Baptist Pastor Calls Calvinists “Grace-hating Man-loving Man-exalting Semi-Pelagian Arminian Heretics!”

February 20, 2010

Our Research Robot Monkeys have been working day and night lately so it seems. Just last night they stumbled upon horrid information which concerns us—here is a disturbing quote made by a “so-called” Baptist pastor:

There is a tendency in most of our churches to accept almost any “decision” as a real conversion, without even asking a basic question or two from the person who makes such a “decision.” They are instantly baptized with no questions asked. This method has filled our churches with unconverted people by the millions.

As a direct result of the failure of “decisionism,” a new interest in Calvinism has arisen. Calvinism is the fastest growing movement today among Baptists and other evangelicals. But while the new Calvinism theoretically explains the reason for the failure of “decisionism,” at least so far, it has not cured “decisionism.” Why? Because modern Calvinism has only explained conversion theoretically. It has not adequately applied the doctrines of total depravity and grace. Therefore, almost anyone who mentally agrees with its basic doctrines is quickly proclaimed converted and taken into the church without actually going through the experience of conversion outlined by Spurgeon in the quotation I just gave. As a result modern Calvinism explains the errors of “decisionism,” but does not cure them. In fact, the mere assent to, and belief in, the doctrines of Calvinism have become little more than a new form of “decisionism,” in a subtler form. The man who makes a “decision” to believe the doctrines is proclaimed saved! If he can explain the Calvinistic “doctrines of grace” he is accepted into the church with no questions asked about his own experience of conversion. Thus, thousands learn to explain the meaning of TULIP, and are, upon the ability to explain these doctrines, pronounced converted and taken into the churches. Therefore modern Calvinism has in no instance been connected in any way with true revival and is, in fact, little better than the average solid “decisionist” churches.

Notice that I am not speaking either for or against the doctrines they teach. I am simply saying that belief in doctrines, even true doctrines, is a mental form of “decisionism.” When you “decide” to believe the doctrines you are considered saved. This, in my view, is the weakness and error of modern Calvinism. Why? Because conversion is far more than a simple mental agreement with a list of doctrines, even true doctrines. Thus, modern Calvinism has tended to produce nothing adequate to actually cure the error of “decisionism” that has weakened our churches and filled them with so many lost souls. In fact, most of the modern Calvinists I have spoken with are still unconverted themselves. For the most part they are resting in what the older Calvinists of centuries past would call a “false hope” – the false hope that belief in correct doctrine is the equivalent of true conversion. But “doctrinal belief” is not true conversion. If the modern Calvinistic movement realizes that, and applies their doctrines, they might very well see many real conversions, and perhaps even true revival. But they must discover again the old methods of evangelism and preach “the old truths” to the unconverted Calvinists in their own congregations, or else, in spite of their doctrinal belief in Calvinism, I fear that many modern Calvinists will go into “the fire that never shall be quenched. Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched” (Mark 9:43-44).

You see there—he just called our Pure Doctrines “Grace-hating Man-loving Man-exalting Semi-Pelagian Heresy”  by saying that:

the doctrines of Calvinism have become little more than a new form of “decisionism,” in a subtler form. The man who makes a “decision” to believe the doctrines is proclaimed saved! If he can explain the Calvinistic “doctrines of grace” he is accepted into the church with no questions asked about his own experience of conversion. Thus, thousands learn to explain the meaning of TULIP, and are, upon the ability to explain these doctrines, pronounced converted and taken into the churches.

As  we all know Decisionism is nothing but  “Grace-hating Man-loving Man-exalting Semi-Pelagian Heresy” aka Free-Willing Arminianism and as we also know Pure Doctrines always produce True Converts. Spurgeon would have a heart-attack if he were alive today to witness such a “Downgrade” against Pure Doctrines. We also know that Calvinism and Decisionism are oxymorons as Calvinism aka the Doctrines of Grace aka the Pure and True Gospel of God’s Grace has nothing to do with exercising Free Will to make a decision about anything as God has already made all decisions from the foundation of the world by an unchangeable Absolute Decree. Arminians attack God’s Absolute Sovereignty which is evil in and of itself but it is even more evil to attack the Absolute Sovereignty of our Pure Doctines. Sharin’ Whiplash‘s evil twin Witless Sharon upon hearing  Dr. R. L. Hymers, Jr.’s teachings against our Sound Doctrines responded with this attack:

One of my all-time heroes of the faith. What a great man, and greatly used of God. Thank You, Lord, for Your servant, Dr. R. L. Hymers, Jr, without whom we would be still struggling in the darkness of Romanist Genevan Papist Calvinism, that man-exalting heresy.

