Attacks On John MacArthur’s Pure Gospel of a Premillennial Dispensationalist Rapture

May 20, 2011

Phil Johnson has attacked his overlord John MacArthur by attacking fellow Rapture believer Harold Camping. Wretched Radio have also attacked their Final Prophet and ours (P. B. U. H.) by using a clip of Master Debator Rockstar James White calling Harold Camping a Cult Leader. Ken Silva even mocks John MacArthur by stating that: “If Jesus Didn’t Know The Day Or Hour, Be Sure Harold Camping (and by association John MacArthur) Certainly Doesn’t Know“—how dare Ken declare a threat against the Ways of the Master himself…of course, John MacArthur knows as he knows all Absolute Biblical Truth! Even Al Mohler one of  MacArthur’s biggest supporters has come down hard against MacArthur’s fellow Rapture believer by naming Harold Camping a False Prophet.

7th Sola agrees and has stated: “Jesus is coming again. I personally believe the time is soon. But when He does return, it won’t be by Harold Camping’s timetable or anyone else’s. That date and time has been determined by God alone.” We are just shocked that anyone would dare slander MacArthur’s infallible Rapture Truth like that—if MacArthur bids Jesus to imminently return to spread His Venegance and Wrath—Jesus will return soon. Puritan Board has even gone so far as to declare:

Setting-aside all our differences – at least MacArthur is truly defending the Gospel! Warren has a decidedly enthusiastic bent on dismantling the very locus where the Gospel is to be dispensed from: the church. (HaroldCamping has nothing on Warren.) All the Modern Reformation boys are long over-due in speaking out against Warren specifically. One wonders why….John MacArthur may be dispie but at least he defends the gospel. Last time I checked Macarthur wasnt a VanImpe or tele-evangelist trying to make a busk on tv. If youve seen him on tv he is far more respectable and Christian then the other softies.—Blade

Robin, You need to be very careful here and provide specifics. HaroldCamping has made very specific heretical statements that have been very specifically repudiated by teachers in Christ’s Church. While I have no hunger for Warren’s materials, he is no where near in the league of arch-heretics Camping and Wimber (both of whom have claimed “prophetic” status in pushing their new doctrine). I know it is good sport here to bash Warren, but I won’t have either Warren or MacArthur compared to such heretics without specific citations from the man to that effect.
We would expect this kind of nonsense from Grace-hating Man-loving Pelagian and Emergent heretics but not from our Purely Reformed Calvinist Christians who should all be disciples of John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) and His Absolute Biblical Truth and the Truth War… for to go against John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) is blasphemy… Sheer Blasphemy! not to mention to go against our very Lord God and Savior: Jesus Himself.

ODM Research and Design comes clean on new eaves dropping device

July 5, 2010

ODMS across North America have spent an awful lot of money to come up with new and innovate ways to eaves drop on the Emerging Church. The new SPY LOCUST 1000 is designed to be small, nimble and obtrusiveness…..weighing in at only 16 pounds, and measure 18 inches by 4 inches… it can be barely seen by emergents too busy watching Rob Bell videos and combing their trendy hair (ie like Dan Kimball).

ODMafia research robot monkeys conducted several interviews. One ODM suggested that this was a dawn of a new age (but not in a new agey way), that would usher in listening devices to catch emergents red handed sitting on couches sipping fair trade gourmet coffee. Another suggested that the Spy Locust 1000 could be linked to other locusts thereby swarming and driving emergents out of the city where their doctrines of anti-modernism would lesson the chance of overcoming the status quo.

The Spy Locust 1000 can sniff out one emergent in a group of 10,000 people, decide who is in and out of the true church and do this all 1,000 times a second (thus Spy Locust 1000). This series can also detect whether you have listened to Brian McLaren or NT Wright and will ear piercing sirens upon a positive search.

Truthslayer


Hex in the City

June 27, 2010

In  this made for discernmentalist TV show “Hex in the City” features witches that are pursued by mighty truth warriors trained exclusively on Walter Martin cassette tapes. Each week these witches are found, exposed for their lack of truth and then condemned. Think if this as groundhog day for truth warriors. However, each episode approaches these vile witches from various angles – but nevertheless they are also condemned (each week) in creative ways as well….

Catch it this fall on CBS!

Truthslayer approved!


Bow down to the King of kings… OR ELSE!

May 17, 2010

One of the greatest theologians of our day Lemmy, has written the greatest ODM worship song ever. Enjoy!


That’s So Discernmentalist!

February 28, 2010

Using Eric Barger’s STRETCH and Revisionist Technology and Todd Friel’s Subliminal Brainwashing microwaves Ken  Silva and his loyal band of Discernmentalists have found a way to hit the Preteen/Tween and Teenage television markets. The first of their fruits is:

