Love wins people over to heresy!

April 4, 2011

Ladies, Gentleman, and Underlings,  we knew that the fallout from the Rob Bell heretical view of non-hell was going to undermine the truth of scripture and lead many astray (sorry for the lack of grammatical clarity but we are so upset over this news we can’t use punctuation properly) but never did we imagine the magnitude of   the fallout.  Nor did we imagine the swiftness in which the Devil was going to lead people astray.   Nor did we think that our leadership would fall.

What’s the big news?

Hold on to your phylacteries,  bathe in holy water, hide the eyes of the innocent, and prepare the millstones:  R.C. Sproul (a.k.a second in charge [behind John McArthur PBUH] of calvinist dogma doctrine) says GOD IS IN HELL!    I wish we could say that we are making this up,  we wish that we could say that there was some confusion of intent, we wish that we could say wait until the book comes out but we can’t.  The truth is that R.C. Sproul believes firmly that GOD IS IN HELL based on this excerpt from his upcoming book “The place of God’s Disfavor”.

The problem with hell is not simply the absence of God’s graciousness. It is the presence of God that is so difficult. God is present in hell because He is omnipresent. The psalmist declares, “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there” (Ps. 139:7-8). If God is everywhere in His being, then certainly He is in hell as much as He is anywhere else. The problem, then, is what He is doing there. He’s there in His judgment. He is there in His punitive wrath. He is present in hell as the One who executes His justice on those who are there. That’s why I say that anyone who is in hell would most want God, more than anyone else, to leave.

 

Rob Bell says there is no Hell.  R.C. Sproul says God is in Hell.  What next? God is Dead? Only God knows…well…and us.  After all we are discermentalists!


Jesus and Wine.

November 13, 2009

Jesus and Wine.

 

Many people misunderstand what Jesus was actually teaching when he used wine as an example and when turned water into wine.

First let’s look as the first time Jesus talk’s about wine.

Matthew 914Then(S) the disciples of John came to him, saying,(T) “Why do we and(U) the Pharisees fast,[c] but your disciples do not fast?” 15And Jesus said to them, (V) “Can the wedding guests mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them?(W) The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and(X) then they will fast. 16No one puts a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old garment, for the patch tears away from the garment, and a worse tear is made. 17Neither is new wine put into old(Y) wineskins. If it is, the skins burst and the wine is spilled and the skins are destroyed. But new wine is put into fresh wineskins, and so both are preserved.” (The Holy and anointed unbiased ESV)

 Now many miss this teaching. Note the question? “”Why do we and(U) the Pharisees fast,[c] but your disciples do not fast?” Then Jesus states that because he is there, His disciples do not need to fast, but there will be a day when Jesus is gone that His disciples will fast and the Pharisees and disciples of John will not. Jesus then talks about wine and wineskins. This is where so many miss the point. Often New Age Emergerants will try to say that this is “spiritual”. We know that nothing in our faith is “spiritual” as that would lead to “living by the Spirit” and we will have nothing to do with that! Now, the Ermergerants will say that the old traditions are gone and the new traditions are better. So they twist this verse to mean, ”If you put new wine in old wine skins it will burst the skins and spill the wine.” Oh yeah! They would love spilling wine in their emerging church orgies! Yep, I can hear them now, “a little wine for you and a little for me, and next week we break out the Hookah’s and some weed for service!” Now that is blasphemy and not what Jesus was teaching at all.

 Here is what Jesus meant. We are not to drink wine meant we are not to eat too much otherwise we will burst from too much food. Those stupid Emergerants will twist the bible to mean whatever they want it to mean and not what we want it to mean! Jesus was just warning his disciples not to eat too much. It is that simple.

 Now the other misunderstood passage is this one.

 John 2 1On(A) the third day there was a wedding at(B) Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. 2Jesus also was invited to the wedding with(C) his disciples. 3When the wine ran out, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.” 4And Jesus said to her, (D) “Woman,(E) what does this have to do with me?(F) My hour has not yet come.” 5His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”

 6Now there were six stone water jars there(G) for the Jewish rites of purification, each holding twenty or thirty(H) gallons.[a] 7Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water.” And they filled them up to the brim. 8And he said to them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the feast.” So they took it. 9When the master of the feast tasted(I) the water now become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew), the master of the feast called the bridegroom 10and said to him, “Everyone serves the good wine first, and when people have drunk freely, then the poor wine. But you have kept the good wine until now.” 11This, the first of his signs, Jesus did at Cana in Galilee, and manifested(J) his glory. And(K) his disciples believed in him. (God’s truly anointed and Chris Pajak approved version the ESV)

This is often used by Emergerants to prove that they can get drunk in their orgy services. Yet again I will tell you what it really means. First off, we see that Mary is able to make Jesus do what she wanted even though Jesus did not want to do it. So here we see principle 1.

 Principle 1. A good ODM knows how to manipulate God to do what the ODM wants.

 The next principle is that Jesus did this miracle to secretly take now who was a sinner and who was not. Jesus simply watched to see who drank the wine and who did not and thus knew which disciple he would have trouble with. Didn’t you ever wonder how Jesus knew Judas would betray Him? Well now you know!