Clearly this proves how heretical Baptists truly are even Reformed Baptists as Reformed and Baptist are oxymorons since Baptists were never Truly Reformed to begin with. We ask you this Discernmentalists—did you make a decision by exercise of Free Will to become a Calvinist or be a disciple of the Pure Doctrines of Grace and if so we would like to know when and at what time? Also did you freely choose to be Calvinist either by reading TULIP into the Bible apart from a prior reading of Calvin’s Institutes of the Christian Religion or hearsay from others or by making a “decision” to believe the Pure Doctrines of Grace after hearing a Calvinistic sermon preached? See how errant Dr. R. L. Hymers, Jr.’s teachings against our Sound Doctrines are—We Know because  we told you so.

P. S. On a serious note we recommend these excellent resources on Calvin and Calvinism: The Many Faces of John CalvinThe Unaccommodated Calvin: Studies in the Foundation of a Theological Tradition , http://www.pcusa.org/today/index.htm, Elected to What ?!, How Meeting Real Christians from Different Traditions Makes a Real Difference and What is ‘Oasis’?.

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A Slice of Worship

April 22, 2008

 

Laodiceans,

It is worse than I thought, and once again you need to be made aware of a disturbing trend that is being pushed by certain bloggers. (HT: Emergent) The trend is to limit the time of worship to a mere hour. We are given 168 hours per week (HT: My calculator) to live, and move, and have our being, but now former uber-ODM, the author of slice of laodicea, is advocating that we only give an hour per week back to the Lord: (HT: Slice of Laodicea)

Here’s the quote in context:

I received this press release this morning calling on Christians to shut down worship services and go help the poor. Rather than set aside an hour for the express worship of our Lord and King and then go out and serve, we are being told that serving poor people is worship and nothing else is needed. [My emphasis.]

You can see it there in plain English (HT: England): ‘an hour’ for ‘express worship’. Talk about your ‘drive-through’ worship! We strenuously object to this line (HT: Demi Moore). We just cannot understand why the author of slice would all of a sudden favor such short worship times. Seriously: Express Worship? Isn’t that what they sell at McDonald’s: Express breakfast? (HT: McDonald’s) Or is it Holiday Inn? (HT: Holiday Inn)Shame on the author of slice for linking the church to McDonald’s. We here at TheODM feel that this is an egregious error on the part of our former compatriot in the truth war (s). (HT: John MacArthur) Worship should NOT be limited to only an hour. We agree with the Scripture which says that we should do all things to the glory of God. (HT: Paul) We believe that ALL time belongs to God and therefore all things should be worship. (HT: The Bible) To limit our ‘time’ of worship to a mere hour is far below the standards of any properly defined Discernment Ministry. (HT: Itodyaso) We think that one should only help the poor for an hour a week and the rest of the time should be dedicated to worship. In fact, most people should quit (HT: Barry Sanders) their day jobs for this purpose too. In fact, who cares about the poor! (HT: Judas Iscariot)

Now, on a brighter note (HT: The Sun), we are happy that the author of slice has taken time out of her schedule (but she only needs an hour for worship this week so she has plenty of time to spare) to remind all you vandals (HT: Goths & Visigoths) about the rules of posting and ‘borrowing’ from the writings of others. (HT: Plagiarism) This is why above I was only able to quote a snippet. (HT: snip and puppet) Here’s what the article says and again, my apologies for not quoting the entire post, but the author has forbidden it. Here’s the best I can do without having to worry about copyright infringement: (HT: ©)

….It’s fine to excerpt and cut and paste…without asking permission. I’m not upset with anyone…but I am noticing a disturbing trend by columnists and bloggers alike these days….I have…issues. I’m only requesting…Carrington Steele…dare someone to come after…you, readers.

Well, I did my best to heed the implied threat in this sentence: “I spoke this morning with an author of several Christian (HT: Antioch) books and many articles…who lifted without attribution…Whole sections of articles, entire posts cut and pasted into others’ blogs with nothing but a HT (hat tip)…I’ll come after…you…in…the future.” (1) (1) But as you can see, I clearly did not simply ‘cut and paste’ the entire blog post. Instead, I very carefully did what the author said and ‘cut and pasted’ the more salient points and I have provided numerous links back to her blog. 