Weekends at 9:30AM
All times ET/PT
 
That’s So Discernmentalist is a new live-action situation comedy starring Raven (formerly credited as Raven-Symone, The Cosby Show) as Reagan “Marxist” Basher, a winsome Capitalist-loving teen whose ability to glimpse flashes of the future and know all through perfect osmosis cause trouble whenever she meets Emergent and Red-Letter Christians. Helping her out (or sometimes into) these predicaments are her best friends Eddie Silva and Chelsea Barger, whose loyalty can be counted on whether Reagan’s escapades involve hilarious disguises, hostile government overthrows of corporations by God’s Only Inerrant/Republican Party, exploitation, discernmentalism or a hint of danger. Allowing her flights of fancy — yet eager to keep her feet on the ground — are Reagan’s parents, Victoria and Todd “Emergent” Basher. And then there’s precocious kid brother Cory, who is both an annoyance and invaluable resource to his big sis. Cory not only idolizes Final President Reagan and Capitalism, but the love of money is his total root motivation with all his wacky “get rich quick” business schemes. Watch with the whole family and learn these Discernmentalist values: arrogance, greed, haughtiness, Capitalist Materialism, divisionism, knowing by osmosis, condescending selfishness, avarice, revisionism, strawman arguments, how to listen to only yourself when you  yell and scream at your opponents and much much more…
 
 
©GOIP Productions
Length: 00:23
Genre: Children, Sitcom, Comedy
Original Airdate: 2003+7/10

Our Goal For A Post-Emergent Church

October 15, 2009

The Post-Emergent Church

The Post-Emergent Church Of The Future—For old people that never grow out of their youth. A non-seeker-sensitive approach to church: How to lose friends and alienate people. The Post-Emergent Church will return us back to fundamentalism while still remaining relevant. Praise Hymn Rock Songs Include:

  • In Awe Of Thy 600+ Commandments, Praise Jesus 25x Chorus, Jesus Is Coming Now Grab Your Guns, We’re Old But We’re Still Young In Church, A Mighty Fortress Is Our Bible, I Saw Jesus Shoot A Heretic But He Did Not Shoot The Deputy, We Hold The Absolute Truth And So Can You, We’ll Annoy You With One More Praise Chorus, We Wish You A Servetus Barbecue, O I Hope My Shoe Is Holey Enough For The Rapture and Raise A Banner Of War On The Non-Elect

Confession of Faith: Legalism is Lord. Church services will include inquisitions on non-believers followed by forced baptisms. Afterwards, we’ll have a pot luck lunch. Everyone wins—souls that is! Rainbow wigs available after your first forced communion.

 

rollenstewart2


“Trutharama” has new future on Truth Central Broadcasting

August 13, 2009

“Truthurama” creators Eric Barger are working on stories for the new batch of episodes of the truth-discernment related cartoon, slated to premiere on Comedy Central in mid-2010. Its so bad its funny says reporters.
Just as with “Family Guy,” whose improbable return was triggered by big DVD sales and solid ratings on the Trinity Broadcast Network that had recently become unitarian for failing to understand actual doctrine. Rigid beliefs, and fear have caused many Christians to watch few shows, some stooping even to watch Trutharama.
The 26-episode order from Comedy Central was preceded by four feature-length original “Truthurama” specials: “Bender’s Big Score,” “The Beast With a Billion Backs,” “Bender’s Game” and “Into the Wild Green Yonder,” which have done well on DVD and on Comedy Central. (The most recent special, “Yonder,” premieres on Comedy Central in September.)
Comedy Central was happy with the specials and with the 72 produced episodes of “Futurama” it acquired from 20th Century Fox TV in 2006.
“Yet there is nothing like new, self-contained episodes week to week,” said Comedy Central’s senior vice president programing David Bernath. “This is all about reinvigorating the franchise, giving it a new burst of energy.”
benderTrutharama” creators ODMafia and Eric Barger are working on stories for the new batch of episodes of the truth-discernment related cartoon, slated accidently to premiere on Truth Central Broadcasting in mid-2010. “Its so bad its funny” says reporters.
Just as with “Take A Stand Guy,” whose improbable return was triggered by big DVD sales and solid ratings on the Trinity Broadcast Network that had recently become unitarian , Trutharama has been given a resurrection (but not a literal one, as some readers may suppose).
The 26-episode order from Truth Central Broadcasting was preceded by four feature-length original “Trutharama” specials: “ODMafia’s Big Score,” “The Emerging Monster With a Billion Backs,” “Get a Backbone” (co-written by Apprising Ministries) and “Into the Wild Green Heresy,” which have done well on DVD and on Truth Central Broadcasting (The most recent special, “Wild Green,” premieres on Truth Central Broadcasting in September.)
ITodyaso said “This is all about reinvigorating the franchise, giving it a new burst of discernmetnalist energy.” We hope you will join us this fall with all new episodes.


God inspires ODM with new answer to Emergents. “Bwahahhahaa!”

June 23, 2009

bwahahaha

 

Bwahahhahaa! Is the new answer we are now giving to Emergents as it seems some ODM’s cannot actually give a real answer. Though at first this seems to make a mockery of ODM’s as the bible is clear that we are to not just laugh, but mock and make up more revisionist’s reality (As ODM’s never lie! We only revise reality to our own version and fitting!) against the evil and vile Emerging Church peoples! (Because they love to promote actually doing something with their faith! Sinners!)

You must realize dear reader, not everyone can become a ODM. There is much training and studying that must come before one can be allowed to judge and condemn others. It is not like some Yahoo wannabe can just set up a website or blog and become an ODM overnight! Did you know that you must have a certificate? (Please view our gift shop and buy your own certificate and become an official ODM!)

We here do applaud that Discerning the World at least is great with their revisionist’s reality, and suggest when dealing with emerging people and you cannot come up with a great answer use  “Bwahahhahaa!” instead as they do. That way you can feel superior and not fall into actually caring or loving the person you are talking to. It also works when you really cannot give an answer but still need to sound like you know what you are talking about even when you may not.


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