We here at the ODMafia are soooo impressed with this latest teaching out of Brannon Howse. We see this not only as the view on how we poor, poor innocent Christians who never do anything wrong, will be slowly persecuted, but also that this can be turned around and used against OUR ENEMIES! Yes! This very outline can be used against people like Rick Warren, Brian McLaren or N.T. Wright!
Stage one: Name your enemies! Shoot we will do that for you! Just read our blog!
Stage two: Make your enemies lesser than yourself. Make up funny names and demean them as people. See them as substandard Christians at best or heretics worthy of burning at the stake or at least flaming on your blog!
Stage three: Vilify your enemies! Yes, even if it is not true make things up. GOd gave true dicernmentalists the tools of this world (Lies, slander, bearing false witness… you know those things) to use against our enemies. So, do like Brannon Howse does with Rick Warren and others and make things up! Whatever it takes as the truth is what is at steak here!
Stage four: Pass law criminalizing the activities of the enemies! If they are gay, vote no to marriage and civil unions. You get the picture… make them suffer!
Stage five: Enforce them laws! So back the anti Gay Uganda laws that could put gays as well as those who know a gay person in jail or even executed! I mean as long as we persecute gay people then we do not have to face the reality that our Christian marriages rival the world percentage wise with the secular world in divorces… and that pastors have a higher divorce rate than even the secular world! Yes, we can put the blame on Gays instead of face our own sin, depravity and weak view of the “sanctity of marriage”.
Dehorning an emergent is much like dehorning a cow
There are different methods from removing the horns, or dehorning, an emergent – the simplest being not letting your young fundamentalist be turned toward emerging. When this is not an option, you can now make a choice as to what method to use to dehorn an emergent.
Difficulty: Challenging
Instructions
Chemical Method of Dehorning
1. Step 1
Push back the hair that covers the horn bud on the young emergent.
2. Step 2
Use a brush to apply caustic potash or caustic soda to the horn buttons.
3. Step 3
Choose whether to have the hair fall back over the horn bud after applying the caustic, or clipping the hair back altogether. Some have found that the hair helps to keep the caustic in place, and prevents the caustic from irritating the older emergents.
4. Step 4
Avoid getting any of the caustic in the emergent’s eyes. Always wear gloves when applying the chemical. Wait for sunny days to apply the chemical on the emergent as rain can wash the chemicals from the horn buds.
Hot Iron Method of Dehorning
5. Step 1
Use a hot iron for dehorning an emergent if they are a little older. Also use anesthesia in conjunction with the iron, especially on the older emergents. Carefully check that the iron is working well before applying it to the emergent. A unit that is too hot can cause brain damage in the emergent which will also aid you in bringing them back to fundamentalism.
6. Step 2
Hold the hot iron against each horn bud for 10 to 15 seconds. A copper-colored ring will appear.
7. Step 3
Observe the emergent. After 4 to 6 weeks, the horn button will fall off.
Spoon or Tube of Dehorning
8. Step 1
Make sure you use the proper sized tube for the horn for dehorning. There are four sizes available. The tube should fit over the horn bud, as well as 1/8 inch of skin around the base of the horn bud.
9. Step 2
Place the cutting edge so that it is straight down over the horn bud.
10. Step 3
Twist and push the tube until you cut through the skin, then cut under the horn button and remove it.
11. Step 4
Apply an antiseptic to help prevent infection.
Barnes Method of Dehorning
12. Step 1
Fit the knives over the horns of the young emergent or older one by closing the handles of the Barnes-type dehorners. You will want to remove a ring of skin at the same time as the horn.
13. Step 2
Spread the handles apart as quickly as you can manage. This engages the knives, which cut off the horn.
14. Step 3
Make sure the blades are sharp before this procedure. Use anesthesia as well as make sure the emergent is properly restrained.
15. Step 4
Stop the bleeding by either using forceps to pull the artery, or a hot iron.
