We here at the Online Discernmentalist Mafia and GOIP Productions are proud to present to you GOIP-Lander: the story of one man and his band of friends as they fight to purify everything that they see in a War of Absolute Truth. Starring Don Jobson, James Dobson, The OD Mafia crew and co-starring John MacArthur, Ken Silva, Todd Friel and a whole host of other Truth Warriors and Online Discernmentalists of the Truth War.
One God, One Purified Religion, One Christian Nation, One Single-Party Theocratic System Of Government And Absolute Dominon Over The Non-Elect Heathens.
Will their goals succeed or not? Join them on their quest and a behind the scenes look at the rise of God’s Only Inerrant Party—the adventure of a lifetime! This film’s soundtrack features an all star musical cast including the hit song and theme song of the film God Hates The World by Charles Roast and Fred Phelps as performed by the Nationalist GOIP Orchestra and Westboro Baptist Choir:
Also features the love theme Broken Wings by Ken Silva:
In theaters soon—so go and watch it or else………….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
—————————————————————————
Don Jobson and Truthslayer—-Absolute Truth Film experts.
Recently our resident Redneck GOIPers discovered shocking evidence that proves once and for all without a shadow of a doubt that Obama is the political anti-Christ. We’ve known all along that he hates America, our Rite to theocracy and Our God-ordained Holy Republican American Reich so this is no surprise. Also Obama wants to hand America over to Canada a nation run by satanists that is his evil plan in destroying our God-ordained and God Chosen Nation. Here is what “RR” has to say:
I admire Glen Beck with every fiber of my being for going on national television and calling the president a racist with a deep seated hatred toward white people. Beck is so right, but the only problem is that he doesn’t go far enough. Obama hates Americans, and the country we live in. Hate is too soft a word. Obama loathes each and every citizen with a hate that few people can comprehend. The man is full of hate.
There have been blogs that compare Obama to Hitler, but that is going easy on Hitler. Hitler at least was doing what he felt, however misguided, was in the best interest of the German people. Obama is doing the opposite. He wishes only harm and misery on the American people. That is his goal, and we are seeing his hateful scheme unfold before our very eyes.
Obama’s plan is to create a humongous socialist government. Each and every American will become wholly independent on Obama’s Big Brother, Orwellian government. Only Obama will decide who will be happy and sad. Only Obama will determine who will be successful and who will fail. All the power will go into his hands. Of course, one element of this evil plan is universal health care. Like Sarah Palin said, there will be death panels that determine who will live and who will die. And die we will. Mainly white people. Same as the Jews during Hitler’s regime, but instead of gas chambers, Obama will use universal health care.
When one thinks of the most evil people in the history of the world, Obama tops them all. On 9/11/2001, Osama Bin Laden killed brazenly 3000 innocent Americans. Obama wants to kill a lot more than 3000.
“A new heresy has been discovered,” he said. “We must stamp out this burst of hell-fire before it spreads over the surface of the earth…. Freedom of conscience is a doctrine of the devil…. Better to have a tyrant, however cruel, than permit everyone to do what he pleases.”—John Calvin.
“Whoever shall now contend that it is unjust to put heretics and blasphemers to death will knowingly and willingly incur their very guilt.”—John Calvin.
Because of these Pure Doctrines—-’Athiest Christopher Hitchens called (our Final Prophet) Calvin a “sadist and torturer and killer,” but who listens to atheists anyway?’
The most famous of these was a Spanish theologian named Michael Servetus. Servetus, who had been arrested and imprisoned by the Catholic church already, attended a sermon in Geneva. He was recognized and arrested in church for heresy. Why because he disagreed with the doctrines of the trinity and of infant baptism. Calvin engineered his prosecution, acted as a key witness for it, and then lobbied for Servetus’ death. Result? Servetus was burned at the stake.
When other Reformers of the day protested the execution of Servetus for a mere doctrinal disagreement, Calvin was incensed: “A new heresy has been discovered,” he said. “We must stamp out this burst of hell-fire before it spreads over the surface of the earth…. Freedom of conscience is a doctrine of the devil…. Better to have a tyrant, however cruel, than permit everyone to do what he pleases.”
Yes, that’s a real quote.
In 1551 Calvin was confronted by a reformer called Jérôme Bolsec, who accused him of making God out to be the author of evil in deciding the fate of the damned before their creation. Bolsec was imprisoned by the magistrates and lucky to be banished from the city.
There were a total of 57 people executed in Geneva during the 4 years of John Calvin’s power over the city of Geneva.
Twenty-three people, mostly women, were burned at the stake was witches. Calvin wrote later that they were found guilty for trying to use witchcraft to spread the black plague.
Several people, mostly women, were executed for the capital offense of adultery.
One little girl was executed for slapping her mother. But that’s just Old Testament law, right?
Jacques Gruet was arrested, tortured for 30 days and, upon confession, beheaded for being an atheist.
Michael Servetus was burned at the stake for being a heretic.
This isn’t to mention a number of other crimes, such as a number of women in Geneva being thrown in prison for the “sinful practice” of dancing. But on Calvin’s 500th birthday, a number of Calvinist theologians have been using the occasion to make the news and defend Calvin.
