They developed these techn0logies with one single purpose in mind: to liquidate those evil grace-hating man-loving free-will worshiping Pelagian Popish-Pagans: the Armenians. Since long time true believers in the Only True and Correct Doctrines of Grace aka TULIP have been trying to rid the world of the imputent plague known as Armenianism.
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We bought several copies of this classic masterwork and are now halfway through with building our own Nuclear Power-plant and several Doomsday Death Devices and other Weapons of “Papalist” Mass Destruction to aid our fellow Discernmentalists in our 2012 Doomsday/Armageddon Plans; to help power-up our Rapture machines and to help us to profit off of all the non-elect unregenerate reprobate Postmodern emergent heathens and other unsaved pagans Left Behind; and also to help us to destroy the Semi-Pelagees (Armenianists and Romanists) once and for all!
Talk about humanistic arrogance and pride! Porn-Surfer not only seems to be all about lust but also promotes a man-centered; God-hating; ear-tickling; grace-hating man-loving Semi-Pelagian Arminianist worldview. (And we all know where the heresy of Arminianism came from as it was the false gospel of Satan from the Garden as Arminianism is the root of all evil—not only that Arminianism leads back to it’s equally heretical forerunner: Romanism and Popery)! An example of the Arminianist bent of this movie is how Bethany’s “passion for surfing” supercedes her need for a Savior such as how she always fulfills the selfish desires of her sinful flesh first before even giving a thought to pleasing her Absolute Sovereign Savior.
(Insert evil I’m-smarter-than-you-laugh-here). As I languished in the bowels of AM radio, striving, yearning, for my big break I continually proclaimed the true biblical interpretation; T.U.L.I.P. Over and over again I walked the Romans Road always reminding people that they were wretched sinners who God was going to smite for His pleasure and Glory. But at every turn I was rebuffed. Deep down (actually really close to the surface) I knew this trial was actually God blessing me for my suffering, for it is written, “the World will hate you because of me”. AMEN! Hated I was but alas, I am now where my gifts will be used by God and appreciated…ODMafia.
A few things about me:
DISCERNING: Anything that doesn’t agree with my theological understandings is wrong. It will save a lot of debate in the comment section if you all understand that EVERYTHING I say is right. For I have the gift of DISCERNMENT.
CONCERNING: I find it concerning that the evangelicalism sweeping this great Nation of of ours is being overrun with weak theology. It’s my goal…err…MISSION to bring US back. Therefore it is mandatory before I take you seriously in dialog you must pass the following True or False quiz:
1) There is only one true God.
2) There is only one true prophet of God
3) That prophet is John Calvin
4) Calvins Institutes are also God-Breathed and useful for instruction.
5) You agree with everything I say
If you answered False to any of those questions we shall have no fellowship for it is written “And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.” Biblically speaking I can have no fellowship with you. All to God’s Glory.
UNLEARNING: I understand that many have been exposed to the damnable heresies of Brian McLaren, Tony Jones, Doug Pagitt, Rob Bell, Greg Boyd, Billy Graham, Robert Schuller, et al. So it’s my goal to UNLEARN all those things in the minds of my readers. My suggested reading list for anyone interested in true biblical scholarship and knowledge: King James Version 1611 ~ As its been rightfully pointed out “If it was good enough for Paul, it’s good enough for me”. HAPPY 400th Birthday KJV!
Anything and Everything written by John McArthur (PBUH).
Apostles Creed: The original not the revised Canons of Dordt The Heidelberg Catechism Calvin Institutes
Finally, A big heart-felt, thank you to the ODMafia for allowing me this opportunity to spread the True Gospel Message.
This is just as bad as when our Research Robot Monkeys caught Chris Rosebrough quoting from the Brian McLaren endorsed Roman Catholic apostate G. K. Chesterton. Why is asking someone to meditate on a Bible verse so evil you may ask—why it may lead someone to slip into taking on the Emergent practice of meditation aka “Lectio Divina” or worse than that they may even take on the New Age practice of chanting. Lectio Divina of course is defined as:
Lectio Divina is Latin for divine reading, spiritual reading, or “holy reading,” and represents a traditional Christian practice of prayer and scriptural reading intended to promote communion with God and to increase in the knowledge of God’s Word. It is a way of praying with Scripture that calls one to study, ponder, listen and, finally, pray and even sing and rejoice from God’s Word, within the soul.
