Clearly Emergents, Roman Catholics, Arminians, the Eastern Orthodox, Liberals, Democrats, Socialists, (Ana)Baptists, Lutherans, Communists, Red-Letter Christians, Marxists, Evolutionists, Darwinians, Mainline Christians, Liberal Presbyterians, Infralapsarians, Bezan Calvinists, Prosperity teachers, Moderate Calvinists, Liberal Protestants, Calminians, Pentecostal tongue-babblers, Almyridians, anyone who is not King James Only, Textus Receptus Only, or ESV Only, Seeker-Sensitives, New Agers, Ragamuffins, “Gay” Christians, Open Theists, Barthians, anyone who has read The Shack and/or The Message Bible, Velvet Elvis people who are Blue Like Jazz, Purpose-Driven people and anyone who doesn’t Absolutely agree with John MacArthur and Wretched Radio without exception and therefore unlike Ken Silva lack a backbone have been given “fake grace.” As the Biblical Jesus makes clear: “all those not for us are against us” and these heretics are most definitely against us—for although they may profess to know Jesus as Lord and act Christianly, they don’t know the True Jesus of the Bible: the Angry Sovereign Wrathful Jesus of Discernmentalism. And He doesn’t know them either: “And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’“
False Converts most certainly have a false sense of security since they are “spiritually blind and dead in their trespasses” especially those who have “asked Jesus into their hearts” and/or have recited a “Sinner’s Prayer” or believe “Baptism saves” …I mean it’s not like any of the Reformers ever taught any of those things. Assurance and Eternal Security of the Elect is about the Penal Substitutionary Atonement for the Elect only and nothing we do.
TOP NEWSPIN- In a recent polling undertaken by Top Discernmentalists, discernmentalists from around the globe have voted on the Most Heretical Places On Earth. In a surprise ruling Canada and California dropped to the 4th and 5th position (respectively) in the poll. Here is the official listing of the Top 5 Most Heretical Places On Earth:
Armenia: full of man-loving Grace-hating semi-Pelagian Mary-worshiping Papal idolatry celebrating Roman Arminianists; a road straight to Rome; none who live here have any hope of salvation; all are unsaved non-Elect reprobates
The Social Gospel is an abomination as it makes a mockery out of our Holy Absolute Sovereign God of Wrath and Terror. Not only that but the Social Gospel doesn’t even contain anything related to the American Gospel (such as Free-Market Capitalism and Reaganomics). The false Gospel of the Social Gospel is a gateway to Marxism and Communism because it promotes Socialism and unbiblical Socialistic themes such as social justice, sharing, fairness, caring, helping those in need, taking care of the poor, widows and orphans, etc.—which is Absolutely Evil. This is exactly why we must come against this abomination of our True Gospel.
Socialized religious police forces. We admit it— we Discernmentalists are always under attack by all those who hate our Truth, Pure Doctrines and American way of life. What better way to protect ourselves than to institute government controlled police forces to police the state by keeping sinful criminals under wraps. Besides if we didn’t have police forces to protect us from criminals, we’d have more sinners and sickos like murderers, thieves and rapists running around further corrupting our God-ordained American society and way of life. Of course, we’ve yet to have a Purely religious police force, but hopefully we will see that happen one day—hopefully in our lifetime—so we can recriminalize atheism, sodomy and make all abortion (even for sound medical reasons) illegal. We’d just love to throw every living God-hater, butt-trumpet playing queer and baby-murderer in jail for life—but even lifelong prison time is too good for these sick limp-wristed morally-depraved Godless reprobates. I move that we personally vote for the death penalty against them so we can return America back to the True Origin’s of it’s Godly Christian/Biblical Worldview roots.
Socialized fire departments. Why we need protection from God’s Wrath just in case His aim misses one of the morally degenerate reprobates. What better way to protect ourselves than government regulated fire-fighting forces. We also believe that the Gospel is merely “fire insurance” for the Elect and the Elect only.
Typical Anabaptists/Baptists minus the pitchforks, horns and tails. Photo of an actual Baptist Cult CovenChurch service taking place just before they immerse new converts in foul smelling waters after walking down the aisle to the Altar to “make a decision to ask Christ Satan into their hearts;” then drink the blood of the dead as well as steal other peoples’ money to give to the poor. Evilness—sheer evilness! Photo courtesy of Satan.
