One of the greatest theologians of our day Lemmy, has written the greatest ODM worship song ever. Enjoy!
John MacArthur aka Pope Pyro after being elected to the position of the first ever Pope of Discernmentalists! Photo courtesy of Pyromaniac Archives. Photographer: Ken Silva.
(Annoying News: a ministry of disseminating misinformation, lies and slander while apprising everyone to follow only the cults of celebrity in the Discernmentalist World )– Normally we are against all things Roman Catholic except in special circumstances ie. our dependence on Saint Augustine’s interpretation of Aristotelian philosophy or R. C. Sproul’s love of Aquinas. This is one of those times when these special circumstances may be applied against our normative Absolute Rules. After Discernmentalists declared John MacArthur 100% infallible by a voting margin of 100-0 this Jan., it was proclaimed that the logical conclusion of this recent event was to elect MacArthur the first ever Discernmentalist Pope.
Ken Silva reports: “Indeed the word infallible applied to any person can only signify that one has elicited the status of Pope-hood other than that infallibility must only be applied to our Holy Inerrant Bible—the Only True Word of God.”
Vicki, a typical McArthurite reacts to the news of the election of MacArthur as the first Discernmentalist Pope ever:
Anyone who disagrees with John MacArthur on any point of Doctrine is just full of arrogance and condensation.
My understanding of the doctrine of election is not at all sinful–John MacArthur told me so.
Trusting too much to history and too little to the teaching of scripture would have left us in Rome–John MacArthur told me so.
There is a price a godly man must pay to be heard, that price is humility and respect.
If a man wants an audience to listen to his doctrine-he would do well to heed the following!
” Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.”
Titus 3:1-3 (ESV).— (Source).
Ken Silva asked Phil Johnson aka Pastor Hugh Jass or Spurgeon’s clone, MacArthur’s flunky lacky hindquarters right-hand man about his boss’s election to Discernmentalist Pope-hood. Phil responded: “Deep down I always knew that this day would come when he (MacArthur) would be elected Pope over all Discernmentalists and the Truth Wars as the #1 Truth Truth Warrior of Absolute Truth. I wholeheartedly support the recent vote on the infallibility of my boss and his election to the office of Discernmentalist Pope.”
Ken Silva pressed the rest of the fine, outstanding, Discernmentalist-minded and Biblically based Pyromaniacs crew: Frank Turk and Dan Phillips et al. on their thoughts but they were unavailable to comment.
Ken Silva is the exclusive author of Annoying News. He is a Master Discerner of all. When he is not discernmentalizing the 99% of humanity who do not agree with him, you can usually find him preaching to the choir of the small Southern Baptist Church of 8 members that he pastors. Sometimes he uses a Truth Rod–although this may just be a rumor.
As True Christians and Discernmentalists, We must stand by our Absolute Biblical Truths like tearing others down when they stand in our way. Making fun of others when they are down in the dumps and kicking them even further is Absolutely Biblical. Using Absolute Biblical Certainty, We must stand up for these Hard Truths. Our Discernmentalist logic dictates that our theology must be Extreme by nature as our God is a very angry Sovereign God ready to pour down His Absolute Sovereign Wrath upon unsuspecting non-elected sinners at any time. Putting reprobates in their place is just part of our job as the Bible commands us to imitate our Father God in Heaven.
A video example of our Biblically verifiable theology.
We wish that crybaby reprobates would quit whining and complaining about their status as the losers of God’s Sovereign lottery of pre-determined Absolute Fatalism. God can and does get what He wants as is His Sovereign Will and His good pleasure decrees so suck it up if you are on the losing end of God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath as it was just Fate that you were Born to Lose. All of this is Biblically verifiable theology as We back up our Extreme Theology with the Hard Truths of the Bible and Bible-Based STRETCH Technology. This is why our Extreme approach to everything works and why We must take a stand against those trying to water down theology with love as you can’t save anyone by loving up on them. You’ve got to tell them the Truth like John MacArthur—the Hard Truth that God hates them and is so angry with their sinful ways that He could threaten to pour down His wrath upon them at any moment unless they are Elect and therefore able to repent.
