Be A Literalist!: Part 2

May 15, 2010

 

 

“I actually do think parts of the Bible are more valuable than others, more inspired than others. In fact, I think that some parts of the Bible have been put aside by the Christian revelation.”—Quote by Cecil Sherman, your typical Anti-Bible Biblically Illiterate unregenerate non-Christian Liberal Baptist apostate reprobated and heathen  heretic

 

Pre-requisites for this course: one must have completed the following courses—our course  on Absolute Truth and our course on Discernmentalist Church History 101 or candidates for this course must at  least have a sufficient and  satisfactory grasp on Discernmentalese: the official jargon that we use around here. Your Discernmentalese must be approved by your official instructors: the esteemed Dr. Truthslayer, the wise Dr. Arthur McJohn, the illustrious Dr. I. Todyaso and yours truly the pithy Dr. Don Jobson. Candidates for this course must have also completed part 1 of our course on Bible Literalism.

Your official instruction: We must think only in binary terms. Everything is black and white, either this or that—there are no in-betweens. Brainiac our field agent for Todd Friel (Wretched) says:

The literal sense is the only honest way to read. Honestly, the literal sense is literally the only honest way to read. If you care what the author said, read literally. If you do not care what the author said, do not bother reading.

We agree as metaphors do not exist in the Discernmentalist Worldview. Everything literally means what it says as long as it doesn’t clash with our Pure Doctrines and even if it does we’ll find some way to spin it literally such as: “Οὕτως γὰρ ἠγάπησεν ὁ Θεὸς τὸν κόσμον, ὥστε τὸν Υἱὸν τὸν μονογενῆ ἔδωκεν, ἵνα πᾶς ὁ πιστεύων εἰς Αὐτὸν μὴ ἀπόληται ἀλλ᾽ ἔχῃ ζωὴν αἰώνιον” doesn’t literally mean “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life”—but literally means that God literally loves and literally only died for the Elect and the Elect only literally.

Eventhough Jesus literally said “This Is My Body” which literally interpreted means exactly what it says that the bread in Communion is literally Jesus’ literal Body, we must take a self-righteous stand in our Truth Wars and come against the Eucharist/Real Presence as it literally has no place in our Pure Bibles. A literal interpretation of  “This Is My Body” literally clashes with the literalness of our Pure Doctrines. John MacArthur told us so and if he says it—it must literally be by default True because anything he literally says he speaks ex cathedra  and all that he speaks is ex cathedra not to mention literally infallible Absolute Truth. However we  Discernmentalists don’t need to appeal to John MacArthur to know that this is literally True. It is literally True because We Say and believe It is literally True.

We Know that in Psalm 137:9 God literally commands us to “take our babies and smash them against the rocks!”—though we literally stand against abortion. We Know that I Timothy 1:9-10 is literally about gay marriage. Everything in the Bible is about our American Gospel and can literally be summed up by our moral stances in Politics. However when Jesus says “Sell all your possessions and give to the Poor and follow Me (Matt. 19:16-26;Luke 12:33-34 and 14:33) ” He doesn’t literally mean that.  We  like the parts of the Bible that fit our Pure Doctrines but ignore the verses that we do not agree with, that do not make us comfortable in our American values and/or do not back up our Discernmentalist Worldview.

Our interpretive lens of the Bible is flawless and therefore Inerrant for the Bible and not Jesus is literally the literal Word of God (John 1:1) as John MacArthur literally states:

Neo-orthodoxy’s attitude toward Scripture is a microcosm of the entire existentialist philosophy: the Bible itself is not objectively the Word of God, but it becomes the Word of God when it speaks to me individually. In neo-orthodoxy, that same subjectivism is imposed on all the doctrines of historic Christianity. Familiar terms are used, but are redefined or employed in a way that is purposely vague—not to convey objective meaning, but to communicate a subjective symbolism. After all, any “truth” theological terms convey is unique to the person who exercises faith. What the Bible means becomes unimportant. What it means to me is the relevant issue. All of this resoundingly echoes Kierkegaard’s concept of “truth that is true for me.”