Christopher Elwood, author of Calvin for Armchair Theologians, a concise summary of Calvin’s life, said “So everyone back then was intolerant. You can’t blame Calvin. In fact, Calvin didn’t want to kill Servetus, he just wanted Servetus to recant his doctrinal error. In fact, Calvin even tried to be lenient and have Servetus beheaded instead of burned at the stake. You wouldn‘t think it, but Calvin was actually deeply influenced by Renaissance humanism.”
Reformed Pastor Jim McClarity quotes J.I. Packer to explain the list of reasons why Calvin having Servetus executed wasn’t really that bad -
“1 – Geneva was a Christian state. In Christian states, denying Christian doctrine is a capital offense. This wasn’t Calvin’s fault. 2 – Other churches like the Catholics burned “heretics” at the stake too. 3 – The Catholics already were planning on killing Servetus for heresy against their church anyway. 4 – Other Protestant Reformers would have killed Servetus too, I mean come on, this heretic was against infant baptism. 5 – Calvin wouldn’t have prosecuted Servetus if Servetus had just admitted that he was wrong. 6 – Calvin just wanted Servetus beheaded – that’s more humane. 7 – This could be seen more as a fault of the culture of the day, not the fault of Calvin’s.”
Oh, ok – we should sympathize with Calvin then. After all, he really was a great Bible scholar.
Reformed Pastor Joe Morecraft said he‘s tired of hearing about Calvin murdering people -
“Look, just because Calvin had all these people executed doesn’t mean his theology was wrong. Geeze, ok, ok, so some of them were executed for disagreeing with his theology – well doesn’t mean they were right. Calvin could have still been right. Do you realize how arrogant it was of Servetus to foolishly go to Calvin’s church. He probably thought he could debate Calvin. Well, he was wrong.”
Elwood also noted that even though Calvin’s predestination doctrine denied the free will of man and seemed to mean that God destined the majority of people to damnation in hell, Calvin and his followers would never emphasize this. “This isn’t something they would push in your face. If you asked them about it, they’d answer you, but no one was burned at the stake for refusing to believe that God created people to go to hell.”
Today we Discernmentalists and all members of the GOIP—God’s Only Inerrant Party otherwise known as The Calvinazi Party/The Theocratic Calvinist Christian Fascist Party or CCFP for short celebrate the Pure Christian Fruits and Pure Doctrines of our Final Prophet John Calvin by burning Servetus and all heretics in effigy. When we finally take America back for Jesus and establish our Calvinazi Dominionist Theocratic domination of the world—we will no longer have to burn effigies for we will reestablish the Pure Doctrines of burning all those who disagree with our God-ordained opinions.
Don Jobson—fighting for the Rite of burning the non-Elect at the stake.
Get it—got it? Good because we told you so and we’re always right—and remember always vote God’s Only Inerrant Party or you’re not really of the Elect and unsaved. You may even be a false convert.
Don Jobson—telling it like it is and speaking the Truth out of love and concern for everyone especially false converts who don’t believe as we do.
Ken Silva and the fine crew of God’s Only Inerrant Party have recently discovered a new sinister plot by those Evil Emergents who are truly pagan and worship Satan. Here are the details that our GOIP Bot Searcher 3342 found on futher investigation:
Here’s visual proof that America is a Christian Nation and God’s Chosen Nation—the caption under the photographic evidence reads: “Photograph of that time when Jesus descended from the clouds to deliver the U.S. Constitution. You remember, all of the founding fathers were there, and Abraham Lincoln, Ronald Reagan, a liberal professor clutching Origin of the Species to his chest, Satan….” Nevermind these quotes: ” As I understand the Christian religion, it was, and is, a revelation. But how has it happened that millions of fables, tales, legends, have been blended with both Jewish and Christian revelation that have made them the most bloody religion that ever existed?
– John Adams, letter to FA Van der Kamp, December 27, 1816
The Treaty of Tripoli
Signed by John Adams”As the government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion or tranquility of Musselmen [Muslims] … it is declared … that no pretext arising from religious opinion shall ever product an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries….
“The United States is not a Christian nation any more than it is a Jewish or a Mohammedan nation.”
– Treaty of Tripoli (1797), carried unanimously by the Senate and signed into law by John Adams (the original language is by Joel Barlow, US Consul)”—they were invented by liberals exercising their humanistic pride against our sovereign God who predestined America as His Chosen Nation from the foundation of time. We have visual evidence.
Get it—got it? Good because we told you so! We are God’s Pure and True Elect so therefore we are Inerrant in our Online Discernmentalist skills. The Absolute Truth must be known which only we can give you because God Chose and Froze us as Truth Warriors from the foundation of the world.
Don Jobson—Loyal and Faithful Member of God’s Only Inerrant Party.
You are currently browsing the archives for the God save the queen category.
Dude! This is a satire site!
Before you get all bent out of shape, please realize this is a satire site spoofing the so-called "discernment ministries" who deem themselves more worthy of Grace than the rest of us. So read and have fun! BTW, we are not against "good" discernment ministries that do actual real research and extend grace to others, only the bad ones.
Posted by donjobson 
Posted by donjobson 
Posted by donjobson 
itodyaso
seymorespurgeon
truthslayer
Will Farel XV
