We Are Master Debaters!

August 31, 2011

Now you too can become a Master Debater by learning our Discernmentalist methods of Master Debating. Our very own Rhology in conjunction with Triablogue proudly present to you:


The Triablogue method: the only Master Debating method backed by Discernmentalists and to earn a %100 approval rating from Ken Silva! Win any argument or debate by shutting down your opponents in a matter of minutes. All you need is the handy steps of our Master Debating method and you’ll become a pro. Take it from us as we’ve won all of our debates with our skills of circular reasoning, mischaracterizations of our opponents and their beliefs, stroking our own egos, twisted pretzel logic and twisting Scriptures out of and far beyond their intended contexts, name-calling,  judgmentalism, emotional tirades, etc.

So remember the Triablogue method for all your Master Discernmentalist Debating needs!


Attention Truth Warriors

December 24, 2010

It’s the most Satanic time of the year. Help us out by supporting our Truth War on German Lutherans. You can continue pledging your total allegiance to us by doing this, continuing your committed support of Bush’s illegal invasion of  the Iraq war and outlawing Christmas as one of our most hallowed Discernmentalists has noted: ” Btw, if you want to see a large, lavish Christmas display in a mall… go to Dubai in the UAE! Many countries that are not Christian celebrate this holiday. That right there should tell Christians it’s not of God!”

And you wouldn’t want to do anything that non-Christians let alone non-Americans do. Why if you celebrate Christmas you are supporting terrorism and the terrorists. Most of all how dare anyone have fun or take pleasure and joy in anything….for fun, pleasure and joy are a sin and you know how much our God of Absolute Sovereign Wrath and commendable hatred hates sin and sinners.

 

So this December pray that the war on Iraq continues and that more people would open their eyes and make war on Christmas. This message is brought to you by your friendly neighborhood GOIP Committee of Concerned Citizens in conjunction with Killjoy Puritan Calvinazi Church

 


Tin-Foil Hat Theology: A Discernmentalist’s Best Friend!

May 29, 2010

 

We support Tin-Foil Hat Theology in all of it’s glory. Forget the Purpose-Driven heretical drivel of Rick Warren—we support the Conspiracy-Driven Church. Remember Truth is under attack by our enemies—-some of whom have even crept up into our churches uninvited by secret cloaking Truth-bending tactics. These Spiritual Terrorists are otherwise known as the Emergent Church and/or Red-Letter Christians.

They have sneaked inside of our churches in order to bend the Truth to their evil overlord Brian McLaren’s ungodly and unbiblical libertarian free-will. Rather than serving the Pure and Absolute Sovereign God of Wrath, whose Absolute Glory is man’s chief end—they’d rather serve their sinful, prideful and selfish ways and therefore they bow down to Satan, the Master of all Untruth, which makes materialism, selfishness and human pride and sin man’s chief end.

Remember also that God’s Sovereign Truth is so precious and fragile that it needs protecting by mere mortals using any means necessary including slander, libel,  lies and other worldly weapons (this is the Truth War afterall)—this is where conspiracy theories come in handy and why Tin-Foil Hat Theology is a Discernmentalist’s best friend. The nuttier the conspiracy theory the better to help defend and protect the Absolute Truth. Here are some of our personal favorite conspiracies that Brannon Howse has uncovered and taught us over the years :

- non-Zionists, Emergents, socialists, globalists, Muslims, communists, atheists, heathens, Red-Letter Christians, Marxists and secular Jews are all attempting to take over the world.

- International bankers are trying to take over the world.

- The Illuminati, or other clandestine groups, are attempting to take over the world.

- NASA and the government are covering over the truth about UFOs.

- NASA and the government are covering over the truth about cities on Mars and the moon.

- NASA and the government are covering over the truth that the Apollo missions were hoaxes.

- The government is covering over the assassination or assassination attempts on high-profile government officials like JFK or Ron Brown or the attempt on Final President Reagan. 

- Muslims are responsible for all acts of terrorism around the world.

- Obama is a Secular-Humanist Muslim atheist and the Anti-Christ bent on destroying America through Communistic Socialism and helping our enemies take over the world.

 - the government is covering over their involvement in orchestrating the events of September 11th, 2001, with remote control planes, cruise missiles, and controlled demolitions with Muslims’ and liberals’ help. (Source: New World Order Weekend).

The noted and award-winning Discernmentalist Tin-Foil Hat Theologian Ken Silva wants our students to know that: “Conspiracies are just too difficult to keep secret even when there are only one or two people keeping the secret.”… so help us to expose all to the secret conspiracies  of our enemies who are all out there trying to destroy the Truth and the church…And as always, spread the fear and hate!


