May 31, 2009
Our ODmafia Research Robot Monkey’s have been on the prowl for a GOOD story…and I think we have found one! Ten newfound species of Discernmentalists — including a Discernmentalists with spiky skin and three varieties of Discernmentalists with transparent skin — have been discovered in the mountains of Colombia.
See most intriguing discernmentalist at left of screen.
The new species were found on a recent expedition led by heretical-tologists from Conservative International Heresy Seeking Institute in Colombia’s mountainous Truthacuna area. One scientist commented “a transparent Discernmentalist is highy unusual….this one in particular does not typically cover its tracks and change stories, and its ego is not as overly exagerated as other mainstream special ops discernmentalists.” Despite their strange appearance, numerous heretical-tologists were more than happy despite the low level ego to welcome the discernmentalists into the herd….however they were quickly hovering over thew new discernmentalists species in hopes of catching them in heresy (just in case they were indeed phonies!!!)
We at ODMafa welcome the NEW found discernmentalists to our our discerning brotherhood!
May 30, 2009
The ODMafia research robot monkey’s have been engaged in a lot of counting for the year 2009. We are very good at counting….usually other peoples errors, we’d count our own if we had any. In this case we are not counting the mishaps of others, but rather the excellent phraseologies, statements made by Apprising Ministries for the year 2009. We surmise that Apprising’s MOST used word for 2009 is POST!!!!
Here are a few examples;
“It is a sad fact that a perverted, postevangelical,” or “further entrenchment of the postliberal Emergence rebellion” “And postmodern professing Christians ” “Postmodern Liberalism” and not to mention Apprisings Hidden message word agenda “aPOSTate” ,”least a couple of posts a day“and not to mention “Featured Posts” that are strategically placed at the top of the page.
So far Apprising Ministries has not gone POSTAL, sent postage due, or engaged in “past the post” elections in our more communistic countries like Canada. We hope that these post-rhetoric discussions will cease in our post-cold war age. Still, we doubt that ministries dealing with apostates, while claiming near apostleship will end any time soon….at least that is what WE postulate.
Finally, posterboys like the ODMafia crew for posterities sake need to move on…..and fixate on another word of the year…with post-haste!
May 28, 2009
In striking discernmentalist fashion Slice of Laodicea has uncovered another Evangelical scandal! “Please pray that I will have the chance to honor the name of Christ in this interview. There are only seconds to speak in these situations. Ironically, the “other side” is a conservative talk show host.”
Thankfully IF all goes well a conservative talk show host will host the discussion (we certainly don’t want an EVIL liberal). We know that conservative talk show hosts (and their pundits) ALWAYS hold to the same values as Biblical Christians (ie capitalism, nationalism, hating immigrants, war-mongering et al). Of course ODMafia supports these conservative values as well.
Here are some conservative talk show hosts that stand in the name of the faithful…
“The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them.” Rush Limbaugh
“I’ll tell you who should be tortured and killed at Guantanamo: every filthy Democrat in the U.S. Congress. ” Hannity and Colmes (June 15, 2005)
“We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity. We weren’t punctilious about locating and punishing only Hitler and his top officers. We carpet-bombed German cities; we killed civilians. That’s war. And this is war.” Ann Coulter
Let us PRAY that these VALUES are the VALUES the host has when he conducts his interview with other like minded biblical Christians especially in times of great scandal!
May 27, 2009
With all the bailouts and new programs there is one group of people that have been left out on the street. These are the Street Preachers. Yes, these sad yet courageous souls face the cold streets of our cities and often at their own peril and expense. Help support a street preacher near you. If you see one be kind and give them a buck or two and then pretend to “get saved”. This will embolden and greatly encourage that street preacher so that he can make a bigger sign and maybe get his bullhorn out of the pawn shop! Remember this could be you! (That is if you weren’t such a pathetic coward!)
May 27, 2009
No one wants their kitchen to look like this mess, so why would Jesus want you if you were a mess? Do you want YOUR church to look like this?
We want to thank Sam Guzman for pointing out another rising emerging heretic named Paul Miller. Paul Miller is quoted at Slice as selling the emergent “messy” gospel. Yes, just as the emergents who sell us the idea that one can come to Jesus “messy” and stay that way so Sam Guzman exposed Paul Miller with this quote:
“Jesus does not say, ‘Come to me, all you who have learned how to concentrate in prayer, whose minds no longer wander, and I will give you rest.’ No, Jesus opens his arms to his needy children and says, ‘Come to me, all who are weary and heaven-laden, and I will give you rest.’
The criteria for coming to Jesus is messiness. Come overwhelmed with life. Come with your wandering mind. Come messy.”
—Paul Miller, A Praying Life
Guzman rightfully discerns that this “messy” is shorthand for sinners. We do not allow sinners into our church! That is what our Beloved Uncle Ken Silva and dear Ingrid have taught us from day one. Guzman is a true Discernmentalist!
May 27, 2009
(DNN) — Lawmakers voted in favor of same-truth marriage in New Hampshire and Maine on Wednesday, leaving Rhode Island as the only other New England state without legislation in favor of the issue.
Eric Barger’s Take A Stand Ministries believes that the ONLY type of marriage should be declared between 2 people who share the same absolute truth. It was rumoured that people should take a truth-detector test before marriage, but we could not confirm nor deny the allegation.
“I have come to believe that this is a question of fairness and of equal protection under the law, and that a civil-truth union is not equal to civil marriage,” Bart Baldacci, a Democrat, said in a statement released as he signed the bill.
As soon as ODMs found out a democrat was behind this bill they quickly gathered against him, and burned an image of his likeness outside the legislative building. ODMS are now trying to re–configure their stand on same-truth marriage. Republicans were unsure of the who debacle, but some declared that truth was too elusive for anyone to agree on and decided it was best to support defence contractors to defend America against communists until they could come to a better informed decision.
Most ODM Truth Warriors remain single unable to find someone who holds to the same quality of truth that they do which makes dating or getting along with other people difficult. Many ODMs (such as ODMafia) resort to lobotomies, hypnosis and bribes to make people like us. Still, we THINK we are likeable despite our ugly underbelly….but that is because we often resort to paying off our readers to pretend to appreciate this ministry.
May 27, 2009
Of all the educational films we endorse this is one should be shown in every church!
May 27, 2009
I rarely link to another blog unless I truly agree with them or I hate them. Yet, here I appreciate Tim Challies digging out a true gem that will remind us all that the Bible truly THE CONCEALED weapon. Though as I read the post by Tim Challies I sort felt he might not believe this is the ONLY true way of evangelism as it was developed in the 1950’s so I am a bit reluctant to send people there. Yet, to have this truly incredible method to pass on in such a wonderful packaged way it could not be passed up for it’s true value. By using this approved method I guarantee you will convert many to OUR DOCTRINES.
* Warning: Tim Challies wavers on the edge of apostasy!