Be A Literalist!: Part 4

May 24, 2010

 

In many Bibles, all the words of Jesus are in red. There is nothing wrong with that. But something is wrong when Leftist Christians or so-called Christians want to mute the words of Paul and other writers and only follow Jesus’ words. They call themselves “red-letter Christians.” They feel it is convenient to blot out the words of Paul on homosexuality and focus in on the good deeds Jesus talks about. Most are pacifists who reject an “eye for an eye” (Leviticus 24:19-20). They focus on Jesus’ words about helping the poor, ministering to “the least of these” (Matthew 25:40), loving our enemies, etc. That justifies abandoning hundreds, even thousands of condemning verses in the Bible they choose to wish away. That makes homosexuality OK and war wrong! Red-letter Christians join the chorus of those who believe in a utopia with no wanting or war. Yes, that will come someday, but not the way they think. This could come as a shock to them just because they have little to no regard for other parts of the Bible. They have almost created a new meaning for the term “biblical illiteracy.”  It is also tragic that these folks are frequently called “the evangelical Left.” They don’t have even 1% of evangelical theology in a single bone in their body. They cherry- pick the verses they like, almost exclusively the red letters of Jesus. — Jan Markell, Absolute Biblical Truth Defender.

Think literally. Think creatively. Think creatively about your literalism as ‘The Bible is a book of words and those words are to be interpreted according to what we think is their literal sense. Literally is the only honest way to read….honestly, the literal sense is literally the only honest way to read so be a literalist. Read the Bible literally if anyone objects ask him if you should consider his objection literally or you can explain that the Bible is literature and that there is no other way to read it but literally.’

It is rather creative to read a literal meaning into any given text even if a literal meaning was never the original intent of it’s author to begin with. For example, eventhough a large majority of the Biblical Book of Genesis  is literally Hebrew Poetry— here are some examples of the ways in which we ceatively read a  literal meaning into the text when we literally  read the Book of Genesis as a literal Historical Narrative

 

  • Example # 2: Also Genesis 12:36 states “It was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve or Anna and Eve, marriage is between one man and one woman, anything else is a sin punished by being sent to Hell.” Which seems to be the original of the Neocon view on Gay marriage and Homosexuals. (Source: Yo Dummy! It’s Adam And Eve Not Adam And Steve.).

Breaking News: George W. Bush Undergoes Exorcism

March 1, 2010

“The Power Of Christ Compels You!;” Pope Benedict XVI exorcizes George W. Bush. Photo Courtesy of  the Vatican Archives.

(Take A Stand News Reports)–After much outcry and the aftermath of when Brannon Howse first outed Former False President George W. Bush using these terms:

“I was one of the first conservative talk show hosts to refer to George W. Bush as a socialist and a globalist. Both parties are destroying our country.”

Sources close to the Former Bush Administration say that these charges brought major concerns for the image of the Administration and Inside Sources say that in fact Bush was possessed and inhabited by Red-Letter Christian demons—which seduced him into implementing “socialist and globalist” policies in order to taint the Pure Doctrines Of The American unBiblical Gospel Of Reaganism. These Sources corroborate their conspiracy theoriesnon-factual findings and painstakingly misresearched incriminating evidence to point to the case that Bush was possessed and in need of an exorcism based upon Bush’s interactions with Emerging/Emergent Church “leaders.”

Doug Parris in True Sedewhitehousist fashion  is on record as saying that “this is what happens when people don’t admit that the White House has in fact been vacant since Final President Ronald Reagan left the Office back in 1989 and that the White House since then has been occupied by False Presidents or Anti-Presidents.” (We of God’s Only Inerrant Party  are hoping to remedy this by running a Presidential ticket of Brannon Howse/David Barton in the near future so that we can return America back to it’s unBiblical roots of Absolute Theocracy, God and the Bible,  militarism and imperialism, military security, nationalism, patriotism, unregulated greed Capitalist Materialism Capitalism and Reaganolatry Ronald Reagan.)