We Know that Pokémon and Roleplaying Games in general are evil tools of Satan and the Anti-Christ. We Know that Dungeons & Dragons is a gateway to the Occult and Socialism but we are very wary of Card-Based Roleplaying Games as well as they can lead to gambling. Pokémon is one of the worst as not only does this franchise promote the Occult and gambling but also evilution. This is why in order to be relevant to those seduced by these tools of Satan (but not relevant in an Emergent way), we’ve teamed up with David Tate to bring you a quality Discernmentalist card game for True Christians (Conservatives)—introducing Discernmentalist Power Cards.
A rare Discernmentalist Power Card in Japanese explaining the history of God’s Only Inerrant Party to the Japanese and why we must take back Japan for Jesus. We don’t need any more Japanese cartoons corrupting our children to the Occult though we admire their Biblically correct Capitalistic ways. Notice the inversion of a GOIP symbol on the top left corner of the card—it is on there to subconsciously reinforce our Bible-Based Theocratic message.
Discernmentalist Power Cards is a Card-Based Roleplaying type game which offers Absolutely True Factual Discernmentalist information to players. Discernmentalist facts that players will learn:
The Absolute Truth aka our Infallible and Inerrant interpretation of the Holy Bible—the only True Word Of God
Capitalist values such as legalized gambling of other people’s futures away
the American Gospel
Pure Doctrines
True Doctrine is only hundreds of years old instead of thousands
Creationism
The Gospel (Good News) is Dortian Supralapsarian Calvinism not God’s Revelation of God’s Self in Jesus Christ
Capitalism is Biblical
Bible-Based figures such as Calvin and Beza
Discernmentalist history such as the Crusades; the Inquisition; the Protestant Reformation especially the superiority and supremacy of Calvin and Calvinism; why Theocracy is Biblically correct; the burning of Servetus; the Salem Witch Trials; the rise of Fundamentalism, the Religious Right and the GOIP; etc.
Puritanism and Discernmentalism
And much, much more…
Discernmentalist Power Cards: You gotta collect them all!
Brian McLaren best known for his image on the popular heretic trading cards found in Calvin Crunch Cereal, revealed what A New Kind of Christian will look like when his New Kind of Christianity will be implemented across the globe. The audience gasped in horror as Brian McLaren (Also known for a couple of books he has written) showed pictures of the first of the New Kind of Christians that have been spotted on the New Frontier. This new “Christian” is called the Ankoc, which we know that if translated into Hebrew, then Greek, then Latin, then back into English, then adding a m and an l we get Mollok. Mollok is close to Molech that is also close to Rupert Murdoch who sells porn as well as Rick Warren books. As you can see this is much more complicated that it needs be. If you just take our word for it, you will be safe to know that we know and we are saying is all of Satan somehow. We must also be aware that Brian McLaren is using OUR OWN TECHNIQUES of linking to ourselves! Ken Silva who is the master at incestuous self linking who realized that by doing so raises your Google rating and gives the appearance of high volume readership, seems to have taught Brian McLaren this technique! Of course Ken Silva is master enough to call Brian out for using Ken’s original idea.
The once mighty and slightly nasty Slice of Laodicea (SoL) has began a retreat to its secret Crosstalk lair. It seems that it is too costly to maintain the hate on more than one site so they ahve abandoned the SoL site. All teh hate one could want to read is now over at their Crosstalk blog where the Cross is rarely talked about but all the gossip on the people we love to hate is there! We here at the ODMafia only feel shame, embarrassment and dishonor at this major setback of one of the major players in the Hate Truth War. We are seriously considering revoking Ingrid’s SODUM membership.
“Now listen to this. It doesn’t matter whether your ruler is Caesar, Herod, Pilate, Felix, Fetus, Agrippa, Stalin, Hitler, Winston Churchill, Bill Clinton, it doesn’t matter who it is, he says be subject, you teach them to be subject.” — Pastor John MacArthur (#1 Truth Warrior).
[1] Let every person be subject to Hitler. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. [2] Therefore whoever resists Hitler resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. [3] For Hitler is not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of Hitler? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, [4] for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. [5] Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience. [6] For the same reason you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. [7] Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.
