Sudan says suspects Online Discernmentalist Ministries behind raids on convoys

March 27, 2009

The Online Discernmentalist Mafia Research Robot Monkeys using osmosis, and hunches to big stories have dug this up using the latest in truth-war research “Sudan said on Friday it believed the Online Discernmentalist Ministries Consortium was behind two attacks on suspected smuggler convoys which killed up to 40 people in the remote north of the country in January and February.” The New York Times, a yellow journalistic commie rag noted “The New York Times on Friday quoted unnamed U.S. officials as saying that Online Discernmentalist warplanes carried out an attack in January that was suspected of ferrying bibles to Gaza during the Online Discernmentalist offensive against Rob Bell.”

Japan readies defenses for Online Discernmentalist Rocket Launch

March 27, 2009

(Reuters) Japan on Friday ordered its military to prepare to intercept any dangerous debris that might fall on its territory if a rocket launch planned by Online Discernmentalist Ministries (ODM) goes wrong. Last year ODM’s launched a Discernmentalist Rocket against Japan in a fight against truth. The rocket made it as high as the tree tops before exploding and littering the countryside with Discernmentalist Truth Flyers. Neighbouring countries demanded clean up immediately….some calling for Blue Box Measures and environmental fines.

Rick Warren captures first world figure skating crown

March 27, 2009

Toronto (Reuters) -Unbeknownst to most Online Discernmentalist but researched by the ODMafia Robot Research Monkey’s it was revealled that “American almost Emergent-Heretic sympatheizer and so called Evangelist Rick Warren delighted a partisan home crowd with an emphatic free skate to capture his first men’s world championship title on Thursday.”


Celebrating before he had even finished his routine, Warren wowed the judges to record a top score of 159.53 and complete the competition with a 242.23 total, well ahead of Canadian silver medalist Patrick Chan, who scored 237.58. Take a Stand Ministries was OUTRAGED that Warren did not attempt to preach the gospel once while skating before a crowd of 1000 enthusiasts.

Simon Cowell Lured To Be A Discernmentalist After Insults On TV

March 27, 2009



Numerous top and very keen online discernmentalist ministries have been publically recruiting Simon Cowell after the following insults could be heard on TV:

“Oh Robert I think you just killed my favourite song of all time…”

“Oh Scott it was dreadful, and I really mean dreadfull…and I’m meaning that to be kind”

“Not in a billion years…there are only so many words I can drag out of my vocabulary to say how awful that was”

“You actually sing like a train going off the rails…”

“Do you have a singing trainer?..Do you have a lawyer? Get yourself a lawyer and sue her.”

These citations alone would likely push Cowell to the top of any new ODM recruitment list. We cannot generate enough insults in the truth war, and since the Truth Warriors need not worry about minor things such as personal insults and loving our neighbour but rather winning the truth war at all costs….Cowell will be a huge boon to the Discernmentalist cause.

John MacArthur Aims For New Hair Style

March 27, 2009



According to ABC News, John MacArthur was sporting a new hair style in keeping up with the hipper Rob Bell’s and Dan Kimball’s of the Emergent World. MacArthur it was rumoured had jumped ship and moved to the dark side but many radio listeners were quickly reminded that nothing had changed by his unchanging tone and inflection on his daily radio ministry.

Cult leader Sam Andress counters Ken Silva’s Truth!

March 27, 2009

ODMafia news: Cult leader Sam Andress counters Ken Silva’s Truth!



Cult leader Sam Andress is a little upset as the “truth” that Ken Silva exposed in his most excellent “missive”. As you can tell by the link apparently Ken Silva buckled under pressure from Sam Andress and removed this expose’ on Sam Andress. We here at the ODMafia will never buckle under pressure and will always be sure to put Ken Silva and other ODM’s necks on the line. We refuse to let liberals from Fuller Seminary put the kibosh on OUR truth and OUR doctrines. This Truth War wages on… as long as you keep sending us all your tithes and love (of our truth) offerings. We even accept sacrificial bulls and goats.

Slice of Laodicea countersues Apprising Ministries in licensing battle

March 27, 2009


SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) – Slice of Laodicea countersued Apprising Ministries for breach of contract on Thursday, alleging that Apprising Ministries made misleading statements designed to undermine Slice of Laodicea licensing rights to truth.

The suit seeks to terminate Apprising Ministries’s license to Slice of Laodicea truth and research technology patents related to truth processing and three-dimensional bible models and comes in response to a related suit by Intel last month.


Truth Warriors On The Battlefield

March 27, 2009

Online Discernmentalists were overjoyed when they discovered that the Pentagon has its own ministry of discernmentalism. Apprising Ministries was rumoured to quote “…it is no longer speculation, but we are glad that our own Godly and Christian based government has a Discernmentalist Ministry built into the Pentagon.” A Pentagon spokesman noted that anyone who comes against truth will be decimated by short range nukes, and protected by the Phalanx anti-missile battery. Slice of Laodicea was thrilled (it was reported by a stranger) that America’s enemies of heresy will now be vapourized if untruth persists or doctrines that do not fit their taste come their way. The Online Discernmentalist Mafia was also pleased that all of God’s enemies will be vanquished (and without God’s help)!

Thank You Pentagon for making truth simple and killing easier!

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