They developed these techn0logies with one single purpose in mind: to liquidate those evil grace-hating man-loving free-will worshiping Pelagian Popish-Pagans: the Armenians. Since long time true believers in the Only True and Correct Doctrines of Grace aka TULIP have been trying to rid the world of the imputent plague known as Armenianism.
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We bought several copies of this classic masterwork and are now halfway through with building our own Nuclear Power-plant and several Doomsday Death Devices and other Weapons of “Papalist” Mass Destruction to aid our fellow Discernmentalists in our 2012 Doomsday/Armageddon Plans; to help power-up our Rapture machines and to help us to profit off of all the non-elect unregenerate reprobate Postmodern emergent heathens and other unsaved pagans Left Behind; and also to help us to destroy the Semi-Pelagees (Armenianists and Romanists) once and for all!
“I would to God that every holy day (including Christmas – ed.) whatsoever besides the Lord’s day were abolished. That zeal which brought them first in, was without all warrant of the Word, and merely followed corrupt reason, forsooth to drive out the holy days of the pagans, as one nail drives out another. Those holy days have been so tainted with superstitions that I wonder we tremble not at their very names.” – Martin Bucer, cited in William Ames, A Fresh Suit Against Human Ceremonies in God’s Worship (1633), pp. 359-60.
“And next in particular, concerning festival days findeth that in the explication of the first head of the first book of discipline it was thought good that the feasts of Christmas, Circumcision, Epiphany, with the feasts of the Apostles, Martyrs, and Virgin Mary be utterly abolished because they are neither commanded nor warranted by Scripture and that such as observe them be punished by Civil Magistrates. Here utter abolition is craved and not reformation of abuses only and that because the observation of such feasts have no warrant from the word of God.” – The Acts of the General Assemblies of the Church of Scotland, December 10, Session 17, 1638, pp. 37-38
Remember also these immortal words from Sharon M. Whitley: “Btw, if you want to see a large, lavish Christmas display in a mall… go to Dubai in the UAE! Many countries that are not Christian celebrate this holiday. That right there should tell Christians it’s not of God!”
P. S. Please don’t forget to celebrate the Holy Discernmentalist Holidays of Thanksgiving and Calvin’s Birthday in your churches and everywhere because these are not man-exalting semi-Pelagian Pagan Romanist made-up Holy Days invented by humans but Absolute Truth Biblical holidays commanded by God to be observed in the inerrant infallible Holy Discernmentalist Bible.
We are greatly concerned here for many reasons. First of all why would any Godly woman ever read the Bible—an oxymoron of terms—for as the Apostle Paul proclaimed: “Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.” Secondly, we must Absolutely forbid women reading the Bible under any circumstances just in case she slips up and reads a passage of Scripture aloud… in front of men and women… say like Romans 1:18-32 and therefore ‘usurps authority over man’ by preaching the Gospel to them.
If women want to know what the Bible says, they should find a man whose feet they can sit under and ‘learn in quiet submission’… especially if that man is the greatest Man of God in our Age of uncertainty, John MacArthur (P. B. U. H). Thirdly, we mustn’t ever let any woman share the Gospel as that leads to the slippery-slope of female Pastors preaching the Gospel and as we all know preaching/sharing the Gospel is a Divinely mandated role for males only. However, Trish wrongly states:
One of the greatest signs of being born again is to have the desire/boldness to speak the Word of God and to tell others about his glorious gospel (Acts 4:31). A biblical woman is a woman that shares the good news of the Gospel with her family members, her children and the lost in general. There is no distinction. You can’t be a biblical woman and not talk about the Gospel. The Gospel is at the very center of a biblical woman.
This supports that slippery-slope. What’s next? Women prophesying* in churches? Women leading in prayer? Women becoming Ruling Elders? Heaven forbid that—this is what the Ways of the Master of the Truth War himself teaches and so should we. Remember “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.” This is why we should never ever under any circumstances let a woman preach, speak or even share the Gospel… let alone Pastor a church. I hope this clears up where we all must stand in the Absolute Sovereignty of the Angry God of our Doctrine and His Holy Wrath.
This is a great hymn which teaches the Pure Truth War Gospel of God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath towards the 99% of humanity He chose not to limit His atonement for. And remember: “Stop prayin,’ stop prayin,’ God will not hear you anymore” as if God ever listened to all of you unrepentant unregenerate reprobated sinners to begin with. God hears not the prayers of the reprobate, for God hates you so much that He chose to destroy and eternally burn you in hell before you were ever born— but if you are like us Predestined and of the Regenerate Elect and therefore able to repent, you may repent if you wish—but repentance is unecessary and not required of the Elect, for we are already “Once Saved Always Saved” no matter what.
