They Like (Another) Jesus But Not the Church, the Bible, Morality, or the Truth says Abomination Nation

June 13, 2009

DonkeyAbomination Nation has been on the prowl for heresy just like ODMafia. They have found false teaching in the likes of Dan Kimball. Here are the offending insights as charged by Abomination Nation:

“According to Kimball, it is vitally important that we as Christians be accepted by non-Christians and not thought of as abnormal or strange. But in order to do that, he says we must change the way we live and behave. He says things like Christian bumper stickers (p. 40) and Christian words like “fellowship,” (p. 41) are “corny” and might offend a non-believer or seeker. Kimball insists (p. 19) that “those who are rejecting faith in Jesus” do so because of their views of Christians and the church. “

I don’t know about you readers but I was offended! How dare Kimball suggest that we NOT cheapen the gospel by using bumper sticks to uphold our faith, that it may indeed cause non-believers to reject Jesus. I say we we go beyond bumper sticker and create Jesus Gum, Bible stamps, license plate Jesus, Apostle Candy Bars, Crucifix Spice (it would have a LOT of kick)…and anything else we can create to reduce the gospel to glib sayings and trinketry…so that people KNOW that Christianity is about reducing the gospel to a sound bite or a marketing scheme

Just when I thought Kimball had stepped over the line regarding bumper stickers he then is inclined to think that the word fellowship was a bit “corny.” That is the LAST STRAW!!!! When I was a teen I thought the word fellowship was the height of DORKINESS. But now that I have been swimming in the world of Christian jargon (ie Christianese) I have succumbed to the WORD (no pun intended…well maybe). I no longer notice how odd the word sounds…but I guess he may be right. But…who cares if we alienate non-Christians within or outside the Church…its about us, about me, and I give NO regard to anyone else if that may be a stumbling block. Corny stays. We like tradition….

So finally WE WILL KEEP our word FELLOWSHIP, and our BUMPER STICKERS, and if a few non-believers, trip, and fall over these things who cares….besides they are unbelievers.  Its time the church stopped caring about unbelievers anyway….they are not in the church so who needs em? We need to uphold our traditions like the apostles did when they had bumper stickers on their donkeys when they travelled from town to town.

They respect Jesus says Kimball!

June 13, 2009

danAbomination Nation, an elite discernment ministry has discovered some subversive things about Dan Kimball. Here is an excerpt from the ministry: “Abomination Nation suggests “Dan Kimball’s new book, They Like Jesus But Not the Church should really be called They Like (Another) Jesus But Not the Church, the Bible, Morality, or the Truth.” 

Abomination Nation suggests Kimball change the name of the book because a LESBIAN suggests she””like(s) and respect Jesus” but they don’t want anything to do with going to church or with those Christians who take the Bible literally.”

HOW dare a Lesbian like Jesus and NOT us! Preposterous! Shouldn’t us SINLESS Christians be liked too? Especially since we got it all together. How dare Jesus get all the spotlight – what nerve! This is as bad as that prostitute condemned by the Pharisees and religious teachers and then Jesus getting all high and mighty and forgiving her! That prostitute had some nerve being forgiven and that lesbian has NO right to like Jesus…. 

The ODMafia has the right to decide who can and cannot like Jesus… make sure you check with us first!

Slice of Laodicea doubles up on 3-D “Discernmentalist Story”

June 13, 2009

3dVEGAS (Hollywood Reporter) – Slice of Laodicea Studios will release ‘ “Discernmentalist Story” and “Discernmentalist Story 2” as a digital 3-D double feature for a two-week engagement starting October 2 for truth warriors at large. Extra funding and endorsement was rumoured to be backed by John MacArthur and RED PEN studios.

The 3-D “Discernmentalist Story” double feature will include an extra-dimensional trailer (so that a three dimensional accusing finger can point directly at sinners)  for the new “Discernmentalist 3,” which opens June 18, 2010. The 1995 ” Discernmentalist Story” — the first computer-animated feature — and its 1999 sequel have been remastered for the format so that it is Truth-Ray Readable in a new TruthRay DVD player.

Freakin Liberals!

June 13, 2009

liberalWe ODMs love to pick on liberals. They are easy targets…anyone who does not agree with us = liberal. Calvinist? Liberal! Arminian? Liberal! Interpretation of inerrency not the same as mine? Liberal! Not an inerrentist? Liberal!Explanation of the atonement not the same? Liberal! Do you listen to a preacher we don’t like? Liberal! You once voted for for a Democrat? Liberal! Think outside the box? Liberal!

You see – you can believe in the resurrection, trinity, virgin birth and divinity of Christ….and yet still be a “liberal” if your theology is NOT LIKE OURS!

Liberal = Unbeliever.

We are the DETERMINER of who is IN and OUT with respect to salvation and WE possess THE CORRECT DOCTRINES….we have  INSIGHT…LOTS OF INSIGHT! Imbibe from our selected spiritual trough!

For more expert insights on liberalism see Eric Barger’s Take A Stand or Slice of Laodicea. Otherwise stick with the ODMAFIA, let us do the discerning so you don’t have to!

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