Any True Christian American Patriot and True Citizen of the Kingdom of God aka America should keep these Bible verses as close to their hearts as their guns and ammunition:
For Christ came to butcher, destroy, bomb and burn our enemies so that they may die more violently. (John MacArthur 10:10).
The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is long-suffering to us-ward, and is willing that all our enemies should perish, so that America may stand forever. (Second Peter Ruckman 3:9).
For we know Him who said, “VENGEANCE IS OURS TO REPAY.” And again, “AMERICA WILL JUDGE ALL PEOPLE.” sayeth the Lord. (Bob “Hebrews” Jones 10:30).
But I tell you: Hate your enemies and pray an Imprecatory Prayer that God through American Military Might might smite as many of them as possible. (Matthew Ken Silva 5:44).
Dehorning an emergent is much like dehorning a cow
There are different methods from removing the horns, or dehorning, an emergent – the simplest being not letting your young fundamentalist be turned toward emerging. When this is not an option, you can now make a choice as to what method to use to dehorn an emergent.
Difficulty: Challenging
Instructions
Chemical Method of Dehorning
1. Step 1
Push back the hair that covers the horn bud on the young emergent.
2. Step 2
Use a brush to apply caustic potash or caustic soda to the horn buttons.
3. Step 3
Choose whether to have the hair fall back over the horn bud after applying the caustic, or clipping the hair back altogether. Some have found that the hair helps to keep the caustic in place, and prevents the caustic from irritating the older emergents.
4. Step 4
Avoid getting any of the caustic in the emergent’s eyes. Always wear gloves when applying the chemical. Wait for sunny days to apply the chemical on the emergent as rain can wash the chemicals from the horn buds.
Hot Iron Method of Dehorning
5. Step 1
Use a hot iron for dehorning an emergent if they are a little older. Also use anesthesia in conjunction with the iron, especially on the older emergents. Carefully check that the iron is working well before applying it to the emergent. A unit that is too hot can cause brain damage in the emergent which will also aid you in bringing them back to fundamentalism.
6. Step 2
Hold the hot iron against each horn bud for 10 to 15 seconds. A copper-colored ring will appear.
7. Step 3
Observe the emergent. After 4 to 6 weeks, the horn button will fall off.
Spoon or Tube of Dehorning
8. Step 1
Make sure you use the proper sized tube for the horn for dehorning. There are four sizes available. The tube should fit over the horn bud, as well as 1/8 inch of skin around the base of the horn bud.
9. Step 2
Place the cutting edge so that it is straight down over the horn bud.
10. Step 3
Twist and push the tube until you cut through the skin, then cut under the horn button and remove it.
11. Step 4
Apply an antiseptic to help prevent infection.
Barnes Method of Dehorning
12. Step 1
Fit the knives over the horns of the young emergent or older one by closing the handles of the Barnes-type dehorners. You will want to remove a ring of skin at the same time as the horn.
13. Step 2
Spread the handles apart as quickly as you can manage. This engages the knives, which cut off the horn.
14. Step 3
Make sure the blades are sharp before this procedure. Use anesthesia as well as make sure the emergent is properly restrained.
15. Step 4
Stop the bleeding by either using forceps to pull the artery, or a hot iron.
We are proud to sponsor the New Conservative Bible. In fact, here is an animation we truly feel is inspired by our DOCTRINES and God! This is how OUR Jesus would have acted like and taught.
We are not Ecumenical as Ecumenism compromises our Pure Doctrines and the True Gospel…. but…. United We Stand…in our diverse ways of hatred. United we stand in bigotry and arrogance. United We stand in slandering and libel. United We stand in haughtiness. United We stand in Discernmentalism, greed and True Americanism…United We Stand as DUASJ (Discernmentalists United Against Social Justice).
We Know that Social Justice is evil. We Know that Social Justice is anti-American. We Know that Jesus never talked about Social Justice at all. We Know that Jesus only talked about buying a ticket to Heaven for the Elect and the Elect chosen and frozen few only as that is the Gospel. We also Know that Social Justice is a code word for Communism, Marxism and Socialism as Jan Markell explains:
The causes of the religious Left are exclusively social, socialism, and social justice (just another term for socialism.) You can read about them on the various Web sites such as the National Council of Churches (NCC). Some representatives are more extreme than others, but most are cozying up to “liberation theology,” various Marxist dictators, amnesty for illegals (also being promoted by the National Association of Evangelicals), socialized medicine, pacifism, opposition to welfare reform, and even a resistance to a missile shield for America! Some of them even want a “truth commission” to examine U.S. war atrocities. And for this crowd, “Obamacare” is a dream come true. As I write this, they are denouncing the few pro-life Democrats who could bring “Obamacare” to a halt.