Eric Barger reports that “things seem to have gone from bad to worse” so much so that Bush indeed had an Exorcism earlier this weekend to return him to the Reagan fold. Discernmentalists were hoping to get a Protestant exorcist in hopes of having a Pure Exorcism but none could be reached so the Pope had to do despite the clear teachings of Ken Silva against such. Discernmentalists are still waiting to see if the Exorcism did any good.


John Piper Found To Be Not A True Calvinist

January 24, 2010

 

John Piper displaying secret Arminian hand signals–proof he is a closet semi-Pelagian. 

1.  He teaches anti-Discernmentalist messages such as: Be a Kinder Calvinist. We need not be kinder—we need to be more in your face as Absolute Truth Warriors in John MacArthur‘s Truth Wars since Calvinism and not Jesus is the Gospel. Was Jesus kind when  he called those Arminian Baptist Lutheran Catholic Emergent Liberal Pharisees a “brood of vipers?” If we are then True Truth Warriors—we should follow Jesus’ example  by condemning our enemies in defense of our Absolute Sovereign Truths—but we should never follow Jesus in a Red-Letter way, because that’s too anti-American and communistic. 

2. He isn’t right with Spurgeon’s Church. Read all about it: Here. Spurgeon being the measure of all Absolute Truthiness of course is what any True Christian uses to measure all Truths. 

3. He  is worldly by mixing Absolute Truth with error

The Merger of Calvinism with Worldliness 

from Sword & Trowel 2009, No. 1 by Dr Peter Masters 

When I was a youngster and newly saved, it seemed as if the chief goal of all zealous Christians, whether Calvinistic or Arminian, was consecration. Sermons, books and conferences stressed this in the spirit of Romans 12.1-2, where the beseeching apostle calls believers to present their bodies a living sacrifice, and not to be conformed to this world. The heart was challenged and stirred. Christ was to be Lord of one’s life, and self must be surrendered on the altar of service for him. 

But now, it appears, there is a new Calvinism, with new Calvinists, which has swept the old objectives aside. A recent book, Young, Restless, Reformed, by Collin Hansen tells the story of how a so-called Calvinistic resurgence has captured the imaginations of thousands of young people in the USA, and this book has been reviewed with great enthusiasm in well-known magazines in the UK, such as Banner of Truth, Evangelical Times, and Reformation Today.This writer, however, was very deeply saddened to read it, because it describes a seriously distorted Calvinism falling far, far short of an authentic life of obedience to a sovereign God. If this kind of Calvinism prospers, then genuine biblical piety will be under attack as never before.

The author of the book is a young man (around 26 when he wrote it) who grew up in a Christian family and trained in secular journalism. We are indebted to him for the readable and wide-reaching survey he gives of this new phenomenon, but the scene is certainly not a happy one.The author begins by describing the Passion, conference at Atlanta in 2007, where 21,000 young people revelled in contemporary music, and listened to speakers such as John Piper proclaiming Calvinistic sentiments. And this picture is repeated many times through the book – large conferences being described at which the syncretism of worldly, sensation-stirring, high-decibel, rhythmic music, is mixed with Calvinistic doctrine.

We are told of thunderous music, thousands of raised hands, ‘Christian’ hip-hop and rap lyrics (the examples seeming inept and awkward in construction) uniting the doctrines of grace with the immoral drug-induced musical forms of worldly culture.

 4. He isn’t John MacArthur God’s holiest Truth voice on earth. This is why John MacArthur is #1 in Absolute Truth

Don Jobson—Piping Piper back home  to Geneva.