Now you can also see why we are also disappointed with Trish for slipping into Emerging heresy. However this is not a total shock as Dr. Seymore Spurgeon caught Ray Comforts (Awesome) of Way Of The Master in the actual act of practicing the New Age ritual of Lectio Divina as for Trish’s adding to the Word of God all we have to say is hath not God said in His Inerrant and Infallible Word the Bible: ”5 Every word of God proves true; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him. 6 Do not add to his words, lest he rebuke you and you be found a liar.” [Proverbs 30:5-6 (ESV)]
A key scene in one of Sarah Palin(Yes! hubba hubba Awesome)’s Conservoporn productions Slaying Neo-Marxist Red Letter Christian Wolves: Tax Cuts For The Filthy Rich Turn Me On —-
Look for the official Glenn Beck Seal Of Approval on all of our excellent and quality Conservoporn productions:
Just like we were not happy with Brian McLaren’s book A Generous Orthodoxy….we are not happy with his new book either….eventhough it is yet released….We Know it is full of heresy especially because we are a discernmentalist ministry and stand for true Absolute biblical truth. This is why we’ve gotten John MacArthur and Todd Friel to write our version of his new book before it even comes out after using Eric Barger’s time machine to spot all the heresy in Brian’s book .
Also, you may have heard of this phrase from the Reformation: “Ecclesia reformata semper reformanda—The Church should be reformed and always reforming.” Well using Eric Barger’s time machine again—we’ve found that none of the Reformers said that. This is why we must oppose Brian’s new book with a Holy Angry Passion as those Emergents are always trying to reform our Absolute Truth, our Pure Churches and our Pure Doctrines. We also believe that Reformed Emergent/Emerging House Churches do not exist. Reformed and Emergent are oxymorons as Ken Silva teaches therefore there are no such creatures as Reformed Emergents because Ken Silva is always right. This is always why we stand by our reformatted Reformation motto: “Semper 1600′s—Always 1600′s always”—that’s right because we’ve discovered all the Truth we need to know about God in the 1600′s. There is nothing else about God that needs to be revealed to us—the Reformers and the King James Bible revealed everything about God to us—so we must always stay in the 1600′s and think like they did in the 1600′s as well.
Dr. Don Jobson, Dr. Truthslayer and Dr. I. Todyaso—Sola 1600′s (1600′s alone).
Discernmentalists, we are under direct attack on a daily basis. We need to rally to arms and put on the aggressive defense. Just last month Brian McLaren directly assaulted Uncle Ken Silva and Aunt Ingrid Schlueter of Slice Of Laodicea. Ingrid was caught yelling in a headlock:
What an appallingly dishonest way to deal with your critics, McLaren.
which inspired her to write this scathing critique of her ordeal:
Emergent author Brian McLaren doesn’t believe in a literal Second Coming of Jesus. He has problems with the penal substitutionary atonement of Jesus on the cross. A literal hell with eternal torment for those who reject Christ? Not likely. The Genesis account of the fall of man? Not true. But instead of addressing his own spiritual rebellion, Brian appears to want to paint his critics as bigots. In a recent blog post, McLaren demands that what he calls “discernment websites” (he used the quote marks) address an African country’s attempts to codify severe penalties for homosexuality into law. He seems to imply that these same “discernment ministries” would automatically support the arrest and execution of gays by Uganda.
For the record, Brian, that’s a pretty nasty strategy to use against those who point to your heretical doctrinal views. While emergents supposedly are intellectual, open-minded people who enjoy conversations with subtle nuances and lots of mystery, McLaren actually sees things in black and white. Anyone who is not willing to jettison cardinal doctrine and embrace his “new kind of Christianity” is painted as ready to commit hate crimes and would support mistreating gays. What an appallingly dishonest way to deal with your critics, McLaren.
Ken was found wounded in the fray but not hurt. We asked him for comment and all he could murmur was:
It’s interesting this “minister” would place quotations around “discernment websites.” Well, as one of said sites, I can tell McLaren that I personally do not at all “enjoy featuring and critiquing the work” of any of these postliberal rebels against the final authority of God’s Word. The Lord knows that I’d much rather go back to apologetics and evangelizing those lost in the kingdom of the cults.
What utter and complete blasphemy. May the Lord reveal Himself to you and open your eyes to the idol you have created and now worship. May He remove the veil of ignorance that you blissfully revel in but that holds your soul in condemnation.
Editors’ Note: We of God’s Truly Chosen Elect don’t have idols you know.
