Brannon Howes teaches how to persecute Christians

May 26, 2010

“Brannon and John will explore the five stages for establishing the persecution of Christians. Stage one. Define the opposition. Stage two: Marginalize the opposition. Stage Three: Vilify the Opposition. Stage Four: Pass laws criminalizing the activities of the opposition. Stage Five: Enforce the new laws against the opposition.”

We here at the ODMafia are soooo impressed with this latest teaching out of Brannon Howse. We see this not only as the view on how we poor, poor innocent Christians who never do anything wrong, will be slowly persecuted, but also that this can be turned around and used against OUR ENEMIES! Yes! This very outline can be used against people like Rick Warren, Brian McLaren or N.T. Wright!

 

Stage one: Name your enemies! Shoot we will do that for you! Just read our blog!

Stage two: Make your enemies lesser than yourself. Make up funny names and demean them as people.  See them as substandard Christians at best or heretics worthy of burning at the stake or at least flaming on your blog!

Stage three: Vilify your enemies! Yes, even if it is not true make things up. GOd gave true dicernmentalists the tools of this world (Lies, slander, bearing false witness… you know those things) to use against our enemies. So, do like Brannon Howse does with Rick Warren and others and make things up! Whatever it takes as the truth is what is at steak here!

Stage four: Pass law criminalizing the activities of the enemies! If they are gay, vote no to marriage and civil unions. You get the picture… make them suffer!

Stage five: Enforce them laws! So back the anti Gay Uganda laws that could put gays as well as those who know a gay person in jail  or even executed! I mean as long as we persecute gay people then we do not have to face the reality that our Christian marriages rival the world percentage wise with the secular world in divorces… and that pastors have a higher divorce rate than even the secular world! Yes, we can put the blame on Gays instead of face our own sin, depravity and weak view of the “sanctity of marriage”.


We eagerly await the return of Jesus and the destruction He will bring YOU!

April 4, 2010

Jesus rose from the grave and soon will come back and take you out. While those emerging apostates agree that Jesus died and rose again, for us we see Jesus as angry, wrathful and full of vengance. In fact He is going to take out Rambo like revenge on all of you sinners!

Yes, Jesus was very upset about being crucified as well as what He saw you do last night! Jesus did for me but if you do not agree fully with us and our DOCTRINE you will feel the rage of Jesus! We do not worship wimpy Jesus who just turns the other cheek, we worship the new and improve resurrected Jesus who will go into battle and ride a horse through blood as high as the horses bridle! Revenge is sweet so expect no mercy from Jesus when He comes again! I mean, Jesus taught us to forgive, yet He does not have to live up to that Himself. I mean the only point of the Cross was God must of made a mistake and owed Satan so had to legally pay him off.

Now, some of those apostate teachers will try to get you to read The Book of Revelation as apocalyptic writings instead of our “pick and choose” literalism. They will try to show you that believers in the Book of Revelation overcame evil by their testimony and by the blood of the Lamb. Let me tell you where that blood came from… SINNERS! We know that God cares nothing of humans or His creation and Love has no business in OUR faith! So, watch out, Jesus is coming and His wrath will be known. Oh, and BTW, have a great day in HELL… Now I am off to my Easter Service to preach about how much God loves me and hates you, you pitiful sinner!


Brian McLaren reveals: A new kind of Christian

March 30, 2010

 

Brian McLaren best known for his image on the popular heretic trading cards found in Calvin Crunch Cereal, revealed what A New Kind of Christian will look like when his New Kind of Christianity will be implemented across the globe. The audience gasped in horror as Brian McLaren (Also known for a couple of books he has written) showed pictures of the first of the New Kind of Christians that have been spotted on the New Frontier. This new “Christian” is called the Ankoc, which we know that if translated into Hebrew, then Greek, then Latin, then back into English, then adding a m and an l we get Mollok. Mollok is close to Molech that is also close to Rupert Murdoch who sells porn as well as Rick Warren books. As you can see this is much more complicated that it needs be. If you just take our word for it, you will be safe to know that we know and we are saying is all of Satan somehow.  We must also be aware that Brian McLaren is using OUR OWN TECHNIQUES of linking to ourselves! Ken Silva who is the master at incestuous self linking who realized that by doing so raises your Google rating and gives the appearance of high volume readership, seems to have taught Brian McLaren this technique! Of course Ken Silva is master enough to call Brian out for using Ken’s original idea.