 Principle 2. A good ODM tests others like Jesus did to see who is truly saved and who is not!

 The third and last principle is this. Jesus did this miracle to show the sinners so He could show how holy He was! It never states Jesus drank any of this wine… in fact later we read that Jesus was offered wine on the cross and He refused. This proves that booze is bad! So we know this was a test and was to show Jesus was way holier than anyone else!

 Principle 3. Like Jesus, ODM’s are way too holy to drink booze and will not fail the test as simple as this. The ODM is as holy as Jesus so there is no way we will drink, but as stated, when we see someone who does we simply raise the finger of judgment and condemnation and shout, “SINNER! REPENT!”


Evil Emergent Plot Uncovered

October 15, 2009

Ken Silva and the fine crew of God’s Only Inerrant Party have recently discovered a new sinister plot by those  Evil Emergents who are truly pagan and worship Satan. Here are the details that our GOIP Bot Searcher 3342 found on futher investigation:

AlanMoore_Baptist_children1

You see there—those Evil Emergents are plotting to sacrifice little Baptist children to Satan (and by Baptists we mean only those who follow the Pure Doctrines as preached by Spurgeon). They said that they were doing this in protest of our Halloweenie Heretic Book Burning Shindig.  If that isn’t Absolute Proof that Emergents are the Incarnation of Absolute Evil then here is futher proof: Emergents love Postmodern Philosophy. Jacques Derrida is a Postmodern Philosopher and the devil reads Derrida. Photographic evidence:

devderr

From this we can conclude that Postmodernism is of the devil—so therefore the Emergents are non-Elect and also of the devil, too.

Don Jobson—Taking A Stand on the Urgent Emergency of the Emergent Heresy.


Why Circular Reasoning works so well for us!

June 9, 2009

circular reasoning works because


JW regrets not blaming sheep sooner

May 22, 2009

SheepJehovah’s Witnesses are most well-known for their door-to-door preaching, denial of the trinity,accurate end times prophecies and denial blood transfusions (their way of not growing too large).

Since its inception, the Watch Tower Society has taught that humanity is experiencing the last days and made attempts of END OF THE WORLD predictions at least 7 times (I guess the more times you try the closer you will get????)

The Watchtower later stated that it “regretted” the expectations that had been raised regarding 1975 by “persons having to do with the publication of the information.” Heck – why did all the sheep faithfully read the publications in the first place?

Rather than come out and admit that the Watchtower was a false prophet…it was much easier to lay the blame on the sheep (and their raised expectations) They should have received the dates WITHOUT expectation.

Of course blaming others is always the BEST escape route – you save face, and come out all sparkly and respectable.

We prefer blaming others too and read without expectation folks!


Jehovah’s Witnesses teach the Holy Spirit is a force!

May 16, 2009

Darth_VadorThe ODMafia research robot monkeys have found the following and startling information

“…The Holy Spirit is a force, not alive” that according to Reasoning from the Scriptures, 1985, p. 406-407.

It would appear that the Jehovah’s Witness and all their door to door proclaimation of THE TRUTH have something in common with Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker – Jehovah’s Witnesses embrace the force.

But even their New World Translation accurately states:

NWT Jn 16:8 And when that one arrives he will give the world convincing evidence concerning sin….

NWT Jn 16:13 he guides into all truth.

Other Bible translations note….

Jn 14:17 the Spirit was to be in the Apostles (the world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him or knows him.)

Romans 8:27 and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

Romans 15:30 Now I urge you, brethren, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to strive together with me in your prayers to God for me…

Acts 13:2 While they were ministering to the Lord and fasting, the Holy Spirit said, Set apart for Me Barnabas and Saul for the work to which I have called them.

Jn 14:16-17 Spirit is a counselor and Spirit of truth

Now that is quite a force!!!! The Holy Spirit is  referenced in personal pronouns, has love for believers, gives orders, counsellor and possess truth...hmmm.

Still the Watchtower is evidently MORE familiar with the phrase “Use the force Luke…”

PS Pass me the Star Wars Revised Translation….


Still doing the opposite – Jehovah’s Witness proclaim bad news for all!

May 8, 2009

george copyThe ODMafia research robot monkeys have discerned that for all the hours Jehovah’s Witnesses expend going door to door proclaiming the BAD NEWS of Armageddon….they are still coming up with a lot of NO’s, DOOR SLAMS, or potential victims hiding behind their curtains pretending NOT to be home….

Why? Perhaps it is their ELITE track record of End of the World Predictions…that are almost always spot on!

Armageddon is just around the corner…..trust the Watchtower. Honest!

Armageddon predicted….

1873

1874

1914

1918

1941

1957

1975

Its not the Watchtower’s fault, God’s light obviously was dimmer then and brighter now. Maybe the WTS is dyslexic? Perhaps they’re simply not good with numbers.

So we can be sure that the next date will be closer to the truth….or we can at least take comfort that the National Enquirer is just as accurate.


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