Part of the ‘inner reflex’ is Centering Prayer is letting go. For 20 minutes twice a day, it’s a continuous letting go of thoughts and emotions that well up inside – kind of like a fisherman catching fish but not to eat – just for fun. He’s sitting in a boat (the mind) and his pole rests in the water (the field of consciousness). Little fish (thoughts, ideas, emotions) come up and nibble on the line (ordinary awareness) – the fisherman doesn’t shoot the fish with a revolver or cut the line. Instead, he pulls the little fish up, but doesn’t keep them in the boat – it’s catch & release.
Catch and release, catch and release, gently, graciously – because you recognize that even the lake is situated in a much larger ecosystem (God). You can let go because the earth is abundant; you will be fed. Centering Prayer is a journey of trust in God, even on the unconscious level, where all kind of mis-trustful thoughts bubble up to the surface. The life centered in surrender to & trust in God is a life of profound peace and productivity – and our Scriptures attest, in a myriad of ways, that such trust (faith) ‘pleases God.’ But when we’re faced with the disturbing truths that Brueggemann elucidates – God’s irascibility for instance – what do we do?
There are two ways to do handle this. One is the way of definitive, forceful – almost violent – denial that there is (or has ever been) anything troubling in God’s character or actions. It’s the route of trusting God via suppression.
But there is another route – more painful, more adult, more complex – but I think it can still end in deeply-rooted, childlike trust. It’s a path that I’ve learned from many guides over the years, including Bruggie Baby (sorry for the familiarity, but it’s really hard typing his name over and over again), Meister Eckhart, the Jewish scholar Richard Elliot Friedman in The Hidden Face of God, Jack Miles in his Christ: A Crisis in the Life of God, ‘deeper life’ missionary and teacher Norman Grubb, and the process theologians that Tripp Fuller is getting me to read (like his professor Philip Clayton of Transforming Theology) or listen to & he and Chad Crawford’s uber-awesome podcast Homebrewed Christianity – all refined in the daily, simple crucible (quite actually) of centering prayer as taught by Contemplative Outreach and particularly Cynthia Bourgeault. (Did you read that paragraph, Ken Silva? It was practically tailor-written for you, LOL. If you don’t write about me, Discernmentalist Mafia will!)
My fellow colleague in discernmentalizations Dr. Truthslayer has this to add about Mike’s Emergent Romanism:
ODMafia went on the prowl….we sent our research robot monkeys behind the scenes to find the authentic Emergent Church (EC). …What did we find?….Among other things that have been discovered (as suggested in previous posts)….we spotted couches, candles and sometimes left-over coffee cups (often left in the recycled bin which suggests that they are Earth worshipers). Surely this has new age undertones.
Anyways, we all know with Absolute Certainty that candles in church=Romanism. And that’s Mike Morrell, a Romanist—we have Absolute Proof:
Mike Morrell caught sinning by drinking alcohol and with the Pope at that.
Mike Morrell exposed as a Romanist/Papist pope and idol worshipping heretic.
And we know that those evil Red Letter Christians and Emergents wish the same thing for our God Ordained and Chosen Nation since all of them are Obama supporters—just listen to the evil anthem they plan on singing this Sunday:
Before you get all bent out of shape, please realize this is a satire site spoofing the so-called "discernment ministries" who deem themselves more worthy of Grace than the rest of us. So read and have fun! BTW, we are not against "good" discernment ministries that do actual real research and extend grace to others, only the bad ones.
Posted by donjobson 
DISCERNING: Anything that doesn’t agree with my theological understandings is wrong. It will save a lot of debate in the comment section if you all understand that EVERYTHING I say is right. For I have the gift of DISCERNMENT.
CONCERNING: I find it concerning that the evangelicalism sweeping this great Nation of of ours is being overrun with weak theology. It’s my goal…err…MISSION to bring US back. Therefore it is mandatory before I take you seriously in dialog you must pass the following True or False quiz:
UNLEARNING: I understand that many have been exposed to the damnable heresies of Brian McLaren, Tony Jones, Doug Pagitt, Rob Bell, Greg Boyd, Billy Graham, Robert Schuller, et al. So it’s my goal to UNLEARN all those things in the minds of my readers. My suggested reading list for anyone interested in true biblical scholarship and knowledge:
DJ
donjobson
itodyaso
seymorespurgeon
truthslayer
Will Farel XV
