June 16, 2009
Eric Barger’s Take A Stand Ministries (TSM) using the specially made Bible Belt in Conjunction with their Bible Based Satellite (BS) have insightfully concluded that Rick Warren may be in league with the devil, or one of his colleagues who is frankly unbiblical or at least likes Obama. Thankfully the Online Discernmentalist Mafia is in an entirely different league all together (ie the little league).
Nevertheless Warren according to Team TSM has written a ‘love’ letter that finds common ground with Muslims. We at the Online Discernmentalist Mafia reject love letters, any commonality with our enemies, and sinners. We refuse to find any common ground…we do not have to due to our incredible truth insights. Just because St. Paul made the mistake of finding commonality with pagan sinners (or quoting from them) does NOT mean that we should stoop that low. We are above that.
We have come up with a solution for Eric Barger’s Take A Stand Ministries…and it should work for us too! The ODMafia is soooo truthy that we disdain the ground that the unrighteous walk on (ie most other Christian ministries, Christians, non-Christians and readers that disagree with us.) Because ODMafia is so bible based and embracing of absolute truth that we have invented a BIBLE BASED JET PACK so that we can avoid the ground that is polluted by people who like Rick Warren etc.(also Rob Bell, NT Wright, John Stott, Gregory Boyd and James MacDonald).
In addition, the Online Discernmentalist Mafia is officially against the ground from here on in…and groundless accusations (against us of course!!!!), or anyone who thinks that they stand on solid ground.
Thank-you Lord that we are NOT like those people, we fast, pray, tithe….we are generally swell.
June 16, 2009
Someone is attending my church that wears jeans, a nose ring and is a “little off.” What should I do?
Truthslayer: Jeff, first of all a person wearing jeans and a nose ring does not belong in the church. They need to get spiritually clean first before coming to another worship service….that means dressing right. (no jeans or nose rings) Second, as for being a “little off” I will assume that means that they are either socially awkword or there is some gay issue. Either way it may be time to judge them.
Finally, make sure you grow a backbone or a spine and run them out of the church until this person changes his behaviour. Keep in touch and let us know if you need any help extracting this person from the congregation.
June 16, 2009
ODMafia has discovered a new twist to the Emerging church and have found “The Emergence of Postmodern Apostles of Belief” that is right folks…. Using specially made discernment technology there is indeed post-modern apostles of belief! We don’t like what we have found, and we will try to discount or ignore the evidence.
Post-moderns CAN believe in God too….but we still think they are apostate because the word ‘post-modern’ sounds bad. We’d prefer the mythology that post-modern is a flight from reason in contrast to the following by Ben Witherington:
“What then is post-modernity? Post-modernity, sometimes called After-Modernity neither involves a flight from reason back into faith, nor a rejection of reason in favor of faith, but rather an attempt to get beyond the impasse….post-moderns look at life as not primarily involving an allegiance to some sub-set of humanity, but rather to the human race in general. The post-modern worldview transcends hard line nationalisms of any sort, or to speak in more American and religious terms it seeks to get beyond the pigeonholing of persons, including that particularly Protestant sort of pigeonholing called denominationalism.”
We spent billions of dollars borrowing Eric Barger’s Bible Based Satellite System (BS) in order to discover these special apostles and avoid any serious critique of post-modernism But we fear that there is a software error and that these apostate post-moderns may well be believers. This is outrageous!
Here us now….believe us later.
June 16, 2009
Slice of Laodicea (SoL), citing Apprising Ministries notes “Apprising Ministries shares some thoughts in this brief missive contrasting the embrace of of alleged mystery in the postliberal Emergence like Rob Bell with real men of God like Charles Spurgeon.” While ODMafia recognizes that both the Apostle James and Paul call us NOT to compare one Christian to another…we will ignore these men in the light of expert discernmentalists such as Apprising and SoL.
We are still perplexed by the post-liberal reference. What exactly is a post-liberal? Although most realize that I have an answer for everything I had to go on a research mission unfolding the “eleged mystery” so here it goes…
Post-liberalism: “Partly a reaction to the modern, individualist, rationalist and romantic trends…In contrast to liberal individualism, postliberalism tends toward more tradition-constituted and communitarian accounts of human rationality and personhood….The postliberals argue that the Christian faith be equated with neither the religious feelings of Romanticism nor the propositions of a Rationalist or fundamentalist approach to religion.” Hmmm sounds like an escape from enlightenment thinking – clearly a DANGEROUS movement.
Therefore we are not sure than if Apprising and SoL are attempting to insult Rob Bell (but if history is our guide – we do thank them for their post-haste effort!) – but may not be working in their favour! It is also clear that they are not too clear on the term post-liberalism other than it sounds sophisticated. The ODMafia does not blame them since we also like to use words that make us look smart (its hard to do!!!!)
Clearly we see the emergence of post-modern apostles of unbelief. Believe it or not!