Be A Literalist!: Part 4

May 24, 2010

 

In many Bibles, all the words of Jesus are in red. There is nothing wrong with that. But something is wrong when Leftist Christians or so-called Christians want to mute the words of Paul and other writers and only follow Jesus’ words. They call themselves “red-letter Christians.” They feel it is convenient to blot out the words of Paul on homosexuality and focus in on the good deeds Jesus talks about. Most are pacifists who reject an “eye for an eye” (Leviticus 24:19-20). They focus on Jesus’ words about helping the poor, ministering to “the least of these” (Matthew 25:40), loving our enemies, etc. That justifies abandoning hundreds, even thousands of condemning verses in the Bible they choose to wish away. That makes homosexuality OK and war wrong! Red-letter Christians join the chorus of those who believe in a utopia with no wanting or war. Yes, that will come someday, but not the way they think. This could come as a shock to them just because they have little to no regard for other parts of the Bible. They have almost created a new meaning for the term “biblical illiteracy.”  It is also tragic that these folks are frequently called “the evangelical Left.” They don’t have even 1% of evangelical theology in a single bone in their body. They cherry- pick the verses they like, almost exclusively the red letters of Jesus. — Jan Markell, Absolute Biblical Truth Defender.

Think literally. Think creatively. Think creatively about your literalism as ‘The Bible is a book of words and those words are to be interpreted according to what we think is their literal sense. Literally is the only honest way to read….honestly, the literal sense is literally the only honest way to read so be a literalist. Read the Bible literally if anyone objects ask him if you should consider his objection literally or you can explain that the Bible is literature and that there is no other way to read it but literally.’

It is rather creative to read a literal meaning into any given text even if a literal meaning was never the original intent of it’s author to begin with. For example, eventhough a large majority of the Biblical Book of Genesis  is literally Hebrew Poetry— here are some examples of the ways in which we ceatively read a  literal meaning into the text when we literally  read the Book of Genesis as a literal Historical Narrative

 

  • Example # 2: Also Genesis 12:36 states “It was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve or Anna and Eve, marriage is between one man and one woman, anything else is a sin punished by being sent to Hell.” Which seems to be the original of the Neocon view on Gay marriage and Homosexuals. (Source: Yo Dummy! It’s Adam And Eve Not Adam And Steve.).

Be A Literalist!: Part 3

May 19, 2010

 

 

The Bible is a book of words and those words are to be interpreted according to their literal sense,…The literal sense is the only honest way to read. Honestly, the literal sense is literally the only honest way to read. If you care what the author said, read literally. If you do not care what the author said, do not bother reading.

Be a literalist. Read the Bible literally.— Braniac.

Here are some other examples of our philosophy of Absolute Biblical Literalism and Discernmentalist logic put to work:

Discernmentalists generally have no Biblical Philosophy (other than literalism) because they aren’t brainwashed swine like Atheists who foolishing believe in Athe by denying she exists or any of the other apostate and generally heathen type peoples. Instead they follow the elightened philosophy of conservatism, except they hold others to rules but not themselves. This is a great system as it makes it impossible for them to commit any sin, but impossible for their enemies to avoid committing sin, thus proving itself and it’s followers to be inherently moral.

Example 1-Drug addict is put in rehab. Neocon says “It is not a disease, it is a crime committed by bad people with dark skin, possibly illegal immigrants! Hanging is too good for these juiced up junkies!”

Example 2-A popular right wing radio host is found to be filling out false perscriptions to feed his drug habit. Neocon says – “Well obviously the man is sick and needs treatment and understanding, not anger or punishment. How typical of heartless liberal facists to want to punish someone who needs understanding and support.”

See? You get to be in the right everytime! *(Dr. I. Todyaso did his dissertation on this at ODMafia Theolomogical Gradumatation Div. School. It is part of our Bible-Based Discernmentalist Doctrine of  the Self-Justification of our Truth War Self-Righteousness in ourselves Christ).

The unwritten Neocon Discernmentalist Biblical Philosophy is as follows:

  • Destroy everything, except other Neocons and Neocon ideas.
  • The Bible is the word of God and should be taken literally, but only the parts you like. If you can’t find anything you like, you’re misinterpreting.
  • Peaceful protests are riots in which protesters’ weapons are hidden well. Police officers should use force and tasers or rubber bullets accordingly.
  • Minority groups who want their interests addressed in the government should reproduce faster. Current baby murder, sodomy, and child wife laws will be changed to help them achieve this.
  • When in danger, when it doubt, run in circles, scream and shout, then blame the Non-God-Fearing Democrats.
  • Life is tough, life is hard, so make it tougher and harder for everyone else.
  • Refuse to take responsibility for your actions and behaviors, but hold others responsible for their actions and behavior. Loki God gives you special permission to act like a hypocrite, but not others.
  • You have a right to your opinions and views, and a right to the freedom of speech. People who wish to share this right should adopt your opinions and views.
  • That peasants and nobles alike shall go forth and work the land for 60 head of cattle per day. Apparently this was the first form of capitalism.
  • Instead of blaming the government for terrorism, you should blame the protesters for giving them the idea in the first place. After all protest is just another form of terrorism.
  • Alternatively, blame the government. Just not your government. That means blame a foreign government, like Iraq, or Iran or whatever government we tell you to blame. ‘
  • Who needs facts and evidence, when the ones with the most News Networks and loudest voices, are the ones who get the public’s attention. After all, the truth is boring, but Neocon lies are exciting and make news.
  • When backed into a corner during a debate, counter-attack by calling other people names like Crybaby, horseface, fat @#%^&rd, or nancy boy, but then accuse others of doing the same thing, but claim you never did such a thing.

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