Chad Holtz And Mike Morrell’s Emergent Village Possibly Found

April 19, 2011

Our Research Robot Monkeys recently infiltrated an Emergent Cohort compound and discovered horrible abominations such as couches and candles. In this candle-lit ashram there were a bunch of scantily-clad men and women participating in the usual routine Emergent rituals of nude centering prayer (with much icons, incense, chanting, and apophatic silence). There was a lot of stretching going on and not in a good way. Our Research Robot Monkeys were horrified at all they saw and we are too. All we can say is Beware… Beware the Emergent Hordes and their Seeker-Sensitive Purpose-Driven lives!

Video of a typical Emergent Village pow-wow:


Rhoblogy Caught On A Slippery Slope Down The Postmodern Emerging Heresy Slide

March 9, 2010

 

Rhoblogy forsakes his convictions to stand against all errors, false teachers and heretics who have crept into the Church. We’ve caught him in the act of being soft on heresy and heretics like Mark Driscoll—here Rhology notes:

Thursday, March 04, 2010

One of my favorite watchblogs overreacts

Defending.Contending. is usually a good read, and they often have useful and discerning stuff about the zillions of shades of heresy and heterodoxy that are always popping up in the church of Jesus. However, recently they announced that they are no longer going to endorse two massively helpful websites – CARM and Monergism – because they endorse Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church in Seattle.  Happily, the author of D.C. will be contacting each ministry to let them know of his concerns and his removal of his endorsement for what it’s worth, and no doubt asking them to reconsider their endorsement of Driscoll.  I would hope Monergism and CARM (read: Matt Slick) would go ahead and heavily qualify any endorsement of Driscoll that might remain, because that’s the right thing to do.  But to go so far as this?  Here in order is the 1st comment I left, the response, and my reply.

Brothers, I’m a bit concerned.
I love your site and always have ever since I heard of it and read it.
In this case, I wonder if you’re not going a bit far when you decide to stop endorsing such sources as CARM and especially Monergism just b/c they don’t dislike Driscoll. Not everyone can spend all the time you guys do on discernment type stuff.

How dare he attack John MacArthur’s Blessed Absolute Truth Wars™ and Discernmentalism. We Know that all True Christians are Absolute Truth Warriors and that all Absolute Truth Warriors spend all their time Discernmentalizing their fellow Christians. Doesn’t he know that the mark of a True Christian is to divide and split churches over random, arbitrary and non-Essential teachings and our own egotistical agendas? Clearly Rhology is in error—but wait he attacks True Discernmentalism even further:

Are you not separated from the profane already? You actively call out Driscoll for his many sins, and that’s great, and needed. But did you read Phil Johnson’s piece that I linked to in my last comment, about guilt by association?

Clearly Rhology is being deceived and doesn’t know that a True Absolute Truth Warrior Christian must render everyone they disagree with as guilty by association. This is an Essential Christian teaching as well as Discernmentalism as the clear teachings of Ken Silva attest. Perhaps Rhology ought to read our Pure Teachings on Mark Driscoll first before reconciling  with him. What happened to the heretic-bashing Rhology that we all know and love? Here Rhology condemns himself by a comment that he left on that Theopoetry heretic’s site:

Rich Mullins was right that we humans pull ‘em out to suit our own desires, but the context in which he said it, ie that being born again is great but not all that we need to do to have eternal life, is heresy. If I’d known he’d said sthg like that before now, I’d never have bought any more of his music or attended his concerts or anythg (kinda like I intentionally avoid Phillips Craig and Dean, since they’re Oneness and thus heretics). Were I in charge at Wheaton (and had I the courage), I would’ve at that very moment stepped onstage, said “thank you, Rich,” proceeded to refute what he’d just said, never invited him back, and encouraged other seminaries/Christian schools to do the same.

Discernmentalists this is why we must stand with Defending.Contending. against Rhoblogy and sex-obsessed heretics like Mark Driscoll as our own illustrious Dr. Itodyaso has noted that Driscoll has yet to renounce all his Emerging/Emergent ties.


