Exploding heretic caught on telescope, special visor used to view

April 30, 2009


(DNN) Eric  Barger of Take A Stand Ministries got an alert early last Thursday morning when their Bible Based Satellite System known as BS detected a 10-second blast of energy known as a heresy ray burst coming from outer space.

Telescopes around the world swiveled to focus on the explosion, soon picking up infrared radiation, which is produced after heresy rays in this kind of event. Barger was ready to view the visible light, with a special bible based truth visor.

It never arrived.

“We were kind of blown away. We immediately knew what that meant,” Barger said.

What it meant was that he was looking at the oldest thing ever spotted — an enormous heretic exploding 6 000 years ago.

“At that point the age of the universe was only 300 years old,” he said. In other words, Barger said, he was looking “95 percent of the way back to the beginning of time.”

The heretic which exploded was 30 to 100 times larger than Rob Bell and Tony Campolo combined, and it gave off  “about million times the amount of energy John Hagee could in his end time sermons in entire lifetime,” Barger told DNN by phone from Discernmentalist University, where he is an assistant professor of discernmentalism of distance objects.

Chris Rosebrough of Extreme Theology slips into Emerging Heresy!

April 30, 2009





As I was monitoring the discern mentalist world I came across Chris Rosebrough’s Extreme Theology blog. Sadly I read a quote by G.K Chesterton there. I hope Chris understands that that it is heresy to quote someone that Brian McLaren often quotes in his books. Repent of this sin… be careful you who associate with Chris as Chesterton is only one degree of separation from Brian McLaren who leans heavily on Chesterton’s theology. Note also that Chesterton was a ROMAN CATHOLIC! Note also that Liberal site Soujourners often quotes Chesterton! Repent Chris… repent!

Rob Bell Refuses Unnecessary debate

April 30, 2009

bellA very candid Bell informed his congregation on Sept 12, 2005 to not expend unnecessary energy on debate but to instead use it for more productive venues.  Of course we at ODMafia insist that he debate us and expend more time on doctrinal differences…. especially our minor pet doctrines that place you in or out of the kingdom.

Online Discernment Ministries also  demand that Rob Bell outline every belief, thought and word that he preaches…. it is OUR RIGHT to know all  and criticize as we see fit  so that truth can remain safe and secure in ODM arms. So far Rob Bell will not participate in any reindeer games enraging ODMs across the world.

Discernmentalist Kong

April 28, 2009


Discernmentalist Kong is the greatest of the great discernmentalist-apes movies! This story is about a discernmentalist ape who tragically pursues his helpless, hopeless passion (discernmentalizing), as he emerged from his jungle lair as the ultimate truth warrior. This remains one of the movies’ immortal tales of unrequited judgmentalism. And the heartbroken, heartbreaking look in his eyes as the planes shoot him off the Emergent State building remains the greatest single special effects shot ever made.

NBC renews “Law & Judgementalism: SVU”

April 28, 2009

judgmentalNBC has renewed “Law & Judgementalism: Special Victims Unit,” but the two discernmentalists of the show,   still have no deals to return.

After lengthy talks, the network has closed a pact with Stretching-The-Truth Films to bring the veteran discernmentalists drama back for an 11th season.

The popular TV drama is supported by audience and website soliticitation. Its two lead discernmentalists, who usually seek funds via several websites are still waiting to see if the public will cough up the cash.

Benny Hinn Heals Wheelchair

April 27, 2009

According to whABC Investigative News sources Benny Hinn healed a wheel chair accidentally. Hinn had summoned several people on stage with a variety of disabilities and ailments. Numerous people came forward with wheelchairs that were in serious disrepair. After his miracle working it was discovered the ONLY thing healed was a previously rickety wheel chair that had a bent axle, rusty spokes, and one busted wheel.

ABC Investigative News sources are speechless….

…we too are without speech.

Bible was dropped from the sky!

April 27, 2009


Actual recreation of God tossing Bible from Heaven!


Yes we here at the ODMafia believe the Bible was never touched in its original form by human hands. It was by Divine Fiat and dropped from the sky directly from God’s mouth to mankind. Ken Silva is right! God’s Divine Fiat, the Bible was not just inspired, but to say that any human had part in writing it is heresy! Just as God spoke the creation into existence and creation is a product of Divine Fiat, so the Bible is according to Ken Silva. We all know that there is none that compare (except for me!) in the Truth of all things concerning True Christianity. We of the Truth Faith of OUR doctrines see the Bible as equal to Jesus! In fact, if Jesus stated something, and it does not line up to our beliefs we will only believe the Bible as WE understand it. We will also go as far as re-writing historical Christianity and disregard any so-called theologian that disagrees with us. This is the HOLY BIBLE we are talking about… it is to be worshipped!



Emergent version of Divine Fiat!

Take a Stand Ministries Creates Bible Belt

April 26, 2009


Using the latest in Bible Based Satellite (BS) technology and a bible based cloaking device secretly developed in the 1990s….Take A Stand Ministries (TSM) with over 26 years of absolute truth fighting has created a Bible Based Bible Belt. The Online Discernmentalist Mafia excited over this new bible based fashion statement quoted an unnamed spokesman from TSM “This bible based bible belt is a one size fits all bible belt made out of authentic King James Bibles seamlessly woven together. It’s all based on scripture.

The Online Discernmentalist Mafia was so IMPRESSED that we ordered  four, three for our tireless writers and one for our chief research monkey robot who is running much better now with his Windows XP service pack 2.0. He refuses to run on Vista…go figure.

“Who Wants to be a Discernmentalist” gets summer revival

April 25, 2009

“Who Wants trealo be a Discernmentalist” — the television quiz show about truth warriors that heralded a flood of reality programing on U.S. television like “Big Discernment Brother and Survivor: Truth Warrior Edition” — will return to prime time screens in late summer.

Original host from Slice of Laodicea will be back to host the show.

The show, which was created in America, and its popular line “Will you answer the question – are you a heretic?”  a smash hit. Rating began to plummet when contestants where unable to discern heresy as quick as audiences had originally hoped.

Obama To Deploy 4,000 Pentagon Discernmentalists In Afghanistan

April 25, 2009

obAccording to Reuters “The United States will deploy 4,000 extra Discernmentalists to train Afghan truth forces in a revamp of its Afghan strategy that aims to disrupt Emergents  and roll back the advances of the Emerging Church at large through meaningless arguments, fuzzy logic, guilt by association and misinformation, and squabbling over non-essentials.”

We expect sound bible teaching to spread throughout the middle east once Emergents are killed off.

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