We also Know that there is no such thing as Social Injustice and that the only social sins are homosexuality and abortion as Jan Markell further states:
And then there is Jim Wallis, who represents a ministry known as Sojourners.He’s a 1960s Communist who worked with the radical Students for a Democratic Society (SDS). He realized he had to moderate to the center and be a socialist as the years went by. He is making appearances on Christian college campuses and hitting it out of the park with his messages. His thrust is to get students to quit focusing on abortion and same-sex marriage and, start to think about “social justice” issues.
Discernmentalists, We must take a stand in our diverse ways of hatred against Social Justice as Discernmentalists United Against Social Justice. Together we can make a difference in our diverse ways of fear-mongering so that we can halt the Communist menace that is out to destroy Our America, Our Gospel, Our Churches and Our Pure Doctrines.
Our fool-proof Research Robot Monkeys are always on the prowl and on the lookout for all manner of worldliness so that we can tell you what places and things/worldly things to avoid like the worldly chocolates that Costco sells. Recently our faithful Research Robot Monkeys stumbled upon a hideous “Apostate” letter written by Shane Claiborne in the worldly magazine: Esquire. We Know that Shane’s letter is “Apostate”—just listen to some of the hideous and ungodly things that he wrote:
November 18, 2009, 9:05 AM
What If Jesus Meant All That Stuff?
This radical Christian’s ministry for the poor, The Simple Way, has gotten him in some trouble with his fellow Evangelicals. We asked him to address those who don’t believe.
By Shane Claiborne
To all my nonbelieving, sort-of-believing, and used-to-be-believing friends: I feel like I should begin with a confession. I am sorry that so often the biggest obstacle to God has been Christians. Christians who have had so much to say with our mouths and so little to show with our lives. I am sorry that so often we have forgotten the Christ of our Christianity.
Forgive us. Forgive us for the embarrassing things we have done in the name of God.
……………….
I want to invite you to consider that maybe the televangelists and street preachers are wrong — and that God really is love. Maybe the fruits of the Spirit really are beautiful things like peace, patience, kindness, joy, love, goodness, and not the ugly things that have come to characterize religion, or politics, for that matter. (If there is anything I have learned from liberals and conservatives, it’s that you can have great answers and still be mean… and that just as important as being right is being nice.)
The Bible that I read says that God did not send Jesus to condemn the world but to save it… it was because “God so loved the world.” That is the God I know, and I long for others to know. I did not choose to devote my life to Jesus because I was scared to death of hell or because I wanted crowns in heaven… but because he is good. For those of you who are on a sincere spiritual journey, I hope that you do not reject Christ because of Christians. We have always been a messed-up bunch, and somehow God has survived the embarrassing things we do in His name. At the core of our “Gospel” is the message that Jesus came “not [for] the healthy… but the sick.” And if you choose Jesus, may it not be simply because of a fear of hell or hope for mansions in heaven.
Don’t get me wrong, I still believe in the afterlife, but too often all the church has done is promise the world that there is life after death and use it as a ticket to ignore the hells around us. I am convinced that the Christian Gospel has as much to do with this life as the next, and that the message of that Gospel is not just about going up when we die but about bringing God’s Kingdom down. It was Jesus who taught us to pray that God’s will be done “on earth as it is in heaven.” On earth.
How dare he write about forgiveness—forgiveness is for believers only. We are not to forgive our enemies as they are unregenerate non-Elect reprobated hell-bound sinners and heathens totally unable to accept forgiveness so we should avoid them at all costs. Secondly, how dare he tell people to take Jesus’ words seriously as that may lead to Communism and Socialism which is against our American gospel of Reaganism the Gospel. Jan Markell agrees and as the late great GOIP pastor D. James Kennedy use to say: “Christianity is not based on the teachings of Jesus.” We agree—Christianity is really all about American values such as Capitalism, protecting America first, theocracy, exploitation, power and greed, etc. We are also concerned with Shane’s mixing the Gospel with worldly concerns rather than relegating the Gospel to being only a ticket to the afterlife as John MacArthur plainly teaches.
It has been readily admitted that discernmentalist thinking (aka truth warriors) is unique among the world. It has been admitted by a number of truth warriors such as DonJobson ” It is because of our ability to read minds, and dissect truth unlike other ‘normal’ apologists. We can see when they ‘think liberal’….” ITodyaso, CEO of ODMafia weighing in suggested “we think differently because we are a special gift to humanity. When you know it all, you want to share it all.”
Other truth warriors elaborated on all of our unique thinking abilities….
1) If John MacArthur states 2+2=5 (ie because of his expertise in biblical math) whereas John Armstrong declares it to be 4 (ie not using Biblical math)….Armstrong is obviously wrong. Even IF the answer flies in the face of logic, or the fact that the Bible does not teach math. MacArthur is by his nature correct, because he is a truth warrior…Armstrong is ‘soft’ on Post-modernism, liberals and the Emerging Church and therefore if follows that MacArthur MUST be right on all things.