Bow down to the King of kings… OR ELSE!

May 17, 2010

One of the greatest theologians of our day Lemmy, has written the greatest ODM worship song ever. Enjoy!


New Bible-Based Card Game For Conservatives (True Christians)

April 17, 2010

We Know that Pokémon and Roleplaying Games in general are evil tools of Satan and the Anti-Christ. We Know that Dungeons &  Dragons is a gateway to the Occult and Socialism but we are very wary of Card-Based Roleplaying Games as well as they can lead to gambling. Pokémon is one of the worst as not only does this franchise promote the Occult and gambling but also evilution. This is why in order to be relevant to those seduced by these tools of Satan (but not relevant in an Emergent way), we’ve teamed up with David Tate to bring you a quality Discernmentalist card game for True Christians (Conservatives)—introducing  Discernmentalist Power Cards.

A rare Discernmentalist Power Card in Japanese explaining the history of God’s Only Inerrant Party to the Japanese and why we must take back Japan for Jesus. We don’t need any more Japanese cartoons corrupting our children to the Occult though we admire their Biblically correct Capitalistic ways. Notice the inversion of a GOIP symbol on the top left corner of the card—it is on there to subconsciously reinforce our Bible-Based Theocratic message.

Discernmentalist Power Cards is a Card-Based Roleplaying type game which offers Absolutely True Factual Discernmentalist information to players. Discernmentalist facts that players will learn:

  • The Absolute Truth aka our Infallible and Inerrant interpretation of the Holy Bible—the only True Word Of God 
  • Capitalist values such as legalized gambling of other people’s futures away
  • the American Gospel
  • Pure Doctrines
  • True  Doctrine is only hundreds of years old instead of thousands
  • Creationism
  • The Gospel (Good News) is Dortian Supralapsarian Calvinism not God’s Revelation of God’s Self in Jesus Christ
  • Capitalism is Biblical
  • Bible-Based figures such as Calvin and Beza
  • Discernmentalist history such as the Crusades; the Inquisition; the Protestant Reformation especially the superiority and supremacy of Calvin and Calvinism; why Theocracy is Biblically correct; the burning of Servetus; the Salem Witch Trials; the rise of Fundamentalism, the Religious Right and the GOIP; etc.
  • Puritanism and Discernmentalism
  • And much, much more…

Discernmentalist Power Cards: You gotta collect them all!


John Piper Becoming Purpose-Driven

April 2, 2010

Our Research Robot Monkeys thanks to  Ken Silva’s help have uncovered a new scandal for Discernmentalists to expose: Warrengate. Warrengate is scandalous because John Piper (soft on heresy) has invited  Rick Warren (emergent apostate snake) to speak at one of  his Desiring God Conferences. This is evil because not only is Rick Warren (purpose-driven apostate serpent) a snake—we have reason to believe that he is a chameleon too. Here is what Rick Warren (postmodern Roman Catholic loving Jesuit chameleon) may look like on any given day:

We are disappointed that John Piper (soft on heresy) would try to make  his Calvinism Purpose Driven as we Discernmentalists are not Purpose Driven people. We are especially not driven by the sole purpose of converting (forcing/coercing) all Christians into being stark raving maniacal Right-Wing Christo-Fascist Dortian Calvinazis. In fact we are so disappointed that John Piper (soft on heresy) would invite a heretic like Rick Warren (Walt Disney’s gay-loving clone) to one of his conferences that we must call Piper’s salvation into question—as we have reason to believe that Piper has rejected the holiest of all Christian doctrines: Limited Atonement. The Apostate Arminian Today caught Piper’s error regarding the atonement:

“After much study of God’s Word, I have come to the conclusion that the Calvinist position concerning the doctrine of the atonement is outside the teachings of Scripture. For many years I have taught that the Calvinist position on the atonement was absolutely correct. I taught that the atonement was the elect. Jesus died to save the elect to the glory of God. I taught that God the Father sent the Son to glorify His name by dying in place of the elect and through His Spirit He now draws them unto Himself. I was incorrect.