Twilight Of Emergent Idolatry: New Age Apostasy

December 10, 2009

Twilight Of Emergent Idolatry: New Age Apostasy is a sequel to the much beloved Tween Apostate classic of Emergent Babel, Twilight Of Emergent Idols. These Apostate films are based on the Emergent Twilight book series co-authored by a female Mormon false religionist and a bunch of Emergent heretics. A bunch of morons more like it! These films are spiritual confusing for sure! Why they even teach such confusing and postmodern Emergent ideas as: people have souls, there is good and evil in the world, “love conquers all,” redemption, wholesome values, etc.  Discernmentalists do not be fooled by these apostate values since this book series was written by heretics so therefore these anti-Biblical values are opposed to our core Discernmentalist values of  only the Elect have souls, the world is totally depraved, self-righteousness and war-mongering conquer all, wrath, etc.

We Know with Absolute Certainty these Absolute Truths! Todd Friel using Eric Barger’s Bible Based Selective Uncomprohensive Cherry-Picking Reading Machine has said of the newest installment in the Emergent Twilight series that it in fact promotes the false teaching of: “How to Tell God, ‘You’re not the Lord of me. I’ll do whatever I want’.” Yes we should fear and be paranoid of fictional books and films this much as True Truthwarriors. Anyways, the newest installment in the Emergent Twilight series—Twilight Of Emergent Idolatry: New Age Apostasy stars all your favorite Emergent heretics: Rob “Universalist” Bell, Phyllis Tickle “Your Ears” and Tony “I Have No Truth” Jones among others and Dakota Fanning whom these evil Emergents corrupt and turn into a contemplative Soul-sucking vampire.

Here was sweet little Dakota when she was a Bible-believing Southern Baptist:

And here is Dakota after those Evil Emergents kidnapped her and forced her to star in their sin-promoting movies—Hounddog, Twilight Of Emergent Idolatry: New Age Apostasy and now even more heretical movies:

Here Dakota is in an Emergent coven:

And the ensuing results of the evil Emergents’ spiritual apostasy are working on Dakota:

 

See the difference—We Do—Absolutely! This is why we Discernmentalists must warn you parents to never take your children to movies that we don’t approve of —because your children are too dumb to realize the fine lines between fantasy and reality—and Emergents blur them constantly. This is why we must set the standard for you and tell you to boycott Twilight Of Emergent Idolatry: New Age Apostasy and the like.


Mike Morrell’s Romanist Leanings

November 23, 2009

If ye haven’t read my first post exposing Mike do so or else. The second thing that concerns us about Mike Morrell’s post is Mike’s Romanist leanings. Ken Silva is quoted as saying:

What utter and complete blasphemy. May the Lord reveal Himself to you and open your eyes to the idol you have created and now worship. May He remove the veil of ignorance that you blissfully revel in but that holds your soul in condemnation.

Editors’ Note: We of God’s Truly Chosen Elect don’t have idols you know.

Indeed we of the Online Discernmentalist Mafia and the GOIP are saying an Imprecatory Prayer against Mike’s evilness. What is so evil about Mike you may ask besides saying that God changes—why he supports Contemplative Spirituality which is nothing more than Romanism repackaged—the deformation of  Protestant Christianity if you will. Anyways, here is an incriminating quote from Mike Morrell’s post:

Part of the ‘inner reflex’ is Centering Prayer is letting go. For 20 minutes twice a day, it’s a continuous letting go of thoughts and emotions that well up inside – kind of like a fisherman catching fish but not to eat – just for fun. He’s sitting in a boat (the mind) and his pole rests in the water (the field of consciousness). Little fish (thoughts, ideas, emotions) come up and nibble on the line (ordinary awareness) – the fisherman doesn’t shoot the fish with a revolver or cut the line. Instead, he pulls the little fish up, but doesn’t keep them in the boat – it’s catch & release.

Catch and release, catch and release, gently, graciously – because you recognize that even the lake is situated in a much larger ecosystem (God). You can let go because the earth is abundant; you will be fed. Centering Prayer is a journey of trust in God, even on the unconscious level, where all kind of mis-trustful thoughts bubble up to the surface. The life centered in surrender to & trust in God is a life of profound peace and productivity – and our Scriptures attest, in a myriad of ways, that such trust (faith) ‘pleases God.’ But when we’re faced with the disturbing truths that Brueggemann elucidates – God’s irascibility for instance – what do we do?

