New Device Could Keep Our Churches Pure!

April 25, 2008

“It’s horrible, loud and irritating,” said Eddie Holder, 15,

 

After reading this article about how a device is used to keep teens (which I believe are the worse of sinners as they practice teen pregnancy, dance like Hannah Montana and other sins) away from buildings I felt inspired by God to tell others this device can be used to keep sinners away from our churches. If someone has not taken the “official Church membership” class, and passed they will not receive a special pair of ear muffs that will help reduce the annoying noise. The “sinner” will hear the noise and be chased out of our churches keeping them pure.

We here at the Online Discernmentalist Mafia fully endorse this product.

“What’s the meaning of all the noise in the city?”,

I. Todyaso


Chris Rosebrough: Closet Hindu no More!

April 25, 2008

Friends,

Here we go again! It seems that our work here at ODM is never foloinished, but we must be diligent in our work to expose you to the doctrinal errors of those who are just a little lower on the sanctificationalism chart than we are. We are the lizard kings, we can do anything.

What I have learned by being a member of the writing force here at the ODM is that words mean things. Recently, for example, I finished reading a book called The Shack. I was warned by a very important ODM that the author of the book is secretly or overtly a proponent of astral projection and New Age theology because, in the book, he tells of a dream where he was flying. Scary. (I had a dream the other night that I was sleeping so I guess that means I am advocating, uh, sleep.) But the point is that words mean things. Words are not devoid of content even when they are ripped out of their context. So all those grammar lessons we spent time going over in Junior High are meaningless: Context gives us no clues whatsoever when it comes to the meaning of words. And I’m not even going to get into what the author states he believes, or what the author’s stated intentions are, or the theological content of those who endorse and author’s book. (I knew I would find a way to get back at all those teachers who insisted I anaylyze the context for clues so as to find the meaning of paragraphs. In your face Mrs Clapsaddle!)

All that matters, and it is important that you repeat this with me slowly, is this: What are the words and what do they mean. Remember these four things do not matter: Context, Intent, Beliefs, Endorsements. All that matters is the words themselves. So, it is with great remorse that we must lay to rest one of the great ODM’s of our day, Extreme Theology (and, I think, by extension, alittleleaven; or, as Ingrid, former uber-ODM and recent apostate, likes to call it alotofleaven). Now I will explain why it is necessary for you to abandon all hope that you will ever learn anything extremely theological from extreme theology:

HOLY COW!”

 

Friends, this is proof enough that Chris Rosebrough is a Hindu and worships sacred cows (pun intended). And, to make it worse, this sentence is in perfect context (I am breaking my own ODM rules by keeping it in context!) I don’t think there is anything else that even needs to be said about this because you can see it here for yourself. I’m not making this stuff up folks: Truth is stranger than fiction.  All this time we have been led to believe that Extreme Theology was about Biblical Theology, and on our side in the Truth War, and it turns out that it was actually about worshiping cows, or at least venerating them, which is a major, major aspect of the Hindu ‘faith’. I think it is safe to say: Extreme Theology is lame and, like most of what we discern around here, practicing a ‘many approaches to God’ sort of theology.

So here’s another friendly warning: Stay away from so-called ‘biblical’ ministries like Extreme Theology and ALittleLeaven. They are dangerous factions of a ‘many ways to God’ sort of theology. They are as corrupt as Tim Reed whose heretical views on Karma have been exposed and chronicled here at the ODM. Listen folks, don’t take this lightly: Words mean things. Nowhere in the Bible are we told to call cows ‘Holy.’ Only God is Holy (See Isaiah 6). This is terribly disappointing and I know many of you will be lost. But take heart! We here at ODM are accepting all former clients and patients of Extreme Theology and ALittleLeaven (have your insurance card handy). We want you to know that we are here for you because we care (or because we don’t) but either way, what does it matter, we are here. If you are interested in real discernment, then this is the place to be! Forget the phonies and get your real discernment from the experts.

struggle4laodicea

PS–If anyone has ever been saved by a ‘holy cow’ would you please email us here at ODM? We would love to share your story.

PPS–Chris, we are sorry you are apostate. We hope you will get back to earning your salvation by practicing right theology.


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