Be Rapture-Ready for May 21, 2011!

May 17, 2011

Prepare for May 21st and be Rapture Ready with the Online Discernmentalist Mafia’s handy new RaptureHatch for the roofs of True Churches and the homes of True Regenerate Converts. Doomsday is soon approaching… Don’t get Left Behind with the unregenerate non-Elect heathens… Let John MacArthur confirm you in our Pure Truth War Doctrines and prove that you are indeed Rapture Ready and we’ll install a RaptureHatch on your roof today!

This site (an Online Discernmentalist Mafia partner site) reveals the most complete written, audio, and video Bible teachings which conclusively prove May 21, 2011 to be Judgment Day and The Rapture, and October 21, 2011 to be the end of the world. It is most urgent to examine yourself, whether you are of the Regenerate Elect and therefore are saved.


ODM Research and Design comes clean on new eaves dropping device

July 5, 2010

ODMS across North America have spent an awful lot of money to come up with new and innovate ways to eaves drop on the Emerging Church. The new SPY LOCUST 1000 is designed to be small, nimble and obtrusiveness…..weighing in at only 16 pounds, and measure 18 inches by 4 inches… it can be barely seen by emergents too busy watching Rob Bell videos and combing their trendy hair (ie like Dan Kimball).

ODMafia research robot monkeys conducted several interviews. One ODM suggested that this was a dawn of a new age (but not in a new agey way), that would usher in listening devices to catch emergents red handed sitting on couches sipping fair trade gourmet coffee. Another suggested that the Spy Locust 1000 could be linked to other locusts thereby swarming and driving emergents out of the city where their doctrines of anti-modernism would lesson the chance of overcoming the status quo.

The Spy Locust 1000 can sniff out one emergent in a group of 10,000 people, decide who is in and out of the true church and do this all 1,000 times a second (thus Spy Locust 1000). This series can also detect whether you have listened to Brian McLaren or NT Wright and will ear piercing sirens upon a positive search.

Truthslayer


Godless Reprobates are…

July 4, 2010

 

That’s right all you Arminianists, Emergent heretics and False Christians who are obsessed with the Babylonian whore church of Papal Rome—you are all too sinful to save unlike We the Predestined and Godly Sinless Elect—even God said so! The Real God and the Real Jesus that is who in His Absolute Sovereign Wrath is angry and hates sinners with a Holy Passion and not your imaginary and worldly Jesus idol of the Roman Whore Church made in your man-exalting image. And that means you to0 Emergent-Evolutionist Bible Monkey!

P. S. We hate all of you with a Godly and commendable hatred for our hatred of all of you is Absolutely Biblical and ordained by the Real and Sovereign God Himself:

Rev 2:6 But this thou hast, that thou hatest the deeds of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate.

Rev 2:14 But I have a few things against thee, because thou hast there them that hold the doctrine of Balaam, who taught Balac to cast a stumblingblock before the children of Israel, to eat things sacrificed unto idols, and to commit fornication.

Rev 2:15 So hast thou also them that hold the doctrine of the Nicolaitans, which thing I hate.

Rev 2:16 Repent; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will fight against them with the sword of my mouth.

Rev 2:17 He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches; To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the hidden manna, and will give him a white stone, and in the stone a new name written, which no man knoweth saving he that receiveth [it]. (Revelation 2:6, 14-17—The One and Only True Holy King James Bible Authorized Version 1611).

In the  loving blessings of His Grace, liberty and electing Saving Faith for which I was Chosen,

Don Jobson.


Online Discernment Lesson # 6: Quotes

May 31, 2010

Discernmentalists need quotes. That is a given. We also love to selectively quote….because good selection means selling good products. Our product happens to be our disdain, dismay, and disparaging remarks against other people we don’t like. The object of this game is to change the meaning of anything and everything to mislead your readers and to persuade them to realize that the person you are bashing is worthy of bashing. Like us, you will get LIFE out of attacking and belittling others and crown this as discernment ministry It makes us feel more spiritual, and that others MUST measure up against us.

