Trio of actors ready for “Clash of the Discernmentalists”

 

clash

LOS ANGELES  -Several famous discernmentalists are joining the cast of  a rebooted “Clash of the Discernmentalists“,” the real life story of Geek-gods (not Greek because we know Greeks are all pagans) of discernmentalism epic being directed by Ingrid Schrueter of Slice of Laodicea fame.

The rumoured plot is as follows….

Eric Barger stars as himself (but nicknamed Perseus) is surrounded by several characters include Ken Silva, and myself (Truthslayer) who embarks on a quest to discernmentalize the church. Rick Warren one of America’s most recognizable faces, will play the one of the main Stygian Witches as he normally plays in real life. Gregory Boyd, and Bill Hybels make cameo appearances and are said to play Warren’s evil underlings.

Along the way our hero’s discover that CS Lewis (known in the movie as CS Kraken) under the cloak of Christianity has penned several pagan novels (rumoured to be promoted by Rick Warren) CS Kraken must be taken down before his insidious literature infects the world at large with ideas that are not permitted. But before long the discernmentalists begin to have disputes over the finer points of theology concerning Poseidon and water baptism. The great clash is climaxed regarding water baptism;  should it be complete immersion, hosing or sprinkling? The gloves then come off over Arminianism vs Calvinism and dan Kimball’s hair…… CS Lewis is conveniently blamed for the dispute due to being an Anglican (ie Church of England). The plot apparently collapses here where the movie takes a segue in an unexpected direction as blood and guts are spilled from both “heros and villains” over a variety of non-essential issues.

Heck I didn’t write the movie – don’t blame me for the for confusion.

 

 

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4 Responses to Trio of actors ready for “Clash of the Discernmentalists”

  1. Arthur McJohn says:

    With regards to baptism, I think arminians, emergents and anyone belonging to such heretic blasphemies should be inmersed for about 5 minutes (the more they spend under water, the better for our fight!)

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  2. Dan says:

    But if I am underwater, my hair won’t stay in place. The punishment would have to be something else please.

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  3. itodyaso says:

    So now we have caught Dan Kimball denying the essentials of the faith! He denies baptismal regeneration (though some ODM’s also do but we give special grace to our own and in the spirit of our Affectionate Uncle Ken Silva who proved Dan Kimball a heretic, though he gave much proof he was not! We still must support our Affectionate Uncle Ken as the ODM never stoops to humility, we are here only to humiliate others!) Now we know Dan is truly a heretic! Or maybe just his hair is… I will have to consult with the “missives” of Ken Silva to find out for sure.

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  4. truthslayer says:

    Dan, unfortunately we have to stay with the script….forcing you to use industrial strength hair jell. Besides, if you are going to battle the great truth warriors its best not to get your hair in a knot, or a mess. Image is everything….except for discernmentalists who believe stretching the truth is everything…in which case its better to rely on image rather than substance. I stand firm on my quicksand.

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