There are two ways to do handle this. One is the way of definitive, forceful – almost violent – denial that there is (or has ever been) anything troubling in God’s character or actions. It’s the route of trusting God via suppression.

But there is another route – more painful, more adult, more complex – but I think it can still end in deeply-rooted, childlike trust. It’s a path that I’ve learned from many guides over the years, including Bruggie Baby (sorry for the familiarity, but it’s really hard typing his name over and over again), Meister Eckhart, the Jewish scholar Richard Elliot Friedman in The Hidden Face of God, Jack Miles in his Christ: A Crisis in the Life of God, ‘deeper life’ missionary and teacher Norman Grubb, and the process theologians that Tripp Fuller is getting me to read (like his professor Philip Clayton of Transforming Theology) or listen to & he and Chad Crawford’s uber-awesome podcast Homebrewed Christianity – all refined in the daily, simple crucible (quite actually) of centering prayer as taught by Contemplative Outreach and particularly Cynthia Bourgeault. (Did you read that paragraph, Ken Silva? It was practically tailor-written for you, LOL. If you don’t write about me, Discernmentalist Mafia will!)

My fellow colleague in discernmentalizations Dr. Truthslayer has this to add about Mike’s Emergent Romanism:     

ODMafia went on the prowl….we sent our research robot monkeys behind the scenes to find the authentic Emergent Church (EC). …What did we find?….Among other  things that have been discovered (as suggested in previous posts)….we spotted couches, candles and sometimes left-over coffee cups (often left in the recycled bin which suggests that they are Earth worshipers). Surely this has new age undertones.

Anyways, we all know with Absolute Certainty that candles in church=Romanism. And that’s Mike Morrell, a Romanist—we have Absolute Proof:

Mike Morrell caught sinning by drinking alcohol and with the Pope at that.

Mike Morrell exposed as a Romanist/Papist pope and idol worshipping heretic.


Evil Emergent Plot Uncovered

October 15, 2009

Ken Silva and the fine crew of God’s Only Inerrant Party have recently discovered a new sinister plot by those  Evil Emergents who are truly pagan and worship Satan. Here are the details that our GOIP Bot Searcher 3342 found on futher investigation:

AlanMoore_Baptist_children1

You see there—those Evil Emergents are plotting to sacrifice little Baptist children to Satan (and by Baptists we mean only those who follow the Pure Doctrines as preached by Spurgeon). They said that they were doing this in protest of our Halloweenie Heretic Book Burning Shindig.  If that isn’t Absolute Proof that Emergents are the Incarnation of Absolute Evil then here is futher proof: Emergents love Postmodern Philosophy. Jacques Derrida is a Postmodern Philosopher and the devil reads Derrida. Photographic evidence:

devderr

From this we can conclude that Postmodernism is of the devil—so therefore the Emergents are non-Elect and also of the devil, too.

Don Jobson—Taking A Stand on the Urgent Emergency of the Emergent Heresy.


Absolute Idolatry Explained To All Apostates And Heretics

October 15, 2009

We are Absolutely Certain that this is Absolute Idolatry—the photographic evidence speaks for itself:

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GDAÑSK POMNIK JANA PAW£A  II  MODLITWA  DZIECI O ZDROWIE PAPIE¯A

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However this is Absolutely under no circumstances idolatry:

SWITZERLAND SHOW CALVIN

 

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AK_ACH~1

Calvinist Mecca.

Get it—got it? Good because we told you so! We are God’s Pure and True Elect so therefore we are Inerrant in our Online Discernmentalist skills. The Absolute Truth must be known which only we can give you because God Chose and Froze us as Truth Warriors from the foundation of the world.

 

Don Jobson—Loyal and Faithful Member of God’s Only Inerrant Party.


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