We like to misquote often to show how wrong others are….and therefore how RIGHT we are. Take for instance this quote, and read it CAREFULLY, because it is chocked full of Rick Warren evilness….

Rick Warren agreed to pray at the Presidential Inauguration. That immediately made him a left-wing liberal heretic. Well, it made him a WORSE left-wing liberal heretic than he had been before). Obviously everyone in his church was headed for hell because Warren chose to pray for the godless liberal President Obama.  Rick Warren is not only a left-wing liberal heretic secret Muslim sympathizer, he’s also a supporter of gay marriage, and maybe even a closet homosexual! “

As you can see, we have included all the important buzzwords from a secondary source (never a primary source), carefully selecting a few sentences before tying them together as one cohesive thought. The important thing here is to make the author of said quote to mean something different than its original meaning. DO NOT try to understand the intent of the quote, simply alter, and rearrange the meaning….remember this is NOT dishonest if you believe that his/her theology is ad odds with your pure bible believing teachings. Of course this is a small lesson learned, and if you continue with our short concise ODMafia School of Discernmentalism you too will be a master discernmentalist.

Don’t be afraid there are MANY people to disparage.

Truthslayer

Please refer to “Lesson Plan #5: Labeling others as Liberals” before continuing to Lesson #6.


Discerning the world invents myopic camera!

April 26, 2010

Discerning The World Ministries (DTW) has done it again….thanks to their truth stretching technology.  DTW has invented the all-new TRUTH CAMERA. The new 16.1 Megapixel Digital SLR is designed to see ONLY what photographer intends to see. (ie at the expense of the entire photo). In other words this camera filters out anything and everything….including foreground, background, quotes, and paragraphs and re-imaging the said meaning. Moreover the camera has special filters such as “muddy effect” that aids in clouding a subject in misunderstanding and turbid renderings.

This camera is perfect for any discernmentalist photographer who sees things the way they aren’t rather than they way they are.

Truthslayer approved!


Now a word from our sponsor, Rush Limbaugh!

January 22, 2010

 

First Rush Limbaugh brought us Oxycotin!

Now Rush Limbaugh brings you Super Viagra!

Now back to our regular scheduled programing!


The Don Quixote Award Goes To…

October 10, 2009

Don Quixote AwardIf we ODM’s had a patron saint, Don Quixote would be the one. But because we ODM’s know everything that the Roman Catholic Church believes in and do is heretical we don’t have a patron saint. But if we had one it would be Saint Don Quixote.

To Don Quixote’s his truth is all that counted. If he saw a giant that had to be slayed he charged forth in almost holy anger to meet the windmill in battle. Reality and people trying to tell him about reality didn’t take away from his focus to valiantly fight the dangerous giants of his imagination.

Today we ODM’s have to face similar giants just as the brave Don Quixote did. We should never be swayed by the facts of reality so that we lose focus of our imaginarydangerous foes. People may question where we get our proof from about these giants but we don’t answer to nobody so we don’t have to tell them that we dreamed it all up.

In this tradition of imaginary giants one ODM stands out above the rest and therefor deserve the Don Quixote Award. The ODMafia is honoured to present this prestigious award to Discerning The World. The bravery and determination with which DTW storms the spiritual windmillsgiants of our time is truly inspiring. Posts like this one* raises the bar of tenacity to stick to an argument no matter if the facts show otherwise. This is a great example of how links should be made where none exist and DTW is an expert in this field.

We congratulate DTW and encourage all ODM’s to follow this excellent example of following Don Quixote’s footsteps. Let us charge forth in ignorance!

*NOTE: In another ODM tradition I have not read this piece fully and just assumed it said what I think it says by scanning through and pick what I want to say it means what I say it means. I am never wrong so I am right in my assessment of the piece.

Will FarelXV
Fighting for the Truth


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