Discernmentalist volcano spews lava, ash — dozens evacuated

volcanoA discernmentalist volcano spewed lava and belched ash into the sky Sunday, prompting the evacuation of dozens of people and renewing concerns of a major eruption in one of the world’s volcanic hotspots.

Discernmentalists, typically having a background in volcanism (because like volcanoes they also spew hot air). Some discernmentalists immediately blamed the lava flow on a secret underground Emerging Church. Some Online Discernmentalists suggested digging up the entire country until these culprits could be found and inquisitioned.

ODMafia believes that we need to build a device that can detect and decimate Emergents before another volcano is set off.

PS the above picture is only a pictorial representation of a real volcano. In reality it is only an amateur volcano pretending to be a professional.

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Non-discernmentalist sites:

Deep Church

Act3 Online

Ravi Zacharias International Ministries

Grace In Exile

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28 Responses to Discernmentalist volcano spews lava, ash — dozens evacuated

  1. […] in their quest to understand volcanoes and volcanism have been taking carefully calibrated CO2 measurements of the hot air spewing from various discernmentalist ministries (ie collaboration!) Again, we […]

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  2. bbbaaa says:

    dont eva say that coz
    Dude! thi is a scamming site!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Like

  3. hello says:

    THIS IS RUBBISH

    Like

  4. truthslayer says:

    RE: This is rubbish

    Yes, but we only print the finest rubbish…nothing but the best!

    Like

  5. itodyaso says:

    Being who we are, this is the rubbish that is like chicken soup for the soul. The only difference is that instead of chicken soup, we are like molten lava and if you drink that, you will die or something like that. Jesus said you have to die to yourself and follow me… so follow me… your only source of truth in this Truth War!

    Sitting at God’s Right Hand,

    I Todyaso

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  6. Ali Shah says:

    Just think for one second that their is ALLAH, who is true, only one. Now the muslims are saying that we shall face them after the death and the Muslims should enjoy the Heaven and the others will be punished in the hill. What is the concept of Hill in ISLAM, Burning vally, where no one will die becouase death will die on the day of justice. The valcanos are a small sights of the HILL. You must have to think about the life after death when we shall have to face the HILL or HEAVEN. Now their are two ways, Emrace ISLAM and enjoy HEAVEN oterwise go into HILL.

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  7. truthslayer says:

    Ali Shah

    Appreciate you stopping by. First we are satire site, and second I think your reference to “hill” I’m assuming is actually hell.

    Christians believe in the prophet Jesus who came as THE light of the world to restore our relationship with the Living God. We believe that by embracing religion will bring only more death…not life. You see Jesus came not to give us a new system of religion but LIFE in a person and thru a particular person JESUS.

    Your own Koran instructs you to read from the ‘people of the book’ therefore I would strongly encourage you to read from one of the books in our Bible: Matthew, Mark, Luke or John about the life and sayings of Jesus. This will help you understand the very words Jesus spoke.

    You will find that true spiritual life is found in Jesus.

    Hope this helps!

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  8. Ah!!! at last I found what I was looking for. Somtimes it takes so much effort to find even tiny useful piece of information.
    Nice post. Thanks

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  10. WOW! THIS VOLCANO IS AN AMAZING THING.MAY GOD SAVE US FROM THE HAZARD OF THIS VOLCANO.AMEN………………

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  11. rawha ismail says:

    IT WAS REALLY AMAZING

    Like

  12. rawha ismail says:

    AMAZING! AM GLAD TO SHE THAT BECAUSE WE ARE LEARNING ABOUT VOLCANOES IN YEAR 6 AND AM HAPPY CUZ I HAVE LEARN MANY THINGS ABOUT VOLCANOES ON THE INTERNET

    Like

  13. YUVRAJ says:

    hi friend,
    thats great think u make aware to socity about under the earth movements. but grassroot people not esily get the importance of that .so we hv to come out from our limitaions n create interaction with them.

    Like

  14. I want give some information about earth quake. volcano causes earthquake.

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  15. earthquake is caused by volcano

    Like

  16. DEDE says:

    disshyt is boren so all ya needs to get a life n stop looken at volcano cause da boren

    Like

  17. […] (Reuters) – Online Discernmentalist Ministries have trimmed its goals for cutting hot-air gases (spewing from overzealous rhetoric) and made clear it will follow the U.S. lead on fighting climate […]

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  18. twistergirl says:

    volcanoes rule i love them

    Like

  19. Itwontbelong says:

    If someone ever wonder if hell really exist, a volcano can explain it all. And if by now they still don’t believe, sorry that won’t change a thing. People only believe in volcano because they can see it otherwise they would deny it just as hell. Diference between volcano and hell is, if you see volcano you can run away and save your life but for hell, by the time you see it, it’s already to late for there is no turning back.

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  20. soy feo says:

    como molan los volcanos parecen petardo

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  21. jessica says:

    hey guys volcanos are awsome and i love them but they are dangours.

    Like

  22. crazy monkey says:

    you are all more crazy that me and you all kinda scare me

    Like

    • donjobson says:

      We are crazy! We are Crazy about God and John MacArthur’s Absolute Truth so of course we will scare you. We are just telling the Truth in love but not in a squishy wishy-washy lets all hold hands and sing Kumbayah can’t we all just get along liberal Emergent kind of way.

      Like

  23. I found your site via google thanks for the post. I will bookmark it for future reference. Thanks Christian Books

    Like

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