Be Rapture-Ready for May 21, 2011!

May 17, 2011

Prepare for May 21st and be Rapture Ready with the Online Discernmentalist Mafia’s handy new RaptureHatch for the roofs of True Churches and the homes of True Regenerate Converts. Doomsday is soon approaching… Don’t get Left Behind with the unregenerate non-Elect heathens… Let John MacArthur confirm you in our Pure Truth War Doctrines and prove that you are indeed Rapture Ready and we’ll install a RaptureHatch on your roof today!

This site (an Online Discernmentalist Mafia partner site) reveals the most complete written, audio, and video Bible teachings which conclusively prove May 21, 2011 to be Judgment Day and The Rapture, and October 21, 2011 to be the end of the world. It is most urgent to examine yourself, whether you are of the Regenerate Elect and therefore are saved.


John Piper On The Southeastern Storm System

April 18, 2011

(Reuters)- In a meeting of Discernmentalists with John Piper about the storm system that ravaged areas of the Southeast this weekend, Mike Morrell quasi-Mystical Universalist Emergence Guru and his Emergent Cohort were mentioned often. In the meeting Piper said that he believes that Emergent Cohorts and Emergent Postmodern types of Christians among the South are directly responsible for all the damage caused by this storm system. He is quoted as saying: ” The storm system in the Southeast was a gentle but firm warning to Emergents and Mike Morrell’s Emergent Cohort in particular: Turn from the approval of the sin of Postmodernism. Turn from the promotion of behaviors that lead to destruction.”

Piper is under the firm conviction that the storm system was a wake-up call and a taste of God’s Wrath being poured out to punish Emergent sinners for reading Rob Bell’s new book.  Sometime during the meeting Ken Silva overheard John Piper say: “Farewell Mike Morrell!”  Along with Ken Silva, several other top Discernmentalists were among the participants of the meeting including I. Todyaso and Don Jobson of the Online Discernmentalist Mafia who have already taken issue with Morrell’s Roman Catholic leanings and Emergent theology.


Collect the new ODMafia Troll dolls!

March 14, 2011

We have finally found a way to honor all the trolls ODMs out in the WWW. Troll dolls are cute and fun to collect. Be sure to get them quick before they are gone!

Here is our special for today… the Ken Silva troll doll!

Collect them all! Pastorboy aka (name withheld by request!), and Chris Rosebrough and many others!


Celebrate Our Non-Man-Centered Gospel:

January 19, 2011

By buying a ticket to one of our Sovereign Cruises today:

Yes that’s right you can celebrate the beauty of our non-man-centered Gospel by buying a ticket for one of our Sovereign Cruises today. What better way of reveling in the Absolute Biblical Truth Gospel of God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath and Law towards the 99% of humanity that He foreordained not to love by spending your time on one of our Sovereign Cruises today! Just think of all the non-man-centered fun you’ll be having if you join us for one of our Sovereign Cruises today! Why you’ll just jump for joy and leap with glee as you discuss the endless torment of all those who do not believe the same as you!

And as we all know the best way to combat heresy and the spiritual terrorists who are attacking Absolute Truth in our churches is by joining us for one of our Sovereign Cruises today! After-all, God’s Truth is so fragile and always under attack that we must all take a stand in God’s sovereignty to protect it. If we do not, the perverts and sickos of this world will destroy the church and what better way to do that than by participating in a non-man-centered activity like going on one of our Sovereign Cruises today. 

Through the ages, our Lord Jesus Christ has provided His Word to His bride, the church.  The Word is His voice, and He has chosen to speak with clarity and with sufficiency.  He has given this tremendous gift out of love, for He has protected it and blessed those who have remained faithful to its teachings. Its sufficiency is a great encouragement to His people, for without it they would be left wandering in darkness, always casting about for some other source to guide them to the truth in the kind of certainty needed for a life of  godliness and service in a hostile world.

The God-breathed Scriptures speak to every generation of believers with the same soul-changing, truth-imparting power as they did from the beginning.  However, this world has become an indescribably challenging place.   Islam’s self-identification is to deny Christian truth but yet is allowed to stand unchallenged in our modern media . Issues of ethics and morality, extending from abortion through genetic experimentation, euthanasia, homosexuality, and the complete redefinition of the divine institution of marriage and family are all around us.  Postmodernism has destroyed the foundation of truth, humanism  has annihilated the highest and best in man, and naturalistic materialism has banished hope from his mind. The world has nothing to offer him, since he is created in the image of God, and so he lives in constant rebellion against this nature and the testimony of God’s existence all around him and within him.  Only Christ’s church, blessed with His Word, can speak to man’s truest needs.  The enemy, knowing this, attacks the Scriptures in every conceivable fashion, seeking to sow seeds of doubt in believer’s minds so that they will not boldly proclaim to the world the very truths God’s Word has revealed.