I now teach that the atonement was for all and this truly brings glory to God. For many years I have sought to exalt God through faithful teaching of His Word. I have tried to emphasize that the Westminster Confession of Faith is correct when it say that the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. This is accomplished best through the unlimited atonement of Jesus Christ. God is glorified and His honor is proclaimed when we declare that Jesus died for all men and that all men can be saved through His atonement. What a wondrous work is Jesus’ death and resurrection! How mighty is our God!”
We are outraged as Limited Atonement is the very Discernmentalist Gospel itself—the very fact  that God chose and froze to only save us Discernmentalists alone in our Discernmentalist methodologies but He didn’t choose to save you in your non-Discernmentalist methodologies. Afterall without belief in the Limited Atonement how will we be able to tell who is apostate: Emergents, Arminians, etc.—for without belief in the Limited Atonement we wouldn’t be able to practice divisionism and divisional ecumenism in separating ourselves from the unsaved. This is why we must put a stop to Rick Warren (Obama supporting socialist apostate chameleon heretic) and John Piper (soft on heresy) ‘s Purpose Driven Calvinism and return everyone to the Pure Bible-based Doctrines of Dortian Calvinism.

Oh Those Horrible Baptists!

March 13, 2010

Typical unregenerate unrepentant Marxist Anabaptist heretic “turning the other cheek” and helping his enemies:

The story of Dirk Willems, who, when he heard that the sherif pursueing him for his Anabaptist beliefs had fallen through the ice, turned back to save him is often considered by Anabaptist hagiographers to be a key example of their practice of Christian charity.

 

Oh those horrible Baptists— how we despise their Doctrines! We Know that Baptists created Communism and Socialism to attack our Pure Protestant Reformed Doctrines of CalvinReagan and Capitalism. We Know that Karl Marx is a product of Baptist theology particularly the Anabaptist form of Baptist theology:

(Ana)Baptists of all countries — repent!

Karl Marx, himself a stepchild of the communistic Anabaptists, loved to enjoin: “Workers of the world — unite!”480 But, standing upon Scripture, Christian Calvinists now say to all such stepchildren: “Anabaptists of all countries — repent!”

We therefore call upon all of the various stepchildren of the Anabaptists — including justified Baptists; heretical Seventh-day Adventists; apostate “Jehovah witnesses”; polytheistic Mormons; and atheistic Communists — to repent of their great sin of antipaidobaptism (and of all their other sins).

Clearly  Baptists are in error for following the Bible in baptizing believers instead of following  Calvin’s Pure Doctrines of sprinkling infants. Communism and Socialism are what inevitably happens when one takes  the words of Jesus seriously in the Bible rather than following Calvin’s interpretation of the Bible exclusively. Jan Markell warns of following Jesus too literally:

They feel it is convenient to blot out the words of Paul on homosexuality and focus in on the good deeds Jesus talks about. Most are pacifists who reject an “eye for an eye” (Leviticus 24:19-20). They focus on Jesus’ words about helping the poor, ministering to “the least of these” (Matthew 25:40), loving our enemies, etc. That justifies abandoning hundreds, even thousands of condemning verses in the Bible they choose to wish away. That makes homosexuality OK and war wrong! And remember, Paul and the others in the Bible represent Jesus’ words. They were His spokesmen.
 
Some who believe this way practice a form of neo-Marxism and others would call it “Christian Marxism” — an oxymoron if there ever was one. They note that the early church shared everything (socialism).  A close cousin to this is “liberation theology.”
 
Those who are high profile in this movement include Jim Wallis, Tony Campolo, Brian McLaren and his Emergent bunch, and the National Council of Churches. Jim Wallis says, “In those red letters, Jesus calls us away from the consumerist values that dominate contemporary American consciousness.”  Translate that to mean he loathes capitalism and opts for socialism and/or communism.

We Know that “social justice”  is an evil word  and that John Calvin and Ronald Reagan had nothing to do with such a horrible thing as the Social Gospel and if they had nothing to do with social justice then Jesus certainly didn’t. Glenn Beck adds that “Social justice “is a perversion of the Gospel,” and “not what Jesus was saying” when He was teaching on justice and social sins. We agree and Know that the Socialist Gospel is a product of Credobaptism as Credobaptism denies the Pure Doctrines of “Original Sin” and “Total Depravity (Total Inabillity)” just listen to this heretical Baptist quote: “God imposes the necessity of sin on nobody.” My head is still shaking from all that Evilness! What an attack on God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath! Credobaptism in the words of GOIP Discernmentalist Sharin’ Whiplash is “man-exalting”:

 Certainly Credobaptism is evil since it promotes confusion this is why I Thank You, Lord, for Your servant, Jean Cauvin, without whom we would be still struggling in the darkness of Credobaptism, that man-exalting heresy! Besides Immersion sounds too much like the heresy of Emergent/Emerging or Emergence Christianity.

