Quiz Time!

June 27, 2009

 

Sample tests for ODMU

 

  1. What is the best twist of this emerging heretic’s sentence: “All religions are the same as they lead to death; only faith in Jesus is the Way to Life and salvation.”
    1. See, he admits it! All religions are the same.
    2. I see nothing wrong with that statement.
    3. He says nothing about going to church, being baptized; reading his bible and other things that prove one is a real Christian!

 

  1. Which statement is from a squishy emerging heretic?
    1. “I’d say Jesus is who the Bible says Jesus is.”
    2. “And I’m happy to tell them that Jesus…that Jesus is also just. He is merciful and He’s kind but He’s also just.”
    3. “Ok…and I and I’m saying not by my standardnot by my standardBy the standard of what I understand from reading the Scripture…”

 

  1. True or False: “we are saved when we are baptized. Ok, it sounds an awful lot like the Catholic church.”
    1. True
    2. False

 

 

 

Answers:

 

1.)    a. or c.

2.)    a. (the others are from John Chisham aka Pastorboy.) a. was spoken by Tony Jones who is an Emergent so it has to be wrong!

3.)    This one is a trick question. If it is from the mouth of an Emergent then it is false but if you are a Lutheran, then we accept this as just a simple difference we overlook. (Lutheran’s like Ingrid Schlueter and Chris Rosebrough are great examples of exceptions to this almost RCC belief!) This is what this course will teach you… how to discernmentalize times when it is important to compromise and set aside minor doctrinal differences like baptismal regeneration to focus attacks on others.

 

So how did you do? Let us know!


Emerging: from Tradition to Transition to Transformation

June 26, 2009

 

scared_man

 

The Online Discernmentalist Mafia special research reporters have been out in full force. “There is a 3-step process that leads to ‘transformation,’” writes Herescope! Herescope does not stop there but rather produces hard hitting evidence “The word “transformation” is one of those words that has a double meaning…. To the speaker, it may mean something different altogether” Double meanings are often sinister!
What is this evidence? Herescope using the Heretic-o-meter deduces that this is indeed part of the Aquarian Conspiracy! How insightful and masterful in their investigation. We praise this ministry for large leaps of logic and lapses of reason because we too support this keen type of judgment as bible based. Indeed the Online Discernmentalist Mafia has a room full of two, sometimes three keen researchers with feces throwing robot monkey’s to aid in discernmentalism. That is why discernmentalist ministries are never wrong…and the Online Discernmentalist Mafia 100% correct.
The Online Discernmentalist Mafia special research reporters have been out in full force. “There is a 3-step process that leads to ‘transformation,’” writes Herescope! Herescope does not stop there but rather produces hard hitting evidence “The word “transformation” is one of those words that has a double meaning…. To the speaker, it may mean something different altogether” Double meanings are often sinister!
What is this evidence? Herescope using the Heretic-o-meter deduces that this is indeed part of the Aquarian Conspiracy! How insightful and masterful in their investigation. We praise this ministry for large leaps of logic and lapses of reason because we too support this keen type of judgment as bible based. Indeed the Online Discernmentalist Mafia has a room full of two, sometimes three keen researchers with feces throwing robot monkey’s to aid in discernmentalism. That is why discernmentalist ministries are never wrong…and the Online Discernmentalist Mafia 100% correct.

Phoenix lander scoops dirt finds heretic and emerging church

June 26, 2009

Martian_sunsetAs fall creeps up on the arctic plains of Mars, NASA’s Phoenix Lander is using the few weeks it has left to gather as many samples of Martian dirt for analysis as it can.

Over the past two weeks, Phoenix’s nearly 8-foot-long (2.4-meter) scanning arm moved a rock named “Heretic” about 16 inches (40 cm) and snapped an image of the rock with its camera…..exposing the lies of this barren planet.

Then the robotic arm scraped up some remnants of an ancient emergent church underneath the rock and delivered a few teaspoonfuls of it into the lander’s truth scanner and emergent detecting microscopes. These microscopes are part of Phoenix’s Absolute, False Teacher Finder and  Analyzer (AFTFA).