What we promise you’ll hear on one of our Sovereign Cruises:

  1. All non-Calvinist theology is man-centered
  2. The Bible is inerrant
  3. Our interpretation of the Bible is inerrant
  4. We are not man-centered
  5. Our interpretation of the Bible is not man-centered
  6. This cruise is not man-centered

So join us today on one of our lovely and luxurious non-man-centered  Sovereign Cruises!


Todd Friel Slips Into Arminian Heresy

January 6, 2011

Let there be no misunderstanding at this point. The Arminian limits the atonement as certainly as does the Calvinist. The Calvinist limits the extent of it in that he says it does not apply to all persons…while the Arminian limits the power of it, for he says that in itself it does not actually save anybody. The Calvinist limits it quantitatively, but not qualitatively; the Arminian limits it qualitatively, but not quantitatively. For the Calvinist it is like a narrow bridge that goes all the way across the stream; for the Arminian it is like a great wide bridge that goes only half-way across. As a matter of fact, the Arminian places more severe limitations on the work of Christ than does the Calvinist. (Lorraine Boettner, The Reformed Doctrine of Predestination (Phillipsburg, New Jersey: Presbyterian and Reformed Publishing Company, 1932) p. 153.)

Typical Arminianist semi-Pelagian heretic: “Jesus died for the sins of the world.”

True Bible-Believer: “No He didn’t. Jesus died for the Elect and the sins of the Elect only.” (John 3:16; John 1:29)

Around a minute and fifty-eight seconds into the video clip above, Todd made a blasphemous error—he commited Roman Arminian and  Popish idolatries by saying that: “Jesus shed His blood for forgiveness of the sins of the world.” Therefore Todd has just denied the Atonement—which is very dangerous ground to be on. Perhaps Todd has read one too many books by that false teacher, arch-heretic and anti-Christ Brian McLaren against Ken Silva’s clear teachings. Todd you have just been exposed as a Arminianist semi-Pelagian heretic—although we suspect Todd is really secretly a Crypto-Lutheran trying to pollute our Pure Doctrines.


Attention Truth Warriors

December 24, 2010

It’s the most Satanic time of the year. Help us out by supporting our Truth War on German Lutherans. You can continue pledging your total allegiance to us by doing this, continuing your committed support of Bush’s illegal invasion of  the Iraq war and outlawing Christmas as one of our most hallowed Discernmentalists has noted: ” Btw, if you want to see a large, lavish Christmas display in a mall… go to Dubai in the UAE! Many countries that are not Christian celebrate this holiday. That right there should tell Christians it’s not of God!”

And you wouldn’t want to do anything that non-Christians let alone non-Americans do. Why if you celebrate Christmas you are supporting terrorism and the terrorists. Most of all how dare anyone have fun or take pleasure and joy in anything….for fun, pleasure and joy are a sin and you know how much our God of Absolute Sovereign Wrath and commendable hatred hates sin and sinners.

 

So this December pray that the war on Iraq continues and that more people would open their eyes and make war on Christmas. This message is brought to you by your friendly neighborhood GOIP Committee of Concerned Citizens in conjunction with Killjoy Puritan Calvinazi Church

 


The Heart Of The Discernmentalist Gospel

November 2, 2010

Most of you are going to hell because you were not specially chosen and frozen like We God’s Truth Biblical Elect (Calvinazis) are—so quake now in mortal fear and terror at the horrors that await ye, reprobates, especially if you are Roman Catholic, Arminian, a Pentecostal tongue-babbler, Emergent, queer or even worse all of the above:

P.S. Hell is a “real place” so We’d hate to be all of you reprobates (non-Calvinazis) on the day that you die so remember We tried to lovingly warn you by the Absolute Truth of our Pure Doctrines which have saved Us from an eternity in flames.

P. P. S. This is also warning to Pastorboy aka (Name withheld upon request) to get back in line with our Pure Doctrines.


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