March 30, 2010
Brian McLaren best known for his image on the popular heretic trading cards found in Calvin Crunch Cereal, revealed what A New Kind of Christian will look like when his New Kind of Christianity will be implemented across the globe. The audience gasped in horror as Brian McLaren (Also known for a couple of books he has written) showed pictures of the first of the New Kind of Christians that have been spotted on the New Frontier. This new “Christian” is called the Ankoc, which we know that if translated into Hebrew, then Greek, then Latin, then back into English, then adding a m and an l we get Mollok. Mollok is close to Molech that is also close to Rupert Murdoch who sells porn as well as Rick Warren books. As you can see this is much more complicated that it needs be. If you just take our word for it, you will be safe to know that we know and we are saying is all of Satan somehow. We must also be aware that Brian McLaren is using OUR OWN TECHNIQUES of linking to ourselves! Ken Silva who is the master at incestuous self linking who realized that by doing so raises your Google rating and gives the appearance of high volume readership, seems to have taught Brian McLaren this technique! Of course Ken Silva is master enough to call Brian out for using Ken’s original idea.
September 14, 2009
It is finally here! The new Calvin Crunch Cereal! We are so excited that Checkered Past Cereal company has decided to start their “Reformed” brand again. We hope that this will lead to a healthy doctrinal based breakfast for all “real” Christians! It has extra fiber so you will not have to worry about feeling bloated with self righteousness! Remember a ”correct” doctrine will give you more energy to fight off those heretics as well as keep you alert to anything that might resemble Arminianism! Be sure to send your kids off to school with plenty of Calvin Crunch in their bellies. Also, free inside are the “Heretics trading cards”. Collect them all! The first batch of cards feature, N.T. Wright and Brian McLaren.
August 27, 2009
The ODMafia is always improving technology, detecting false teaching and keeping you safe so that you don’t have to think for yourselves. Our skunk-works R & D Labs work tirelessly for you. Our research robot monkey’s never sleep. But because we are so dedicated (unlike other discernmentalists) we have created an amazing heresy-roof-repeller using Take A Stand’s Bible Based Satellite System (BS). This roof can filter out 99% of all heresy. Yes you have read it right – this roof is Rob Bell, Gregory Boyd, Charles Colson, Richard Foster, NT Wright, Brian McLaren, John Stott , Charles Swindoll and Dan Kimball proof. In fact Obama’s speeches are also filtered out as well (a bonus!) and become Republican speeches.
Remember, don’t do all that hard work of thinking and praying yourself….let us do it all and the discernmentalizing for you. Relax, sit back and imbibe our teachings. Remember purchase your Heresy House Repeller today!
August 13, 2009
Picture shows I. Todyaso and new recruits to the Truth War
The ODMafia today announced they have bought Army Surplus. There has been a huge increase in tithes and offerings being given to the ODMafia over the last year so they decided to spend it on surplus war products in preparation for the acceleration of the Truth War across America, Europe, Australia and South Africa. The ODMafia hope to invade Poland, France and bombard England with Truth War propaganda to bring down the emerging church enemies. “Recent enemies of God activity in Europe has made it necessary to step things up a bit.” stated I. Todyaso of ODMafia. “We are happy to send other people’s sons and daughters to the front lines to keep back the flood of N.T. Wrightians and other apostate groups. We are looking for a person to do a Discernment Ministry plant in Australia in the next month or so. I hear they have indigenous people who still practice occult religions there.” I. Todyaso was quoted as saying. “We must stop them from coming into our churches and possibly messing things up!” He went on to say, “Truthsayer is looking toward surplus NASA products to prepare for our first Truth War stations on the moon and Mars.”
August 9, 2009
New Testament scholar, Michael Bird, discusses the books and authors that have influenced him the most…sort of….