2) If Dan Kimball says “Jesus is Lord” he really means “a false new-age, post-modern, man-made-Jesus-is-Lord” because no emerging church member can be saved. Only right-wing-republican-conservative-Christians who support war can actually be saved.
3) When Rob Bell is declared an Emergent by numerous discernmentalists….he is therefore Emergent. If Rob and Mars Hill denies the claim it is because he is lying. All Emergents are liars….and they seek to deceive the masses and generally take over the world.
4) Shane Claiborne wears natural fibers….he is therefore not saved.
You can run but you can’t hide. Our heroes are back. They are watching you. They make mountains out of molehills, misunderstandings out of fear, and rage against what they don’t understand.
Are you a new found ministry, attempting to reach out to youth? You’re done when WATCHBLOG finds you.
Are you a ministry that tends to question common accepted values such as war and rabid capitalism? Your’re done when WATCHBLOG finds you.
Are you a fledgling ministry attempting to feed the poor? You’re done when WATCHBLOG finds that you don’t preach the truth the way they think it should be from the arm chair of their living-room.
Are you a ministry that has not been under the cassette-tape tutelage of of Dr Walter Martin? You’re done when WATCHBLOG finds you.
Are you a successful ministry attempting to preach the word to a large variety of Christians? You’re done when WATCHBLOG attempts to undermine your every move with real (mostly unreal) attempts to destroy everything you have done becausearm-chair discernmentalists have so much more knowledge under their belts and want to tell you about it!
If we ODM’s had a patron saint, Don Quixote would be the one. But because we ODM’s know everything that the Roman Catholic Church believes in and do is heretical we don’t have a patron saint. But if we had one it would be Saint Don Quixote.
To Don Quixote’s his truth is all that counted. If he saw a giant that had to be slayed he charged forth in almost holy anger to meet the windmill in battle. Reality and people trying to tell him about reality didn’t take away from his focus to valiantly fight the dangerous giants of his imagination.
Today we ODM’s have to face similar giants just as the brave Don Quixote did. We should never be swayed by the facts of reality so that we lose focus of our imaginarydangerous foes. People may question where we get our proof from about these giants but we don’t answer to nobody so we don’t have to tell them that we dreamed it all up.
In this tradition of imaginary giants one ODM stands out above the rest and therefor deserve the Don Quixote Award. The ODMafia is honoured to present this prestigious award to Discerning The World. The bravery and determination with which DTW storms the spiritual windmillsgiants of our time is truly inspiring. Posts like this one* raises the bar of tenacity to stick to an argument no matter if the facts show otherwise. This is a great example of how links should be made where none exist and DTW is an expert in this field.
We congratulate DTW and encourage all ODM’s to follow this excellent example of following Don Quixote’s footsteps. Let us charge forth in ignorance!
*NOTE: In another ODM tradition I have not read this piece fully and just assumed it said what I think it says by scanning through and pick what I want to say it means what I say it means. I am never wrong so I am right in my assessment of the piece.
Some Christians spend all their busy body time building each other up, they encourage one another….and base it all on flimsy texts like the ones in 1 Thes 5 “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”
or 1st Corinthians… “We know that all possess knowledge. Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know….“
We realize that if we spent all our time building up other ministries (or others!), spending time encouraging one another we would NOT have time for true discernment which would mean pointing out why Rick Warren, Bill Hybels, Ravi Zacharias, James MacDonald, Shane Claiborne, Rob Bell, Gregory Boyd, Brian McLaren and Dan Kimball and so many more are wrong, prone to error, false teachers, heretics and don’t know the bible near as well as us….
We encourage you today to discouragesomeone…anyone. Point out why their doctrine is error prone and that they need to repent and become a discernmentalist…or at least read our materials so that they will know how wrong they are.
Please don’t offer them a kind word!
Please don’t remind them of God’s grace (you want them to be wallow in guilt).
Let us know how you did….and report in any stories that could be pertinent to the TRUE ministry of non-encouragement.
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Dude! This is a satire site!
Before you get all bent out of shape, please realize this is a satire site spoofing the so-called "discernment ministries" who deem themselves more worthy of Grace than the rest of us. So read and have fun! BTW, we are not against "good" discernment ministries that do actual real research and extend grace to others, only the bad ones.
Posted by donjobson 
If we ODM’s had a patron saint, Don Quixote would be the one. But because we ODM’s know everything that the Roman Catholic Church believes in and do is heretical we don’t have a patron saint. But if we had one it would be Saint Don Quixote.
DJ
donjobson
itodyaso
seymorespurgeon
truthslayer
Will Farel XV