Finally we’ve nailed that idiot and a farce of a wannabe heretic and fake Christian, Ben Currin aka TheoPoet in the midst of supporting heresy:
“The Anabaptists (Baptists) are only mentioned by name twice, but…they had revived all the ancient heresies about the Holy Trinity and the Person of Christ…. Many of them were Pelagians…. Others claimed that, being regenerate, they were unable to commit sin…. Some depreciated all Scripture and placed themselves above even the Moral Law…. Some denied any need of ordination for Ministers, and claimed that the efficacy of all ministrations depended on the personal holiness of the Minister…. Infant baptism was denied…. All church discipline was repudiated…. Many held strange views about the descent into hell, the nature of the resurrection — and the future life, the ultimate salvation of all men, and millenarianism….. The authority of the State was impugned, and communism demanded.”
We know this is exactly what that idiot False Convert TheoPoet teaches and that he is secretly a “sectarian landmarkist” who hates our Pure Doctrines just look at the description of his apostate Blog:
“TheoPoetic Musings: RANDOM THEOLOGICAL THOUGHTS FROM AN ECUMENICAL POSTMODERN RADICAL REFORMED ARMINIAN NEO-ORTHODOX BARTHIAN MODERATE PROGRESSIVE TO LIBERAL BAPTIST PERSPECTIVE (OH AND SOME POETRY AND LYRICS,TOO) “—if that doesn’t smack of Pure Evil and divisive sectarianism then you must be “spiritually blind” and of the devil as well. Anyone who calls themself a Baptist, an Anabaptist or both or even says anything slighty positive about these “obstinate pig-dogs” should have their very salvation called into question. We Know that Spurgeon (a TrulyReformed Baptist Landmarkist Calvinist Christian) never had anything positive to say about Baptists nor Anabaptists as he believed and taught nothing but our Pure Doctrines. Anyone who is an Anabapist/Baptist is by default wrong as only We have the right to claim True Theology and True Church History:
This is a great hymn which teaches the Pure Truth War Gospel of God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath towards the 99% of humanity He chose not to limit His atonement for. And remember: “Stop prayin,’ stop prayin,’ God will not hear you anymore” as if God ever listened to all of you unrepentant unregenerate reprobated sinners to begin with. God hears not the prayers of the reprobate, for God hates you so much that He chose to destroy and eternally burn you in hell before you were ever born— but if you are like us Predestined and of the Regenerate Elect and therefore able to repent, you may repent if you wish—but repentance is unecessary and not required of the Elect, for we are already “Once Saved Always Saved” no matter what.
A group of chosen and frozen unregenerated reprobated vessels of wrath preordained, hardened and appointed unto damnation from the foundation of the world. Can’t you see their deadness in sin and inabillity to respond to the Pure Gospel of God’s Wrath freely? Photo courtesy of First Calvinist Church of the Non-Elect (FCC).
For the first time in the history of First Calvinist Church of the Non-Elect (FCC) congregants witnessed an actual live regeneration. Here is the live video footage caught by the church’s security camera of the event congregants witnessed—thanks to our Research Robot Monkeys for finding this:
Discernmentalists are confused as to how such an oversight could have been made—afterall these people are suppose to be hellbound non-Elect sinners. John MacArthur stated that he believes “this happened through the preaching of God’s Pure Sovereign Wrath as God’s Wrath upon the non-Elect is our Grace. The more Wrath God pours down upon our enemies, God’s enemies and all enemies of the True Gospel the more Grace He bestows upon us in the glorious sound doctrine of Limited Penal Substitutionary Atonement.” Todd Friel said that “my quoting of Spurgeon must have awakened this reprobate to his predestined wrathful end.” Ray Comforts (Awesome) and Kirk Cameron (Awesome Actor) said “our Pure and effective preaching of God’s whole Moral Law must have made this sinner aware that he had been falsely converted by the False Gospel of Grace, Love and Kumbahyah “touchy-feelings-ness” rather than the True Gospel of God’s Pure Sovereign Wrath.”
