An Emerging Church Service~!
This may are may not be from a contributor of CRN. In fact all it stated was from the editor’s desk about Rick Warren’s new book* he helped co write.
From the desk of the Right Reverend Pastor Teacher general-editor/editor:**
The Lord spoke to me the other night as I read the dustcover of this book. Seeing as Warren is a semi-pelegian-Armenian-emerging-ecumenenical-diaper wearing snot head, it only seemed appropriate that I would be disgraced with the presence of God and it would lead me to write this diatribe….errr….missive.
I didn’t even have to crack the book open since I realized that the editor was a cousin of a friend of a coworker of the mailman of a Rob Bell (who himself is a semi-pelegian-Armenian-emerging-ecumenenical-kid who writes the short bus). And since everyone who is a true convert knows that Rob Bell is the man-boy love child of Brian McLaren, who the Lord has told me is a slowly becoming catholic Birkenstock wearing hookahs smoking emergo poser, it pleases me that the Lord would also tell me to write a review of this book that’s only suitable for toilet paper, littler box liner, or tissues that I’d rather stick in naughty parts of my body. Now, I’m telling you in the Lord that “deeds not creeds” loving Warren is rotten root of the man centered liberal theology, since Africa is where fleshy tunes of Satan originates.
Clearly this worldly music is eating away at the souls of children everywhere and in his own flesh mind Warren tells us that we should be involved in the great social causes such as emancipation, which the Lord told me is only dominion theology. Now apparently, in this freeing of slaves from slavery, which God didn’t see as a problem, see the scripture on this, it warms the cockles of my heart to let you know that emerging lead guitarist “pastors” everywhere are only going to use this book to encourage more commie loving puppets in their congregation to care for “the least of these”, who, everyone who is a true convert knows, are only people who God elected since before the beginning of time.
Finally, since the time is near for His Return, and you now see how the Devil is bringing us to a one world religion, thanks to the North American Union and the apostate Roman Catholic Church. In closing, I want to remind all God fearing Christians everywhere to NOT DRINK soy milk, since it can make you gay.
Thank God we have people like Ken Silva the general editor/editor at CRN that understand the hate of God and want to spread that message of His Anger to all!
I also wanted to share this bit from the Holiest anointed non cessationist prophet of Jesus Christ living today.
“And may I add that it is not to say that God doesn’t love, but it is to say that you’ll never understand how great His love is unless you know how great His hate is. I mean, if you understand that God hates sin so profoundly then you will find it all the more amazing that He can love sinners. So that without an understanding of His hate, His love is crippled too in our thinking. Love and grace are favorite terms, are void of meaning if God does not hate.” ~ John MacArthur
No doubt you have been blessed more by me as usually. (Hebrews 7:7)
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.,
*My lawyers told me that I must state that Rick only did the forward.
** The name was removed so that the evil Emergents don’t attack my friend with their vile anti heaven/hell/ teachings!