They developed these techn0logies with one single purpose in mind: to liquidate those evil grace-hating man-loving free-will worshiping Pelagian Popish-Pagans: the Armenians. Since long time true believers in the Only True and Correct Doctrines of Grace aka TULIP have been trying to rid the world of the imputent plague known as Armenianism.
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We bought several copies of this classic masterwork and are now halfway through with building our own Nuclear Power-plant and several Doomsday Death Devices and other Weapons of “Papalist” Mass Destruction to aid our fellow Discernmentalists in our 2012 Doomsday/Armageddon Plans; to help power-up our Rapture machines and to help us to profit off of all the non-elect unregenerate reprobate Postmodern emergent heathens and other unsaved pagans Left Behind; and also to help us to destroy the Semi-Pelagees (Armenianists and Romanists) once and for all!
What would John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.) do if Jesus visited Grace Community Church? Why point his self-righteous finger of condemnation and judgment at that smug Roman Mystical Liberal Fascist Wine-Drinking Tree-Hugging Commie sinner, of course!
43Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.
44But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
45That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
46For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?
47And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?
48Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.
You hear that Jesus talked about love. Love means pleasure and pleasure leads to sinful activities of the flesh—clearly Jesus was into Pornographic Divination. These are just two in a list of many offenses of Jesus that warrant John MacArthur (P. B. U. H.)’s self-Righteous finger of condemnation—so bow to our Glorious Elder’s Holy Finger of Judgment and keep spreading the fear and hate of all things Emergent and Young Restless & Reformed.
7th Sola agrees and has stated: “Jesus is coming again. I personally believe the time is soon. But when He does return, it won’t be by Harold Camping’s timetable or anyone else’s. That date and time has been determined by God alone.” We are just shocked that anyone would dare slander MacArthur’s infallible Rapture Truth like that—if MacArthur bids Jesus to imminently return to spread His Venegance and Wrath—Jesus will return soon. Puritan Board has even gone so far as to declare:
Setting-aside all our differences – at least MacArthur is truly defending the Gospel! Warren has a decidedly enthusiastic bent on dismantling the very locus where the Gospel is to be dispensed from: the church. (HaroldCamping has nothing on Warren.) All the Modern Reformation boys are long over-due in speaking out against Warren specifically. One wonders why….John MacArthur may be dispie but at least he defends the gospel. Last time I checked Macarthur wasnt a VanImpe or tele-evangelist trying to make a busk on tv. If youve seen him on tv he is far more respectable and Christian then the other softies.—Blade
Robin, You need to be very careful here and provide specifics. HaroldCamping has made very specific heretical statements that have been very specifically repudiated by teachers in Christ’s Church. While I have no hunger for Warren’s materials, he is no where near in the league of arch-heretics Camping and Wimber (both of whom have claimed “prophetic” status in pushing their new doctrine). I know it is good sport here to bash Warren, but I won’t have either Warren or MacArthur compared to such heretics without specific citations from the man to that effect.
Mainstream evangelicalism is literally in the toilet or is that diaper pails to be more correct. Anyways recently our Research Robot Monkeys came upon some startling information concerning several Mainstream American Churches. This Revelation is so shocking… so blasphemous… We can only conclude it must be an abomination to God. Here is this abominable revelation in all of it’s worldly filth: several churches our Research Robot Monkeys have visited have decorated their nurseries with various children’s themes and are filled with worldly toys in an attempt to attract kids to Jesus. (Photo of one of these horrible Seeker-Sensitive Emergent Purpose-Driven nurseries included above).
How disgusted we are at this Seeker-Driven nonsense! Quote from one of these horrible false churches defending their foolishness: “Our nursery (decorated in a child-friendly motif) gives Pre-School members a reason to invite their friends to church. That is what Christ’s Family Church is all about; reaching those toddlers and others who have become disenchanted with religion but are searching for a relationship with Jesus Christ.”