Truly anything man-exalting promotes Marxism, Communism and Socialism—this is why all Baptists are heretics. We along with Glenn Beck urge all Baptists to leave their Marxist Social Justice-promoting false churches and join a True Church that teaches the Pure Doctrines of Discernmentalists like The Protestant Reformed Churches in America, the Reformed Presbytery of North America, General Meeting (RPNA-GM) or the Reformed Presbyterian Church, Covenanted (RPCC)—just avoid the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA) like the plague as they are too soft  on Evolution and anti-theocracy and especially avoid the The Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) or PC (USA) as they are neither Presbyterian nor Christian.


Todd Friel Caught Violating John MacArthur’s Pure Doctrines On Romans 13

March 9, 2010

“Now listen to this. It doesn’t matter whether your ruler is Caesar, Herod, Pilate, Felix, Fetus, Agrippa, Stalin, Hitler, Winston Churchill, Bill Clinton, it doesn’t matter who it is, he says be subject, you teach them to be subject.” — Pastor John MacArthur  (#1 Truth Warrior).

Using John MacArthur’s (#1 Truth Warrior) Absolute Biblical Certainty, we’ve caught Todd Friel (Wretched) violating John MacArthur’s (#1 Truth Warrior) Absolutely Biblically correct Bible-Based Literalist interpretation of Romans 13 which is as follows:

Romans 13:1-7 (ESV)John MacArthur (#1 Truth Warrior) Edition:

[1] Let every person be subject to Hitler. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. [2] Therefore whoever resists Hitler resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. [3] For Hitler is not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of Hitler? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, [4] for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. [5] Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience. [6] For the same reason you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. [7] Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.

Reusing John MacArthur’s (#1 Truth Warrior) ilLogic and Eric Barger and Chris Pajak‘s Bibe Verse-e-nator I*segesis Generator our Research Robot Monkeys have parsed out words and generated this string of John MacArthur (#1 Truth Warrior)-based Bible verses for Romans 13:

Romans 13:1-7 (ESV)— John MacArthur (#1 Truth Warrior) And Sean Penn Hybrid Edition:

[1] Let every person be subject to Hugo Chávez. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. [2] Therefore whoever resists Hugo Chávez resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. [3] For Hugo Chávez is not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of Hugo Chávez? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, [4] for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. [5] Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience. [6] For the same reason you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. [7] Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.

Indeed Todd you need to Obey John MacArthur’s (#1 Truth Warrior) Truth Wars ™ Doctrines more fully as does Brannon Howse, Glenn Beck and Doug Parris or  else face God’s Wrath as John MacArthur (#1 Truth Warrior) is never wrong in his Absolute Biblical Certainty of Absolute Truth. And remember never protest the government in any form as that is rebellion and rebellion is of the devil—however, Martin Luther and John Calvin’s protest and rebellion against the Pope’s God Ordained governmental authority was exempt because We and John MacArthur (#1 Truth Warrior) whom hold the Absolute Truth are always Right! 

 

 


Baptist Pastor Calls Calvinists “Grace-hating Man-loving Man-exalting Semi-Pelagian Arminian Heretics!”

February 20, 2010

Our Research Robot Monkeys have been working day and night lately so it seems. Just last night they stumbled upon horrid information which concerns us—here is a disturbing quote made by a “so-called” Baptist pastor:

There is a tendency in most of our churches to accept almost any “decision” as a real conversion, without even asking a basic question or two from the person who makes such a “decision.” They are instantly baptized with no questions asked. This method has filled our churches with unconverted people by the millions.

As a direct result of the failure of “decisionism,” a new interest in Calvinism has arisen. Calvinism is the fastest growing movement today among Baptists and other evangelicals. But while the new Calvinism theoretically explains the reason for the failure of “decisionism,” at least so far, it has not cured “decisionism.” Why? Because modern Calvinism has only explained conversion theoretically. It has not adequately applied the doctrines of total depravity and grace. Therefore, almost anyone who mentally agrees with its basic doctrines is quickly proclaimed converted and taken into the church without actually going through the experience of conversion outlined by Spurgeon in the quotation I just gave. As a result modern Calvinism explains the errors of “decisionism,” but does not cure them. In fact, the mere assent to, and belief in, the doctrines of Calvinism have become little more than a new form of “decisionism,” in a subtler form. The man who makes a “decision” to believe the doctrines is proclaimed saved! If he can explain the Calvinistic “doctrines of grace” he is accepted into the church with no questions asked about his own experience of conversion. Thus, thousands learn to explain the meaning of TULIP, and are, upon the ability to explain these doctrines, pronounced converted and taken into the churches. Therefore modern Calvinism has in no instance been connected in any way with true revival and is, in fact, little better than the average solid “decisionist” churches.

