will do the same….or face my wrath and a wagging finger.