Reusing John MacArthur’s (#1 Truth Warrior) ilLogic and Eric Barger and Chris Pajak‘s Bibe Verse-e-nator I*segesis Generator our Research Robot Monkeys have parsed out words and generated this string of John MacArthur (#1 Truth Warrior)-based Bible verses for Romans 13:
[1] Let every person be subject to Hugo Chávez. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. [2] Therefore whoever resists Hugo Chávez resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. [3] For Hugo Chávez is not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of Hugo Chávez? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, [4] for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. [5] Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience. [6] For the same reason you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. [7] Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.
Our fool-proof Research Robot Monkeys are always on the prowl and on the lookout for all manner of worldliness so that we can tell you what places and things/worldly things to avoid like the worldly chocolates that Costco sells. Recently our faithful Research Robot Monkeys stumbled upon a hideous “Apostate” letter written by Shane Claiborne in the worldly magazine: Esquire. We Know that Shane’s letter is “Apostate”—just listen to some of the hideous and ungodly things that he wrote:
November 18, 2009, 9:05 AM
What If Jesus Meant All That Stuff?
This radical Christian’s ministry for the poor, The Simple Way, has gotten him in some trouble with his fellow Evangelicals. We asked him to address those who don’t believe.
By Shane Claiborne
To all my nonbelieving, sort-of-believing, and used-to-be-believing friends: I feel like I should begin with a confession. I am sorry that so often the biggest obstacle to God has been Christians. Christians who have had so much to say with our mouths and so little to show with our lives. I am sorry that so often we have forgotten the Christ of our Christianity.
Forgive us. Forgive us for the embarrassing things we have done in the name of God.
……………….
I want to invite you to consider that maybe the televangelists and street preachers are wrong — and that God really is love. Maybe the fruits of the Spirit really are beautiful things like peace, patience, kindness, joy, love, goodness, and not the ugly things that have come to characterize religion, or politics, for that matter. (If there is anything I have learned from liberals and conservatives, it’s that you can have great answers and still be mean… and that just as important as being right is being nice.)
The Bible that I read says that God did not send Jesus to condemn the world but to save it… it was because “God so loved the world.” That is the God I know, and I long for others to know. I did not choose to devote my life to Jesus because I was scared to death of hell or because I wanted crowns in heaven… but because he is good. For those of you who are on a sincere spiritual journey, I hope that you do not reject Christ because of Christians. We have always been a messed-up bunch, and somehow God has survived the embarrassing things we do in His name. At the core of our “Gospel” is the message that Jesus came “not [for] the healthy… but the sick.” And if you choose Jesus, may it not be simply because of a fear of hell or hope for mansions in heaven.
Don’t get me wrong, I still believe in the afterlife, but too often all the church has done is promise the world that there is life after death and use it as a ticket to ignore the hells around us. I am convinced that the Christian Gospel has as much to do with this life as the next, and that the message of that Gospel is not just about going up when we die but about bringing God’s Kingdom down. It was Jesus who taught us to pray that God’s will be done “on earth as it is in heaven.” On earth.
How dare he write about forgiveness—forgiveness is for believers only. We are not to forgive our enemies as they are unregenerate non-Elect reprobated hell-bound sinners and heathens totally unable to accept forgiveness so we should avoid them at all costs. Secondly, how dare he tell people to take Jesus’ words seriously as that may lead to Communism and Socialism which is against our American gospel of Reaganism the Gospel. Jan Markell agrees and as the late great GOIP pastor D. James Kennedy use to say: “Christianity is not based on the teachings of Jesus.” We agree—Christianity is really all about American values such as Capitalism, protecting America first, theocracy, exploitation, power and greed, etc. We are also concerned with Shane’s mixing the Gospel with worldly concerns rather than relegating the Gospel to being only a ticket to the afterlife as John MacArthur plainly teaches.
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Dude! This is a satire site!
Before you get all bent out of shape, please realize this is a satire site spoofing the so-called "discernment ministries" who deem themselves more worthy of Grace than the rest of us. So read and have fun! BTW, we are not against "good" discernment ministries that do actual real research and extend grace to others, only the bad ones.
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Will Farel XV