Notice that I am not speaking either for or against the doctrines they teach. I am simply saying that belief in doctrines, even true doctrines, is a mental form of “decisionism.” When you “decide” to believe the doctrines you are considered saved. This, in my view, is the weakness and error of modern Calvinism. Why? Because conversion is far more than a simple mental agreement with a list of doctrines, even true doctrines. Thus, modern Calvinism has tended to produce nothing adequate to actually cure the error of “decisionism” that has weakened our churches and filled them with so many lost souls. In fact, most of the modern Calvinists I have spoken with are still unconverted themselves. For the most part they are resting in what the older Calvinists of centuries past would call a “false hope” – the false hope that belief in correct doctrine is the equivalent of true conversion. But “doctrinal belief” is not true conversion. If the modern Calvinistic movement realizes that, and applies their doctrines, they might very well see many real conversions, and perhaps even true revival. But they must discover again the old methods of evangelism and preach “the old truths” to the unconverted Calvinists in their own congregations, or else, in spite of their doctrinal belief in Calvinism, I fear that many modern Calvinists will go into “the fire that never shall be quenched. Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched” (Mark 9:43-44).

You see there—he just called our Pure Doctrines “Grace-hating Man-loving Man-exalting Semi-Pelagian Heresy”  by saying that:

the doctrines of Calvinism have become little more than a new form of “decisionism,” in a subtler form. The man who makes a “decision” to believe the doctrines is proclaimed saved! If he can explain the Calvinistic “doctrines of grace” he is accepted into the church with no questions asked about his own experience of conversion. Thus, thousands learn to explain the meaning of TULIP, and are, upon the ability to explain these doctrines, pronounced converted and taken into the churches.

As  we all know Decisionism is nothing but  “Grace-hating Man-loving Man-exalting Semi-Pelagian Heresy” aka Free-Willing Arminianism and as we also know Pure Doctrines always produce True Converts. Spurgeon would have a heart-attack if he were alive today to witness such a “Downgrade” against Pure Doctrines. We also know that Calvinism and Decisionism are oxymorons as Calvinism aka the Doctrines of Grace aka the Pure and True Gospel of God’s Grace has nothing to do with exercising Free Will to make a decision about anything as God has already made all decisions from the foundation of the world by an unchangeable Absolute Decree. Arminians attack God’s Absolute Sovereignty which is evil in and of itself but it is even more evil to attack the Absolute Sovereignty of our Pure Doctines. Sharin’ Whiplash‘s evil twin Witless Sharon upon hearing  Dr. R. L. Hymers, Jr.’s teachings against our Sound Doctrines responded with this attack:

One of my all-time heroes of the faith. What a great man, and greatly used of God. Thank You, Lord, for Your servant, Dr. R. L. Hymers, Jr, without whom we would be still struggling in the darkness of Romanist Genevan Papist Calvinism, that man-exalting heresy.

Clearly this proves how heretical Baptists truly are even Reformed Baptists as Reformed and Baptist are oxymorons since Baptists were never Truly Reformed to begin with. We ask you this Discernmentalists—did you make a decision by exercise of Free Will to become a Calvinist or be a disciple of the Pure Doctrines of Grace and if so we would like to know when and at what time? Also did you freely choose to be Calvinist either by reading TULIP into the Bible apart from a prior reading of Calvin’s Institutes of the Christian Religion or hearsay from others or by making a “decision” to believe the Pure Doctrines of Grace after hearing a Calvinistic sermon preached? See how errant Dr. R. L. Hymers, Jr.’s teachings against our Sound Doctrines are—We Know because  we told you so.

P. S. On a serious note we recommend these excellent resources on Calvin and Calvinism: The Many Faces of John CalvinThe Unaccommodated Calvin: Studies in the Foundation of a Theological Tradition , http://www.pcusa.org/today/index.htm, Elected to What ?!, How Meeting Real Christians from Different Traditions Makes a Real Difference and What is ‘Oasis’?.

