July 19, 2010
Are you as horrified as us over the Obamanation of ObamaCare? Are you tired of pseudo-scientific advances in Medicine? Have we got the answer for you—science-free medicine activated only by biblical faith because secular medicine is an assault:
- an assault on the Bible
- an assault on the Absolute Truth
- an assault on our Faith
- an assault on traditional American values
- an assault on Freedom
- an assault on our right to be stupid practice Bible-Based Science
- and yes even an assault on our angry Sovereign God’s wrath and Law against sinners
Other reasons to get on board Science-Free Medicine today: Secular pseudo-scientists say that the microbes that attack our bodies are ever-evolving lifeforms which is why these evolutionary pseudo-scientists have to keep inventing new antibiotics. Isn’t that just evil? Can you say “placebo”? We Know this is just ignorance on the part of evilutionists—trying to educate people make up lies to disseminate prop up scientific truth their delusional fairy-tales. Besides would you want pseudo-scientists sticking strange needles and/or pills in you? Who knows they could be giving you the Mark of the Beast especially if they’re Roman Catholic doctors. We Know that microbes, germs, bacteria, viruses and diseases are all caused by sin and they don’t evolve at all as evolution never happens just as the Bible says. Just as God literally created the universe and everything within it unchangeable and as absolute static forms in 6 literal 24-hour days—God allows microbes, germs, bacteria, viruses and diseases to remain unchanged in order to punish vile, wretched and wicked sinners whose destruction we should all rejoice in.
Another reason to back our Science-Free Medicine is that secular medical science denies Absolute Biblical Truths already succinctly illustrated above. After infiltrating a pseudo-scientific lab full of evolutionary Emergent doctors, Our Research Robot Monkeys also noted the following:
Secular Medical Science and secular health care are so bankrupt that many are abandoning them to embrace New Age Mystical healing gooble-de-gook. Secular and New Age medicine is the new savior. Problems that were once blamed on individual sin and familial genetic sin (Original Sin) are now charged to chemical imbalances and disorders. Yesterday’s medical science and today’s medical science share the same fatal errors–they reject the total depravity of man due to sin; they treat the symptoms instead of the heart; and they aim for change that is not true sanctification. In spite of obvious failure, the notion prevails within the church that secular medicine and secular health care are more effective agents of change–particularly in dealing with the most difficult cases of illnesses–than the Holy Spirit who sanctifies. But can secular medicine and secular health care possibly accomplish something the Holy Spirit cannot? Can an earthly doctor achieve more than a heavenly Comforter? Is medicine more helpful than sanctification? Of course not.
Last but not least, the symbol of Secular Medicine is not only Pagan in orgin but also Occultic and Gnostic in origin and as We all Know Gnosticism is a heresy. If that isn’t enough to reject the evil and sinister cabals of Secular Medical Pseudo-Science whole scale then you must be a servant of Satan—so remember Science-Free Medicine for all your Bible-Based Faith-Healing needs where our motto is: “we’ll lock you in a closet and scream and yell Bible verses at you until you repent of your sins and get saved/cured/healed from your illnesses or else.” Warning if our Bible-Based Healing methods don’t work for you then it means you lack TRUE Biblical Faith and most likely weren’t meant to be healed to begin with.
July 19, 2010
Number 4 in our lessons on ODM Science:
July 7, 2010
Introducing new science free light bulbs that are powered only by biblical faith. If it does not light up you can pretty much kiss your back end good bye – you lack faith and are likely not fit for heaven. We guarantee that these special light bulbs will NOT work with Roman Catholics, liberals, post-moderns, emergents and Rob Bell. We are confident that true believers (that is us and other online discernmentalist ministries) could light up entire crates of these special bulbs.
Order now and get a pair of free steak knives with every purchase!
March 19, 2010
Our research robot monkeys are always on the prowl, looking for satanic influences under coffee tables, emergent candles and hiding behind bushes. This time, out in the open, and not even hiding we found satan disguised in this game: Settlers of Catan.
Note: Catan sounds like satan. Replace the C and insert an S…and you have Satan.
This game is absolutely certain to mean Settlers of Satan…as in satanic settlers are settling in the world of Catan. You heard it first here! When it comes to sensationalist news, over generalizations, fear mongering and strawman attacks…. look no further than your favourite Online Discernmentalist Ministry: THE ODMAFIA.
Always 100% pure doctrine, 100% pure discernmentalism. Setting the standard.
October 19, 2009
A 911 call came in today at 10:00 AM stating that top discernmentalist Ken Silva was missing! Word has it he was last seen flying away in a huge home made hot air balloon.
Many of the top Discernmentalists are very concerned. TruthSlayer who writes for the ODMafia the greatest of all ODM sites stated: “First we thought it was just Ken Silva being persecuted over a post on his website and he had deleted the whole thing again. Then we found out Ken has been missing for over three hours!”
Search and rescue spent over three hours chasing a hot air balloon that was hovering over Claremont, N.H and finally was found outside of the small town in a cornfield without Ken Silva in it! Many continued the search and some speculated that Ken Silva was actually raptured or taken by God much like Elijah was in the bible.
Then news came that Ken Silva was actually hiding up in his attic and was scared to come down because he could not find his favorite Walter Martin tape.
I. Todyaso was caught leaving the men’s room at a local restaurant in his hometown and was quoted as saying, “I know I am much relived.”
” We do not believe this to be a hoax or publicity stunt” said the head of the Claremont police chief Berny Fife, a distant cousin to the famous Barney Fife of Mayberry R.F.D. No charges have been raised. Berny Fife is also one of the 8 members of Ken Silva’s ever growing church.