Rhoblogy actually had the gall to ask such an ignorant question. Of course, Hitler was Truly of the Regenerate Elect and a True Christian being the True Truth Warrior that he was. Brannon Howse should reprimand Rhoblogy and ban him from voting in the next Republican National Convention until he publically Repents of his ignorance. Phil Johnson should also revoke Rhoblogy’s commenting privileges on the Mighty Truth Warrior site: Pyromaniacs. We just pray and hope that Rhoblogy is not one of the many unfortunate sinners to fall into the hands of our angry God of Wrath not love. Thankfully though being some of the lucky Chosen few who are of the True Godly Elect we’re here to set Rhoblogy straight just as our affectionate Uncle Ken Silva would have already if he was as gifted at True Discernmentalism as We are here.
God has gifted us with such a high and mighty gift of self-righteous Discernmentalism that we are able to presume a person’s Eternal Destiny. Hitler was not only a True Truth Warrior just like John MacArthur is but he is also a True man of God as well and we’ll show you just why—as you know if you are a good and faithful student of John MacArthur’s Pure Truth Wars Doctrines™ that the mark of a Truly Regenerate Elect Christian Truth Warrior of Absolute Truth in this war against for Truth is as follows:
The mass of the catholic church is ‘a blasphemous fable and a dangerous deceit’. The pope of rome is antichrist. ( instead of Christ) The Romish Church is not a true church in any biblical sense. It is the whore of Babylon as stated in Rev. 17-18. This is the position taken by historic protestantism. Any so called protestants who have wandered from this position are apostate protestants. The catholic church may be a false church of God in the same way as satan is God’s devil. God is soverign!
a True Christian is Protestant
a True Christian is anti-social, anti-Socialist and anti-Communist
a True Christian takes a stand against all things gay and homosexual
Hitler exemplified all of these marks and here is just one quote by him as Absolute Proof:
‘Hitler’s Truth War:
“Today they say that Christianity is in danger, that the Catholic faith is threatened. My reply to them is: for the time being, Christians and not international atheists are now standing at Germany’s fore. I am not merely talking about Christianity; I confess that I will never ally myself with the parties which aim to destroy Christianity. Fourteen years they have gone arm in arm with atheism. At no time was greater damage ever done to Christianity than in those years when the Christian parties ruled side by side with those who denied the very existence of God. Germany’s entire cultural life was shattered and contaminated in this period. It shall be our task to burn out these manifestations of degeneracy in literature, theater, schools, and the press—that is, in our entire culture—and to eliminate the poison which has been permeating every facet of our lives for these past fourteen years.” (Source).
Sound familiar?
Right now, truth is under attack, and it’s going on within the boundaries of evangelicalism. There’s a lot at stake and there’s no middle ground—no safe zone for the uncommitted in this war. [T]he church today is quite possibly more susceptible to false teachers, doctrinal saboteurs, and spiritual terrorism than any other generation in church history. Biblical ignorance within the church may well be deeper and more widespread than at any other time since the Protestant Reformation. (Source).
“My feelings as a Christian points me to my Lord and Savior as a fighter. It points me to the man who once in loneliness, surrounded by a few followers, recognized these Jews for what they were and summoned men to fight against them and who, God’s truth! was greatest not as a sufferer but as a fighter. In boundless love as a Christian and as a man I read through the passage which tells us how the Lord at last rose in His might and seized the scourge to drive out of the Temple the brood of vipers and adders. How terrific was His fight for the world against the Jewish poison. To-day, after two thousand years, with deepest emotion I recognize more profoundly than ever before the fact that it was for this that He had to shed His blood upon the Cross. As a Christian I have no duty to allow myself to be cheated, but I have the duty to be a fighter for truth and justice… And if there is anything which could demonstrate that we are acting rightly it is the distress that daily grows. For as a Christian I have also a duty to my own people.
-Adolf Hitler, in a speech on 12 April 1922 (Norman H. Baynes, ed. The Speeches of Adolf Hitler, April 1922-August 1939, Vol. 1 of 2, pp. 19-20, Oxford University Press, 1942)
John MacArthur couldn’t have said it any better:
“My Absolute Certainty as a Christian points me to my Lord and Savior as a fighter. It points me to the man who once in loneliness, surrounded by a few followers, recognized these Bible-denying Emergent Red-Letter Socialist Justice promoting Seeker-Sensitive Purpose-Driven heretic Christians for what they were and summoned men to fight against them and for God’s truth! Jesus was greatest not as a sufferer but as a fighter—a zealous warrior for Absolute Truth. In boundless love as a Christian and as a man I read through the passage which tells us how the Lord at last rose in His might and seized the scourge to drive out of the Temple the brood of vipers and adders. How terrific was His fight for the Absolute Truth against worldly poison. To-day, after two thousand years, with deepest emotion I recognize more profoundly than ever before the fact that it was for Absolute Truth that He had to shed His blood upon the Cross. As a Christian I have no duty to allow myself to be cheated nor let the Church be deceived, but I have the duty to be a fighter for Absolute Truth and the True Justice of our God’s Absolute Sovereign Wrath… And if there is anything which could demonstrate that we are acting rightly it is the distress that daily grows. For as a Christian I have also a duty to my own people—the Church, God’s People—the True Godly and Elect.