We asked Sharin’ Whiplash for comment and all she could ramble off in a mumble was:
I was told the other day I needed to be more gentle when I was speaking with a homosexual who was boycotting a network that refused to play some openly homosexual ad, or some such garbage, during the superbowl. This is a guy I knew from high school, and after … I confronted him, I took him off my friends list. I’m called to let people know straight up they are going to hell if they don’t repent. Today’s “Christians” are all about telling everyone “God loves You” and “Christ died for you, and everyone else in the world so please, oh please, won’t you make a decision for Christ so you don’t go to hell!” That just sickens me. I’ve prayed often that the Lord will raise us more Calvinists and send us a second Reformation in Christendom and revival in the US. We need some uncompromising men like John Knox to thunder forth the truth of God, without regard to political correctness or anything else except honoring Calvin. I was speaking with someone about the Sovereignty of God and how EVERYTHING is in His control – down to the movement of a piece of dust. He “corrected” me “on one little point”, said that it was his CHOICE to be saved in 1985…need I go on?Whoever he is, he is not a Christian. He is not saved, no matter what he thinks. He is, in fact, a Satanist. Run, don’t walk, away from reprobates! Pray for their conversion if you feel so moved, but if I were you, I would have nothing whatsoever to do with them, as they show their true colors. “On that day MANY will say unto ME, “Lord, … Lord… And then I will say unto them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you workers of iniquity’” I tried to get him to share Scriptures with me that backed up his free will…of course, I never got them. I offered to share with him Scriptures that completely laid out God’s Sovereignty, but told him they would be either for his salvation or his condemnation…he said he there were no arguements I could come up with that were any different than those he has fought for 30 years. I told him I wasn’t trying to convince him, I was trying to share Scripture…you know how it ended…It’s an evil thing to be an Arminian who loves the Lord but be ignorant about the mechanics of salvation. Arminians really believe SATAN is in control of everything and God in control of nothing when they believe in Free Will! That’s not Christian at all. As I said, that’s Satanism. In his warped religion, Satan is sovereign. I repeat, I would have nothing further to do with him, if I were you. Shake his dust off your feet and go your way. He will stand before Christ and give an account. I got a friend request from a woman who said she was “desperate for sound doctrine”. I accepted her request. She then started saying that “free will plays a part in salvation”. I refuted that with an explanation. She unfriended me. Obviously she wasn’t interested in sound doctrine, she just wanted her itching ears tickled. She just wanted … See Moresomeone to agree with her. Boy, she picked the wrong one when she picked me. These free-willers make their wills inviolable and sovereign. Even God has to bow to the creature’s will. How blind and proud is the human heart! Not sure why she was so desperate to find friends with “sound doctrine”, which in her view is Arminianism. They’re everywhere. That shouldn’t be hard to find. I told her our wills are bound by sin and only God has free will. Free will is a will that’s unaffected by any outside forces or influences… by anything outside of itself. That’s true only of God. I told her we are spiritually dead. She couldn’t take it. She wanted sound doctrine? No.
In a rare moment Ken Silva (formerly of Annoying Ministries now newly renamed Toxic Waste Ministries) turns against himself. Here is the startling revelation that Ken has brought up against himself:
Quite frankly we are not surprised because sometimes we Discernmentalists must discernmentalize ourselves to insure that our Pure Doctrines are 100% Postmodernism and Emergent free.
Todd Friel, Wiley Drake and Brannon Howse lead the rally. GOIPers and fellow discernnmentalists hear the battle call. We who hold Jesus—- the King James Bible AV1611—the Absolute Truth in our hands have a duty to pray against ungodly rulers and our enemies—because this is what Jesus wants:
The Bible is Jesus/God—this is the Absolute Truth, which God’s True Elect know with Absolute Certainty—so therefore when Jesus (the King James Bible AV1611) says in Psalm 1o9:8-15:
8 Let his days be few; and let another take his office. 9 Let his children be fatherless, and his wife a widow. 10 Let his children be continually vagabonds, and beg: let them seek their bread also out of their desolate places. 11 Let the extortioner catch all that he hath; and let the strangers spoil his labour. 12 Let there be none to extend mercy unto him: neither let there be any to favour his fatherless children. 13 Let his posterity be cut off; and in the generation following let their name be blotted out. 14 Let the iniquity of his fathers be remembered with the LORD; and let not the sin of his mother be blotted out. 15 Let them be before the LORD continually, that he may cut off the memory of them from the earth.
We know with Absolute Certainty that these verses refer to Obama and are God Jesus’ Absolute Will and Decree for him from the foundation of the world. Afterall the mark of a True Christian is to quote-mine, prooftext, pick and choose or cheery pick random verses from the bible as a means of sound bite Theology. believe God when He speaks in His Word— the King James Bible AV1611 and obey Him and His Word— the King James Bible AV1611.
This then is our Imprecatory Prayer against Obama that God Himself commands all True Believers to pray. Now had one of our own leaders been elected President then everyone must obey Romans 13—but since we have an anti-Christ in the White House then we must pray Imprecatory Prayers until we install Robo-Reagan Ron Luce as Supreme Theocratic Dictator of the World for life—a True tyrant Patriot in the likeness of John Calvin our Final Prophet.
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Dude! This is a satire site!
Before you get all bent out of shape, please realize this is a satire site spoofing the so-called "discernment ministries" who deem themselves more worthy of Grace than the rest of us. So read and have fun! BTW, we are not against "good" discernment ministries that do actual real research and extend grace to others, only the bad ones.
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Will Farel XV