The special detector was developed under the watchful eye of John MacArthur, Slice of Laodicea, Eric Barger’s Take a Stand Ministries combined with earlier technological feats of Apprising Ministries Heresy Detection Technology Section. University of ODMafia faculty were on standby as consultants.


“Absolute Diploma” a must have!

June 26, 2009

UODFMafia

The Diploma of Absolute Truth is a must have for junior discernmentalists. In this course you will develop a binary way of thinking based on Enlightenment and Modernity. You will learn to reduce complex ideas and theories into a caricatures and misrepresentations. Moreover, this course will help you to fear all sorts of ‘isms’ that you do not understand a mis-characterize such as post-modernism. You will also learn to fear liberals and conservatives with views that different than yours. You will also learn the technicalities of categorizing truth in a liberal vs conservative context. …just like Jesus did.

The course also emphasizes excessive rigidity in worldviews which is necessarily based on a North American culture as THE standard which all else is judged…we recommend that you prepare to be as inflexible as possible before engaging your mind  in this course. Ignorance of history is also recommended.

Prerequisite: Introductory Judgmentalism


Do You want to be this guy?

June 25, 2009

edu

Do you want to be this guy? Sure you do. Everyone deep down wants to be a DISCERNMENTALIST. If you act now you keep be just like a him….a bonified Discernmentalist through the prestigious Online Discernmentalist Mafia University. All courses are either approved by or taught by the following: ITodyaso and me- Truthslayer.

We guarantee a quality Discernmentalist Eduction. In the next few weeks we will be offering a variety of discernmentalist courses and graduate level diplomas that will get you through these TOUGH Truth Wars.


SoL Is About Commentary Not Discernment

June 25, 2009

Picture 2

Our Robot Research Monkeys have found the following at Slice of Laodicea “Meanwhile, the mystic warriors of the emerging church tell us that “everything must change”, and that is exactly what these change agents are doing.”

ODMafia would like to make a simple observation – isn’t the whole point of SoL to change things? Nevertheless, we support and uphold convoluted ideas if they support discernmentalism. Let’s change things….but let them remain the same!


Walid Shoebat going to bat for Israel…

June 24, 2009

shanty-1

Walid Shoebat ALLEGED former terrorist suggests that the “The Arab refugee problem was caused by Arab aggression and not Israel. Why should Israel be responsible for their fate?”

Who cares about responsibility, accountability, being the bigger man, doing what is right, worrying about the suffering of others etc blah blah.  So what if people live in misery, squalor and civil decay.

As Truthslayer, I’m fully behind everything that Israel does… uncritically… despite the fact that the Old Testament says:

Ex 22:21 –   “Do not mistreat an alien or oppress him, for you were aliens in Egypt….”

Ex 23:9 –   “Do not oppress an alien; you yourselves know how it feels to be aliens, because you were aliens in Egypt.”

Le 19:34 – ” The alien living with you must be treated as one of your native-born. Love him as yourself, for you were aliens in Egypt. I am the Lord your God.”

De 10:19 –  ” And you are to love those who are aliens, for you yourselves were aliens in Egypt. ”

Online Discernmentalist Ministries KNOW that we do not take seriously loving our neighbour as ourselves, or loving our enemies…because those bible passages are pandering to liberals and limp wristed Christians.  We realize the biblical thing to do is to crush our enemies, potential enemies or perceived enemies before they get us. That is what Jesus would do.!!…and since He loves Israel that’s what he’d want us to do today.

So Shoebat wants Israel a highly sophisticated, progressive  democracy to ignore the Arab refugee problem just as surrounding Arabs have done….they can do so without justification (even ignoring their own Hebrew Scriptures) because after all they are refugees…not real people with feelings, emotions, family etc.  My guess is that Shoebat is selectively ignoring the New Testament scriptures too…and we endorse this….because refugees are bad guys (also hungry, poor and desperate)…and we don’t have to treat bad guys well. Please don’t point out that when Jesus and His family fled to Egypt they were refugees.

We concur with Walid Shoebat...its not our problem…..thank goodness we are not like those refugees, or bad Arabs and that we tithe 10%, offer our best spices….etc etc


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