Rick Warren plans to unleash Purpose Driven Baseball upon the world. Oh the sheer horror! We Know that like life baseball should be kept as Purposeless as humanly possible. John MacArthur teaches this essential Absolute Biblical Truth when he says:
People have to understand that salvation is not being delivered from bad feelings or the lack of self-esteem or and unimportant life or a purpose-less life or a less than fulfillment. Salvation is deliverance from the eternal wrath of God and everlasting Hell. You have got to get the message right. First of all as to the condition of the sinner and the remedy also in Christ.
God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life. No, God does not love you and does not have a wonderful plan for your life. The only promises for the convert are trials, temptation and persecution. If that is how you define a wonderful life, fine. Otherwise we must command all men everywhere to repent and trust.
This is why we must take a stand in God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath against Rick Warren’s hideous plans for Purpose Driven Baseball:
We Discernmentalists are non-conformists that are not conformed to the image of the world. Certainly we are not conformed to Roman Catholicism. Roman Catholics of old tortured and murdered those who disagreed with them in the name of Christ and the Pope whereas Calvinist Discernmentalists of old tortured and murdered those who disagreed with them in the name of Christ and Calvin. Clearly this is a big difference.
Arminians believe that Jesus will ultimately save whoever believes in Him so clearly they are conformed to unbiblical and heretical Roman Catholic doctrines at best or conformed to universalism at worst. However we Discernmentalists believe in the Pure Doctrines of Genevan Augustinianism based on the Roman Catholic doctrines of Saint Augustine but clearly we are not conformed to unbiblical and heretical Roman Catholic doctrines.
We are not fatalistic determinists like Muslims. Muslims belive in fatalistic predestination because Mohammed and the Quaran say:
“Whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth is Allah’s; and whether you manifest what is in your minds or hide it, Allah will call you to account according to it; then He will forgive whom He pleases and chastise whom He pleases, and Allah has power over all things.” S. 2:284
“Whomsoever Allah guides, he is the one who follows the right way; and whomsoever He causes to err, these are the losers. Many are the Jinns and men we have made for Hell.” S. 7:178-179
“He will admit to His Mercy whom He will; But the wrong-doers,- for them has He prepared a grievous Penalty.” S. 76:31
“Allah leads astray whomsoever He will and guides whomsoever he will.” S. 14:4
However we Discernmentalists believe:
i. God from all eternity did, by the most wise and holy counsel of His own will, freely and unchangeably ordain whatsoever comes to pass: yet so, as thereby neither is God the author of sin, nor is violence offered to the will of the creatures, nor is the liberty or contingency of second causes taken away, but rather established.
iii. By the decree of God, for the manifestation of His glory, some men and angels are predestinated unto everlasting life, and others foreordained to everlasting death.
iv. These angels and men, thus predestinated and foreordained, are particularly and unchangeably designed; and their number is so certain and definite, that it cannot be either increased or diminished.
v. Those of mankind that are predestinated unto life, God, before the foundation of the word was laid, according to his eternal and immutable purpose, and the secret counsel and good pleasure of His will, hath chosen in Christ unto everlasting glory, out of his mere free grace and love, without any foresight of faith or good works, or perseverance in either of them, or anything in the creature, as conditions, or causes moving him thereunto; and all to the praise of his glorious grace.
—because our interpretation of the Bible says so. However we are not conformed to Mohammedanism despite the similarity of our fatalistic and paganistic language.
We are also not like the terrorists. We do not believe in war, materialism and worldly methods of taking over church denominations like worldly people either. We would like to thank People’s Cube for helping us to prove all of our points and aiding us in the good fight to protect the church and God’s fragile Sovereignty from the attacks of Emergents, Lutherans, Arminans, Baptists, Anglicans, PCUSAers and all manners of other apostate and worldly people who are conformed to the world in their Christ-like service of others. We also hope that this clears things up for our readers and that they remember one more thing:
A new commandment I have for you to be not conformed to the image of Christ who is the image of God but rather be conformed to our Pure Discernmentalist Doctrines of greed, war, torture, arrogance, etc. and be conformed to the image of the backers of the Synods of Dort such as John Knox.