Thus while neo-orthodox theologians often sound as if they are affirming traditional beliefs, their actual system differs radically from the historic understanding of the Christian faith. By denying the objectivity of truth, they relegate all theology to the realm of subjective relativism. It is a theology perfectly suited for the age in which we live.

And that is precisely why it is so deadly.

This is why we must always interpret the Bible literally except for when it literally disagrees with our Pure Doctrines so take heart fellow Discernmentalists and remember these wise  and literal words of Brainiac:

Be a literalist. Read the Bible literally. If anyone objects, ask him if you should consider his objection literally. Or, you can explain that the Bible is literature, and that there is no other way to read it but literally.


Behold The Greatest Born Of Women

April 2, 2010

We are not idolaters like Roman Catholics and those who are closet Romanists like Arminians. In fact we can prove that we Discernmentalists are not idolaters when we worship John Calvin above Christ.  Here are the facts:

When John Knox described Calvin’s Theocratic Geneva as “the most perfect school of Christ on earth since the days of the apostles,” he clearly wasn’t commiting idolatry. However if a Caeseropapist Romanist were to declare the Roman Catholic Church  “the most perfect school of Christ on earth since the days of the apostles,” he or she would be commiting idolatry. See the difference—we do.

We have more examples for you. When Romanists bow and kiss a statue of Mary, Jesus or a Saint or the Pope’s ring they are clearly praying to and/or worshipping that statue or the Pope—which is idolatry. However when Charles Spurgeon ‘adoringly kissed a medal bearing the likeness of Calvin,’ he clearly wasn’t worshipping in idolatry the image of Calvin or Calvin himself.

Finally when Romanists pray the Rosary:

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Romanists clearly commit idolatry by praying to Mary whenever they pray the Rosary. We Know  that the Reformers never did such an evil thing as exalt Mary especially not Calvin. Sharin’ Whiplash approves of this post and wanted to add this about Calvin which by the way is not idolatrous like the Rosary:

 One of my all-time heroes of the faith. What a great man, and greatly used of God. Thank You, Lord, for Your servant, Jean Cauvin, without whom we would be still struggling in the darkness of Roman Arminianism, that man-exalting heresy.

We have showed you that we are not idolatrous man-exalters beyond a shadow of a doubt especially when hosts of Discernmentalists in devoted admiration proclaim that ‘John Calvin is the greatest born of women’ (yea verily even greater than Christ).


Counteract Brian McLaren’s New Book By Buying Ours Instead

January 27, 2010

Brian McLaren’s worthless book:

Our Book—Priceless:

Just like we were not happy with Brian McLaren’s book A Generous Orthodoxy….we are not happy with his new  book either….eventhough it is yet released….We Know it is full of heresy especially because we are a discernmentalist ministry and stand for true Absolute biblical truth. This is why we’ve gotten John MacArthur and Todd Friel to write our version of  his new book before it even comes out after using Eric Barger’s time machine to spot all the heresy in Brian’s book .

Also, you may have heard of this phrase from the Reformation: “Ecclesia reformata semper reformanda—The Church should be reformed and always reforming.” Well using Eric Barger’s time machine again—we’ve found that  none of the Reformers said that. This is why we must oppose Brian’s new book with a Holy Angry Passion as those Emergents are always trying to reform our Absolute Truth, our Pure Churches and our Pure Doctrines. We also believe that Reformed Emergent/Emerging House Churches do not exist. Reformed  and Emergent  are oxymorons as Ken Silva teaches therefore there are no such creatures as Reformed Emergents because Ken Silva is always right. This is always why we stand by our reformatted Reformation motto: “Semper 1600′s—Always 1600′s always”—that’s right because we’ve discovered all the Truth we need to know about God in the 1600′s. There is nothing else about God that needs to be revealed to us—the Reformers and the King James Bible revealed everything about God to us—so we must always stay in the 1600′s and think like they did in the 1600′s as well.