We applaud this hard line taken by the author and we will give serious consideration to allowing her to rejoin the ranks of serious discernment ministries like ours. But until we can convince the author of slice to worship for more than an hour per week, we are afraid she is just not up to snuff. I am in this for you, Laodiceans. I am hopeful that my agony for you will be worth it all. I hope you will be careful around this very dangerous blog.

struggle4laodicea

HT: SliceofLaodicea

Props: SliceofLaodicea

Copyright: SliceofLaodicea

All Rights Reserved: SliceofLaodicea

Kudos: SliceofLaodicea

Friend of Discernment: SliceofLaodicea

Original Author: SliceofLaodicea

From the Webblog: SliceofLaodicea

Enemy of Emergent: SliceofLaodicea

Friend of Pastor Silva: SliceofLaodicea

Owner: SliceofLaodicea

Patent Pending: SliceofLaodicea

Ghostwriter: SliceofLaodicea

Green Friendly: SliceofLaodicea

Made with 100% Recyclable Key strokes: SliceofLaodicea

Drink Milk from Rats instead of Cows: SliceofLaodicea

I hope I have covered all the bases and have properly attributed this post. If there is any confusion, I will be happy to give you a list of sources. SliceofLaodicea should cover it.

Footnotes:

(1) SliceofLaodicea

Endnotes:

(1) SliceofLaodicea

Index: SliceofLaodicea

Glossary: SliceofLaodicea

Afterward: SliceofLaodicea

Back Cover blurbs: SliceofLaodicea

PS–All links in this post HT: The internet.


More Laodicean Mockery

April 8, 2008

Friends,

It is getting worse. Yesterday researching Oprah and The Secret. Today: Using the Name of Christ in a mocking, nursery rhyme way. That’s right. The author of the post in question has used the Name of Christ as the title to a blog post in a way that is simply degrading and potentially blasphemous: Here a Christ, There a Christ. (I don’t think this is what Jesus had in mind in Matthew 24.) Friends, the blogger in question is a very influential discernmentalist whose work is of utmost importance. However, this will not do. I suggest that you send an email asking that this sort of blasphemy stop now. I am very, very concerned because we need the author on our side–fighting the for the cause of keeping little boys and girls in their own sex-specific clothing and warning us of the dangers of those heretics over at CRN.info and Analysis. Please, please, I implore you to beware of the dangers of wolves dressed up like sheep. (We should criticize the wolves for the fact that they are cross-dressing and the fact that they are WOLVES! WOLVES!!!) I am calling on all spiritually discerning folks out there to join me in my…

struggle4laodicea

PS–Cross-Dressing Wolves!


In Madge We Trust!

April 1, 2008

raphael-cowpermadonna-copy.jpg

Fellow Laodiceans, 

I think it is safe to say that we can all rest easily in the knowledge that, as it turns out, Madonna is on our side. This is comforting to me. We live in a scary world full of all sorts of pseudo-preacher types. But I take great encouragement that Madonna is, according to this report, preaching the Good News. She was overheard to say:

“For me we all need to be Jesus in our time,” the 48-year-old singer/actress/humanitarian said.

It is important that we fear, and reject, and recoil at the preaching of most–folks like Eugene Peterson (radical contemplative), JK Rowling (radical imagination), CH Spurgeon (radical calvinist), Martin Luther (radical anti-semite) and many, many others. But I think it is safe to say that we can trust Madonna. After all, she is named after The Virgin–how can she be wrong? And she is British and nothing bad ever comes from London.

Many of you are struggling to find a preacher you can listen to and trust. I understand your angst and that is the point of this post: Go to Madonna. Her mouth is full of nothing speaks nothing but jolly old English Cheer and godspel. And she is not, I stress this: Not, radical about anything. How can we wrong with someone named after The Virgin?

I hope this helps. For your convenience, Madonna’s sermons are available at Itunes and at your local National Record MartWal-Mart or through BMG. They are conveniently packaged in jewel cases and are available on CD or Cassette and sometimes, for you purists, on Vinyl (sorry, no 8-Tracks available as of this writing). Also, for your worship pleasure, the sermons are set to music and if you look hard enough, you might find a video version at youtube or on VH1: Hits of the 80’s. I recommend her greatest hits: Pappa Don’t Preach, Like a Prayer, Like a Virgin, Angel and Sanctuary. You are sure to grow in some sort of faith.

Struggling4Laodicea

HT: Jason Goroncy (Jason had nothing to do with post. I just found the article link at his blog. Please don’t blame him or ply him with questions about Madonna’s ordination or her credentials, academic or clergy.)


Are you serious?

March 28, 2008

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We have been asked so many times lately “Are you serious?” so I decided to do a page dedicated to just how serious we are.

There are many blogs out there that are as serious as you take them. We are one of them. If you take Slice of Laodicea or CRN or Ken Silva’s personal website in all it’s glorious missivness, serious, then yes, you better take us even more serious. If you do not take these people serious I doubt you will take us serious so you should just hope you are regenerate and repent.

I hope that clears the rumors up about what we are all about.

I. Todyaso


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