Your typical Emergent Village church service!

March 6, 2010

This is what happens at a typical Emergent Church service!  If you know what things happen at those couch and candle driven churches you would be shocked! You would never see anyone having fun in one of our churches! We make sure nothing like that would ever happen!


How to read incomprehensively.

December 9, 2009

 

Original idea taken from FreakingNews.com

How to read incomprehensively. When you read someone you are “discernmentalizing” follow these easy to use methods to make what that person said mean what YOU want them to say. This way the ODM you truly want to be will make anyone sound like a heretic.

For instance our great friend Eric Barger quotes Brian McLaren:

“For the first time, through the EASTERN JESUS, I began to have a glimpse of how Jesus could indeed be the Savior of not just a few individual humans but of the whole world.” – Brian McLaren, A Generous Orthodoxy, p.65

Note most people would read this and notice some clues that Brian is not negating individual salvation, but with a simple slight of hand the ODM that is as gifted as Eric Barger is can easily make this mean the opposite of what is really stated.

First what is Brian “really” saying… (This is top secret so please do no let anyone know that we can really read with comprehension) Brian uses word we ODM’s hate or rather love to overlook. Brian states “Jesus could indeed be the Savior of not just a few individual humans but of the whole world.” Well, if you just take out the word “just” you have the instant heretical statement. This is how you would read it through the ODM lens:

“For the first time, through the EASTERN (Hindu hookah smoking hippie) JESUS, I began to have a glimpse of how Jesus could indeed be the Savior of not just a few individual humans (or rather that God did not save humans) but of the whole world.” – Brian McLaren, A Generous Orthodoxy, p.65

As you can see with the ODM lens we now see what Brian is really saying. Let’s continue and you will see how this simple statement of how God not only saved humans but is also redeeming all creation morphs with this lens.

“For the first time, through following my own Marcus Borg inspired Jesus, I began to have a delusions of how Jesus could not be the Savior of individual humans but instead saved the whole world.”

Once again the layers keep coming off. Let’s try one more time.

“Follow Satan, Jesus did not die for you. Buy my books. I am delusional. Buy my books. Gee, N.T. Wright is smart. Don’t listen to Eric Barger.” — Brian McLaren, A Generous Orthodoxy, p.65

I hope now you can understand why it is so important you let the ODM’s read and filter all this stuff for you. We alone hold the keys to the kingdom of OUR DOCTRINE. So follow us and we will NEVER let you find the Jesus of Brian McLaren who is claimed to love the creation and want to liberate it from the curse of the fall.


Happy Helloween! Burn Those Heretics Next!

October 15, 2009

 

 

Happy Helloween! Next year forget the books and burn the heretics!

We are proud to state that Pastor Grizzard is an honorary graduate of ODMU!


New Calvin Crunch Cereal to hit store soon!

September 14, 2009

Calvin Crunch CerealIt is finally here! The new Calvin Crunch Cereal! We are so excited that Checkered Past Cereal company has decided to start their “Reformed” brand again. We hope that this will lead to a healthy doctrinal based breakfast for all “real” Christians! It has extra fiber so you will not have to worry about feeling bloated with self righteousness! Remember a “correct” doctrine will give you more energy to fight off those heretics as well as keep you alert to anything that might resemble Arminianism! Be sure to send your kids off to school with plenty of Calvin Crunch in their bellies. Also, free inside are the “Heretics trading cards”.  Collect them all! The first batch of cards feature, N.T. Wright and Brian McLaren.


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