Dr. Don Jobson, Dr. Truthslayer and Dr. I. Todyaso—Sola 1600′s (1600′s alone).


My Latest Massive

February 9, 2008

compromise.jpg

I was reading Ken Silva’s Apprising Ministries post on the THE CULT OF LIBERAL THEOLOGY: FOREMOST ROTTEN ROOT OF THE EMERGING CHURCH Dr. Martin defined a religious cult:“as a group of people claiming to be Christians–gathered around a specific person–or group of people’s interpretation of the Bible. The group then denies Cardinal doctrines of the historic orthodox Christian faith, and most notably the full Deity of Christ.”  This is why it is so important to rally around the Great Reformers and the Great Truth they taught us.  Why follow the Cult of Rob Bell or Brian McLaren, when we have: 

Luther

Calvin

The PuritansJ

onathan Edwards  

And those other ones that also lived at that time that were almost as good as Luther and Calvin. 

I want to point out, that at least these great Reformers never started churches from Mars or preached anything generous in there orthodoxy. They were men that stood righteously on the Holy teachings of the Bible and never once took notice what the instituted Church taught in that day. Luther never once tried to fix what was wrong with the Bible. He made sure that anyone that was an apostate RCC Ecumenical Purpose Driven menace understood they were on their way to hell. In fact as Christian Research Network states:

““Pope Benedict used a mass in the suburbs of Rome, Sunday, to remind people that hell is a very real place.” Christian Research Net thinks he’d do well to remind himself as well.”

Calvin was a man that other people followed. In fact, many of my friends are Calvinists. A Calvinist follows the teachings of Calvin who was a Great Reformer unlike that Brian McLaren who wants everyone to call themselves “Emergent Villagers”. We know that the Orthodoxy of the Christian faith was not pure in Calvin’s day until he purified it with the power of hisDoctrine. Instead of agreeing with the orthodox of the evil RCC he turned against almost everyone except Luther and they agreed to kill all the heretics that make Calvin mad when they denied his Doctrines fo Grace.  Now, we know that the Baptists are the ones we now base our standard of what pure doctrine is. As we throw out the history of those apostates like the RCC Augustine and St Bernard, we know that what we teach is the only accepted doctrines.  

UPDATE: one of my friends informed me that he was Lutheran and believes in Baptismal regeneration. I do not believe that, but I do see that we need to sometimes compromise our doctrine in order to attack those who are impure in theirs. 

UPDATE 2: I was just informed that Jonathan Edwards contextualized the Gospel as he reached out to the “savages” they claim he wrote “hymns” in their native language. 

UPDATE 3: I was just informed that some of my fellow fighters are in the Assembly of God. He informed me that he was of Arminian in faith. Gary L. W. Johnson has stated that Arminians are all semi-pelagian but we will over look this with Chris Pajak who attends that Arminian based man loving semi pelagian Assembly of God. We will overlook that Chris Pajak attend a denomination that teaches such error as “Man Willingly Fell to Sin” and The Initial Physical Evidence of the Baptism in the Holy Spirit is ‘Speaking in Tongues,’ while also denying the holy teaching of Calvin on Election with their Every Person Can Have Restored Fellowship with God Through ‘Salvation’ theology!

UPDATE 4:  I was just informed that Arminius was also a Reformer so as long as someone that is from the Assembly of God is out keeping doctrine pure, then we need to walk as instructed in Amos 3:3. In that we may by our working together and setting aside our differences attack and destroy the RCC driven Rick Warren. Generous Orthodoxy’s of Brian McLaren and the New Rabbinicalsim of Rob Bell (I mean what do the Jews know about the historical time of Jesus?)

I hope with these updates all will see that we can be generous with each other as long as we are not like Rob Bell and Brian McLaren or Tony Jones and Mark Driscoll (though Mark we like every other day).

I. Todyaso


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