An evil is in the professed camp of the Lord, so gross in its impudence, that the most shortsighted Christian can hardly fail to notice it. During the past few years this evil has developed at an alarming rate. It has worked like leaven until the whole lump ferments! The devil has seldom done a more clever thing, than hinting to the Church that part of their mission is to provide entertainment for the people, with a view to winning them. From speaking out the gospel, the Church has gradually toned down her testimony, then winked at and excused the frivolities of the day. Then she tolerated them in her borders. Now she has adopted them under the plea of reaching the masses! My first contention is that providing amusement for the people is nowhere spoken of in the Scriptures as a function of the Church. If it is a Christian work why did not Christ speak of it? “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature, and provide amusement for those who do not relish the gospel.” No such words, however, are to be found. Again, providing amusement is in direct antagonism to the teaching and life of Christ and all His apostles. What was the attitude of the apostolic Church to the world? “You are the salt of the world,” not the sugar candy; something the world will spit out, not swallow. Had Jesus introduced more of the bright and pleasant elements into His teaching, He would have been more popular. When “many of His disciples turned back and no longer followed Him,” I do not hear Him say, “Run after these people, Peter, and tell them we will have a different style of service tomorrow; something short and attractive with little preaching. We will have a pleasant evening for the people. Tell them they will be sure to enjoy it! Be quick, Peter, we must get the people somehow!” No! Jesus pitied sinners, sighed and wept over them, but never sought to amuse them! In vain will the epistles be searched to find any trace of the “gospel of amusement.” Anything approaching amusement is conspicuous by its absence. They had boundless confidence in the gospel and employed no other weapon. Lastly, amusement fails to effect the end desired. Let the heavy laden who found peace through the concert not keep silent! Let the drunkard to whom the dramatic entertainment had been God’s link in the chain of their conversion, stand up! There are none to answer! The mission of amusement produces no converts! The need of the hour for today’s ministry is earnest spirituality joined with Biblical doctrine, so understood and felt, that it sets men on fire.
From all of those churches that have Emergent Seeker-Driven nurseries we can conclude that:
1. Many Evangelicals no longer believe that Scripture is sufficient. They need tools to enhance the Gospel to get regular attenders.
Our Research Robot Monkeys recently infiltrated an Emergent Cohort compound and discovered horrible abominations such as couches and candles. In this candle-lit ashram there were a bunch of scantily-clad men and women participating in the usual routine Emergent rituals of nude centering prayer (with much icons, incense, chanting, and apophatic silence). There was a lot of stretching going on and not in a good way. Our Research Robot Monkeys were horrified at all they saw and we are too. All we can say is Beware… Beware the Emergent Hordes and their Seeker-Sensitive Purpose-Driven lives!
Around a minute and fifty-eight seconds into the video clip above, Todd made a blasphemous error—he commited Roman Arminian and Popish idolatries by saying that: “Jesus shed His blood for forgiveness of the sins of the world.” Therefore Todd has just denied the Atonement—which is very dangerous ground to be on. Perhaps Todd has read one too many books by that false teacher, arch-heretic and anti-Christ Brian McLaren against Ken Silva’s clear teachings. Todd you have just been exposed as a Arminianist semi-Pelagian heretic—although we suspect Todd is really secretly a Crypto-Lutheran trying to pollute our Pure Doctrines.
TOP NEWSPIN- In a recent polling undertaken by Top Discernmentalists, discernmentalists from around the globe have voted on the Most Heretical Places On Earth. In a surprise ruling Canada and California dropped to the 4th and 5th position (respectively) in the poll. Here is the official listing of the Top 5 Most Heretical Places On Earth:
Armenia: full of man-loving Grace-hating semi-Pelagian Mary-worshiping Papal idolatry celebrating Roman Arminianists; a road straight to Rome; none who live here have any hope of salvation; all are unsaved non-Elect reprobates
Before you get all bent out of shape, please realize this is a satire site spoofing the so-called "discernment ministries" who deem themselves more worthy of Grace than the rest of us. So read and have fun! BTW, we are not against "good" discernment ministries that do actual real research and extend grace to others, only the bad ones.