Your typical Emergent Village church service!

March 6, 2010

This is what happens at a typical Emergent Church service!  If you know what things happen at those couch and candle driven churches you would be shocked! You would never see anyone having fun in one of our churches! We make sure nothing like that would ever happen!


Happy Helloween! Burn Those Heretics Next!

October 15, 2009

 

 

Happy Helloween! Next year forget the books and burn the heretics!

We are proud to state that Pastor Grizzard is an honorary graduate of ODMU!


New Calvin Crunch Cereal to hit store soon!

September 14, 2009

Calvin Crunch CerealIt is finally here! The new Calvin Crunch Cereal! We are so excited that Checkered Past Cereal company has decided to start their “Reformed” brand again. We hope that this will lead to a healthy doctrinal based breakfast for all “real” Christians! It has extra fiber so you will not have to worry about feeling bloated with self righteousness! Remember a “correct” doctrine will give you more energy to fight off those heretics as well as keep you alert to anything that might resemble Arminianism! Be sure to send your kids off to school with plenty of Calvin Crunch in their bellies. Also, free inside are the “Heretics trading cards”.  Collect them all! The first batch of cards feature, N.T. Wright and Brian McLaren.


CRN receives honorary certificate! Stealing is the new Christian value! Updated!

August 23, 2009

picture stolen from Ron Hodgman with permission

Picture stolen with permission from the owner being Ronald Zell Hodgman; unlike when it was stolen by CRN and Defcon (Picture has been removed from Defcon site so we retract all that is stated about them by inserting this statement)

CRN always amazes us in their innovations and how they push us ever forward in the Truth Wars. God must be proud when He sees those of us who are real Truth Warriors use lies, slander and now… thievery to protect Him from those heretics that are ever destroying the truth of our doctrines. I mean, CRN has recently stolen Ron Hodgman’s property (a picture that was posted on Flicker.com) and used it without permission from the owner. As you know war is hell and we must use hell like tactics to take down our enemies in the Name of Our Doctrines. We give this Honorary Certificate to Ken Silva and Company for opening the doors of Hell against our enemies. We now know it is a righteousact to steal someone else’s property and use it for our own means. Integrity? We don’t need it we have Our Doctrines to protect… and our God needs us to protect Him as He cannot protect Himself…

Here is your certificate CRN! Enjoy! We are so proud of you!

HONORARY%20DEtheft

Like CRN we were also just too lazy to send anyone to cover the event ourselves, so we also just stole this picture… though we did get permission from the owner unlike CRN. Special acknowledgment to Defcon who also sets a new low standard in integrity in a Christian Ministry. In other news, eye witnesses at the event where the picture was taken stated that Mark Driscoll preached two different sermons. Though neither would be considered positive by Hour of Power standards, Mark did preach the Cross the second service with rather graphic details. Thankfully this will most likely be censored and CRN and Defcon will not have to eat crow about saying Mark failed to preach Jesus at the Crystal Cathedral.


Steve Camp Twitters on the verge of becoming missional!

August 7, 2009

newer.jpg image by pastordave2004

Outraged! That is what I am with Steve Camp. First he begins to reconcile with others, then he removes certain high ranking ODM’s links from his blog and then today he tweets:

“For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, w ourselves as your slaves for Jesus’ sake.” -2 COR, 4:5 True ministry!about 7 hours ago

Without love we are nothing; we are nothing without love – 1 Cor. 13about 19 hours ago

God is practical & holy; we r prideful & sinful. Love is th moreexcellent way. We should pursu love & desire spiritual gifts – bt n tht ordrabout 19 hours ago 

Spiritual gifts r not th sign U hav th Holy Spirit. Loving God, th Lord Jesus Christ, His Word, yur famly, th brethrn, neighbor & enemies is about 19 hours ago 

 

As you can see, not only has his spelling become impaired, it seems that Steve does not know that messages like these are the core of the emerging missional message! Repent Steve!

  

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