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Baptists Are Confused And Diseased People

February 19, 2010

Oh how  we loathe those Baptists eventhough they practice True Biblical Baptism by Immersion as βαπτίζω literally means immerse not sprinkle—they are still heretics for not being Reformed enough. We Know because of Calvin’s clear teachings on infant baptism and as you know Calvin’s views should be placed above scripture. In other words, the Bible should always be read through the lens of Calvin only. We also Know that sprinkling is unbiblical and comes from the Roman Catholic tradition—we’ll deny this though: ” There are sound biblical reasons for the historic Reformed view of infant baptism by sprinkling. We don’t do it because we adopted it from Roman Catholics, either.”

However, John MacArthur in a rare unReformed moment stated:

There are five reasons why I reject infant baptism. I’m telling you folks, I can’t get all that I want to say out this morning so you’re only going to get, I hope, the best of what’s here. But, these are very important points. 1. Point number one, and this ought to end the argument: infant baptism is not in Scripture. 2. The second reason is really the other side of the issue. I don’t believe in infant baptism because infant baptism is not Christian baptism. 3. Third point, why I reject infant baptism: it is not a replacement sign for the Abrahamic sign of circumcision. 4. Well, let me give you a fourth reason. I reject infant baptism because infant baptism is not consistent with the nature of the church. 5. One last point and I’ll let you go. Infant baptism is not consistent with the gospel.

However, we can forgive Dr. MacArthur and extend Grace to him for his unReformed errors of rejecting Calvin’s clear teachings and Pure Baptism Doctrines though we cannot forgive and extend Grace to those evil Arminian, Lutheran, Baptist/Anabaptist and Emerging/Emergent heretics. Now we must warn you about just how evil, impure, unsafe and unhealthy Biblical Baptism by Immersion really is:

First of all, Sharin’ Whiplash has stated:

” Helwysfan, I’m guessing you’re a Baptist. I do get really tired of the superior attitude  many credobaptists have towards paedobaptists today. (We don’t have superior attitudes about being Calvinists and Presbyterians you know!) If you know the truth you can discern what’s false…many of today’s Baptists view themselves as having “super Christian” status because of their views on water baptism, and will unabashedly state things like “ours is the biblical view of baptism”… and will say or imply unhesitantly that there’s no biblical basis whatsoever for the paedo view. I’m fed up with that. This morning a credobaptist posted something about a paedobaptist changing positions… and there was the presumption that the paedo had finally seen the light. Let me say this… there are more Baptists who become Presbyterians than the other way around. I guarantee it. Baptists may be Calvinists, but they are not, strictly speaking, Reformed. Only Presbyterians are Truly Reformed. Anabaptists, Reformed/Presbyterians, Lutherans, and Anglicans are 4 separate branches with separate traditions. All four branches are Reformed from Roman Catholicism in the broad sense of the term, but Baptists come from the Anabaptist branch, since they define themselves by their views on water baptism. A small percentage of Anabaptists followed Calvin’s theology on everything except baptism, though most of them followed Arminius. In any event, the vast majority of Christians, when taken as a whole, are paedobaptists, and that has been the case historically. 

Secondly, We Know that there’s a lot of confusion and mythology about Baptists as they are confused people or as Sharin’ Whiplash states as well: 

What is so bizarre is that eternal security is like article I of Baptist faith, but Anabaptists are classic Arminians –no security for them!…confused and confusing, even to themselves. Baptists want to be free-willers to choose salvation if and when they’re ready, but once they’ve made their ‘decision’ and are saved through Believer’s Baptism, they want to pass the buck to God to keep them that way. Baptists, with their muddled theology, think they should have the best of both worlds, so to speak. I find that very annoying. Certainly Credobaptism is evil since it promotes confusion this is why I Thank You, Lord, for Your servant, Jean Cauvin, without whom we would be still struggling in the darkness of Credobaptism, that man-exalting heresy! Besides Immersion sounds too much like the heresy of Emergent/Emerging or Emergence Christianity.

Lastly, We Know that baptism by sprinkling is safer, Purer, cleaner and healthier than baptism by Immersion as there is less of a chance of getting these Baptist related diseases: Baptici hereticus part of the Bapticus bacterium family or it’s close relatives in the Semi-Pelagite bacterium family Semi-Pelagiseses, Semi-Pelagoids and Semi-Pelagianism also known as Arm and Hand Disease or Arminianism. We Know that the less water used the cleaner one gets. We also Know that full Immersion in water eventhough it may look clean it is still dirty and full of these diseases—and to fully immerse in Baptismal waters causes full contact with them. This is why we must sprinkle so that we don’t become Baptist heretics. And so just remember—We Know!


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