In many Bibles, all the words of Jesus are in red. There is nothing wrong with that. But something is wrong when Leftist Christians or so-called Christians want to mute the words of Paul and other writers and only follow Jesus’ words. They call themselves “red-letter Christians.”They feel it is convenient to blot out the words of Paul on homosexuality and focus in on the good deeds Jesus talks about. Most are pacifists who reject an “eye for an eye” (Leviticus 24:19-20). They focus on Jesus’ words about helping the poor, ministering to “the least of these” (Matthew 25:40), loving our enemies, etc. That justifies abandoning hundreds, even thousands of condemning verses in the Bible they choose to wish away. That makes homosexuality OK and war wrong! Red-letter Christians join the chorus of those who believe in a utopia with no wanting or war. Yes, that will come someday, but not the way they think. This could come as a shock to them just because they have little to no regard for other parts of the Bible. They have almost created a new meaning for the term “biblical illiteracy.” It is also tragic that these folks are frequently called “the evangelical Left.” They don’t have even 1% of evangelical theology in a single bone in their body. They cherry- pick the verses they like, almost exclusively the red letters of Jesus. — Jan Markell, Absolute Biblical Truth Defender.
Think literally. Think creatively. Think creatively about your literalism as ‘The Bible is a book of words and those words are to be interpreted according to what we think is their literal sense. Literally is the only honest way to read….honestly, the literal sense is literally the only honest way to read so be a literalist. Read the Bible literally if anyone objects ask him if you should consider his objection literally or you can explain that the Bible is literature and that there is no other way to read it but literally.’
Example # 1: In Genesis, God creates Adam from mud from the Earth, and makes Eve out of one of his rib bones. This was the first man and woman created. It was an Intelligent Design by God, and not some sort of Evolution. In fact, Genesis 11:30 states “Evolution isn’t real, you’ll all burn in Hell for believing this lie!” and that Neocons should go out and get Evolution removed from schools, especially in the Kansas state in the United States. (Source: The Official God’s Only Inerrant Party Handbook On Scientifics).
Example # 2: Also Genesis 12:36 states “It was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve or Anna and Eve, marriage is between one man and one woman, anything else is a sin punished by being sent to Hell.” Which seems to be the original of the Neocon view on Gay marriage and Homosexuals. (Source: Yo Dummy! It’s Adam And Eve Not Adam And Steve.).
John MacArthur aka Pope Pyro after being elected to the position of the first ever Pope of Discernmentalists! Photo courtesy of Pyromaniac Archives. Photographer: Ken Silva.
(Annoying News: a ministry of disseminating misinformation, lies and slander while apprising everyone to follow only the cults of celebrity in the Discernmentalist World )– Normally we are against all things Roman Catholic except in special circumstances ie. our dependence on Saint Augustine’s interpretation of Aristotelian philosophy or R. C. Sproul’slove of Aquinas. This is one of those times when these special circumstances may be applied against our normative Absolute Rules. After Discernmentalists declared John MacArthur 100% infallible by a voting margin of 100-0 this Jan., it was proclaimed that the logical conclusion of this recent event was to elect MacArthur the first ever Discernmentalist Pope.
Ken Silva reports: “Indeed the word infallible applied to any person can only signify that one has elicited the status of Pope-hood other than that infallibility must only be applied to our Holy Inerrant Bible—the Only True Word of God.”
Vicki, a typical McArthurite reacts to the news of the election of MacArthur as the first Discernmentalist Pope ever:
Anyone who disagrees with John MacArthur on any point of Doctrine is just full of arrogance and condensation.
My understanding of the doctrine of election is not at all sinful–John MacArthur told me so.
Trusting too much to history and too little to the teaching of scripture would have left us in Rome–John MacArthur told me so.
There is a price a godly man must pay to be heard, that price is humility and respect.
If a man wants an audience to listen to his doctrine-he would do well to heed the following!
” Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.”
Titus 3:1-3 (ESV).— (Source).
Ken Silva asked Phil Johnson aka Pastor Hugh Jass or Spurgeon’s clone, MacArthur’s flunkylackyhindquarters right-hand man about his boss’s election to Discernmentalist Pope-hood. Phil responded: “Deep down I always knew that this day would come when he (MacArthur) would be elected Pope over all Discernmentalists and the Truth Wars as the #1 Truth Truth Warrior of Absolute Truth. I wholeheartedly support the recent vote on the infallibility of my boss and his election to the office of Discernmentalist Pope.”
Ken Silva pressed the rest of the fine, outstanding, Discernmentalist-minded and Biblically based Pyromaniacs crew: Frank Turk and Dan Phillips et al. on their thoughts but they were unavailable to comment.
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Ken Silva is the exclusive author of Annoying News. He is a Master Discerner of all. When he is not discernmentalizing the 99% of humanity who do not agree with him, you can usually find him preaching to the choir of the small Southern Baptist Church of 8 members that he pastors. Sometimes he uses a Truth Rod–although this may just be a rumor.
Before you get all bent out of shape, please realize this is a satire site spoofing the so-called "discernment ministries" who deem themselves more worthy of Grace than the rest of us. So read and have fun! BTW, we are not against "good" discernment ministries that do actual real research and extend grace to others, only the bad ones.
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